Thread: Hello Again
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Old 03-04-2007, 10:01 AM   #4
ellabella's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,122

S/C/G: 194/162/145

Height: 5'6


KatL honey,

I'll tell you who cares if you're fat or not - YOU do, and you know it! We've all - well, let me speak here for me - I've thought the same as you many a time. What difference does it make? That's usually good (for me) just about long enough to eat up a whole 25-piece box of Dunkin Donuts donut hole thingies on my way home from work. (My commute takes an hour). Once I've scarfed down the last one (feeling slightly nauseous, but still feeling around in the box to see if I've missed any; I think we can safely, if non-medical- professionally, diagnose me as an obsessive-compulsive eater) I'm starting to think, "Omigod, WHY did I do that?????" Too late, though, and now I feel even worse about myself. Depressed? Oh, YEAH! Now don't get me wrong. We're not talking clinical depression here; it's not about unbalanced chemicals in my brain or anything, and I could very well be wrong, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're talking about, although it may be? (I don't know). But my depression was/is purely situational, purely related to my unhappiness with ME - and that unhappiness has ALWAYS stemmed from body image and WEIGHT (Auuurrrrggg!) To make a long story short, I've lost and gained so much weight over my lifetime that I couldn't even begin to add it all up (I'm not that good at math). I KNOW what you're feeling, I've felt it, and the truth is, we just can't afford to let ourselves feel it. All it does is lead to more unhealthy eating, less exercise (Okay - NO exercise) and MORE feelings of inferiority, uselessness, powerlessness, "why me"(?)-ism, pessimism, and all that really BAD, self-perpetuating stuff. Who Cares? YOU need to care (and I need to care) because nobody else can care for us. People will say they care, but I've got to tell you that unless they're in our shoes, they're thinking "better her than me", and that's the cold, harsh truth of it. WE'RE the ones who schlep around trying not to be noticed, wearing baggy clothes and hoping that nobody's looking. Well, ENOUGH, dang it! We've done it before and now we're a little older and a little smarter, right? NOW we know what we REALLY have to do to get to where we want to be and stay there, AND get out of that old, self-defeating depression. 3FC is AWESOME! I read the posts two or three times a day, and I've got to tell you, I'm SO inspired! It feels SO good, doesn't it, knowing that we're not alone - not the only ones going through this craziness, and not the only ones who have done it more than once (okay, more than TEN times, dang it!). It's a lot easier, sometimes, dealing with your own stuff when somebody else has just posted about dealing with the same thing. I've only been back "on the wagon" for a few weeks, now - ever since I saw pictures of my teeny-tiny little sister and myself taken at the beach in September. (Sometimes I can hardly believe we come from the same family: I'm about six inches taller, and always been about 50 pounds heavier - at my GOOD weight, fahgoodnessake!). To make a long story short(er) those pictures looked like they were taken of a freaking WHALE and a sardine cavorting on the danged beach! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! This is IT! I am SO done with being the "heavy sister"! I haven't even dared weigh myself yet. How sad is that? I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow (Monday) morning after peeing. At least it'll be a more manageable "start weight" than it would have been a couple of weeks ago. I've GOT to believe that all this healthy eating, water drinking and excersize (whoa! NOT working out, here. Walking - walking is all for now. Just trying to limber up a little and get into a little bit better shape before I get into anything more strenuous) means I'll start out at least FIVE (okay, maybe 3 or 4) pounds lighter than I REALLY started. Crazy, I know, but just one of my little weirdities (is that a word?).
KatL, You CAN do it, and you'll feel so much better once you do. Stick with it, check in here often, and we'll do it together!
Have a GREAT day!

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, 'OH CRAP, SHE'S UP!'"
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