[Crescendo]

Hey Everyone:

I sometimes get so frustrated with the whole weight lose experience. I know I need to lose the weight for my health and to look better, etc. but sometimes it is so frustrating because people can't see the effects immediately and thus can't see the effort that you are making to lose the weight.

Case in point, I am currently in college and when I go home my father constantly makes comments about my weight. I am making an effort and it is SO HARD but because the effects of it aren't immediate he can't see it and it bothers the crap out of me. I know that I should tell him to stop it and that now I am making an effort but he says that I have been saying that for years.

I don't know if I am making sense or just rambling... I just hate it! I hate that my whole discussion with my family is centered on my weight loss - or the fact that my mother thinks that if I just lose this weight that I'll be happy. I know better -- being skinny won't be a magic wand to a wonderful life. I have come to the conclusion that I might be midly depressed and I hope I can get help for that. I hate that people automatically assume if you look good on the outside than that means that everything is good on the inside.

I went on you tube to try to find motivation and just support from people who are going through the same struggles and found this really good video on someones else experience. I hope that I haven't broken any online rules by posting this video... anyway thanks for reading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaXHRlX9a1E

[purplepansy912]

hi
I know it is hard. As a parent we want happiness for your children so we kinda harp. I have a 21yo daughter go could lose about 15 pounds. I am the other way around I say nothing because all my life i've been harped about my weight from relatives to parents to even boyfriends. I think you will lose the weight when YOU are good and ready. You have to be happy for you not for anyone else including your parents.
good luck..

[fatburner77]

Hi there - who the heck knows why family members act unsupportive and caustic at times, whether it be in response to a person's weight loss efforts, choice of career path, the color you've decided to paint your walls, etc.; the bottom line is, it stinks. The good news is, you're amongst an awesome group of people in this forum who have probably had similar experiences, which makes it a very welcoming and understanding group to be embraced by! You say you're in college? Make it a priority (maybe next week?) to seek out the psychological services department there, and make an appointment to meet with a counselor. That's what they're there for! He or she can help you put into perspective what's most important in your life (YOU) and can really help you feel grounded. Trust me - I know.

[JayEll]

Hey there, Crescendo,

Saw the video--yes, it's really hard work. It's very frustrating at times, and having constant remarks from family members doesn't help.

How long have you been trying to lose weight?

You have dropped 9 pounds--that's good! But people don't usually notice until you're down 15 or so. That's been my experience.

You aren't losing weight to make them happy, remember that. It's for you!

No, losing weight won't solve all your problems--just major ones like reducing risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, diabetes, early arthritis... things like that.

There are many inspirational stories here, in the Goals forum and Mini-Goals forum for example.

Keep going! don't give up!

Jay

[jpoy]

Hi,
I can empathize with you my parents recently told me that I was fat and gross and my husband would leave me if I did not lose weight. Funny part is that they have been telling me I am fat or putting me on a diet my entire life. I look back at photos and see a normal sized girl and a 150 lbs 21 year old. My point is that I finally told them that every time they said anything about my weight I wanted to eat a pie and often did until my current weight. Tell him flat out if he wants to help notice the good things about his daughter. Success in life is not about your weight. Being proud of your daughter should have nothing to do with your weight. If he says he is concerned for you then tell him thank you and a better way for him to show concern is in a positive manner. By that I mean positive reinforcement. Finally, tell him if he can't then you may have to limit time spent with him until he can.

I was given similar advice by a counselor.

In the mean time do not eat a pie. He will win. Don't let it be about him. This is very to do because I think a lot of people who are overweight do not put their own self-worth first. You are worth your health!!!

[NurseMichelle]

I didn't know whether to make a new thread or post under this one, but it definitely ties into the emotions of weight loss. Your first sentence was one I totally related to(about how people who don't see results right away believe that you're not really at it). Your problem is people you KNOW. My problem is people I don't know.

I work in a hospital and of course some patients make little comments. One overweight patient offered me information on the weight loss surgery she was going to have! (I was about 230 lb at the time) But more recently we had a guy (who, incidentally weighed himself at 600lb but that distracts from the story) who I thought was flirting innocently with me, and then said something really inappropriate like "Just look at you girl, you are built like an OX!" something about how he liked big girls or whatever. Another woman "forgave" me for not answering her call light sooner, because she knows it's harder for us big girls to get around. GRRRR! Hey I've got more! But you get the idea.

But it just kills me that these people will never know that I've already lost nearly 80 pounds just to hear these kind of comments! I'm not a girl formerly 120 lb who "let myself go", I'm a tough chick who has been busting her a$$ to get where she is today. I know it, my real friends know it, and that's all that matters to me. (But yes, sometimes the little insensitive comments make their way under my skin) Just keep up the hard work and believe in yourself. Good luck and bless you

[jpoy]

It comes in all directions!! WOW! You would think that maybe people that you could stick with a needle would think twice! Just kidding. Not really.
You have lost 80lbs! Congrats! Keep up the great work!

[Crescendo]

Thank you guys so much for reading my rant and for all of the responses. It felt so good to get that all out! I really do appreciate all of you sharing your stories and giving good advice.

[Obsidianbbw]

I used to go swimming at Ballys and the life guard told me how he had some weight and he could help me and so on, and i said thats cool I was 500 and had lost200 maybe we could compare notes. It was a huge lie, but it got him to leave me alone.v