The Bad: I binged tonight on fast food. Thinking back on why I made that decision, I was lonely and feeling out of control in my life.
The Good: I felt really guilty about the Bad and I acknowledged that it didn't taste good and I was angry at myself afterwards. All I can do is start over. As penance, I went on the hardest walk I can remember being on. Sadly, it wasn't hard because of distance or time or incline or speed, it was hard because it was the most I've exercised since I can't remember when. I'm embarrassed to say it was only 30 minutes and I ended it seriously winded.
It's a cold, windy night here with a big moon, so I thought it would be a good idea to head out where prying eyes wouldn't witness my struggle. I made a decision that I would not reenter the house until the 30 minutes was up. When I got home 5 minutes early, I just walked up and down the street until I hit 30.
I had some good time alone to think on my walk and came up with the following:
This body that was struggling to haul itself around the neighborhood for a few minutes used to run and used to walk 5 miles a day religiously. This body used to look good and feel pretty. I never want to feel this bad again attempting to do so little (and look so bad doing it).
The food I ate to make myself feel better tonight made me feel awful. Walking, even seeing how out of shape I am, made me feel good from an accomplishment perspective.
I passed up a trip to China and Australia recently because I am so out of shape. Seeing as my friends are all youthful, active, globe-trotting 30 somethings, I know I couldn't keep up with them now and it wouldn't be fair for me to slow them down. But I can keep up if I work at this. I have a second chance to go to Scotland and Italy next year. I deserve to be a youthful, active globe-trotting 30 something again too.
If I do the right things more than I do the wrong things, I never have to feel this crappy and out of shape again.
I also weighed and measured myself and was shocked at how much worse the picture is from the last time I measured. Anyway, I just thought it was important to get this in writing to the group where I am accountable. Moments of clarity shouldn't be wasted...
Last edited by CLCSC145; 11-30-2006 at 11:27 AM.
Reason: Typos
Your moments of clarity was very well worded and very well put. Let me just say that I can relate 100%. I have passed up on going on several trips because #1 - I was terrified I wouldn't even fit on the plane seat and #2 - what would I do when I got on this said trip. I was too inactive for touring, too fat to lie on the beach in a G-d forbid bathing suit - so yeah I hear you.
You have another chance to go on a trip to Scotland and Italy next year - well that should be an excellent motivator for you. Just imagine you walking around and seeing the sights and ENJOYING every minute of it, feeling marvelous and like you said the youthful, active, globe-troting 30-something.
As far as your fast food is concerned I am thrilled that you felt the way that you did afterwards. It always amazes me how I too feel so crappy after a binge yet continued to have them again..........and again.................and again. Well I think you need to use that as a learning experience and move on. Just move on and pick yourself up and get right back to where you should be - eating healthy nutritious foods that will get you to where you want to be.
And I absolutely loved this line:
If I do the right things more than I do the wrong things, I never have to feel this crappy and out of shape again.
Do I have your permission to quote you on that and use it again and again? It's brilliant and says it all perfectly. It's going in my journal today.
I've had a bad couple of days as well lately, not terribe. Nothing that would cause me to GAIN any weight but nothing that's going to make me LOSE any weight either and your post has really hit home and I thank you for that.
So now it's time to get right back on track so that we can get back to where we need to be - on the road to a better, more active and healthy life.
I mean come on Scotland AND Italy are waiting for you, just waiting for you - You CAN do this, you really, really can!!!!
Good for you. I totally feel where you are right now too. Although I have never been able to run 5 miles (at least not since maybe I was 10 or 12, and I didn't do it then either) I can't wait to know what that is like. I have missed out on so much in my life, because "I'm not that interested in it anyways" or "I don't want to do that". Sure! The real reason is, I CAN'T do it. I too have an opportunity to go to Scotland next year, and I want to enjoy my trip to the fullest extent possible.
Anyways we're all here right along with you! Thanks for posting this!
I'm so glad you shared your moment of clarity. Too many times to even count I have opted for the fast food that seemed great at the time, but made me feel bad later. I've never been able to run, but I did used to much more fit than I am now. And while my friends may not be world travelers, I envy the little things they can do like shopping at regular clothing stores and feeling comfortable enough to get out on a dance floor.
[QUOTE=CLCSC145;1484883][*]If I do the right things more than I do the wrong things, I never have to feel this crappy and out of shape again. QUOTE]
You're statement is so simple, yet so profound. We don't have to be perfect... just do more things right than wrong. Just reading that made me take some pressure off myself. Maybe it will help me get over the 'all or nothing' mentality.
You're right though... we can get there, we just have to do more things right than wrong.
Thanks for your responses! I woke up feeling better this morning than I have in a while. There's nothing like a moment of clarity to help you see what's real and important.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinrobin
And I absolutely loved this line:
If I do the right things more than I do the wrong things, I never have to feel this crappy and out of shape again.
Do I have your permission to quote you on that and use it again and again? It's brilliant and says it all perfectly. It's going in my journal today.
By all means! Quote away! (Had I known I was being profound, I would have picked a nicer word than "crappy" but at least it's honest... )
Thanks for sharing. I too am craving the fast food. I have given in to those cravings enough to know it's never worth it. The stuff just doesn't taste good anymore!
It's nice to have someone else remind me of this. And you're absolutely right, you just start over right that second.
I hope you have a great time in Italy and Scotland!
Wow...I wonder what it is with the moments of clarity today??
Mine's under the thread "A little something to think about".
I don't get it, but maybe we're headed for something better.
I just passed up Christmas in Madeira Portugal for some of those reasons (and others to do with my kids being so little). We will be spending Christmas here with my Mom like always, and Daddy will be there in Portugal.
Linda
Last edited by famograham; 11-30-2006 at 03:06 PM.
I saw your post, Linda, and thought to myself, "she had one too!" From all my years of struggling up and down with weight, I've learned that you have to take advantage of these times; rare times when you can so clearly see not only what you've lost in life by being fat, but the road you need to take to get it back.
One thing I've been thinking about today are the times before when I have felt the need to do something about my weight. I think about what might have been if I had; where I'd be today; how much happier I'd be with myself. I also think about what time I've lost by not taking action and sticking with it. I don't remember the food, I don't remember the t.v. shows I watched instead of exercising, I don't remember the reason why I failed to stand up keep going when I fell down.
It wasn't worth it. I could be 20, 50, 150 pounds lighter and healthier if I had kept going with any one of a hundred attempts to do this. It would have been worth it. I would be thanking that former version of myself for taking control and rescuing me.
So now I choose to imagine what I'll be thinking about myself a year from today. Will I look back and thank me for doing something with this moment of clarity? Or will I once again be asking myself if the food, the inactivity, and the undoubtedly many extra pounds were worth it?
I don't know what it is, after feeling so darn strong, these last few days have been horrendous. I just want to eat all the wrong foods, and I know better, I absolutely know better. So why, why am I craving all these bad things that are not good for me?
And CLCSC a year from now you are going to look back and say "look what I've accomplished, I feel great, I look great and I'm enjoying life to the fullest. I'm so glad I finally got it together when I did and didn't waste another minute struggling with my weight"
. . . . I could be 20, 50, 150 pounds lighter and healthier if I had kept going with any one of a hundred attempts to do this. It would have been worth it. I would be thanking that former version of myself for taking control and rescuing me.
So now I choose to imagine what I'll be thinking about myself a year from today. Will I look back and thank me for doing something with this moment of clarity? Or will I once again be asking myself if the food, the inactivity, and the undoubtedly many extra pounds were worth it?
CLCSC145 -- what a terrific post! (Your first one, as well as the one I'm quoting above. It's definitely one to keep for motivation. I keep thinking, "If you only had lost one pound a month, instead of gaining one-half pound a month these past 15 years, how different your life would be." I try not to waste energy on this -- what's done is done. But if all of us would Just Start NOW and stick to it, think how happy we would be one year from now.
Moment of clarity
good luck!
