Better to get married young or older??? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Tara D · 11-05-2006, 03:13 PM

A similar topic came up recently on another thread that I saw, and I remembered that there was also a story on the Today show last week about this. So...I thought it might make for an interesting discussion. For those of you who got married young, would you do it again? For those of you who got married older (late 20's and up) were you glad you waited or do you wish you had tied the knot earlier? Opinions from unmarrieds welcome, too!

This is what I posted in a previous thread...I'm not married, so I can't say much for sure, but...

"I just turned 30, and I'm glad I didn't have a boyfriend in my teens and early 20's. I actually never wanted to get married before I was 25 (somehow knew this even as a teenager). I've definitely changed a lot in the last 10 years, and I feel like I have a better sense of who I am and how to relate to others. I think it is a very personal decision, and I personally believe that I would have been much more vulnerable to a less than desirable relationship when I was younger. Who knows, maybe I could have been lucky and met a wonderful person who could grow with me and respect me and who I could respect, but I think I would have needed more luck then to make that happen than now. I think I'd also be more likely (no guarantees of course) to stay HAPPILY married forever if I got married now than 10 years ago."

nelie · 11-05-2006, 03:27 PM

I'm getting married two weeks from today and I'm 31

I'll tell you, I am glad that I didn't get married when I was younger. I was able to experience life being single and learning about myself. When I was 25, I really felt like I figured out who I was and what I wanted to do in life. I didn't really feel like I fully knew myself until I was 25. I am definitely a different person than I was 10 years ago or even 5 years ago.

I know a lot of marriages end in divorce and I hope to not be one of those. From viewing some of the marriages of others who got married young, it seems like some people got married before they fully realized what they wanted to do with their life and once they figure out, their partner isn't the right person for them. That doesn't always happen because I've seen marriages of those that are younger that the couple was able to grow together and figure out things together. Other times though it seems like one person in the relationship grows in one direction and the other person grows in another direction which are too opposite to sustain the relationship.

brandnewme · 11-05-2006, 03:40 PM

I'm 24 and have been married a year. I have to say that for me, this probably wasn't the best decision. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I'm finding that even from when we got married, I am a different person. I'm learning a lot of new things about myself, figuring out what I want in life, and because I got married young, some of those things may now be out of reach. There are other problems with me and my husband that I'll not get into here, but suffice it to say that had I known what I know now, I probably would not have gotten married.

GoingGoal · 11-05-2006, 03:47 PM

My husband and I were married when I was one month shy of 20 and he was 28. We bought our home a year later. We had our daughter when I was 24 our first son when I was 25 and our second son when I was 30. I am now 39 he is 47 and we have been happily married 19 years. I wouldn't change a thing. I enjoyed having my babies while I was younger and I am enjoying my now teens as I am entering my 40's. I still feel young enough to keep up with them but old enough to feel mature in raising them.

midwife · 11-05-2006, 03:53 PM

I got married when I was 19. Wouldn't change a thing. We have grown up together. His family is my family. I can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone else. I am very lucky...and so is he! We have been married 14 years.

mommieof2 · 11-05-2006, 04:05 PM

I have been married 7 years in December, I was 18 when I got married and I wouldn't change a thing. It's tough sometimes but I love my husband, my 5 year old son and my 2 year old son.....they're my life....along with school and what not.

I think this will be a very interesting thread to follow.

Misty

Mom2QJandT · 11-05-2006, 04:44 PM

I got married at 20. For me it didn't work out and I am now the divorced mom to three kids. We just changed so much as we got older, it was like we weren't the same people anymore. I think that it depends on the couple to be honest. We got married with both of us having doubts about it, so maybe it had nothing to do with our ages. I just know that I wouldn't want a 20 year old kid making lifelong decisions for me just based on how much more they need to learn.

lilybelle · 11-05-2006, 05:11 PM

I'm a bad one to give advice, as I'm on my third marriage. I was 26 yrs. old the first time, 33 yrs. old the 2nd , and 37 yrs. old this time. I have now been married for 9 yrs. and this is my longest and happiest marriage, and definitely my last. I had my children at age 26 and 32. Sometimes, I wish I had had them when I was younger. I'm now 46 and while my friends and sisters all have grown kids, I still have a young DD at home. But, I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.

rockinrobin · 11-05-2006, 05:25 PM

I think it's best to get married when you find the right man, regardless of age.

I was married at 22, and am 4 months away from my 21st anniversary. I didn't necessarily "know who I was", but I did know this was one helluva guy and I wanted him. I think I'm first learning who I am now, so waiting would not have been an option. I think every decade brings changes. I'm sure my 50's will bring more changes. I had the last of my 3 children when I was 27. Is it easy all the time, oh no, not even close. But he was the right man and therefore I wasn't too young. And I think I just plain and simple got real lucky. My mother got married at 17, my father 19 and they're still together 48 years later.

srmb60 · 11-05-2006, 05:47 PM

We met at 15 and married at 18. Wouldn't have it any other way.
I agree with whoever said ... don't matter 'when' ... it matters 'who' ...

buckettgirl · 11-05-2006, 06:34 PM

Would I marry my husband again at the same age?
I have to say yes, but only because I firmly believe in living life with no regrets. We met when I was 19 (he was 25 and divorced), he proposed 4 days later, and we got married about 2 1/2 years after that - I must clarify that we didn't have the intention of waiting that long, or waiting at all, it just took that long for us to have the money to get married. I just turned 22 a few weeks before our wedding in 2003 and my husband turned 28 a few weeks after we got married.
I don't regret a minute of it (somedays I wonder if I might not be a little off my rocker, but hey, its all worked out pretty good so far!

). I would, however, regret having children this young. But getting married, Not at all. We've grown together and grown-up together. I've just ALWAYS felt that if you've found "the one," why bother to wait?

EZMONEY · 11-05-2006, 08:05 PM

You have asked a difficult question ~ but seriously, the bottom line is both people have to want the marraige to work and are willing to work at it, if that isn't true then most likley the marraige will fail ~ either in divorce or staying together in misery. Doesn't matter much the age, although statistcally the older you are the more mature you SHOULD be!

I have been married twice, over ten years each time, and I will tell you that the older you get, the clearer you see things, and the clearer you understand that the one you so "can't stand" at the moment is the one God intended for you!

drake3272004 · 11-05-2006, 09:20 PM

I agree.....it's not the age that matters, it's the person and if they are right for you. I married my high school sweetheart at 20 (he was 21), but he wasn't the one for me. It was ALL wrong! I got remarried at 26 and even though it's been tough (we both have kids from previous marriages, so we have to deal with all these "extra" people in our lives) this one is going to make it

da fat n da furious · 11-05-2006, 10:10 PM

I have been with my husband going on 21 yrs...I am 38 years old. We were very young but its worked for us...we have 2 boys, and have weathered many things...but always came threw it together.

jillybean720 · 11-05-2006, 10:15 PM

I'm 24 and don't plan on getting married till I'm at least 26. Jeff and I have been together for over 2.5 years already (and have been living together for over a year), but we're still "kids." I'm a very strong-minded individual, and I know who I am and what I want, but I have seen entirely too many relationships end when commitment came at too young an age. Sure, it works out for some, but why rush things? You've got the rest of your lives to decide, and not being married doesn't mean you can't be together.

I remember when I was 14 years old and my sister told me she was getting married (she was 19 at the time). Even then, I thought she was insane. I was crazy about her fiance, so it wasn't that I had any apprehensions about him for her, but she was JUST out of high school--so young. They were divorced 5 years later.

I still keep in touch with some of the same people I went to high school with, and we are DRASTICALLY different people now at 24 than we were at 19. I think people should take the time to explore the world and themselves before making what IMO should be a lifelong commitment (I know at any age, "lifelong" is not a guarantee, but why start out with the odds stacked against you?).