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Old 11-02-2006, 10:27 AM   #8
FallenAngel
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 17

S/C/G: 300+/268/140

Height: 5'8

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Hello - I was referred to this thread by one of your members. I'll introduce myself as "Angel" - partly because that's been a nickname many people offline have used for me for years, and partly because I'd like to remain anon, at least for now. I added the "Fallen" part to my username because people really don't call me that now that I'm very overweight - I guess only slender women qualify for cute nickname status. I've joined this site a few times over the past couple of years, lurked a bit but never stuck around, but this is it - I'm not going anywhere this time!

My story may be similar to some of yours, or not, but here it is, as condensed as I can managed: I was never a fat kid. I was probably on the higher end of average, but never overweight. I still remember the first time I felt fat, though. I was 10, and my father and I were driving home from somewhere, and I asked him if he thought I was fat. I was so sure he'd tell me I was perfect as I was; really I guess I was just fishing for some affection. Instead he paused and said "Well......I guess you could stand to lose a few pounds." I was CRUSHED! My father had very high standards of weight where women were concerned - my mother yo-yo dieted for years, and he never let up on her. I wasn't overweight at all, but I started my first diet after that. I did pork up a bit in junior high and early highschool - I went up to about 160 lbs, at 5'8, by the time I was 14. I lost a few pounds over the winter that year, and met my future first husband at the end of that winter. By early fall, I weighed 132 lbs. Of course, I still thought I was fat! Compared to the pin-thin girls in school, I was chubby, but looking at pictures from that time, I was quite slim - nothing I'd call chubby even.

I became pregnant with my first child then (just after I turned 16), and put on almost 60 lbs. I weighed 190 the day she was born, and she only weighed 6 lbs. After she arrived, I went down to 170 or so, but struggled for the next few years, at one point going up to around 215. Finally I managed to get down into the 150s, just around the time I turned 20.

I left my husband soon after, since our marriage was very volatile and we had so many problems (most, I'm sure, due to being so young when we got together). I got into even better shape, and actually landed a job as a waitress in a strip club. Then I became ill, a bizarre thing really - a random tiny injury led to a massive infection that lasted for over a year, and led to the loss of 1/3 of one breast. Good thing I was way too big up there to begin with. Over that year, I gained a lot of weight back; in the year following that, as I tried to put my life back together and waited for reconstructive surgery, I gained even more, from the combination of inactivity and severe depression.

I then met husband #2, when I weighed around 230-240 lbs. I became pregnant, spent most of the time on bedrest, but really didn't gain much at all. It was after, when I had another health problem that became very obvious after the birth, that I gained the weight. My scale only went up to 300 lbs, so I have to find out from the doctor what I really weighed, since I always turned my head when the nurse weighed me.

So, last winter, health issue fixed, I was at a flea market with my family, and found an old copy of "Thin Within", the first edition before it became a Christian-based book. For some reason, this time it clicked a bit. The hard part is emotional/stress eating. I have been a smoker since before I hit the double digits, and having quit smoking, the urge to go clean out the kitchen is awful at times! But, I've made some progress so far. I've been at a plateau for a few months, but at least I'm maintaining, and not gaining this time.

Well, that intro took me over 24 hours to type - I had to type a bit and then tend to a toddler - so I'll post it now while I have a chance. Can't wait to get to know all of you!
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