[willmakeit]

I am trying very very hard to count my calories. I have always been very conscious of what I eat and tried to eat less since I was a teenager(thats when I realised I have to seriously lose weight)...

People around me (friends,family etc...) confuse me so much wth their double standard attitude. I mean when they see me they wouldnt hesitate to comment on my weight (hurtful at times)...but when I am trying to eat less or want to go run when I am out with them..they'd say things like "nothing happens in a day...you can eat all this just for one day...cake is ok sometimes etc etc...)

My cousin was here last weekend and she has passed nasty comments on my weight before like I should eat less etc... But when I ate only my low fat salad at dinner, she said : oh..comeon dont be so silly...if you eat pasta for one day.it wont make u fat!". is she jealous or what?

I felt really embarrased in front of everyone and its not my nature to backanswer people! has anyone experienced this before. how do u deal with this!?!

[Misti in Seattle]

I think most or all of us have experienced what you are hearing. I learned that I just have to ignore the comments and not let them get to me. I make the decisions as to what I eat based on the plan I have chosen. But I also don't let it anger me and just try hard to laugh it off so my own attitude doesn't get bummed.

You can also come up with humorous responses that get the point across... so you are laughing when you say them but the message gets across. I've used that approach a lot. Or learn some neat quotes and respond with that... example about the cake... laugh and say "I've come too far to take orders from a piece of cake." There are lots of others; just have some in mind and be prepared. It works!

[fitgal2]

I like what Misti has said...

I find that I either Ignore it or make jokes to get my point acorss in a "nice"manner...

[ValRock]

All my friends are convinced that I dislike cake (and ice cream, and fast food, and and and ) LOL... They may think I'm weird but at least they don't keep trying to offer it to me LOL, works for me!

[Jayde]

I've experienced the same. I just politely say "no thank you".. If it gets pushed on me I make it clear that I don't WANT it. Even if a part of me is tempted to have some.. that doesn't mean that I really WANT it.

Sometimes people have a need to be in control of others, sometimes they just feel unbalanced about indulging in something others aren't and need to push it. Stay the course!

[Misti in Seattle]

Good point, Jayde. A firm "no thanks" often does the trick quite well... especially after the first few times when people start to realize that NO means NO.

[LeaLee]

I was experiencing this just last night...I was telling my SIL about my binge yesterday, crying and admitting to her I had been bulimic again in January and am on the verge of going "there" again and she was all sympathetic and told me she was here for me and then she pulls out a peach cobbler and says "You want some of this its sooo good" I got sooo upset. This was at 10pm and about 10 minutes after I told her about my binge and all that I had eaten in the day (about 4000 cals no kidding ) and then she pulls it out like its no big deal, I said "no thanks, my stomach is close to exploding now I think its full enough"

I guess its not a big deal for her though because she is 5'3" and weighs close around 225 and says 1 thing about her weight problem....1: "I am eating what I want when I want how I want because I have the insurance approval for liposuction and a tummy tuck and I am just saving the money to pay my part so WHY should I TRY to lose the weight...I will worry about that after my surgery"

This upset me considering she is that heavy and has a thyroid problem because of the weight. She should be trying to lose the weight NOW for her health but instead she is eating unccaringly and offering a person with a known ED the equivalent of drugs....I feel like NO ONE understands that thinking "just one bite" "just one serving" "oh come on its just one day" puts me in a dark place, a darkness I can't always fight my way out of until it becomes an uncontrollable 4000 cal binge.

WOw sorry for the vent...I am so glad I found this site though so I have people around that UNDERSTAND!! Yes I am 142 pounds and most would be happy with that...its not the number that I am fighting though...its the ED and if I stay around 125-130 it isnt there in my head..when I get around 138-142 thats when the demon shows its head in my brain and takes control.

[Rosario]

You know what would make all of this a lot easier?? Don't listen to what anybody has to say about you!!! How could anybody else know what you need to eat or what you should be doing? We let people's comments bother us way too much. You don't need to backanswer. Just smile and ignore them! nbobody knows what's good for you better than YOU!!

[willmakeit]

Thanks for all the wonderful motivation! I am glad people here understand me!

[Sunnigummi]

Willmakeit, you sound like me a few years ago. My relatives, not so much my parents, were horribly mean about my weight because their children were so skinny. Now most of them are fat and I'm talking FAT and I'm looking fitter and fitter as time goes by. As a child, I could not defend myself, I just bottled up all the hurt and as immature as this makes me sound, damn it feels good to know they're expanding like balloons. Mwahahahahaha. That'll teach you to be mean to a 10 yr old. Anyway, whenever I get upset at what someone says I take it out on my exercise, it keeps me going longer and I burn off all that anger so I'm fine once I'm done. I know I have a vicious temper when it's roused so I have to find alternatives to taking it out on my 'rents and sis.

[almostheaven]

I just PM'd someone on CurvesForum yesterday with this:

Always happy to motivate someone. It's taken me many yo-yo diets to come to the realization that I had to make a lifestyle change/choice. Just the other day, I went to my mom's church to get in some running in the gym and she sidetracked me to work on her computer (she's church secretary). By the time we finished, the preschool kids were in the gym. Her attitude was "It won't hurt you to miss one day". Plus it was after 1:00 and I hadn't had lunch. Her attitude on that was "It won't hurt you to miss lunch once".

Dear mom doesn't understand. YES! It WILL!

See, my life is centered around getting that exercise. If I don't get it, I am lazy for the rest of the day. And each day I don't get it, causes me to have more excuses not to the next day. My life is centered around NEVER missing meals. I eat frequently...5 to 6 small meals a day. But I MUST at least have my 3 main meals. Will it hurt me to miss lunch? You bet! Then I'll overeat at dinner and all the wrong things. Which only leads to midnight cravings of more wrong things. Which in turn causes me to wake up to a scale reading a pound or two higher (mostly water weight from such late night snacking), which depresses me to start eating bad yet another day.

Mom might not be serious about losing her weight and can afford to toss her money into her Curves membership when she won't even go 3 days a week because she's too busy and finds excuses. But for me, I MUST get there 3 times a week. Otherwise it's a waste of good earned money and I may as well cancel the membership.

If you haven't already run into this kind of thinking from family and friends, watch out for it. Even the most well-intentioned. They don't see what you see about wanting to lose weight and get healthy. They think it's no big deal. Or they'll be so worried that you'll become anorexic. Anorexia is no laughing matter. But then too, everyone who loses weight doesn't need to be made out to have this problem. And where were all those people worried about us when we were GAINING weight? Did they say "You shouldn't eat that...you might get fat!"

I've just taken to letting people know that it WILL hurt me and that my life isn't theirs and they'll just have to deal with it and eat it themselves if they want it that bad. But stop trying to shove your lifestyle off on me. I did just fine this way when I lived in another state and didn't have you to answer to. I'll do just fine now if I continue ignoring your ill-intentioned "advice", that was part of what led to my being overweight in the first place.

[Rose2]

Hi, I binge too. My mother ate great 6 days of the week and then binged on a Saturday or Sunday. I have been fighting my whole live to not repeat her cycle. I have found two things that help me. The first is to wear form fitting clothes. I am home one day a week with the kids and I can put away a TON of food that day. Once someone mentioned wearing tighter clothes at a WW meeting to stop overeating and it perked my interest because I used to wear sweats or loose clothes when I am home. Now, I wear tighter clothes and I am not overly comfortable. I don't look that great but I am home doing chores so no one sees me. It has significantly decreased my binging. The other thing I do is wear teeth whitening strips. Between 3pm and 5pm and can put away 500+ calories. It only stays in for 15 mins but nothing tastes good after it and by then I can talk myself out of eating anything bad. I am not hungry at these times or bored (lot of chores) but I would stick in anything that wasn't nailed down into my mouth.
Sorry this was so long, but I feel your pain.