Fighting the urge.... - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

glynne · 05-26-2006, 05:16 PM

I've had a couple days off ~ time to go back to work for the weekend. I am so wound up ~ it is like I can feel my blood pressure rising. One of my coworkers is......I lose the power of speech she makes me so mad. This woman works exactly my same schedule, so I never get a break from her unless one of us is sick, or has a vacation day. I get all upset just thinking about having to go to work and put up with her ~ I want to munch so bad. I am trying to resist ~ wish me luck.

famograham · 05-26-2006, 05:30 PM

Good Luck Gayle!!!!

You are better than the situation...let her bad stuff just roll off your back.

You can rise above it and do the right thing for YOURSELF!!!

Don't give her the power of being able to make you sabotage yourself!!!

You've got us here...you can rant and rave till you're blue in the face, we can take it....but don't give her this power.

Linda

andoreth · 05-26-2006, 05:31 PM

Oh, I feel for you! I work with a woman who is the most negative woman I have ever met. I swear she could deflate a balloon just by touching it. She complains about everything in her life, but never takes action to fix anything. It was bad enough when things were okay at work, but a few years ago we were bought by a major corporation that doesn't know anything about we do and things aren't easy.

I know it's hard, but don't give her any power over you. Once you're out that door and on the way home, try to make her not exist. I take some comfort in knowing that mine has to be so unhappy all of the time. Man, that sounds mean, doesn't it? Just shows how someone like that can grind you down.

How is the weather there? Maybe this is the best time to take a nice, leisurely walk in a pretty, quiet place and remind yourself just how great life is. Someplace where people are happy and quick to smile at you as you pass. It's sad that the 1% of us can be so damaging, but at least we are surrounded by wonderful people that are willing to give a smile for free.

taekwondomom · 05-27-2006, 01:25 AM

Negative co-worker are the worst! Sorry to hear your co-worker is stressing you out so badly. Hope you find a non-food way to relax and recoup.

glynne · 05-27-2006, 08:27 AM

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement ~ I made it ~ didn't give in to that urge. I'm back on track ~ 24 hours ~ not much but a start.

tchrnow · 05-27-2006, 09:35 AM

I had a neighbor that did that to me and I had to literally convince myself and verbalize to those around me. "He doesn't exist to me anymore." It's mean and unkind, but I got to the point in which HE was making me ill (stress, blood pressure, worry). Just the thought of him or sight of him made my stress levels increase (I could truly feel my levels rise). I had to take care of ME. Somehow, giving myself permission to acknowledge to myself and others that he didn't exist in the world made me let go and feel better. Yes, he still existed but I felt that I had let go of the ownership he had over me (not true ownership, but I felt I had to be nice and get along with EVERYONE, regardless of their lack of respect/consideration for me) (He once went after my hubby with a chain saw because he didn't like my wind chime).

Best to you and your struggle. I totally understand.
Lynne

soiley · 05-27-2006, 02:01 PM

My therapist (life coach, life saver) told me once when I was ranting and raving about a co-worker who was "driving me crazy, making me so mad" that actually no one can make you feel anything but yourself, that I was choosing to be mad and crazy. Let me tell you, it brought me up short. Because of course it is true. We do choose how we feel and react to things. That was a few years ago, but whenever I hear myself say "she makes me so mad", I can usually stop & and take a few deep breaths and un-mad myself. Of course, sometimes I choose to stay mad too.

glynne · 05-27-2006, 03:25 PM

So, any suggestions? How do I pretend she doesn't exist? How do I choose not to feel mad and upset by her? I have to spend 12 hours each day with this person. As it is right now, I try to stay busy and sort of apart and tune her out, but she is loud, and it is just really hard sometimes.

dragonwoman64 · 05-27-2006, 03:44 PM

that's a drag, Gayle. Maybe you can just continue with what you're doing, tune her out and not get dragged into conversations with her. At least you're at work and can always use work as a way to not have to talk to her. I'll bet at some point she'll get the message.

andoreth · 05-27-2006, 04:00 PM

Well, I know from my own situation, that keeping as much distance as possible (not really possible

), and trying to keep some humor about the situation- even the smallest thread of humor- helps. Like I said, my personal "office monster" is a constant complainer. One day, I kept a little sheet of paper on my desk and put a mark for every negative remark she made- I got up to 45 in the first half of my shift. Even knowing her, I was shocked. For some reason, ever since then, I find the complaints to be just a little bit funny. Not "ha ha" funny, more like black humor. They still aren't pleasant, but it's taken a bit of the edge off.

If humor just isn't possible, and you are not able to physically separate yourself from her during working hours, there are 2 things that I use in other unpleasant situations. One: the "happy place". Yes, I know it's hokey, but developing a pleasant thought, a little story or daydream, a visualization of excape can be helpful. Of course, the opposite: the "unhappy place" where you can mentally place her might also be tempting, but I'd advise that only in the most dire circumstances.

The other is based on the Taoist philosophy that problems only exist when we except them, or percieve them as problems. Example: two men are in jail. One of them rails against his fate: he fights, he pushes, he feels sorry for himself, he feels every moment there as a torment. The other man, living under the same conditions excepts his fate, but refuses to except the fate as a problem: he goes with the flow, finds what pleasure he can in the circumstance, strives to better himself with the same intensity that he had on the outside. He does not rail or fight back, and because of this he is able to find peace.

Am I able to use either of these to completely protect myself? No, not all of the time... but I think that I'm successful often enough that I've found a bit of equillibrium. I certainly haven't been driven to quit or kill, and that's always a plus!

I would say this: you will not be able to change her- so that leaves three options- change yourself (or at least your perceptions of the situation), remove yourself from the situation physically or mentally, or suffer with the consequences of contact. Whichever you choose, I wish you great strength, and please feel free to vent all you need- an emotion let go is so much better then one held in.

tchrnow · 05-28-2006, 01:58 PM

I second Andoreth's advice. Very sage advice, indeed.

SuchAPrettyFace · 05-28-2006, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glynne

So, any suggestions? How do I pretend she doesn't exist? How do I choose not to feel mad and upset by her? I have to spend 12 hours each day with this person. As it is right now, I try to stay busy and sort of apart and tune her out, but she is loud, and it is just really hard sometimes.

You might try asking her to use her "inside" voice, and claim you've got a headache. That will work for the days you really can't bear her anymore.

newfiedarling · 05-29-2006, 09:05 AM

Gee - tough one. I have a less than pleasant coworker too. I tend to try and let everything roll off my back or I'd be stressed to the max all day long. I find if I don't ignore her my blood just boils all day. It's a challenging situation. On one hand you have to keep some sort of peace but on the other you need to be comfortable where you work too. Good luck!

~Dee