I think now, and Im like W.T.F. how did I ever get to that weight. I just dont forsee me ever getting back there, I mean, I threw out all my clothes when they became too big, I mean the largest size I have is 9. Thats like one pair I have some 8s and they are snug because I did put on some weight over the holidays but you know what I said to myself, " Oh well, I guess I will just have to look like I have rolls or lose weight" I absolutely refuse to buy bigger clothes, thats MY anti-gain the weight back lol. I feel like I lived half my life in a cloud, why did I do that to myself?? I know this is random, but it hit me, I dont recall gaining weight, or getting bigger sizes. Its like BAM I was 260. I did get pregnant but the weight I lost HAVING a baby I gained after I had him.. most women LOSE weight after having a baby. Does anyone else ever think this way? Like how did this/that happen? Where was I?
I have no idea how I let this happen to myself. I remember when I weighed 170 and wanted to lose 20 pounds and now I am over 200 and want to get back to 170 (final goal of 130) - and I just think - if I had of done this when I wanted to I would of spent the last two years being skinny! haha - but what is done is done - live and learn. One good thing, I will never judge a person for being over weight like so many do to me.
I've wondered that a lot. I remember being around 150 in middle school and thinking I was huge, and then all of a sudden it's senior year and I'm 200 pounds?! You'd think that if I wasn't happy with 150 I would not have allowed myself to get to 200. But I think as your size increases your hope really decreases; it sort of feels like "Well, why bother, I'm fat and I'll always be fat and I might as well have more of that pizza."
I don't know either. I guess it just came from eating too much and not paying attention to how fat I was getting. Well, obviously. But still - you'd think at some point I would have looked at myself in the mirror and would have said, "My God, Linda, what the **** are you doing to yourself?" and started doing something about it. But I guess, maybe, the fatter I got the less I cared. And I *do* remember saying things like, "Well, I'm already fat, I might as well just go ahead and eat this whole pizza."
I said that a LOT. And I kept saying it and saying it and saying it.
i know exactly what you mean. i don't really remember getting fat. i remember having to go up a size because i was tired of feeling cut in half by my jeans. after i had my 3rd daughter, i must have been going thru post-partum because i remember being depressed and couldn't wait for my husband to come home so he could take me to walmart. i just wanted out of that house and to see people...real people, not the ones on tv. i also became good friends with "Little Debbie". I ate her swiss rolls every day and she gave me my own set of rolls. i would hid 2 boxes of swiss rolls so my husband would not see them and know how much junk food i was eating. and get out and excersize??? NO WAY!!! i was much too tired. I don't ever remember having as much energy as i do now. not even when i was a teenager and weighed only 100. i was always tired then because i lost weight by starving myself.
maybe this is the best thing that could have happened to me. by gaining weight and now being sick of being fat, i am starting to excersize more and have so much more energy. i hope that once i get to where i want to be size wise, i'll keep up the excersize part so i can always feel as energized as i do now. maybe even more than i do now. who knows??? anything is possible.
But I think as your size increases your hope really decreases; it sort of feels like "Well, why bother, I'm fat and I'll always be fat and I might as well have more of that pizza."
Well, I don’t really wonder “how did I get fat” since I remember always being the fat kid as far back as kindergarten. But I did sort of wonder “how did I get this fat” when I was pushing 220 my senior year in college. I thought, I’m a vegetarian (which BTW doesn’t really have anything to do with weight loss or gain, but what did I know?), I walk to classes and work everyday. How did I end up this way? Two words: cheese, beer. On Wisconsin!
It just happens, I don't think I really had a clear mond when I looked into the mirror, just like anorexics, except I was the opposite, when I saw pictures though, somwhow they weren't like the mirror, so I had to do something, and now I am, It doesn't matter what path you came down once you are in a bad place, it's the path you take to get the heck out of there.....
Pictures are definitely what did it for me. Want to know how you look, just take your picture. The mirror always told me that I didnt look that bad, but when I saw pictures, it was just like OH MY GOD! I have always been a little chunky but when I hit 260 something HAD to give. That was NOT who I was going to be.
You know whats weird, is that in my head and in the mirror I am still huge, but when I see pictures, Im like "Oh Im really NOT that big" Some sick twisted little joke.
I always say I want to lose this 29lbs. When I told that to the manager of my old gym he was like, and then what? I was like.. uhhhh I have to get back to you on that because for the first time in my life I was like.. hmm? Then what? Ive never known life without having to try to lose weight. What will I do then? Will I be happy with myself? Probably not. Evil cycle.
Do you ever wonder...
you got to your highest weight?? 
i would hid 2 boxes of swiss rolls so my husband would not see them and know how much junk food i was eating. and get out and excersize??? NO WAY!!! i was much too tired. I don't ever remember having as much energy as i do now. not even when i was a teenager and weighed only 100. i was always tired then because i lost weight by starving myself. 
