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Old 03-08-2006, 10:40 AM   #13
Going to ONEderland
SherryA's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: California
Posts: 967


I can see why this would be painful to you. I can also see why he wouldn't be embarrassed on the base where you are a "standard size".

My sister who has always been overweight (like me), once went to England, and she said she looked around and said "Where are all the fat people?" In America it has become almost standard to be overweight. We don't have to be, but we have in some ways gotten used to it, it has become almost a part of our culture. Sad but true.

This isn't true everywhere. I heard a friend tell me about a TV show she saw where French people were speaking about what they thought of Americans. One lady said "They're all FAT".

Ugh. What a sad situation. I think it is more true than not. We live in the land of "super size it". We tend to be avid consumers. We think always that "more is more" never "less is more."

I can understand why this wouldn't bother your boyfriend while around other people who are the same as you, but would bother him around people who culturally are different. Men want to be proud of the woman on their arm. When a man is out with a woman who is hot and sexy and all the guys are looking at her, it bothers him a little, makes him insecure a bit, but at the same time he is proud to be the one she will go home with. He may love you for YOU, but there is that "shallow" element of a man's ego that is affected.

I do think if you are losing weight you should do it for you. But on the other hand if you can think of it as a gift to him as well, maybe you can feel more comfortable with the whole thing.

I would have the talk with him though. You need to know where you plan to spend your lives together, whether in his culture or yours, you need to know how much pressure there will be on you to keep the weight off if you do indeed manage to lose it. That pressure isn't necessarily a bad thing, but feeling less loved because of your weight IS.

Let him know that you are losing the weight because you want to, but that you are not sure what the future will hold. Whether you will become thinner or not, whether you will be able to maintain that. Let him know that you want him to love you either way and if he can't then you need to separate.

Get it out in the open. It is in some ways natural for him to feel that way. I mean imagine this. Suppose you were going places with him, and for some reason he decided to wear his hair in a bright red rooster comb look on the top of his head. Wouldn't you feel somewhat embarrassed at all the looks the two of you would get? It isn't that your weight bothers him, it is the attention you get because of it in a culture that doesn't have that as the norm.
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