At what weight did you ....(story time) - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Melody2006 · 02-14-2006, 12:30 PM

At what weight did you stop catching the eyes of the opposite sex? Do you remember a weight you became invisible?

For me I remember never having a hard time getting dates when I was around 165 pounds. After that I became the big girl. When I got around 190 I became invisible to all sales personel in all stores except layne bryant. It's amazing how no one wants to help the fatty. I know when I get around 165 pounds I can join the living again.

Sheila53 · 02-14-2006, 12:44 PM

Had boyfriends when I was 200 lbs., was 200 lbs. when I met and married DH, and he loved me through 261 lbs., and now down below 200 lbs. The sex is better now, though.

Actually, IMHO, I think how we're perceived depends a lot on how much we like ourselves. If I quit liking myself at a certain weight, I think I start unconsciously putting people off. There are a lot of large women who exude confidence and style and have no trouble attracting people because they feel (and are) attractive. The same thing is true with sales personnel. I think if a person exudes self confidence, then sales people will pay attention.

myholidayboyz · 02-14-2006, 12:54 PM

My husband and I started dating when I weighed 176 pounds. While dating I went down to 132, and up to 284, and nothing about me changed in his eyes.

SwimGirl · 02-14-2006, 12:56 PM

Sheila - I totally agree... I know PLENTY of girls who get phone numbers, dates, and they are bigger than me. It's how you put yourself together, and how you carry yourself.

That being said... 190 is when I'll feel "normal", and 163 is thin for me.. thin being a size 8.. any lower and I'd look odd..

-Aimee

kykaree · 02-14-2006, 01:40 PM

I was about oh 160 - 170 through high school, it wasn't until I was around the 200 mark that I started attracting guys, and the guys have got better quality as I have got bigger!! Weird huh????

I have never felt pressured to be smaller for romantic reasons!!!! I'm a freak!!!

I have a pretty weird, deluded self image, or perhaps just a very kind one. I always thought I was ok, whatever weight I was. I always felt kinda pretty, not Cynthia Crawford/Julia Roberts pretty, but Kylie pretty.

teapotdynamo · 02-14-2006, 01:43 PM

Kylie, can you help me with that one, then? I have never felt pretty on a consistent basis... I work it when need be

, but believing it is the hard part.

kykaree · 02-14-2006, 01:51 PM

I'm not quite sure how to let you into my deluded brain. I think what I did (having loathed myself through high school) was pick one thing about myself I liked and concentrate on it. For me it was my eyes. And my confidence then sort of spread to the rest of my body.

My dh met me at my highest weight http://www.users.bigpond.com/kmnicholson/ when this is what I looked like.

His first comment to me was that I was beautiful "not a classic beauty, but beautiful all the same" and later "you don't give a f*** do you?" meaning about size of my bottom when I walked down the street.

I think being a bullied kid, I learnt that if you don't believe in yourself nobody else will.

And it's no good me telling me how beautiful you are (even though it's 100% true) you have to believe it! I hope you get there one day!

YP1 · 02-14-2006, 01:53 PM

I've always been invisible to the opposite sex. Weight has nothing to do with it really for me, I'm not particularly interested, and I think I give off "uninterested" vibes. It was actually one thing that scared me when I started losing weight, that I'd get unwanted attention, but I get no more attention at 166 than I did at 260.

There was one boyfriend many years ago. I don't know how much I actually weighed, but I was roughly the same clothes size as I was on the way down at about 210-220. I never actually believed he could find me attractive, but I was constantly reassured that he did.

DNR · 02-14-2006, 02:38 PM

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bragging, because I am not in any way doing that. But, I have never had any problems at any weight attracting the opposite sex. I have always dressed nicely, kept my hair with at least a little bit of style and have always worn makeup to enhance the good things that I felt I did have. I have always had a positive outlook on pretty much everything that has happened to me (and believe me, there has been a lot of pain in my life). Like Sheila said, I think it's all in how you present yourself and how much you like yourself. When I met my husband, I weighed just slightly less than I weigh now and it didn't bother him that I wasn't a Barbie doll. I did manage to gain more weight after we got married, as most people do, but that bothered me more than it did him. I was very surprised last fall, at my heaviest, that a male person probably in his mid-20s came up to me on a busy street corner and asked me to lunch - I'M 50 YEARS OLD!!! Good grief, I about died of shock. I kind of stammered and didn't know what to say to him.

So, I think if you tend to be the type of person who doesn't assert yourself and are more the shy type, etc. you probably aren't the type of person who people would approach at any weight - does that make sense??? I know there are people out there who are looking for the Barbie doll type and they aren't worth worrying about. There are a lot of people who don't care what you look like - you just have to look a little harder for them and they are the ones worth spending your time with.

I'm on my weight loss journey this time for myself and nobody else.

DNR

Melodious1 · 02-14-2006, 03:23 PM

I have always been the big girl! I remember being the tallest and fattest thing in the entire kindergarten class in elementary school. So, I couldn't give a set weight or size in which men stopped paying me attention. The interesting thing about my situation is that men would talk to me about being pretty or nice, but they were never brave enough to pursue me. I think that they were concerned about what other people, especially their male friends, would say if they started dating a big girl.

Melodious1 · 02-14-2006, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melody2006

When I got around 190 I became invisible to all sales personel in all stores except layne bryant. It's amazing how no one wants to help the fatty. I know when I get around 165 pounds I can join the living again.

We need to start a new thread on being invisible to all sales personnel except in plus size stores! I am always somewhere between tickled and infuriated in these instances.

synger · 02-14-2006, 03:36 PM

But, I have never had any problems at any weight attracting the opposite sex. I have always dressed nicely, kept my hair with at least a little bit of style and have always worn makeup to enhance the good things that I felt I did have.

I agree. When I've been interested, I haven't had much trouble with it. And I dress to be comfortable, and to hide my butt, and I don't do much with my hair except keep it clean and neat, and I almost never wear makeup or nylons.

I haven't really been on the prowl except when I feel good about myself, which comes and goes... But when I do feel good about myself... wham! it's like a lightbulb in the middle of the night, attracting all sorts of insects to it. Attitude REALLY has a great deal to do with it. That energy and confidence and flirtiness and openness is like catnip to many guys. And I'm a certified very strong introvert on the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator, so it's not just the in-your-face girls that get the guys.

When I met my husband, I was dating three guys, and living with a fourth (mostly platonic by that time). When we got engaged, we ended up getting an apartment together, not because we necessarily could afford one, but because I just couldn't see living with one guy while being engaged to another. *laughs*

But I'm clever, and well-read, and "nice", and enjoy laughing... and it all makes a pretty cool package, by and large.

Jenniffer · 02-14-2006, 04:54 PM

I too have never really had a problem attracting men, despite what weight I was at. About 200 lbs though, they seemed to come out of the woodwork. I am sure my self confidence helped alot too. I have been with thinner and more attractive women, and I always get the #'s or the dances because I was the one smiling and laughing.

Nobody wants to talk to a sad skinny lil chick.

Hahahhahaa

Scrappy Chick · 02-14-2006, 05:48 PM

I have ALWAYS felt fat, even when I obviously wasn't, because when I compared myself to the other girls around me I wasn't exactly the same. In high school I was a size 11 and when everyone else was a size 4 I felt HUGE. Now I would give my right ARM to be a size 11. I didn't ever have a date in high school...was it due to my perceived fatness or due to my lack of self-esteem? I will never know the answer.

I met my husband in college. By the time I met him, I had convinced myself that I would NEVER have a boyfriend much less get married because I was unlovable due to my weight. To this day I still feel that way. Even though I love my DH and he loves me, I find myself doubting him when he tells me that he loves me at any weight.

Today at almost 30 years of age, I have never been "hit on" or been asked for my phone number. The closest I came was when dancing in New Orleans about 10 years ago...a woman kept following me around wanting to dance with me. Does that count? Whenever I have gone out with friends I have been completely transparent to the opposite sex, or just one of the "guys".

Sunrose · 02-14-2006, 06:17 PM

I've been in two long term relationships. One of them began when I weighed about 195 pounds (after a 60 pound weight loss). The other one began a year ago (and I'm still with him) when I weighed 250 pounds. I've never actually been "visible" to the opposite sex, though, and I think I stayed big because I liked it that way (my boyfriend and I were friends first). One of my biggest fears about losing weight is getting attention. I am so scared, but it helps that I have a loving boyfriend.