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Old 12-08-2005, 03:05 AM   #1
Psychego
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Bell
Posts: 45

Exclamation another attempt to sabotage myself.

Maybe I need someone to make me realize how stupid my thougths are. I have now lost a total of 82 pounds, with 25 more to go. Recently, I guess I want to talk myself out of dieting and go back to the comfort zone of eating what I desire. It has not happenned though. I try to fight listening to these crazy thoughts. No, I'm not schizophrenic, but I guess it's part of having been on a diet for so long and seeing that success is near. It's the fear of living in a new body I worked so hard for. Your replies will benefit me and may benefit others who could have these same depressing thoughts:
Recently I've been thinking why I want to lose weight. Why do I want to please myself? Why do I want a better health? Why do I want a higher self-esteem, a higher quality of life, and be more attractive? Why not stay in that same body that has brought me suffering? After all, I'm used to all this things. Why not live in misery? Why would I want a better social life? Why would I want more attention? Why be happy? Why the desire to no longer hear fat jokes? Why would I want to avoid diabetes, hypertension, heart attacks if eventually they may show up later in life nevertheless? Why not be part of those 2/3 of obese Americans? Why be thin? Why not comform to the way life is? Why wanting to be the best one can be? Why maximizing the chances to be loved by someone else? Why enjoy life? Why do I deserve this? Why do I want what's best for myself? Who even cares? Why do I even care? I'm going to die anyways. - I'm just too crazy and naive.

These are mind-boggling questions that I have tried battling not to have, but from time to time they pop up, but not have managed to derail me. I don't want them to have an impact on my plans, but then again the mind is quite powerful. Any responses?

Last edited by Psychego; 12-08-2005 at 03:14 AM.
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