Last night, I had a parenting nightmare. Just couldn't grasp what was happening for a bit nor what my motherly response was supposed to be.
DS went to a dance at his school which is 20 miles away in another town. I told him to call if he wouldn't be home by 10:30 since the dance ended at 10:00. He called and said he was going to a movie.
I tried to wait up but got sleepy and went to bed to read. I fell asleep but woke at 12:30 and called him to have him whisper on the phone that he was in the theater.
At 1:00, he called back and said he couldn't get to his car because he'd left it on campus and they'd locked all the gates. So, he asked, could he spend the night at Jeff's house? He's been hiding his friends names from me so I didn't have an idea who Jeff was BUT DS had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. today which I pointed out.
He seemed to want to sleep at this Jeff's house so I asked Jeff's phone number and got it. Where does Jeff live, I asked this boy at 1:00 in the morning, and he lives near the school EXCEPT THAT during the conversation Jeff turned into Beth and here I was on my way to giving sleep over permission.
But you have to be at work early, I said, I'll come get you. They were driving around and I couldn't pin him down on where to collect him. Besides everything was closed and it was a creepy idea.
Can Beth bring me home? he asked.
We don't want a GIRL to have to drive around by herself late at night, I answered.
He insisted. But it would be OK? She doesn't mind.
I got him to have Beth meet him halfway between. It was a schocking situation because I was making decision almost alseep and was saved largely by the 7:00 work schedule.
Once home, I had a nightmare that I'd fallen asleep in the living room after I got him home and someone tried to break in. In the dream, someone loudly shook the door and tried to open it, then went away. I only know it was a dream because I went straight to bed and was not in the living room during that time frame.
Now, he's at work and I'm exhausted.
By the Way, I want TONS OF SUPPORT from you all. I have decided to enroll in school in January and enter this new Florida program that turns people with college degrees into people with full-fledged teaching credentials. I need support from you because I know a bunch of teachers and expect NO support from them. I think there's a tendency there to see these newly trained, second thought teaches, as "not real teachers."
Oh my goodness, Peachy! I am NOT looking forward to my kids having a teen social life. Sounds like it's curfew time. At least he knows now that he can't leave his car on campus if he's going to be out late. So glad that everyone got home safely and I HATE those dreams with noises - so scary.
And YAY for enrolling in the training program!! You know we'll always support you. Ignore anyone else who tries to get in your way.
Hi Sugar Plum, I'm sure that DS is totally innocent. Kids are different today. They don't date. They hang out with friends. He's so inexperienced in this hanging out since he's shy and we live in Stickville PLUS he has a male brain. But can you imagine a teen girl's parents having her come home with this boy to spend the night at 1:30 a.m.? I dont' think he meant anything wrong at all. Just not seeing it right.
Peachie: Good GAWD!!! That started out sounding like it could have turned out very bad... think about this: DS loved and trusted you enuf to call you with this problem...and you handled it very well, and with diplomacy so that BETH/JEFF didn't come off badly nor did your son... IMAGINE what you could do Awake and ALert!! .. I think going for a teaching cert is a wonderful idea! You can do this!! and you will be FABULOUS at it!!
Alrighty then: Since I'm the newest cow here , I will take on the chore of compiling the addy list for cards and what not for the holiday season.. so.. IM me with your email ..so I can get yer address--and then I will send to all--
ps: I'm only doing this so that I can get a box er pound of chicken bones outta the deal. hee heee
Oh dear. This is no fun, is it? How are his grades? Are they fine? Is he getting to work on time? Is his life running well? If he’s doing the things he has to do, there is no reason to worry. He’s a good, smart kid. However, I’m sure he is not unaware of his slippery nature. He doesn’t want you to know what is going on and that is why you don’t know what is going on. I have no idea who my kids are with most of the time. My mother had no idea who I was with, either, but she thought she did. He could lie to you and you would feel better. He doesn’t, so that is a plus.
It isn’t that he did anything technically wrong; it is that his actions had unintended consequences. You thought of Beth’s welfare when he suggested that she drive the 40 miles round trip by herself; he should have thought things through in the same way. He should know that he is responsible for the outcome when he chooses a certain course of action. The fact that he can’t predict what that outcome will be is what he has to learn; it is why he lives with you and is not ready to live alone.
Choosing to leave his car behind when he goes to a movie at 10:30PM has a thousand possible outcomes. I’ll bet 990 of them are negative. The fact that you had to be up at 1AM isn’t workable. He needs to be more considerate of you. In NJ kids under 18 can’t drive after 12. It would not be unreasonable for the two of you to agree on some boundaries, such as a curfew, that would make living together more pleasant. You aren’t a mother and child living together anymore. You are a mother and a (just about) adult living together. He needs to act like an adult by being courteous to you and being responsible.
My next post will deal with career considerations.
I just read my last post and it sounds very "Mrs Know-It-All" ish. I'm sorry. I'm too lazy to edit. Now Shatzi won't like me. Oh well.
All I meant is that I've had the same problem. I have made peace with it. I approach it from the me-adult/he-adult point of view rather than the mother-punishing-kid point of view. It is harder with DS than it was with DD. I suspect that may be because she was sneakier.
On the career thing. I believe NJ was the first state to institute alternate route teacher certification. At first those teachers did have to prove themselves but now it is 20 years later and it is fine. Many teachers who get a job right out of college and teach for 30 years do not have the life experience to be effective. That is why so many of them do such a terrible job. Our school has many alternate route teachers. I am the only contracted sub who has a traditional teaching degree, the rest are all alternate route. They actually like teaching because they chose it when they were old enough to make such a choice.
I think it is a great idea that you're doing this. I work with a girl whose mother(our age) is in medical school. This is the time to do it, you aren't getting any younger. Remember, we have a long way to go in our work life. We should do something we like.
On that note, I have a new secret, secret life plan. DH, whom I adore, is looking again at retiring. You may remember that he does this every 10 years~~~~ then moves right back into workaholicism at whatever endeavor he has chosen. What is new is that after not working at a job all last summer, he thinks he will set up a shop here and do more car/furniture restoring and arty stuff. That means he will be home. He has this vision of us being here, working on projects...living a more inner-directed life. This is a sure sign that it is time for me to think about not being home all day. I love him but not 24 hours a day. He makes me tired with his constant activity and he makes me look lazy.
So I am starting school. I am not going to medical school, but I am going in a medical direction. I am starting with basic anatomy classes that can go in a variety of directions. I haven't burst dh's bubble, he thinks I am just doing this because I want to understand dd's situation better. I also don't want to commit myself just in case I decide it isn't for me.
On other news.
Life is getting back to normal. Do you see that it is Saturday night and I have nothing to do but hang on the computer? Isn't that nice?
Shatizi, who are you? I live in NJ~ in the Pinelands. I have three kids-18, 15, 13. I am supposed to be a teacher but the fact that I hate other people's kids limits my enjoyment of the job.
I weigh about 160(used to be 150) for one day every September. Then I spend 6 months gaining a ton and six months losing a ton. Then it is September again and I have my day of glory. Usually this day passes without me noticing because I still think I will someday get into my Sergio Valente jeans.
As you see, overall, I'm not very interesting.
Tell me about you.
WHATCHOOO TAWKINBOUT LUSH!!! I may not know ya and we haveno cow history but let me LIST the reasons the Schatzinator could not NOt like Lushious
1. Umm ..yer from Joisey
2. Like a joisey broad you speak plain n true FAGGABOUTITTT
3. You make lists
4. Your dog looks like precious from Silence of the lambs
5. You know what a Schmattah is
6. You know what a bagel with a schmear is
7.You make lists that you can actually cross **** off a
8. umm. Yer from Joisey.
WHATCHOOO TAWKINBOUT LUSH!!! I may not know ya and we haveno cow history but let me LIST the reasons the Schatzinator could not NOt like Lushious
1. Umm ..yer from Joisey
Actually, I'm from Pennsylvania. I'm held in NJ, against my will, by the bonds of marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
2. Like a joisey broad you speak plain n true FAGGABOUTITTT
I have a PA Dutch accent and upspeak at the end of my sentences.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
3. You make lists
Do you know about System Goddess? Please don't join. It is too hard on Kiwi. I forget the password and so she has to manage the whole thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
4. Your dog looks like precious from Silence of the lambs
Really? As cute as my dog? I saw that movie but don't remember the dog. I will investigate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
5. You know what a Schmattah is
Well, I do now. I looked it up and I will use it in a sentence tonight. I don't live in a Schmattah part of NJ. I live in the Canoli section where the restaurants have no windows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
6. You know what a bagel with a schmear is
Yes, my problem is that a schmear is never enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schatzi
7.You make lists that you can actually cross **** off a
Well, I guess I could cross things off if I ever got off my duff and did anything. Mostly I make lists.
[QUOTE=Lush]Actually, I'm from Pennsylvania. I'm held in NJ, against my will, by the bonds of marriage.
you married either an eyetalian, Irish or wayward german
I have a PA Dutch accent and upspeak at the end of my sentences.
Can you make them egg noodles or funnel cakes???
Do you know about System Goddess? Please don't join. It is too hard on Kiwi. I forget the password and so she has to manage the whole thing.
No, I don't Is this the WAKEYBAKEY GET ON THE BUSY BUS club?
Really? As cute as my dog? I saw that movie but don't remember the dog. I will investigate. IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BAAAASKET scene... Classic dahlink
Well, I do now. I looked it up and I will use it in a sentence tonight. I don't live in a Schmattah part of NJ. I live in the Canoli section where the restaurants have no windows.
I am devastated. I thought fer sure ya wear one wit pride: Yummm Cannolis....
Yes, my problem is that a schmear is never enough.
I think cream cheese should be its own level on the food pyramid
Well, I guess I could cross things off if I ever got off my duff and did anything. Mostly I make lists.
ahh, but you could always Cross off " Make a list" from the list.. (Thats usually my first entry....such a sense of accomplishment )
It is such a thrill to see Lushie here and especially heartwarming to see her playing so nicely with Shots.
Shots I will tell you about system goddess. Once, a long time ago, Lush had this idea that .. as a joke ... she would start a yahoo group for women to become perfect in the next year. Problem was non-cows found it and became quite involved and this meant work for Lush. But Kiwi, always the sweetheart to everyone, said she'd help and then ... Lush completely totally abandoned it. I think she may have withdrawn her membership. Anyway, it all fell to Kiwi who continued to respond to people who posted there. I don't know it it's still going or not.
I want you ALL to send me your blog names. I have lost Painty's and Kiwi's and adore Sugar's. Email them to me not private message if possible as PM is too hard to use.
Bye Lushie ... stay and talk about your new goals. I need to hear this.
Shots I will tell you about system goddess. Lush completely totally abandoned it. I think she may have withdrawn her membership. Anyway, it all fell to Kiwi who continued to respond to people who posted there.
I see I have to mount a defense. Shots, SG started as a joke it is not my fault that people took it seriously. After I started it, I went away for a few months so Kiwi was in charge. Then when I came back, I tried to make it disappear but I lost the password. Because I gave a fake birthday and fake information the password is lost because I can't remember any of the fake information I gave to Yahoo in order to prove I am who I am so I can't delete it. If you're interested, here it is:
Cownucopia
You know we'll always support you. Ignore anyone else who tries to get in your way.
, I will take on the chore of compiling the addy list for cards and what not for the holiday season.. so.. IM me with your email ..so I can get yer address--and then I will send to all--
Lushie speaks volumes of knowledge.
