I want to stay fat, because I like when everyone has to give up the front seat for me, otherwise 5 of us (or more) won't fit into the car. And yes I like sitting up front (it is true w/o any sarcasm)
I love being fat, because I know if I go to a blind date, or meet a new guy, he will not be asking me to bed, and I will not have to experience the humiliation of a one night stand.
I love being fat, because I can carry a guy in my arms and not the other way around. More specifically when one offers jokenly, I can stump him by just offering to carry him. Usually that puzzles them and they go away. Seriously who would want that kind of attention, even when you have bad blisters from walking and they are bleeding.
I love being fat, because if I drink I can stay sober longer and at times see how others make fools of themselves. By the way because I am sober longer, I get to also remember everything which went on and later tell funny stories.
I like being fat, because why would anyone want to get up during 12 hour international flight, you can die of wanting to pee, but why get up, you can experience the thrill of holding on, because anyway you are stuck in that seat. Besides, eating is fun too, because the table barely fits.
|