The Good: I felt really guilty about the Bad and I acknowledged that it didn't taste good and I was angry at myself afterwards. All I can do is start over. As penance, I went on the hardest walk I can remember being on. Sadly, it wasn't hard because of distance or time or incline or speed, it was hard because it was the most I've exercised since I can't remember when. I'm embarrassed to say it was only 30 minutes and I ended it seriously winded.
It's a cold, windy night here with a big moon, so I thought it would be a good idea to head out where prying eyes wouldn't witness my struggle. I made a decision that I would not reenter the house until the 30 minutes was up. When I got home 5 minutes early, I just walked up and down the street until I hit 30.
I had some good time alone to think on my walk and came up with the following:
- This body that was struggling to haul itself around the neighborhood for a few minutes used to run and used to walk 5 miles a day religiously. This body used to look good and feel pretty. I never want to feel this bad again attempting to do so little (and look so bad doing it).
- The food I ate to make myself feel better tonight made me feel awful. Walking, even seeing how out of shape I am, made me feel good from an accomplishment perspective.
- I passed up a trip to China and Australia recently because I am so out of shape. Seeing as my friends are all youthful, active, globe-trotting 30 somethings, I know I couldn't keep up with them now and it wouldn't be fair for me to slow them down. But I can keep up if I work at this. I have a second chance to go to Scotland and Italy next year. I deserve to be a youthful, active globe-trotting 30 something again too.
- If I do the right things more than I do the wrong things, I never have to feel this crappy and out of shape again.
I also weighed and measured myself and was shocked at how much worse the picture is from the last time I measured. Anyway, I just thought it was important to get this in writing to the group where I am accountable. Moments of clarity shouldn't be wasted...