End Now, Please!
 

I OFFICIALLY want this whole weight loss thing to be over and done with and to be in maintainence already!!! :mad:

I am just so TIRED of it all! I have been obsessing about diet and exercise for the past 25 freakin' months and I figure if I can just lose about another 20lbs I would be happy and could settle.

But it is all just like this neverending odessey and since my body is constantly in flux I never have a permanent wardrobe or am able to afford to build one up and I am so CONFUSED with my body. My head literally cannot get a concept of how big/little my body is. I see pants and other clothes and am like NO WAY will those fit me-- and they do.

If I read a post like this a couple years ago I would have just rolled my eyes and said to myself, purlease girl, you are thin already be happy where you are, 20lbs is nothing. :rolleyes:

But, now I realize that these last 20lbs are HUGE, the biggest yet and overcoming them is like an insurmountable hurdle.

I also still view myself as fat, and while I am still officially overweight, I am nowhere near as big as I once was. I just don't feel it. I even find myself visiting plus size stores online because I still feel that pull.

It's weird. I think that there is almost a sub-culture of being overweight and I feel like I am trying to transition into a strange new world that is scary--------and I am having trouble fitting in and feeling a part of it.

Sorry for the rant............. Really this is all about my poor body issues and the feeling like "if I can just lose 20lb everything will be better." But it probably won't all magically be better. And though I'll lose those 20lbs eventually, I still know that I need to accept me as I am now, saggy boobs and all. :dunno:

:hug: You don't have to apologize for venting.

That sounds like a big mental transition.. it's totally understandable that you feel frustrated, two years is a long time to continue along this track and while I commend you for doing it, I can imagine how frustrating it might be some days. And how scary... I think there is that sub-culture... or maybe just feeling excluded/separate as an overweight person (moreso with more weight) whether or not we're actively excluded by others.

I already am feeling this and I do find it annoying bc I don't like wearing baggy clothing but I don't have very much money to spend on new clothes.

How are you having trouble fitting in? and how do you not feel part for it?

I hope this sense of frustration passes and you feel better - you deserve to feel great about your weight loss, it truly is amazing ;)

Charlotte, I know how badly you want to get those last 20 lbs. off. I felt the same way. It was hard. I didn't think I'd ever meet my goal, but I finally did and you will too. You have lost an incredible amt. of weight and should be applauded for it. Reaching goal really doesn't change ANYTHING. This took me a while to realize. I still have to be super-careful with my food, exercise regularly and drink a lot of water. It's the same thing we did all along. I can understand the wardrobe concerns too, but I'm still wearing a lot of the same clothes that I wore 20 lbs. ago, only difference is that I need a belt now with some of the jeans. My shirt size hasn't changed much. I am getting used to my new body , "saggy boobs" and all. 3 months into maintenance and I don't have a grasp on my true body size either. I think this is normal for us. I went shopping just the other day for long-sleeve shirts and took size 16-18 to the dressing room to try on. I thought they looked like the right size to me, and they were all way too big. I ended up buying size 8-10 and this shows how much my perception of my size is off. Hugs, you'll get there and we'll be here to cheer you on.

Aw, thanks Lily and Beautiful! :)

And beautiful-- I guess it isn't "trouble" fitting in so much per se, but more like the fact that I have never ever been this slim in my entire life. I was 217 at the age of 12 and the lowest that I have been in the past decade was 192 (and even then I was 13). Last time I weighed 156 I think I was 10 years old and 5'0".
So, everything is new and virgin territory for me. Including not having any worries at SixFlags (I refused to go for a while-----I was terrified I wouldn't fit).
It is so strange to just pass LB right on by at the mall.
Sometimes I have to *remind* myself that I have actually lost over 115lbs and it is so strange how life does change quite a bit I suppose with that weight loss. I have changed as a person too...........but I still have difficulties coming out of my shell, I have hidden for soooooo long, a lifetime, and now I am trying to readjust my entire worldview almost.
It takes so much adjusting mentally and it will probably be YEARS and years before I feel comfortable in this, my brave new world.

My humble advice:

You need to work on accepting yourself.

You already recognize that you're obsessing over those 20 pounds and you have the "if I lose those 20 pounds..." mindset. Here's the danger: when you lose those 20 pounds, not a lot is going to change and there's a real risk that having those expectations is going to send you into a depression or into a binge because it wasn't what you wanted.

I think that the transition is hard for you because the weight held you back and now you don't have that reason anymore - so you don't know what to do.

THERE IS a sub-culture of being overweight but don't worry - just because you're a skinny mini doesn't mean that you're not part of the culture anymore! Now, you're a rolemodel! You can tell people your story and let people know what struggles you had so that people can learn from you!

So, go on - love yourself. It's okay to find yourself sexy and wonderful! I mean, you're stuck with you for the rest of your life - you might as well love that person!

Charlotte, passing Lane Bryant at the mall is strange for me too. That's where I did most of my clothes shopping for most of my adult life. It's a weird feeling to go into American Eagle or Abercrombie store and know that their clothes will now fit. But, you do get used to it. And learn to love it. If I could afford it, I'd shop every day. My wardrobe is better now than ever before because while I was at my heavier weight, shopping was very depressing for me and too tiring physically.

Wow what an accomplishment.....But I know your feelings are extremely valid and you should be able to get it ALL OUT!!! I know that you can do it! I have faith in you!