Maybe I'm coming down from my initial "I'm going to exercise and lose weight!" high, I'm not sure - but time seems to be slowing down. I've been at this for a month, the number on the scale is at least 6 pounds less than it was a month ago, and these last few days I've been less careful about portion control. So I stepped on the scale at the gym today and it hadn't really changed, maybe 0.25 lb up which is a little laughable to think of. I do check those 0.25 fractions of a pound just because I can, and it helps too... gives me more opportunity for progress in a way, and I record it that way although I don't give it much credit mentally. So anyways, I thought to myself... "I'm okay with not losing anything because I haven't really been working as hard to lose it, and I'm still experimenting with what I need to do to lose weight.. so it's okay." And then I thought of some people here on these forums, and I said to myself, "and you know, there will probably be weeks when the scale won't budge, maybe even months and you will need to continue to motivate yourself to exercise and do your thing despite whatever frustration you may encounter." And then I thought to myself, geez... what a long process!!! I've only been at this a month, and I gave myself at least 2 years to lose this weight... and while I intend to stick with it and not give up, I am sure it will take me longer and there will be weeks when I won't feel as determined. And I thought... "oh my goodness... that's MONTHS!" months of doing what I'm doing and trying and working so hard. And then, maintenance! And all of a sudden, I realized that I'm feeling time slow down.
I'm not feeling down about it. I WANT to do this, I CAN do this. Part of me wishes I could snap my fingers and change it overnight, but (years ago, I would have never believed myself to say this) I actually want to go through this process and learn through and from it as much as I can. I think this challenge, these experiences, these transitions are filled to the brim with potential and I have the opportunity and fortune to turn that potential into inner strength, confidence, knowledge and so much else... all of us do, and share that with others around us and each other here
I am feeling not so much short on patience (a little), but I feel as though I am standing alone at the base of a huge and sprawling mountain with a peak that lies beyond my horizon, knowing that I have to climb it myself And each climb, each step is only one step of a thousand, but takes so much effort in itself.
Time will pass anyways, life will go on... and in two years I will either have lost XX pounds, or I will have the same body I have today, only a little bit more worn out by all the extra work it has to do just to keep up with life. Granted I will be here to feel the passings of time (nothing's certain really), I may as well live my time meaningfully and perservere, and use the progress I am making to motivate my each step, looking forward to the perspective shift I acquire along the way!
That all sounds great and I truly believe it, but when my day starts out before me, this all disintegrates into fragments and I find myself searching for motivation and perserverance to HOLD ON, KEEP GOING... hard as it can get.
Guess I have to remember this is only the beginning.. maybe once I'm four months into it it will be a little different, having four months to look back on. I hope I'm around four months from now for a five-month-eversary.
Okay, I have to change my thinking. It will all be fine this is entirely do-able and worth it! I have to continue to believe that and in time I will see results. One day at a time, and as Gretchen (I think it's Gretchen, forgive me if I'm mistaken) has said, positive thoughts = positive results. I'll check back in four months time, meanwhile I'm back to the gym tomorrow or the day after, to complete my goal of my first month at the gym! And I'm going to search for that little voice inside me.
I know this is long, I hope no one minds. I just wanted to get this all out. I do actually feel much relieved and lighter. Whew! I am so glad I can share this here, I hope someone finds it beneficial aside from me. Cheers!