good heavens Glory I didn't mean at all that you are mentally weak. I think sugar does affect us physically, but I don't think that one cookie means we have to eat the whole bag. I think that we just FEEL like we've failed when we eat the one, and then afterwards that feeling of no longer being proud of ourselves leads to more "failure". Most people CAN stop after one cookie if they are determined enough to. I mean if you are determined enough to not have the first one, isn't it possible to be AS determined to not have the second, but allow the first? I feel like for me it should be. But it isn't. Why? Because of my all or nothing attitude that I keep trying to get the better of.
Once I've let that little "sin" in the attitude tends to be "in for an inch, in for a mile". Why not let the inch be it? For many people it is enough. Thin people, don't deny themselves everything they love, they just make up thier minds how much of something they can have and then they stop themselves from going further. Us fatties tend to say "Oh well I blew it for today, I'll start again tomorrow." And then sometimes if we are really on a roll, tomorrow never comes.
I agree with you that you shouldn't have the first one if you know yourself and know that you can't stop at one. I tend to be the same way. I think that is STRENGTH, not weakness.
I would just like to find a way to train myself to know my limits, and find a way to limit quantity and still feel as good about myself as I feel when I don't have any. I really think that if I could reach that point, where I can say "yes" but in limited amounts, I will have conquered my weight issues.
My mother once told me something about conscience that I thought was really valuable. She told me that a strong conscience isn't something that says no to everything. Sometimes a strong conscience knows how to say yes too. A person who condemns themselves for every thing they do, doesn't have a strong conscience they can have a weak one, because they don't understand that there are times when it is ok to say yes to some things.
I realize that matters of conscience aren't the same as matters of weight loss and weight management, but I think there are parallels. If we feel guilty about every choice we make, we aren't strong. Someone strong is able to make choices without guilt, and make wise choices. I'm not there. I'd like to be, but I'm not. Sometimes I decide to lose weight and before I know it I'm feeling guilty about everything I eat and everything I don't eat. I'm feeling like I am not doing anything right. That state of mind is crazy making and scary, and it is counter productive too. Because after awhile of feeling that confused and bad, all I want to do is give up on my diet. NOT because I can't do it physically. Not because the foods I've made up my mind to not eat are calling to me so intensely, but because if I do screw up a little I condemn myself so fiercely for being "weak".
In reality, some elements of being strong are knowing when it is ok to allow a "little" but also to know how to limit that little. I wish I was there. Wish I knew how to do that. But I usually don't. I'm working on it though. Perfectionism defeats me, and so I'm working on trying to learn to be good "most of the time" rather than "all of the time" (until I'm not).
I tend to think deeply about the processes we are all going through, but mostly anything I write about is about myself and my personal thoughts and feelings on a matter. No one has to agree with me. If it doesn't hold true for you, that is fine. But please don't feel offended and please don't feel I'm attacking anyone, because I'm not. In reality I was agreeing with you, but also pointing out how I feel I should be able to handle it differently. It was not meant as any sort of judgment on anyone else.
Sometimes a cookie is not just a cookie. And I'm not talking about quantity - I'm talking components. For me, that seductive cocktail of sugar and flour is a very real physical trigger for hunger and leads to bingeing. It isn't about weakness or perfection - believe me, I can indulge in a greasy plate of enchiladas or dig into a bag of Doritos with no lasting behavioral consequences.
It's the high levels of sugar that start that downward spiral for me. I'm no biologist, but I assume that it's linked to blood sugar levels and the spike/drop that follows consumption. Believe what you will, but I have abstained from refined sugar since the beginning of the year and have had not one binge since then... and as they say, the proof is in the pudding!
Well cookies are a little seductive! Especially the home made variety. There are some I can leave alone, but when they smell fresh baked, that is a teaser. I have been on Atkins for most of my weight loss attempts, so I know what you are saying about sugar, and I don't disagree exactly. For some of us high carb food of any kind can be a trigger.
I still want to reach a point where I can eat certain things in moderation. Will I ever? I don't know. I think that is my goal, but whether I will get there or not remains to be seen.
The weakness is in the fact that we set ourselves up to be "Dietary Saints", and then if we "Sin", and eat the cookie, it becomes too easy to let ourselves fall from grace completely. Isn't it better to remain a human being? One who can sometimes faulter, but since that is the nature of being a human being that failure has no impact on our progress towards bettering ourselves?
Sometimes a cookie is just a cookie. It only becomes more when we give it that power.
I LOVE THIS POST, ANDORETH!! (And yes, I'm speaking EXCITEDLY! )
Sherry, you raise so many valuable and relevant points. I very much appreciate your introspection and insight.
Linda, you freakin' sweetheart -- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!! (Uh oh, speaking excitedly again! ) I am so sorry I am so late in responding to your plea for help -- and now it seems that you've ridden that cold and scary wave all the way to a place of newfound resolve and self-knowledge. I want you to remember -- just as I'm working to keep the memory alive in myself -- that you achieved your loss through your own hard work and diligence....noone else did it. It was YOU. And you are now who you were then -- noone came in the night and snatched the wise, strong successful Linda and replaced her with a defective one. You earned that loss by being then the person you ALLOWED yourself to be. You gave yourself permission to succeed. Keep looking within yourself at this Linda who is strong and achieves wondrous things -- and know that she is YOU and you are one and the same -- and try to remember that the reward -- that carrot which lies in the great unknown of virgin loss -- is one you've already earned. Please be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else on the planet, ok?
I'm thinking we ALL need a
Oh **** -- I think it might be time for a group hug here. C'mon, get over here, people......
Linda, I think we all get this way from time to time. I compare it to antibiotics. You know what I mean....the doctor prescribes one because we feel like crap and I'm betting I'm not the only one who does this....as soon as I start feeling better, I stop taking the meds (even though the bottle states to finish all this medication).
Yep... I can REALLY relate to this! It usually happens when I have lost about 40 pounds...
... My "plan" is to blog and post my way thought it this time and be UNDER 225 pounds by 12:01 on 1/1/2011
I totally understand. I too, have two selves battling right now, it's been going on for some time and I'm hoping everyday that it will end on the right side of things. I'm going to go read this whole thread now.
This post made me cry because I identified SO much. Especially the part about covering up with a blanket. I DO that. It can be balls hot, but I'll sit with a bag of chips wrapped up in a comforter so i don't have to LOOK at myself. It's sick.
Wow - Thanks for posting this - it must have taken alot of courage to write all your innermost feelings down. Thats a very important step right there. I agree that ANYONE who is overweight feels the same. I believe food is an addiction for people with weight problems, and it is an addiction you cannot go cold turkey on like alcohol or drugs. We have to eat to live, but what we don't have to do is Live to eat. That's the change we all have to make mentally. I have given up carbs- these make me crave the foods that made me fat in the first place. I am with the person who can't just have one cookie, or one chip. I'm better off not having them. I am retraining my brain to eat a plate of salad and revel in its colours and clean, enjoyable taste. I do not cheat- just one cheat might let me fall off the wagon. THIS TIME (the 3rd....) I will not give up. This time I will succeed. I never again want to cram my behind into an economy seat on a plane. I never again want to walk past a group of people and know they are saying mean things about me. I never again want food to control me.
This is a mental journey. We have to be strong, and have to understand what we want from it. If we fall off, we have to just climb back on again. There is a choice for me - remain fat, or get rid of the 100 or so pounds that have been stopping me live my life.
Whenever I feel like you, I come here. Sometimes I post, sometimes I lurk, but it really helps. Days where I haven't lost the weight I thought I deserved, I also come here- this is my chips, chocolate and cookie fix. Once I have read stories like yours, and so many others I stop wanting, and start looking forward to the future.
Together we can beat the food monster, beat our own demons (which in my case are huge )
Giving you lots of and lots of encouragement.
Sam
x
It's always interesting to read revived threads - the same issues seem to go round and round for us!
I do not have One Cookie (or One so many other carb/fat/sugar combinations) because one is never enough; I'm sure that's a physical response.
I don't usually have a "I've had One, I may as well have Ten" response. I do sometimes have a "I want it and I don't care" tantrum response ~ but not for the last 103 days. I'm sure that's a mental response.
Earlier in this current weightloss, I did experiment with having some trigger foods in and having Just One. I could hang on for a couple of days but then had to bin and bleach them.
I do get anxious, sometimes, that I'm all or nothing ~ currently "all", I'm glad to say ~ and that doesn't argue a healthy attitude to food, that's fear, mixed in with all that determination. When I get to goal/maintenance, my programme will include including the occasional trigger food and learning to deal with it (or not). Losing weight is hard enough, I can't do the "loving my triggers" thing at the same time.
Last edited by Rosinante; 09-04-2010 at 03:41 AM.
Reason: typo
I do get anxious, sometimes, that I'm all or nothing ~ currently "all", I'm glad to say ~ and that doesn't argue a healthy attitude to food, that's fear, mixed in with all that determination.
I know how you feel. I was there many, many times over the past year. Sadly, I've actually told myself "no" aloud a few times. At the moment, common sense is winning, and I'll exercise for 20 minutes. If I still genuinely want something to eat, I'll put something healthy in the oven and wait another 30 for it to finish.
)
) I am so sorry I am so late in responding to your plea for help -- and now it seems that you've ridden that cold and scary wave all the way to a place of newfound resolve and self-knowledge. 
I want you to remember -- just as I'm working to keep the memory alive in myself -- that you achieved your loss through your own hard work and diligence....noone else did it. It was YOU. And you are now who you were then -- noone came in the night and snatched the wise, strong successful Linda and replaced her with a defective one. You earned that loss by being then the person you ALLOWED yourself to be. You gave yourself permission to succeed. Keep looking within yourself at this Linda who is strong and achieves wondrous things -- and know that she is YOU and you are one and the same -- and try to remember that the reward -- that carrot which lies in the great unknown of virgin loss -- is one you've already earned. Please be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else on the planet, ok? 
C'mon, get over here, people...... 
)
