Has anyone else never been thin?
 

Hi everyone.

I'm struggling right now, because I'm lacking the will power to fight this stupid fight over and over.

I know that part of my problem is that I've never been thin. I think the last time I weighed the "normal" amount was when I was a toddler. I was one of the first real obese kids problem children. I was wearing 6x clothes at 4 years old (the kid's size, not the adult size. Hee!). I weighed 121 lbs in second grade. I was 232 in 8th grade.

I've never been thin. I don't know who that thin person is- if she's even in me. You know the old joke "There's a thin person inside me trying to get out?" Yeah....I don't know if she's there. I've been overweight for so long, it's just me. I don't have skinny pictures of myself to motivate me.

I don't know how it feels to be normal, to be thin. I don't *know* if it is really worth all the effort and will power and backbone. I'm tired of fighting it.

I have good reasons to lose weight- I do't want to be diabetic, or to have a stroke. But that kind of resolve doesn't last until dinner time most days!!

How to get over this? I would love to spend one week as a thin person to know that it would all be worth it, to really do the work. The Medifast ad at the top of the page is so tempting- it's a good thing I ca't afford $400 a mont for food.

Is anyone else in the same boat? How do you conquer this feeling?

Instead of wishing for thin, how about just healthier? I, like you, have never been "thin" or at the weight I want to be at. I was almost to my goal in 2001, and I kick myself everyday for not sticking with it and gaining back 120+ pounds. Remembering how good I felt physically and how much better I felt about how I looked even though I wasn't what I would define as thin makes me want to be back there again and make the positive changes necessary to never come back to this weight again. It is worth it. You're worth it! We're ALL worth the struggle!

I do want to be healthier. ;) It's the only real motivation I've had losing this weight. That's what I'm saying- I wish I had more motivation, and I was wondering what other people did who've never been thin/had that visual pay off.

Well, I was never thin. I weighed 217 at the age of 12. I am the thinnest I have ever been. The last time I saw this weight was the age of 10 1/2. The visual pay-off you get is seeing a slimmer you emerge gradually. You end up looking in the mirror more often and really feeling good about what you see.........your accomplishment. :)

Hi,

I hardly ever post, but I felt I had to reply. We started at right about the same weight and I have the same history. I can't remember ever being less than 286 because I've been that weight or higher since I graduated high school 13 years ago.

What I want to tell you is - DON'T give up. I wouldn't have believed how excited I get by feeling my bones! I actually have them under all the fat. :o And, that's just getting to 270! I am so looking forward to the day when I am at goal and have many more new bones to admire.

I understand where you are at - I was there just three months ago. But, it will be worth it. Keep going!

Lori

You know, I'm finding that I can't rely on motivation every day. Some days I just don't WANT to eat right. Many days I don't WANT to exercise.

I'm learning that this isn't about motivation alone. It's about commitment. I have made a commitment to a healthier life and that's why I eat well and exercise.

Think about all the other things you do, not because you're motivated, but because you "have" to. Most of us aren't motivated to go to work everyday, but we do it anyway.

Maybe the focus on motivation is a little overemphasized. As for "will power" that is coming with the commitment, and my decision the the food does not control ME... I control the food!

Well said Wyllenn!

~Dee

I'm struggling with getting momentum going enough to get started again. 2 years ago, I was 3 lbs from my ideal weight range. It was the thinnest I'd been in my entire teen-adult life. I felt like you did, "Maybe I'm just not a thin person, maybe I have big bones, maybe its genetics and I'm doomed anyway"-- All not true- I proved that to myself when I lost over 80 lbs and was thinner than my younger "skinny" sister. I felt amazing, on top of the world and PROMISED, that I'd never go fat again. I was wrong. I got pregnant and did really well for the first several months of my pregnancy then, I developed pre-eclampsia and had some other complications that I did not deal well with. I let the food comfort me and now I'm larger than I've ever been. I know now, that I can't use those thoughts to deter me from losing weight this time since I've already been thin.. I'ts mind trickery I tell you... Start off wanting to lose 20 lbs... Once you get on the one way street of weight loss--- you'll be amazed at what you can do.

Its hard to get started--- as I said, I'm struggling myself but I can a will do this and so can you!

Wyllenn ~ your new avatar pic is a nice one of you.

I've never been thin, except when I was 4-5. LOL. So now I don't even think about it. I just want to be healthy. I want to walk without getting tired. I want to have constant energy instead of feeling rundown. If "thin" happens as a side effect (which it will), then great! I'd love to know what it feels like.

But I really want to be normal. NOT the biggest person wherever I go. For instance, one day at work we had an activity day. We split up into teams and we each had color coded T-shirts. I couldn't fit the shirt (XL). I was the only one not wearing one. I draped it over my shoulder and still participated, but I'm sure the world knew why I wasn't wearing it. I want to be able to WEAR that t-shirt!

Oh Tiffany ~ I hate it at work ~ the T-shirt thing. They passed them out at work one day and we all had to have one ~ I had to ask for a bigger size. I hated that. They all can see that I am big, but then they knew exactly how big. I wanted to crawl in a hole.

Yup, I'm part of the fat kid to fat adult club. For me, it's all the more motivation, though: I missed out on doing a lot of normal kid and teenager things, I don't want to miss out on my 20s, 30s, etc.

The one problem with never having been thin is that being fat is often the biggest problem in my life. So I figure that once I'm thin, everything else will just fall into place. I associate all my little problems with my one big problem, because they've only ever existed while I've been fat! (Talk about screwy logic, eh? :dizzy:)

It's almost a mystery, I guess. I have no idea what I look like under this fat. But I sure am anxious to find out!

I'm another one who has never been thin. My lowest weight I remember is being 150 in the 6th grade. I wasn't obese, but I was certainly bigger than everyone else. You know, back when everyone was UNDER 100 pounds. Like sexyrevealed said, I was almost always the biggest person there at events and whatnot. I refuse to go to parties I'm invited to because of this reason. I know I won't magically be cured of all my insecurities by losing the weight, but it'll sure help.

Btw, we're both at the same weight. Almost identical start targets too, but my highest was 343. WOO @ us

Yupyup, you can add me to the list, too! The earliest weight I remember was when I was about 200 pounds in 7th grade. Before that, I don't know what the exact numbers were, but I do know that part of the reason I quit taking tap dance lessons when I was 9 was that I hated being so fat in a leotard. I have a picture of me from when I started my tap lessons at age 4, and I looked like I was a healthy weight then for a kid, but in all pictures after that (including my first-grade photo when I was 6), I'm quite obviously overweight.

So, for a long time, I blamed practically everything bad in life on my weight. I didn't have a boyfriend, couldn't get a good job, didn't get invoted to parties, you name it, I blamed my fat for it. But I was afraid to lose it. I was afraid that if I lost the fat, and things didn't get better in my life, then what would I have left to blame? Then I would have to take responsibility for the bad things happening, and who wants to face the reality that it's a personal issue and not a physical issue?

Well, now I'm still fat, but I've got a great job and a loving boyfriend and had a fabulous social life in college. I have a bachelor's degree and a very nice apartment filled with everything I need. I don't have much left to complain about, so I don't need to blame the fat for anything. I've taken responsibility for my life despite the fat, so I'm no longer afraid to lose it. I don't NEED it for anything anymore :^:

I'd like to see how I look when I'm thin. It's like unwrapping a present--as I'm losing weight, I see bits and pieces of it coming together (ooh, a collar bone--I didn't know I had those!). Now that I've started and taken off the bow, I need to get the rest of the paper ripped off! :p Maybe it won't be the most impressive gift when all is said and done, but I still don't think I will return or exchange it for anything else in the world ;)

That is EXACTLY how I felt when I was losing weight, since I had been overweight or obese my whole life! I'd lie in bed at night and 'discover' new bones and muscles - it was so cool! Collarbones, then ribs, then hipbones, and OMG - did you know you have butt bones? And they hurt when you sit on hard surfaces?? :dizzy:

The weirdest thing when you get done unwrapping the gift is that you might not recognize yourself anymore. Not just friends and family walking by you and not knowing who you are ... I mean YOU catching a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and not recognizing who it is. Or looking at a photo and not seeing yourself. You'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror - not as a vanity thing, but just trying to figure out who 'you' are. :crazy:

I weigh less now than I did in junior high school. Even if you've been heavy your whole life, you don't have to stay that way. :D

This is too funny. I just got an invitation to this year's activity day. June 27. I don't think I'll be able to fit into the XL shirt this year. Maybe I can request a 2X? LOL.

I have been thin. And I hate that I let myself get fat. I look at those pictures of myself and I remember what it felt like to be like that, and I'm mad at myself for coming here. It all happened so gradually. I didn't see it hitting me. Part of the reason it got so bad, I guess is that denial is so strong. Even now when I imagine myself, what I look like, I see that thin person I used to be. My body image is of myself in the kind of body I used to have. It is a distorted image, I really don't look that way any more.

Photos are the worst. You look at them and say "OMG is that ME?" You can't believe you look that bad. Your mind doesn't look in the mirror, it just remembers the mirror of old. Weird.

Part of the struggle to get back there is the fear that "What if I lose all the weight I need to lose and I still don't look like my mental image?" With myself that is a very real possibility. The last time I was that thin (as thin as the image in my head) I was 17. I'm 50 now. No way I'll look that good again.

A part of me hates it. Hates that I allowed so many years to go by as a fat person. Why didn't I take this weight off years ago and really enjoy my youth? Why put up with this much extra fat for so long? Why even now am I finding it so hard to take it off?

There are two sides of the street. Having a body image of yourself as fat and that is "who you are" and finding it hard to lose because of that. OR having an image of yourself as a thin person (although you aren't) and mentally denying that you need to lose weight. Either one is a distorted sense of reality. Actually seeing who and what we are, and actually knowing that we have the potential to be something better, and then making the commitment to make it happen.... Well that is the struggle we all have no matter whether we've ever been thin or not.

Thin Oh wow I dont think so the smallest I ever was when I became adult was a 16 and that was it back in high school I wasn't thin but, pettie and thats where i want to be at again. I don't see myself beening a size 2 or anything just long as I am health at a smaller size then what i am now that fits my height of 5'8 and my weight for 5'8 is to be 160 and thats it. I don't see myself been any smaller then that. A size 16 is good for me. I am ok with my 18 20's now mainly coming from a size 24-26 this feel better. But, don't see myself beening smaller then a 14. :) I am just beening realized.

At my lowest weight of 147, I suppose I was thin, but I never thought I was thin--ever.

I agree with Wyllenn that you cannot rely on motivation, willpower or even inspiration to help you lose weight. All that is helpful, but you just have to be committed to the process no matter what. You will have good days, and you will have bad days that can stretch into weeks. But if you commit to losing weight and persist, the good days will outnumber the bad and eventually your inner thin woman will show herself.

Too often, people have incredible expectations about how fast they want to lose weight (which makes those Medifast ads awfully attractive!). Don't do that to yourself. Make small changes that you can live with, then once you see some results, you'll want to make bigger changes.

Will it be worth it to be able to get up a set of stairs without your knees hurting or being out of breath? Will it be worth it to know that you can sit in any chair without breaking it? Will it be worth it to have people stare at you with admiration in their eyes and not disgust? I don't think you need skinny photos of yourself (and most people with weight to lose don't recognize themselves as ever being skinny in photos anyway) to help you figure out it will be worth it.

You can do this!!

I had never been thin before starting this. In fact, I was so convinced that I was genetically fat and destined never to be thin that I never even tried.

Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!!!

Even when I started losing weight, I didn't expect to get below a UK size 16 (US12) which is the size I remember being at school. I assumed that that was my natural size, and if I could get back there that would be as good as I could expect. When I got to size 16 I felt the thinnest I'd ever been (probably because I was ;) )

I'm now a UK 12/US 8. I still feel fat sometimes, but I realise that I'm not, although I could probably lose more weight, and suspect that I may well do once I get out of my honeymoon period where I'm just happy to be this weight without focussing on losing any more.

I've never been here before, and I never thought that I'd be able to make it. But you don't know unless you try, and the results may just surprise you!

<raises her hand>

Yep, I'm one of those that has NEVER been thin. Even out of the womb, I outweighed my twin sister by two ounces.

I cannot even begin to envision myself thin. ThinNER, maybe, but not thin. For me, if I get down to about a 14, I think that would make me happy. To be honest, I don't really want to be THIN. I rather like my curvy body--would just prefer a little less of it.

Me too... I was even a fat toddler. Mom and pop owned a mom n pop store and let me sit under the candy counter all day long. My babysitter was Baby Ruth... ;)

Wyellen is right, it's more than finding motivation it's finding dedication. Habit, persistence. Why do I go to work or school every day, unless I'm sick? 'Cos I have to. I'm not "motivated" to do it, I generally dislike it, but I just have to go, and so I do. By the way, follow Wyellen around a bit, she has some briliant posts....

Good luck and don't give up... we're here to talk anytime!

-lala

:wave: I've never been thin either. In pictures I can see that around age 5 I started getting "pudgy" and it just continued on from there. By 7 I was "fat".

I haven't been thin since I was a small child, and I don't have any concept of what it's like. I'm hoping to get there someday though. :)

Nope, never been thin. I think in high school I was 170lb. not that big but bigger than all the other girls. I did play sports but was always big. I never thought of using pictures for motivation. I have couple from highschool that I could use. It's funny, I always thought I was fat in high school but looking back now from this weight, i looked good! I'd like to be there again.

I feel that this that this can't all be done by motivation because we all lose motivation, it doesn't last long, same goes for will power. But I have a commitment to myself to be healhtier and to do that I need to lose a lot of weight and I need to exercise and eat right.

It so easy to look for the easy way out but I knew that if I wanted this to work, I had to be willing to put the time in and it's a slow process but I know that these little results I see now, like inches lost, breathing easier, walking farther and faster, I can see big results down the road and that's what keeps me going.

i wish you luck to accomplish your goals and find the resolve that will work for you.

I havent been thin since I was like 6 years old and now I'll be turning 40 in a few months. Yes, I can totally empathize with your feelings of not being sure if the work to lose weight is worth it when you have no idea what thin FEELS like. I also found Sherri's post interesting. From someone who has been thin and still thinks of herself that way. I just found it really interesting that it works both ways.

I had dropped a buttload (literally!) of weight in high school and at the time, I still felt I was way too big. In looking at those pictures now, how I WISH I still looked like that!

Hmmmm....
I went thru a "chubby phase" as a child...probably in the 3rd grade or so. Then I got very active in sports and just plain running around...(I was kind of a tomboy)....anyways..I thinned out again after the 3rd grade and stayed thin until the summer before 8th grade. I don't know if making the change from grade school to middle school did it to me or what....but I think I weighed 168 to 170 in 7th grade...(which was a lot for me back then..due to my height,etc.) Anyways....the summer before 8th grade, my cousin and I decided to diet. We were horrible and got into the binge and purge thing...uggghhhh.....yes..I was bulemic in the 8th grade...yikes!!!!!! Well....I got down to 125 or 130 and probably stayed between 130 to 145 all thru high school.....
Then came college....I was going to school about 200 miles from home. I lived in a studio apartment all by myself....no close friends or family. I must admit..I got bored and lonely..... My parents would give me money each week...needless to say...I spent it on food...and I mean a lot of food. I'd have no problem finishing off a medium pan pizza and a family thing of breadsticks...uggghhhh....it makes me sick thinking of all the food I ate there...geesh.

Anywho...it took awhile for it to catch up to me...and when it did...it really did!!!!!!! I gained 100 pounds in a year...it was horrible. Before I knew it...I was up to 255...ugghhhhhhhhhh. I know the away from home binge had a lot to do with it...but I would also be diagnosed with pcos a few years later....which may have contributed to the situation a little.

I am so glad to be on this road to a healthier me. I still look at pictures and can't believe what I did to myself. I notice too...my hair looks crappy in those highest weight pics, I don't have makeup on, etc...I just completely gave up on myself and my looks...which is not like me at all. I keep all those pics..although there aren't a lot of them......I never want to get back to that again...never.

Ok..that's kind of my little story....so in answering the question...yes..I have been thin...(although like many others...I never thought I was actually thin at the time).

hugs,
Liv

Ya know, I have always been fat, but I have still have "skinny" pictures to look back at.
I have looked at some high school pictures, and ones where I was around 250lbs, my jeans size was 40/36 (men's jeans fit better), I was active, and happy (and only needed to lose a few inches in the hips to be in a size 18)
I am 100lbs heavier, and looking at those pictures now, I think I must have been crazy for thinking I was fat, when I didn't look too bad - and I was happy!
I just want to be that way again.... I don't know if I will ever be "thin", but I know where I can be happy. (btw, I was a fat kid too, I weighed 230lbs in 8th grade as well).
If I were you, I would find those feelings again... at what weight would you be happiest and feel normal. I guess.... I don't know if that helps, but I certainly know where you are coming from.

Before school age days and maybe the beginning years, perhaps I wasn't overweight, but that changed. Really most of my life I have been though. So I don't know what it's like to be thin, so I'm on a mission to find out!

Apparently, my older sisters affectionately referred to me as "beach ball."

Honestly, the lowest I ever remember is 215 when I was maybe... 10.

Now I'm about 240 (Just guessing, refuse to get on scale currently) and 18.

Time to stop screwing around. I really don't want to be "the nice fat girl" in the dorm come September.

We can do it together... I'm going to prove that an "always fat" girl can be a svelte, healthy young woman.

I was thin once but it has been 34 years and I've really kind of forgotten what it was like. At the time I was such a self-absorbed, clueless teen, I guess I never really knew how good I had it. Now I'm trying to get to a place where I'm healthy and not in so much pain. As far as Medifast, they have a lot of onsite monthly specials and it really only runs about $300 per month, plus you can get some of their food on ebay occasionally. Remember, it replaces most of your food and it doesn't take very many pizzas, etc to get to $300/month. It is effective but you have to be very determined.

I've never been thin. Well maybe when I was 2, by 4 I was a fat kid and as a highschool sophmore weighed in at around 225-30. That summer I lost some weight and went down to around 198 and about a size 16. But after that, the weight came back on until I was 270 after college. So right now I dream about getting back to a regular size 16. I actually have a pair of jeans from the gap that is part of my mini goal. I just wish I knew if I was a regular 16 at 200 or a 16W, because the W is about one size bigger than the regular. I so wish to be "regular." I've never had big friends so my thin friends just don't understand why I strive to be normal/average/regular...like them.

I suppose I was a slender toddler and child, but when puberty hit it hit with a vengeance. By sixth grade I was chubby, and it's only gotten worse. I seem to remember being size 16-18 in high school, because I had to wear Bendover pants and I vaguely remember those numbers. I went from size 20-22 in college. I stayed there a while, but slowly crept up to 24-26 over the years. My wedding dress was a 28 (but it was sized small, so in retrospect I think it was about a 24-26). Size 28 was always my WOAH number. That and foot/knee pain made me stop and take stock and try this weight-loss thing again.

Fat from the get-go
 

Fat newborn, fat toddler and so on and so on and so... well, you get the picture. Turtle raises her hand, nope, never been thin. Never even been near thin. But despite my many attempts and falters, I've never entirely given up. And you shouldn't give up either. It's not the number of attempts, it's the number of times you keep getting up and trying again. C'mon. You can do this. Look at all these people behind you.:hug: