Oh Jessica, do I *ever* hear you.

Here's what I think:
You're still young, and that might feel like an excuse to "put it off until next year." But no one gets younger, and the older you get, the harder it's going to be to get into gear. I know some people have "that moment" where they say "okay, it's really time to buckle down," but recently when I stepped on the scale and "257" flashed up at me, my highest weight, all I could think of was "Where is that DAMN moment?" I guess it just doesn't happen for all of us, or we just have those moments every day so we get used to them and take them in stride. yikes.

About the psychologist,I think a few sessions might help. We all have deep seated reasons for gaining weight and not being able to lose it, and it might give you some insight (along with the behavior angle too). I would think of it as something for your physical and mental health rather than wasted money on weight loss.

I really feel for you. I liked what Jenaya said about taking some "you" time and thinking about what you really want. I second that. Also, you mentioned Cute Boyfriend's weight gain. Have you talked about it with him? it's always easier to have a teammate.. just look at howberly. :)

I'm pulling for you!

Jessica, (my daughter's name is Jessica by the way), I was almost at your weight two months ago. I was at 268.5 so just a tiny bit below. This is February. Just think about this. If you lose only 2 pounds a week for the rest of the year how much will you weigh by December?

There are 52 weeks in a year, this is only week 7 so 52-7=45 weeks left of this year. 45 times 2 is 90 pounds. Ok, maybe 10 of those weeks you won't lose 2 pounds. Maybe you won't lose any (and some weeks you may lose more). That is still 80 pounds you could be thinner by the end of the year. You could be in "Onederland" by December.

With some diets you might be there even sooner. I've lost 22 pounds since starting in Dec down to 246 (at my lowest a couple of days ago). I'm really hoping to lose 47 pounds by July and be in Onederland then. I have about 20 weeks to do it. At 2 pounds a week, that is 40 pounds, so I may have to hustle to get that extra 7 pounds in there. But I intend to be close!

Why not join me? I'm doing it a little at a time. I focus only on the next 3 or 4 pounds at any given time and when I reach that goal I celebrate! Then I move on and set my next goal. (I've hit 4 goals that way since the beginning of January, and I'm working on my fifth).

I'm doing it low carb, which is what I recommend for ANYONE with a lot of weight to lose. It is so much easier when you limit carbs. You can see the progress so rapidly that it inspires you to keep going. Sure it slows down a little like it does with all diets, but it picks up the pace again really quickly and even when you can't see the scale moving you can see progress in your measurements and size. I've dropped two clothing sizes and 36 inches. (Is that enough PASSION?)!!!

Originally Posted by Goddess Jessica:
Okay, I'm getting to the giving up point. I guess I really didn't realize it until lately when the thought crossed my mind, "Well, there's always NEXT year..." WTF? (Excuse my acronym). Next year? How can I be giving up already? It's only February!

I wish I could say, "I really want this..." But really I feel like, "I really NEED this but I'm tired of wanting it." I recently found a 2004 calendar where I had scratched my weight in over the course of a year and I lost and gained 20 pounds. It really hurt to see that. I'm nearing my highest weight at an alarming speed.

I don't know what to do. It's not like I don't feel terrible, I do! It's not like I'm not uncomfortable, I am! But I really am LOST in the motivation area and each day, I feel worse and worse. I can see the Cute Boyfriend getting worse and worse too - he's gained so much weight.

Part of me thinks, "You need to see a behavior psychologist." Part of me thinks, "Spending money hasn't solved your problems so far."

I don't mean to whine but holy crap, I'm started to feel like I'm in a dark place. Any advice?:(

Don't give up!

I have been lurking and watching everyone's success and feeling like this lost sheep as well. I have little desire to get up off the couch and get moving but with everyday the year slips away a little more. It's such a hard thing to get moving. My big exercise recently has been walking to the BAKERY.....yeah how sick is that??? Of course I justify it with the fact I am buying whole wheat bread.

The point is I know somewhere inside there is a small desire or I would not even post or read about others here. So I feel like one day it will just ignite and get me on the way. I have tried several different things recently to get me going but the point is I am still trying.

Don't give up...do something small everyday towards weight loss and eventually it will accumulate into something bigger. :hug:

This thread was the key for my ignition. Seeing these posts today made me realise how much we are all in this together. I had something click in my brain.

You girls and guys rock!!!

"ditto"

You are not alone, I am in the exact same boat. :hug:

Ugh, me too.... and it's *awful* I've got a bad cold today so I'm going to take it easy, but tomorrow I'm going to have a "perfect" day and I invite all of you who feel this way to join me.

Originally Posted by Goddess Jessica:
I don't know what to do. It's not like I don't feel terrible, I do! It's not like I'm not uncomfortable, I am! But I really am LOST in the motivation area and each day, I feel worse and worse. I can see the Cute Boyfriend getting worse and worse too - he's gained so much weight.

Part of me thinks, "You need to see a behavior psychologist." Part of me thinks, "Spending money hasn't solved your problems so far."

I don't mean to whine but holy crap, I'm started to feel like I'm in a dark place. Any advice?:(

I've gained and lost a lot of weight over the years. This past effort has been slow going but feels more solid for me, and is really incorporating a bunch of stuff I've learned over the years about losing weight. I'm always learning more, about myself, eating, exercise, nutrition.

Maybe one step you can take now is to make a list of what's worked for you in the past and what hasn't. For me, this time around I've been making a much bigger effort to build up how much exercise I do. It helps me keep my eating in check, lifts my spirits, and makes me feel healthier. I give myself a meal off once a week, probably more like a meal and a snack, so that I can't satisfy any cravings I have.

I'm definitely a small steps person, changing my lifestyle by small steps. I've seen plenty of people do total turn arounds with their eating and exercise habits and have great success. That didn't really work for me.

It's such a different experience for everyone, that I think part of it is really taking a personal inventory, not just once, but as often as is needed, at least that's been my experience.

If you feel like you need to see a psychologist, then you should try it. If it doesn't help, you don't have to keep doing it. Or you can search for a better one.

When it comes to lifestyle changes I'm not a big believer in motivation. Being gung ho never lasts long for me. I work more on setting up behavior patterns that I can successfully stick to over time.

Hope that helps you. Hang in there.

A long time responding
 

Sorry it took a long time responding. It was from lack of reading the responses, more of the need to digest those comments.

coley144 - I will definitely PM you. It's always nice to see someone at a similar weight, if only because we're in the same boat.

Marianna - Glad to see someone else tried the psychological approach. I will check out the book. Great suggestion!

(f)x - Gosh, your post made a lot of sense. I am always in a hurry. I mean, it's no wonder - I work full-time, go to school full-time and have a life outside of those two things. :) I notice that I wolf down my food now and I am done MUCH faster than my body has time to react.

boiaby - I like the idea of not waiting around to "feel it." I use the same approach to writing. I don't have to "feel" a story before I sit down and put words to paper. It's interesting that I didn't connect the two.

ChocLabLover - Thanks for the words of support. Good to know that others go through the ups and downs.

Jenaya - Yes, your post helped me. :) Seeing another thread from another old timer here made me think, "Wow - I'm not alone." And I love your keys to sucess. I'm going to write them 50 times like they made me do in Catholic school. ;)

Lucky - It's excellent to see your progress and good to know this doesn't just disappear as the weight goes. :)

Living Water - I love the rebellion with giving up in February. That made me laugh and I have that rebellious streak too. lol.

DeafinlySmart - The problem is that I'm struggling with all of it right now. Total crash. System blue screen. The food, the exercise, even thinking about it makes my eyes glaze over. I need... a reboot. :)

activeadventurer - Yes, I have to agree with you, not gaining is a heck of a lot better than the alternative. You have a great perspective. It is more than a pounds process. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Monkeybabies - Argh! The epiphany moment. I have heard so many shows and books (etc) talk about this moment. But what happens when this moment fades? I'm chucking epiphany moments out the window.

72Butterfly - The linebacker comment made me laugh.

Sabriena - I hope you buy that treadmill! You deserve it.

djs06 - Yep, the young thing so helps but if I think about it, I've been saying that since I was 16! Yes, i have talked to the Cute Boyfriend but his motivation is worse than mine. I do think that if the house started to change, he would too. That is a good thing to focus on.

SherryA - You gave your daughter a great name! ;) Thanks for the math. It was actually pretty inspiring to think about it. I enjoyed low-carb and I was gung ho about Sonoma earlier this year. Thanks for the great thoughts.

Dolly - LOL! I love that you walked to the bakery. Love it! Little bits do add up and small change is big in the long run.

JacobsMommy - Soul sista, I wish it wasn't this way for us.

Apryl - Feel better chica and this is your kick in the butt to do it now! Before you're old and 30 (like me! - ok, 29!)

dragonwoman64 - You're such an inspiration. Solid weight loss, no matter how slow, is still loss. You are SOOOO right. Motivation comes and goes. Being gung ho might work but it hasn't in the past. I need to stick to behavior patterns. I'm going to try it.

So what's new with me? Nothing. Yet. But I promise, I'm not hopeless. I think I need a change in behavior. And I need baby steps to get me there. So, starting today, there are three things that I'm going to change:

* I'm getting back on the treadmill. 30 minutes everyday.
* I'm going to journal. My food and my feelings when I eat. A known enemy is better than an unknown enemy. Bad eating habits are there, I just haven't had the guts to figure them out.
* Grocery shop. I know this sounds funny but I haven't been to the grocery store in.... a month?

Jessica..did you ever get that super awesome treadmill you ordered?

Just wondering as I stare at mine and it gives me dirty looks :lol:

:hug:
Linda

Jessica,

You are SO not alone. I struggle with this too, pretty much every day.

This I think is the best thread I have read here in my years on here... thank you for having the honesty to post! :hug:

I have bounced around on the scale for several years:
2001: 156 to 170
2002: 185
2003: 201
2004: 216
2005: 220
2006: 228

My low in 2001 was a fleeting wonderful thing that I didn't hold onto. :(

But I am still busting my (large) butt to get the extra weight off.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely have my days where I'm thinking of giving up too. I've read that 'dieting' just makes people fatter. This a very hard to resist suggestion, as I can use it to justify all my bingeing and drinking. In my heart, I know that NOT DIETING makes me fatter. When I diet, I lose weight. When I do not, I gain. Very simple. :idea:

Edited to add: But I am intrigued by the idea of Intuitive Eating. This makes sense to me on a very deep level. I am learning more about it... and I have to say, I wonder about my cyclical dieting over the years on various programs, from Weight Watchers to Atkins, and how I regained plus some EVERY SINGLE TIME. Very interesting stuff.

I am not like the typical, say, French woman who can delicately eat her croissant and morning espresso, and later have red wine with her tasty full-fat dinner... and control my portions of that stuff. (Maybe I have not yet learned to do so?)

I've found there is so much junk in my head that it's a wonder I got down to 156 in 2001!

I'm seeing a licensed social worker these days who specializes in eating disorders and addictions. It is not easy work but I am learning and discovering some good stuff. :mag: :write: This is covering not only why I binge and drink, but what else to do instead :) The why's can only get you so far, IMHO. A plan is necessary to provide healthy outlets when the old urges strike, which they will... and have for me!

Some of the instead's I have gotten are: listen to music to and from work, and at home; take a hot bath or a shower; exercise, even a brief walk outdoors; read; draw or paint; write out free-form what's in your head, no editing, just get it out on paper as a form of release; call friends or family and kvetch as needed; take a nap....

I know binge triggers for me are: being cold, being tired, being overhungry, being bored or stressed or sad. I'm not saying you necessarily binge but I know for me, there are simple situations that make me toss diets right out the window ;) Being on top of that can at least lessen the damage done :)

When I first sought therapy in Oct. 2005, man, was I a wreck! I was terrified, sweating, blood pressure through the roof in that appointment with my doctor! To have to admit I had some serious problems, including mental struggles, was the hardest thing I have ever done... seriously. And I've had some scary moments in my life that included a false positive for AIDS.

So... I recommend seeing that therapist. If you don't click with her or him, try another :)

I think for most of us, we don't get to be very heavy by just overeating good tasting meals. There is some mental wackiness at work. It has to be worked on too, just like adding in the typical cardio and switching to healthier foods and less of them.

The focus on our weights can be tiring, I know! It would be so easy to say "screw it" and eat whatever!

I've had those moments too where I looked through old records, and saw that I lost and regained the same chunk of weight over and over. I finally threw out my old WW books because it was too frigging sad to look at the money I spent and the pounds I lost overall being regained.

I just hit my highest weight in January, at 228. It was AWFUL. I've said before "I'll never go over 165 again." Or then 180. Then 200. Then 210.

What I need to focus on is:
-How do I feel being fat?
-How is my health?
-How is my self-esteem?
-What is my everyday life like?

Comparing all these things to how I felt in the 150s... well, it was 5 years ago, but heck yeah, that was a GREAT time! I was wearing a 8/10, I was free to sprint up stairs, I could see my feet and I even got pedicures to encourage myself to appreciate that sight! :lol: My thighs did not rub together when I walked! (Hosannas are sung!) I was not horrified by the sight of my arms in a sleeveless top, and my arms actually got tanned for the first time in many years ;)

Life was good.

Life is not good at 228 pounds.

I huff and puff going up stairs. Bending down to get something off the floor, or getting myself off the floor, is like an Olympic event. I have to pull on my jeans leg to get my foot where I need it to put on a sock. I'm developing a sick fondness for velvet stretch pants and wearing them to work on my "fat days" when my jeans are too tight. Which is, um, often. I can feel the fat under my jaw when I look down.

Thinking about going to a friend's May wedding in a size 20 dress makes me very anxious ;) NO WAY!

We have to keep trying. Life is short. We can either spend it fat and hitting the high points of our day by eating fatty foods... or we can spend it in soul-enriching fun things with a body that can obey our whims.

We don't need to like dieting. We might hate it some days. But we need to get it done for our health.

Sometimes getting that ball rolling STINKS. It goes against our pleasure-loving selves to deprive ourselves of our favorite foods and drinks - at least in huge amounts ;) But the payoff is so worth it. There may be many ways to go about this: simple calorie restriction; switching to lower fat foods and bulking up on healthier foods like fruits, vegs, multigrains; food logs; low-carb; low-sugar; Intuitive Eating; gradual pushing into exercise, cardio, strength and flexibility work.

Losing weight, or better, Gaining Health, is very individual I think. What works for me may not work for another... but I think it's important to keep trying. Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself. It should not feel like a punishment but instead self-care.

Like the saying goes, a long journey begins with a single step.

Just keep on making that single step... and you will get there. :running:

Hi GJ, sorry I'm late to chime in. I lost my motivation for a while and I never did get it back the way I had it in the beginning. Now I'm just determined to do it. I can't have the same motivation for the rest of my life, and that's how long I figure I'll be on this journey. I'm just determined to do whatever it takes to get this weight off and keep it off forever.

:hug:

~Dee

It's so good to know I'm not the only one dealing with these issues. I've been so inspired by the success stories I've read here but I always wonder if that can ever be me. One of my major difficulties has been once you know all of your issues and why you eat, then what? I've spent time in therapy, which really unlocked several doors for me. But how do I move on from that to changing my life? Abuse, abandonment, and security are my primary issues and I numb myself with food. Quite frankly I've talked about my issues ad nauseum and I'm ready to let go and move on I'm just not sure how do it and be consistent.

Lola,

I think it begins with forgiveness. Forgiveness is a funny word. It doesn't always mean what it seems to mean. Sometimes it is just a letting go. Letting your hurts and your pains and your feeling of self hatred and unworthiness go. Giving yourself permission to stop thinking about all those issues. Believing that what ever you have done in your life, you did the best you could, the best you knew how, you survived in spite of it all, and that your survival was a good thing.

When you hate yourself and blame yourself and tell yourself that people have hurt you and you were in some irrational way to blame for it all, then you feel the need to punish yourself.

Throw it all in the trash. Think back to your life, to every thing you have done or said or felt or believed and forgive yourself. Every mistake you made, think about for a second and then say "I forgive you". Give it up, give it away. Forgive yourself and others.

Then move on. It is amazing how freeing forgiveness can be. Not just forgiving others but forgiving oneself.

Then it comes down to saying to yourself "I deserve to be happy." I've forgiven myself for my mistakes. I've forgiven others for the things they have done to me and I am over it. I deserve to be happy for whatever time is left to me on this planet.

Then you disconnect the future from the past. You stop reliving old hurts and sorrows, stop replaying that old broken record in your head. Think about what you want for the rest of your life. Do you want to continue at this weight? Can you be happy at this weight? Today is the first day. A new day. Anything can happen between now and the rest of your life, you can move forward with freedom. You don't have to let the events of the past continue to haunt you. They are over, they are done. Resolve to love yourself right now unconditionally exactly as you are. Once you love YOU, then you can make choices that are good for you.

Stuffing food is just stuffing pain down. Give up the pain. Leave it alone, let it go, stop replaying the tapes of the past and start fresh and new with love for yourself and forgiveness in your heart and move forward into the future. A bright gleaming future that can give you everything you want, and everything you ask for. Then all you have to do is ask for it. If you want to be thin, you know what it takes. ASK yourself for it, and then GIVE yourself that gift. You deserve it.

Does it help? Who knows? Only if you can do it.

Sarah, I loved your post.

Lola, I think the answer for me was just working on it one step at a time. Like Sarah was saying, she figures out her triggers (stress, cold, etc) then substitutes the behavior. Like when I'm upset by someting connected with my job, instead of eating chocolate I vent to my bf. Exercising is a huge release for me. My mood can completely turn around after 1/2 hour on the treadmill.

Hey Linda - Yes, I do have my treadmill. The first week was great. Then, this break of depression. Now, I'm back on. I love it. I'm suprised how easy it is to jump on it and squeeze in a workout gotta love that!

Sarah - Thanks for your post. Wow, it was really great. Especially the part about putting on your socks. I thought I was the only one! :)