I don't know about anyone else but I think about the fact that I am overweight constantly. I wake up in the morning and I think about it immediately. Especially if I oversleep and don't make it to the gym in the morning. I go to bed thinking about it and how I am going to do better the next day. The cycle continues... some days I do exercise and eat pretty well. Other days forget it! As I get closer and closer to my goal date (okay it's still about a year and a half away but c'mon almost 150 pounds by then... not going to happen!) I start to realize something. Why? Why a goal date? Why a goal weight? *It's good to know where you'd like to be but it's not like you can stop at that weight and go back to how things are now - hardly exercising, eating what you want* Losing weight isn't some magical cure for all of our problems. Why obsess? I feel like it should be simple... I know what I have to do so I should just do it. I must like to obsess about it! But, I don't. I mean really, who wants to obsess about their weight or anything else? We all have something that stresses us out and we obsess about it. Life doesn't have to be THIS hard. I think if I ask myself WHY more often before I do or don't do something crazy and if I can make a immediate decision, there shouldn't be a problem.

The facts are...

* I don't want to be overweight anymore so I have to do something about it or shut up!
* I don't want to obsess about things anymore so I have to either do something about the problems I obsess about or accept that they are there and shut up!

If I keep obsessing and stressing out and feeling negative about EVERYTHING no matter how much weight I lose I am going to be unhappy and die from stress instead of being fat. So, no more!

I am going to make this change. No MAJOR time limits. *Sure my 25th birthday would be dreamy but if not OH WELL!* No MAJOR total weight loss goal. *Okay so I am sticking with 145 but I think my body will get to the weight it needs to be and stay there - regardless if it's more of less than 145* Most important NO MORE BEATING MYSELF UP OVER EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE... WEIGHT RELATED OR OTHERWISE!

Thank you for reading. Have a marvelous day!

Sarah,

I think that is awesome way to approach things! I think part of the issue is that on a daily basis we are bombarded by images of what the perfect body should be and what a person should look like. It is in the tv, movies, magazines, etc. You are right, life should not be this hard. To avoid obsessing with dates, I have not set up any kind of timeline of when I want to lose all my weight, because I really truly believe I am setting myself up for failure. Do not get me wrong, it is great to have goals, but for me time goals do not work for me, as I have found out painfully over time. I do set up goals, but more of something to work towards. Sometimes it is hard to avoid the negative thinking, but it passes with time.

Choc is right...sometimes setting up deadlines can be a hurtful thing. As you can see by my ticker, I missed my Halloween goal timewise. But I do know I WILL get below 300. In fact, I believe it will be this week.

I guess the main thing is...be flexible. If you don't get to where you want to be in a certain time length, just be thankful for the progress you HAVE made.

Keep working at it--you'll get there, just like I will!

Sarah,

I am glad to hear you talking like this. I went through a recent health scare and one of the things it taught me was that I am not very kind to my body. I am always complaining it is too fat, too old, too tired... instead of noticing all of the wonderful things it does for me every day. Breaths, repairs, regulates, flows... I took my weight tickers off at that time and found when I focused on behaviours, mostly exercise, I felt and did much better. Now I find I am having problems because I fear success (I recently crossed a 00 mark). Oh well. I wish you the best. DM

I think that is a wonderful way to look at things Sarah. While I'd love to be at goal (or below ) for my wedding next year, I think losing the weight and getting healthy is what is important. Our bodies may not let us all get to our "ultimate goals", at least not healthily anyway. Not everyone is meant to be a size 1 or 110 lbs. But some people are. We can only do what is best for our bodies and our well-being. And whether that means being a size 1 or a 12, being 110 or 180...we need to stop beating ourselves up over "ideals". I'm not nagging, because I do the same things.

I've been back and forth with myself about setting timelines and trying to figure out if I wanted to do it or not. I have a goal for my graduation date but I am not severely trying to achieve it at all costs, actually, once I lose two more lbs I'm changing my mini-goal to 10 lb increments for however long it takes.

Some good realizations going on, Sarah. If you do all the things that you know you need to do, then your body will respond accordingly. It may not be as fast as we want, or even the way that we want (e.g., not showing at the scale, but showing up in different clothes sizes), but it will happen.

I had a goal to lose 100 lbs. in one year. I've now hit the three-year mark, and although I've sustained an 80 lb. loss, those last 20 lbs. are stubborn. So, I, too, quit trying to lose by a certain time, and I've also quit relying so heavily on the scale. It will happen someday, and until then, I can feel darn successful that I've managed to maintain for a year now.

IMO obsessing over weight loss only makes it more difficult, almost a mind over matter situation. I was struggling a few months ago - weight loss was slow, I was having trouble staying motivated, all the things that happen everybody at some point or another. I finally reached a point that I didn't feel like I was going to be able to lose anymore regardless of what I did. So, I decided to maintain for a while and try to regroup. The first couple of weeks were an adjustment period because I still wanted to see a loss when I stepped on the scale. I just couldn't get used to the idea that my goal was for the scale NOT to move. About the third week it hit. I'd bought some new clothes and was starting to feel really comfortable where I was and had become more than just content. I was pretty happy right where I was. I was actually glad to see the same number every day. What do you know? As soon as I let down my guard my weight started to drop and I actually couldn't stop it! I'm not talking a lot of pounds every week or anything but, steady weight loss nonetheless. I actually had to regroup again and try to decide whether to go with it or up my calories a bit in an effort to stay at my current weight.

Nobody will ever convince me that it wasn't due to the fact that I had freed myself from the emotional and mental drive (obsession) to lose weight. I think our bodies fight us every step of the way if we don't relax and let it do what bodies do. They are complicated machines, after all.

So, I agree that setting time goals are too much stress. I don't think there is anything wrong with having an idea about when you might expect to be at goal but flexibility is key. As for setting a goal weight, well, that is another one that I think has to be played by ear. I know my goal weight has changed about 5 times in the past 9 months!

Hey! Sounds like you are really on a great track! I'm an obsessor too so I understand. I can totally relate to thinking about my body all the time, thinking about food all the time, obsessing over it...

I've gotten a lot better about it this time around and I don't beat myself up if I have a bad day (or two ) - but I still think about it too much. I'm in a "maintain" phase right now too. I've been eating too many calories (in the low 2,000s) but still eating well. I've been having trouble staying motivated - so I decided to just go with the flow right now and focus on not gaining! I'll get there again where I'm ready to really work at losing...in the meantime, I'm just hanging out, trying to be good to myself.

You have a great attitude! I think it really helps when you can finally get to that "A HA" moment and work on changing your thinking. :hugs:

I don' t know if I'm one to give any advice. But don't expect too much at first. Don't drastically change your diet and do everything gung ho. Its important to make small changes. I think ideally changing your calorie intake is the best step. This way you can have that cake that or chips or whatever but you have to count the calories. Eventually when the weight is falling off you will want to make the big change.
I started not wanting to make any big changes - this I would be setting myself up to fail on. I started out eating waffles for breakfast and my normal dinners but watched portions. Then I switched to nutrigrain. This board has helped me find alternatives to breakfast and I keep tweaking until I find what works.
I started out saying 30 lbs. 30 lbs because Kirstie Alley said the energy from losing 30 lbs was amazing. I have been so tired for years! I want to feel energetic again. I don't know where I'm going to end up. I want to lose the first 30 and I promised myself not to quit before 6 months. Today I realized realistically I can lose 50 by feb 20 which is the 6 month point. Thats as far as I can go. I just made the second goal this a.m. when my old pants where so loose my husbands mouth just fell open and I got a big 'wow!' and it just felt nice to feel so good and then he noticed too!.
start with a little changes and don't get to down on yourself. One meal at a time, one day at a time. If you eat bad one day start the very next meal. Or write down all the calories so you are aware of what you ate!
You've gotten lots of great advice from some very smart 'losers'

Hi Sarah,
I tend to be like that too - obsess over everything. I really try to focus on all the positive things that I've been experiencing but it's usually only after I've beaten myself up because I haven't lost as much as I though in a particular week or some of my goal clothes is still fitting the same as the last time I tried them on. I'll spend the whole week waiting for Monday morning to roll around so I can step on my scale and see how the week went, instead of being proud that I ate on plan and exercised everyday. I don't think it's necessarily a horrible way to be but we just have to remember that there are other ways to measure out successes. It sounds like you've made the leap in cutting out your time frames, it should really help you in focusing on the positive instead of just reaching a certain number in a certain time frame. Good for you!

~Dee

How true is that?! I have been fighting loss of motivation for about 6 weeks, and the weight was slowly creeping back up, not in leaps and bounds mind you, but it was still creeping back. Finally, I had a good loss last week (here's to see it continuing ). I think my body was comfortable at a certain weight, and it was battle to get below the line. I think sometimes we just have to grit and bear it, and push through to get to the other side.