Alright, Gretchengirl, my old friend -- it's you and me, babe. I didn't have a baby, and sure as heck don't have the time constraints you do with a new baby in the house -- but in some other ways we've shared a similar experience.
We were both doing beautifully last year -- we were virtually unstoppable. Remember our phone conversations about how we were doing and how determined we were? Then you had to go get yourself pregnant
-- and I went and got myself cancer. These are the days of our lives
.....it all goes into that "Life Happens" category, you know?
Well now here you are back where you started and struggling to find your mojo in the midst of all that you've got going on.....and I'm not quite back where I started, but I DID regain during chemo (I used to say about the steroids, "I'll kick your *** and THEN I'll take your food!"
) and I am STILL not exercising regularly or making responsible food choices consistently -- and I'm looking around for MY mojo in the midst of struggling with a lingering premature (chemo-induced) menopause, diminished energy (they say it'll be a year) and Lorraine's struggle with Lyme Disease -- all while I'm working full time, too, with my own commute from ****. It's all just a freaking LOT, isn't it, Gretchen???
So here's my proposition: We have a quick daily check-in with one another by phone during our commutes or whatever. Together we can formulate our plans [and it doesn't have to be all or nothing, Gretchen, REMEMBER that!!!] and check in with one another on how we're doing in meeting our commitments to ourselves. Maybe we don't check in on both weekend days, or maybe we do....whatever. We can talk about that.
I do know that while I just don't feel the passion I once did, I'm no less frustrated than you with my regression and regain. You know it's all a head thing -- you know that more than a lot of folks out there. My heart broke a little reading about your shame and diminished self-esteem.
I can relate though -- I'm going through some of the same stuff -- although in some respects going through advanced cancer and hard-core chemo pushed me over a little on the "what the ****, it's my life, screw 'em" side.
If it's any comfort to you, imagine having
inch-long hair along with the returning extra chins!!!
It's just a sad, sad, sad thing.... But life is just too, too short, and too much of a gift to squander with regrets and "if only's." You know? I think we both just need to start living the lives we feel we deserve TODAY -- and that means making the choices that we're proud of. Easier said than done, I know -- I'm right there with you, sister. But maybe we can help one another to remember our capabilities and priorities.
So I offer myself to you and hope you'll accept -- I think it would really help both of us. And if you don't feel like at this point a daily check-in is the right thing at the right time, NO WORRIES! Whatever you need, I'm here for you. I just dug out your 821 number, and I'm going to call you on my way home from work tonight. I'll also PM you my numbers and home and work email addies, so you can contact me as well whenever you get a moment to breathe.
Just know you're not alone, and that things absolutely will improve for you once you start to take some positive steps and see the first little bit of loss. (I'm saying that as much for my own benefit as for yours!
)
Hey, and good luck with that job as well!!! Sounds like you're doing GREAT with it, so keep the faith, girlfriend!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.