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Eliegirl2PMA 10-19-2005 09:08 AM

Husband problems
Hi everyone,

I am so depressed. My husband usually does the shopping lately and making the coffee in the morning due to my stupid leg which is still in severe pain (i have an orthopedic appointment on November 15th thank goodness) Anyway the pain is so bad its incapacitating and its upsetting because i want to exercise while dieting and this is really slowing me down.

Anyway I get up and he says there is no coffee when i ask for a cup, he said he didn't realize there was no coffee, i asked him who is the one that has been making coffee since my knee pain started, he said it was him, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. wouldn't he have known we were running low (hello anyone home in that brain LOL) so if i don't have my coffee right a way i am a witch and especially since being on this diet its even worse because that is the only thing i really enjoy in my life is MY COFFEE, can't smoke (don't want to anyway), can't eat all the foods i love, can't have alcohol at the moment (no big deal anyway) but the point is i am missing out on a lot while he has pizza, i am sure he got himself a cup of coffee somewhere this morning, and all the fun stuff i miss out on.

Now when he said there was no coffee i said forget it, just bring some coffee back and make one then or bring some coffee in a can back and buy me a ready made one from Dunkin donuts to hold me off. I was very surprised i was calm!!!! LOL first time for everything right?

Well he comes to pick up my daughter and now this time she didn't do nothing to him, she was brushing her teeth and he needed the bathroom, fine she gave him the bathroom but she was running extremely late and came to me, it was 7:30 and first bell at her school is 7:35 (she is a senior) so i decided to take her but i had to move his car out of the way, Marissa made the mistake of opening his door and all his newspapers and takes my 11 month old with him and she loves this only until the real cold sets in and then she stays with me). Anyway matt comes out screaming at me and my daughter, "what the f..... are you doing" and he screams to her about screwing up his papers, she said she didn't mean it she wanted to get to school and he screamed some more and then he got me upset and i said some nasty things, he said he was quitting all his jobs (one full time job, then the newspapers and then he works at a pizza place temporarily), i said FINE go ahead, i no longer care.

Now i was fine even without my coffee until he started screaming at marissa for something so small. After our last fight we decided to not jump on anyone for something that really is small, so what, all she did was open his door and she didn't realize that the papers were leaning up against the door.

He turns around and said something nasty to marissa and i assume it was, as she busted out crying saying she hated him and he was a lousy stepfather, here i was with my jaw hanging open and my little 11 month old just sleeping away through the whole thing, i ended up bursting into tears.

Now normally without my coffee i usually aggravate but today i was proud of myself, I still yet haven't had my coffee and really i could care less. I just want to go back to bed and not bother anymore. I had to force myself to go and try to get marissa to school and all this isn't laziness, i had to stop taking her and stop doing my morning things due to the knee pain which is so incapacitating and very depressing. Maybe he feels i am lazy, I AM NOT!!!! it hurts like you know what and it feels like someone is ripping me open with a knife, sighhhhhh

anyway that's my story, i don't think we both did anything to deserve this and i stuck up for my daughter because i know damn well if i were to open that door and the papers fell out, he would say "that's ok hon, you didn't mean it" but he ripped my daughter into shreds. I really understand why i overate and blew up to the size i am. I am not happy and so i run for food. My husband gets this way at times and sometimes marissa can aggravate him but she did nothing today, all she wanted was to get to school on time, they had a test first period and thats understandable.

Oh well sorry so long... off to bed i guess, i have a weigh in today (my second one) but i really don't even care about that at the moment, all i want is to go sleep

goalnorolls 10-19-2005 09:17 AM

Sounds like a lot of seperate issues going on but you also have a lot of stress in your life.
I am in the same situation with a baby and an older child with a stepfather, so I know how different it can be for one compared to the other. It makes me angry when my husband yells at my older son for things I know he will never yell at the baby (when he's older) for doing.

Hang in there and I think you did the right thing by sticking up for your daughter! I'm not trying to stick up for dh, trust me, but you are 'sick' and he's picking up the slack so he's feeling the stress too. And you are feeling stress for not being able to do what you want to do and being in pain and tired.

I hope you get you coffee and I hope you feel better !!!

Eliegirl2PMA 10-19-2005 10:57 AM

Yea i know he is under a lot of stress but i am just very very hurt after seeing how marissa looked at me like "here we go again". He even turned around screaming at me he was going to work 24-7 to get away from me and marissa, i was like fine but one thing i reminded him about, his biological daughter who is stuck in an institution for behavioral problems and she is 2 hours away from us and if he works saturday we can't see her because i can't drive that far, i get lost so easily.

I am just plain hurt and tired. I know he is under stress but to fight dirty isn't going to make him feel better, well it might but then it hurts the rest of us. He has done this on and off even when not put under pressure, this is why i divorced him 14 years ago, he treated marissa like she didn't exist and i wouldn't tolerate that and he seems to still have resentment with her for some reason.

I understand what you are saying though but i still feel so hurt all the same. Ok i better force myself to this weigh in, probably isnt going to be worth it but i have to get used to not relying on the scale to much.

Yogini 10-19-2005 11:04 AM

Wow. You have a lot of issues going on at once and communication and resentment seem to be the biggest ones. Have you tried family and individual counseling? There are places that offer sliding-scale fees, or you could try looking into a faith-based counselor, if you have a religion you resonate with. Best of luck.

Eliegirl2PMA 10-19-2005 02:08 PM

Hi there,

Yea we have a lot of issues and i have tried counseling but my husband manages to find his way out of it. We are in between counselors at the moment as he keeps rescheduling as it is never a good time, i show up but he doesn't. Oh well.

I just got back from my second weigh in LOL what a joke i gained 4 oz. My consultant comes to me saying "what did you do", i was like "why do you assume it is me that did something wrong????" LOL after the fight i had this morning i was not going to let my consultant walk all over me. I told her i did everything i should have except my knee is severely painful limiting me in exercise at the momen, then i told her i was due for my period next week and she breathed a sigh of relief LOL. I told her the attitude i got from her was uncalled for and to never assume i cheated, if i cheated i would account for it as i am a big girl and i am paying them money weekly so duhhhhh if i cheated i would account for it which i never did cheat.

Anyway i am not upset over my weigh in just the way my consultant acted. I am going to just keep on doing what i am doing and that's that.

As far as hubby is concerned, we are staying out of each others way for now until we both cool off and i already tried calling a new counselor, i got an appointment but i am not sure if matt will attend. We are running out of counselors as they want committment in therapy not go once here and once there.

Ok that's enough for now i feel back to normal basically LOL and have to get to work.

howie6267 10-19-2005 02:28 PM

I wouldn't be to hard on your consultant. It sounds like she was doing what they are paid to do. If you are paid to help someone lose weight then you have to ask what there week was like if they gained other wise it's pointless for them to be there. They may not have been assuming that you had messed up but just trying to get an understanding of what is going on in your life.

Sorry your having such a rough time at home. I hope things get better for you and your family.

Jen 10-19-2005 03:35 PM

Sounds like a lot of things were said in anger and probably not meant. My husband and I have these fights once in awhile as well. It is hard to work through things when there are so many feelings going on, like you are both angry, upset and not really sure how to patch things up because of things that were said. Even if you go to therapy and commit to go by yourself keep going regardless of whether your husband will go or not.

You could still do some arm weight training exercises without having to be on your feet, maybe it would make you feel better that you are doing some exercises. If you don't have weights you could always use stuff around the house like big cans or jugs.

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