well this isn't in the light of white water rafting but the dream that I put off for a long time was growing my hair out. I cut my hair short back in high school and it's never been really long since because I think my face looks twice as fat when I have a whole bunch of hair around it. I dream of having Angelina Jolie style hair. So I decided that I would grow it out regardless of how I thought I looked because I'm planning that by the time it is really long I'll be skinny and it won't matter!
I would love to be able to seize the moment and not put anything on hold--to live for today and not have any worries regarding my weight. HOWEVER, as much as I would love to go to Six Flags and ride the coasters, I will not physically fit. I can't do it until I've lost weight. Also, a few weeks ago, Jeff and I went to visit his mother in Middle of Nowhere, VA, and we took a day trip to a mountain where they had horseback riding. I SO would have loved to go--my neighbors had horses growing up, so we would sometime ride them. HOWEVER, there was a sign that none of the riders could be over 250 pounds, so, again, I couldn't do what I wanted. I can't wait to be able to ride roller coasters and go horseback riding again--two things I have enjoyed doing in the past that I just physically cannot do at this weight
I’ve heard people say that you can’t expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself first.
I'd agree with that. And what's more, the more confident you are, the more attractive you seem to be. When I was in my 20s, and pushing 280 pounds, it was amazing to me. During the times I was "up" and positive and confident in my work and my life and not obsessing over my weight, I had men swarming around me. I had a lot of boyfriends and lovers and such. During the times I was depressed and self-absorbed and worried about what I looked like, my own self-loathing seemed to broadcast loud and clear, and men would not be as attentive or interested.
I am blessed to have found Hunter, who doesn't give a fig for my weight, as long as I am healthy, and is very supportive of my ups and downs. Right now we're going through a bad spat as my self-image is rather on the low side and the whole "How can he want to make love with me" doubt is really loud in my ears. But we've been together 14 years now, and he knows of my ups and downs.
My advice on that front is to cultivate friends of both genders. Go out and do stuff with them and have fun. If something "blossoms" with one of your guy friends, it'll be a really nice surprise. But don't work at "finding the right One". Get out there and have fun, and eventually you'll make the connection you want.
My best advice about dating and love was when I was dating my Cute Boyfriend and it was getting to the point that there was going to be nakedness very soon in our relationship. I was very nervous and anxious and a friend of mine said, "What exactly do you think those clothes hide? Do you think that he thinks you're Kate Moss under there?"
I laughed my butt off and realized how foolish I was being. He knew I was fat and he worships the ground I walked on anyway. He was in love with me because I was a sexy-*** woman in any size.
You know, I met my husband while overweight, I lost alot of weight during our marriage, I've gaind most of it back with my pregnancy and you know what? He still loves me...I think now more than ever. You know what? Even if I was a thin, tiny model-esque type I STILL would have picked my husband and vise versa. I think you are born destined for someone.. regardless of size or shape. I wouldn't want anything different. My belief is that no matter what size shape or color you are, you inner attitude and beauty shines through. I know that's what I wanted to use to find my SOUL mate. Yes, of course I care about how I look and I do feel down about my weight at times but we all do, we're human. I guess what I am trying to get at is that feeling beautiful and being able to attract a partner or even fulfilling any other dream you may have all comes from what's inside you. You should never feel you are not good enough for a "person" or a "thing". Feel good enough for YOU!
My slogan for dating was always: "They will like me for me, not because I am a trophy girlfriend." Meaning.. I know I am cute but was never really considered sexy (I look like I'm 14 lol) If the guy I am with can get passed my size, then I know he is really interested.
My first year of College, when I was 19, I met a guy I dated for 3 years. When I met him I was 160lbs... when we broke up I was 220. During those 3 years my mother died, I had knee surgery (hockey injury) and mono. But with my mono I ate and slept like crazy.. most people lose weight. He cheated on me with a girl that looked exactly like I did when we first met.
I joined a chat group online for BBW (big beautiful women) and they would have parties and meet up at bars and hang out.. well one night I went up there and was shooting pool with a friend of mine. There was this gorgeous man sitting at the table right next to the pool table. He was what I would call an "out of my league" guy. He was exactly what I wanted. Bald, goatee, thick, brawny, rugged man. To make a long story short we started dancing together and he gave me his number. That was Sept 8th 2001. On March 15 2003 we got married and have been happily married ever since. I scored my dream guy and at 275lbs.
Anything is possible.. you just have to make the attempt and let guys know you are interested.
OOOps.. I guess I forgot to mention the dream I have on hold.. (duh)
I dream that one day (after I am thin) I bump into my A$$hole exboyfriend and get to say "how do you like me now" Not that I can't do that now.. but it would be for different reasons.
Synger, I think you hit bulls eye…self confidence is the keyword here.
For a long time I put obesity as the main cause for my loneliness.Something changed when I saw one of my old buddies from university marry is girlfriend, have kids and live a fulfilling life…The guy is even bigger than me when I was at my worst in terms of obesity.…..so I started thinking. Is there something else beyond obesity that’s keeping me from having long term relationships (I’ve had a few relationships in my life, but none of them lasted) ?
I believe that obesity, in many cases, is not a cause, but a result. It is the result for lack of self-confidence and maybe not accepting ourselves for who we are. It is no coincidence that when obese persons start to loose a lot of weight, they feel more confident about themselves and have more success in their love life.
As for friendships, i also belive that they are essential; and that maybe someday, one of them who always accepted you for who you are will end up to be your loved one.
Dreams on hold…hmmm…unfortunately, I’ve done that more times than I can count. It’s hard, but it’s a habit I’m trying to change. My biggest dream is to have a baby. People have told me so many horror stories about getting pregnant at my size. That’s one reason why I’m trying so hard to lose the weight this time. I’ll be 32 in September, and that biological clock is ticking like a time bomb!
I guess my other big dream is to go to Scotland. It’s been my dream as long as I can remember. I have this image in my head of being too big to fit in the plane seat!
Last (do you get the impression I’ve put a LOT on hold?), I would love to take belly dancing lessons, with a live instructor not off of video tapes. My husband keeps telling me to go for it and not wait, but I can’t imagine that my big ole’ belly rolling around could possible be attractive. After reading this thread though, I’m thinking seriously about doing it anyway!
Sarah – you are such an inspiration! We should all have that same “carpe diem” attitude, and not wait for a life threatening illness to give it to us!
Cecily – I know it’s hard to imagine, because believe me I’ve been in that same position, but remember there ARE men out there who love and appreciate a woman, even if they aren’t rail thin. I was very much willing to throw in the towel until I met my husband. I know they seem impossible to find, but sweetie they are out there. And the ones you find who can’t appreciate the beautiful person that is you…all of you, not just the outside package…aren’t worth having no matter what size you are.
Rtael – same reasoning applies to you…go for it anyway! A jerk is still going to be a jerk whether you are skinny or thin. You still have to weed out the good from the not so good.
Great thread!...it really makes you think, and we all need to do that.
I've recently faced up to quite a few size related fears and 'did them anyway' - I was terrified of going swimming, but plucked up the courage to go last year , first by just attending 'women only' sessions, but now I go whenever I damn well please! I've joined a trendy mixed sex gym - on my first week I was convinced I was the only fat person there, but it didn't stop me doing what I wanted to do and now I realise there are people of all ages, shapes and sizes there. My latest 'feel the fear and do it anyway' thing was to attend a spinning class - the night before I was terrified - what if I can't keep up? what if I physically can't get myself onto the bike? what if I am the fattest one there?. Well you know what? I couldn't keep up and I was the only fat person there AND we worked out in front of a big mirror so I could see all my fat bits wobbling, but it didn't matter, I had a great time and worked harder than I'd ever worked before , and experienced one of the biggest highs of my life! Now you can't keep me away and last Friday was the first time that I managed to keep up with 100% of the class which felt amazing! Since then a couple of other fat women have joined the class - I like to think maybe they saw me huffing and puffing among the skinny women and I encouraged them to give it a go!
I am still a very fearful person in lots of ways - and I know my achievements are just stuff that most people do every day, but to me they were like climbing Everest and my confidence has soared! I think if you can find small things in your life that you have always felt fearful or too self conscious to do - and JUST DO THEM then you will only gain in confidence to try more and more things!
Love Amanda x
Last edited by Amanda Panda; 06-20-2005 at 01:42 PM.
I can honestly say that I've never put in dreams on hold because of my weight--no money for them, yes but never for my weight.
There've been times when I may have felt a little foolish doing it (bungee jumping for one) but I did it because it's something I wanted to do. I didn't care at the time that I looked like a big ole tick on a string.
I'm going to go to my College gym, jocks and skinny girls be da*ned. I was about to pay for a fitness membership elsewhere just to not workout in front of them.
I feel like my whole life is somehow on hold. Not that I'm not "doing stuff"....I'm married (22ys to a thin man), I have 2 kids, I'm working at a job/career I love, however, I feel as though I'm outside looking in a lot. I feel as though I haven't arrived anywhere yet..... I feel stuck in the fat zone....I don't go out, I don't feel connected to friends, I stay away from pictures, I don't shop unless I have too. I know it's crazy to wait "until" because "until" may never happen, but I'm wondering how to get out of this rut....to feel different inside about me, regardless of the outside. I guess I feel I don't deserve things until I'm like everyone else around me...a normal weight. Even as I write these feelings I know they are foolish.....how do you get past the mental challenges as well as the physical ones surrounding losing weight.... ????
I was very nervous and anxious and a friend of mine said, "What exactly do you think those clothes hide? Do you think that he thinks you're Kate Moss under there?" 
