and i need to be punished. i will be forcing myself to get back on track tomorrow. i've gained all my weight back and then some. if i don't do something i'm going to be pushing 300 soon. i bought clothes a while back in sizes 22 and 20 and 18 because i was sure i'd be in those sizes by summer.. (and i was in an 18 before i freaked out and started eating myself silly this last time) well, i'm still in a 24 and that's getting tight.... like sausage casing tight. i can't tell you when the last time was that i had a vegetable or a glass of water. i haven't been stuffing myself beyond capacity every day but i just haven't been making good choices at all. some days i eat what i'm sure is enough in calories to feed a small community and some days i hardly eat a thing. i haven't journalled in forever. i haven't had real exercise in forever. so tomorrow i'm going to start by cleaning things out. i'm going to be counting calories hard core but still be watching points ... just doing it more from a calorie focus... if that makes sense.
this is something i need to do.


so this is sorta my pledge. tomorrow i will take it ONE day at a time and stay on program. and if i have to come to the computer and send a pledge every night that i'll stay OP the next day i will do it.

Best of luck to you....you are the only one who can make these choices for yourself. You know you will feel better by eating healthier and you know how miserable you are at this current weight.

If not me, then who?
If not now, then when?

I have been to goal and have gained back every pound, now I am back on my way to goal. I am taking it day by day and giving myself rewards for each five pound mark...nails done, teeth whitening, hair cut, now I am tanning for the summer ... because tan fat looks better than white fat!

You can do it!

Shelly.. welcome back to the wagon..

There is enough summer and enough time for you to wears those clothes this year if you behave... Make THAT your goal.

(((HUGS)))
Amanda

Shelly, judging from your down-talking yourself, it sounds like you need to realize you're WORTH doing this for. It's not for everyone else that we should eat right or lose weight - it's for each of us. You DON'T suck, and you ARE worth it.

If you eat right, you'll find you can eat a lot more than you thought you could. It's not easy changing habits at first, but your thinking really come around if you substitute with foods that are satisfying both for your body's needs and your own personal palate. Check this out: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/nutrition/weight.htm

You can do it. Like you said, if you have to pledge each night, do it. You're worth it.

I didnt see your post "Idealperson" I am dying of laughter over here.. tan fat looks better than white fat..

Gotta love it! (not the fat.. the humor)

Amanda

jkfla
You don't suck. I have been gaining a loseing the same weight over and over. It is a pain in the *** but, I know I can do it I just need to do it for my self. I get mad at myself all the time because the last time I was on WW, the loowest I had gotten was 204 and then I gave up and binged for a while and gained a lot of it back. But now I am back on the down word trend. so I kow you can get back on. I did and it is hard it really is but it feels good. I'm still now where near 204 yet but I know I will get there AGAIN and I am going to try with all my might not to get back up again. WE can both do it and neither of us suck!

PS. tan fat does look better, I just was writing about how lovely my arms look after a warm weekend out side on another thread. It must be an optical illusion but I do think its true!

Shelly, you don't suck... your CHOICES lately suck.

I'm really glad that you're back here! Jump into the June points challenge and get back on track.

aww thanks you guys.

gardenwife- i know.... i need an attitude adjustment. the whole inner thing with this journey since the beginning is trying to believe i'm worth doing this for and i deserve to do this for myself.

and just look at idealperson's signature... LOL i'm really cruising for a brusing it feels like. my thing has always been the reward system. i have a hard time doing things for myself. i used to reward myself with a day of eating whatever i want. i dont want that anymore. i want to find other ways of rewarding myself. i don't tan and i hate dentists LOL but i'm in dire need of a hair cut though. maybe that will be first on my list. not just a trim but something different than usual.

ajwings2001--- yes one of my goals for the summer is to fit back into those clothes... they are so cute and its so disappointing to see them just sitting there.

jennie934 and apryl--- thanks for the encouragement. it really means a lot. i'm ready to get back on the wagon full force.

It's hard to break the habit of using food as a reward, but those of us who struggle with overeating need to find other ways to get that pat on the back. I think a haircut sounds great! That's one of the best things I did for myself...went from hair down to my waist to my current short 'do, all within a year's time, little by little.

Shelly - yay! You are back!! I was wondering where you disappeared to! I am happy you are back... and you will be back on track soon, infact, if you don't.. I could totally come out there and kick your butt! Whats your plan? I am good with game plans, I have a plan for everything... not that I always follow thru.. but I love lists. Let me know if you need anything

-Aimee

Hiya Shelly. I just wanted to let you know that we're here for you! And Kimberly pointed out something very important- you're WORTH it. Let yourself do what's healthy and right for you. And pretty pretty please don't let what you weigh determine your self worth. It's taken me a long time to get to a point to say that, but it's something you should really work on- it will actually make it easier for you to lose the weight.

Shelly, good to see you back! I agree w/everyone else, you ARE worth it & a haircut sounds great!

Can't say anymore than the others. Good to have you back though.

DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT!!!! How many of us have been on that same rollercoater ride? I know I have, & it is all just a learning experience. Atleast you are still willing to try & haven't given up on your body. Don't worry, you'll find your way...

We are all here for you-keep in touch!