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Old 05-18-2005, 08:28 PM   #1
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Default Today's Oprah Show

I always watch the shows having to do with weight, and today was no exception. It was a painful show, however, because it dealt with fat issues rather than people who've lost weight, which can be inspirational.

The segment that showed the 13 year old boy telling what it was like having a fat mother was so sad and made me wonder how my children felt about me when I weighed over 250 during most of the 1990s and into 2K. For me, it was certainly true what Oprah said about fat people not having to engage with life.

I identified with the young woman who just wanted her father to accept her no matter how she looked, and he couldn't. Man, that was painful to watch. I've been on both ends of the spectrum because I had a father like that, and I've watched in horror as my daughter went from wearing a size 6 to weighing more than I do now.

A couple of things that Oprah said resonated with me, too. She said that the fat person has to make a conscious decision to lose weight for themselves, and that, in essence, people who say they've tried every weight loss program and nothing has worked aren't ready to lose weight because every program works, but you have to work it.

Did anyone else see the show, and what was your reaction?

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Old 05-18-2005, 09:31 PM   #2
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No I didn't watch it because I forgot. But what you said about this:
The segment that showed the 13 year old boy telling what it was like having a fat mother was so sad and made me wonder how my children felt about me
Hit a cord with me my stepson who is 11 came home from school one day basically he had had a really bad day. We got to talking about it and somehow we had gotten into what someone had said to him about me in his school. This kid was making fun of him because of me! My stepson has been teased ever since he has been in school not because of me but because he acts younger then the rest of the kids he also has ADHD. He has also had a pretty rough life. As soon as he said this I was mad that anyone could do this it's just so wrong. I told my stepson to ignore the kid he isn't worth his time. I really didn't know what more to say, I mean I thought it was low and I could only guess that that kids parents were like him in school which is why he didn't care if another person's feeling got hurt. Inside though I was hurt I thought gee ever since I was in 2nd grade everyone teased me about my weight and how much that hurt, but now to hurt my kids because of my weight it just hurts worse then anything. I don't want my children being made fun of because of me it's just not fair or right.
I've said this before and I'll say it again Kids are getting meaner every school year. If they can't pick on you for your quirks now they'll pick on your parents. It just seems like it never ends.
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Old 05-19-2005, 08:26 AM   #3
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I watched it, recorded it, and watched it again with my roomate. I cried thru most of it. It was very deep. Oprah asked the question of why we chose to to gain the weight in the first place. I had really never thought about it before! I determined that my ex-husband was constantly accusing me of cheating on him while we were dating and while we were married, which I never did. Somewhere during that time I must have decided that if I was fat and gross that no one else would look at me that way so he'd quit accusing me. Then it just got so easy to keep gaining or to not try to lose. When you're overweight no one thinks twice that you ate an entire bag of chips or a pint of Ben n Jerry's! It just worked for me at the time and until this year I never really wanted to put in the effort to better my health and myself!
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Old 05-19-2005, 11:56 AM   #4
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I watched it and it just made me sick to see the skinny twin sister mock her sister that way. And the dad makes me just want to punch his lights out. I was so mad at those people. Yes we have problems the only difference with ours vs others is ours shows on the outside. Other people can hide all there bagage.

As far as the question of why. I don't think I could really tell you why. I've always been fat. I just don't know what made me start eating that way. My best guess would be the way I grew up with an alcholic father. Don't get me wrong I don't blame him for the way I am today. The choice became mine and I did nothing with it. But that's where it probably started. My mom says she remembers me crying as a little kid and stuffing food in while crying. 2 of my brothers and one sister turned to drugs I turned to food.
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Old 05-19-2005, 01:01 PM   #5
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I think you've brought up an issue that was not much discussed on this forum until now.

With the exception of people suffering from metabolic disorders, obesity is a physical problem that originates from an emotional one. For many of us it started at early childhood. In your case it was an Alchoolic father..On my side of the border i was choking under very strict discipline and controlling father who was not much communicative....

As one social worker once told me, you can never really consider yourself "cured" and there will always be the danger of overeating; but knowing and understand where it all started can really help take back what was taken from us.

As for playing the blame game, our parents did what they can with what they had. Basically, some things may have been done differently but they surely not are monsters....
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Old 05-19-2005, 01:35 PM   #6
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Yes it does no good to blame others for your problems. We need to focus on what we can do to change things now. Not what has happend in our past. I still have to fight the urge to over eat and probably will have to all my life.
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Old 05-19-2005, 01:40 PM   #7
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Well, many people are overweight bcause they simply like food...too much food. I don't think there are emotional issues deeply rooted inside of all overweight people. I know it can be the contributing factor for many people as Howie describes, but it is ultimately an inappropriate coping mechanism we aquire. I think some heavy people are quick to blame circimstances which is turn takes some of the accoutability for one's own behaviors out of the mix.

I like to eat...I stopped having an active lifestyle, so the calorie imbalance caught up with me. I got fat...now I no longer care to be this way and will invest the hard work in adopting a better lifestyle. It is hard to change old habits, but no one is responsible but me.
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Old 05-19-2005, 01:46 PM   #8
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I agree Frenchie, much like an alcoholic is never cured but is able to be "recovering" for life, we have to condition ourselves to the idea that we will always be susceptible to falling back into our destructive ways if we're not careful.

While I didn't have a weight problem in my youth, I certainly used other means to deal with emotional pain (as a teenager I often refrained from eating at all to prove to myself that I had some measure of control over my life). I know my horrible smoking habit was a substitute for overeating and when I quit I quickly turned to mindless eating. Also, I've now come to the conclusion that I used to relate "being thin" to bad periods in my life - I was a bit of a wild child as a teen and overindulged in alcohol rather than sweets, I then lost weight near the end of my marriage and during the divorce because of stress and unhappiness - then my daughter became seriously ill for two years and I lost weight out of fear and worry.

When my life calmed down and I could relax, I quickly gained weight and became miserable in a different way. Losing weight over the last couple of years though has changed my outlook - now being thin will represent health and an opportunity to enjoy the happiness I've finally found in other parts of my life. Its never too late to change (not only your diet, but your whole life!)
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Old 05-19-2005, 03:04 PM   #9
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I missed the Oprah. I wanted to see that one, too.

For me, I was 4lb 15oz when I was born. To get weight on me as a child, the dr told my mom to let me eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. That set me up for life I think. From second grade on, I was always bigger than the other kids. Not having my dad around was a huge part of it, too, but like Howie said, I chose to eat. I could've done a myriad of other things, but I didn't. I chose food as my vice. Which sucks cause it's not like drugs or alcohol where you don't NEED them to survive.

This is a good thread. Thanks for starting it, Sheila.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot
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Old 05-19-2005, 04:27 PM   #10
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I wanted to see the episode but I work while she is on. The station where she broadcasts here shows her shows again late at night and sometimes they are a week behind and sometimes they just play whatever. Maybe I can catch it on late night

My parents have NEVER riduculed me for my weight and I can only hope the old adage you reap what you sow comes back to them(those taunting their loved ones) tenfold. We all know what it's like to have to fight the inner demons of dealing with being overweight/obese and all that comes with it but to have someone to constantly point it out. Unacceptable.

I'm also of the learned patterns of childhood eating. For a while, I did blame my parents for my fatness. But, the day I turned 18 it was my responsibility to take charge of my actions. I can only hope I get my act together so I at least teach my children healthy eating and exercise.

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Old 05-19-2005, 07:23 PM   #11
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I missed it but I'm glad I did. Like Howie I would have been mad.

Why am I fat? I wasn't fat as a kid. As a teen I thought I was fat. I tried to lose weight. For years I blamed my bad metabolism on trying to diet as a teen. The reason why I'm fat is simple I ate 100 extra calories every day. After 12 years it added up to 120 lbs. Only 100 cals. It's not much. A large apple has more. Why did I do that I have no idea. I think my internal caloriemeter is off. Sure I like to eat but so do most skinny people.

Why didn't I lose weight before? My biggest reason is that losing weight is time consuming. I didn't want to go back to the way I was when dieting as a teen. I became obsessed with food. Also I heard most diets fail so why bother. I have been watching my mother yo-yo-ing for the past 34 years. I didn't want to be like that. I thought I'd rather just be fat. Only one problem is that I keep gaining every year. I was already having trouble with daily living and the idea of getting bigger scares me.

Right now I assume I'm going to have to track what I eat for the rest of my life. If a little 100 cals got me this fat it could easily happen again.

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Old 05-23-2005, 06:07 PM   #12
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I saw that show and it made me cry. The father made me so mad. He said he loves his daughter but his body language was saying something else; it was like he didn't even want to touch her. He said he thought she would be more attractive if she lost weight and that that would make her happier. Bull. She is already an attractive person. It's not her appearance that's making her unhappy, it's his attitude. I got the impression he was more concerned with how her weight reflects on him than he is about his daughter's welfare. Hopefully he watched the show and saw how unattractive his attitude makes him and will work on changing himself. Hopefully the daughter will be able to find love for and acceptance of herself so that other's opinions, even family, will have less power to hurt her.

And if she does, maybe she can let me know how to do it .

"Nothing more beautiful than knowing your worth" - Fantasia (I'm Doin Me)

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