I believe that the Purpose/Planning factor is more critical for some of us than for others -- and that the necessity for it can change at any point one way or another as we move through the different phases of loss and maintenance.
When I started "Failure is Not an Option" was a sort of internal theme song for me, and so I did everything I could to make that possible for myself. For me, that involved the removal of choice from the eating equation through planning. Every morning, I had 5 meals/snacks prepared and ready to go, and I had a corresponding list of what I was going to eat throughout the day ready for me to check off and then enter into my Diet Power software for food logging (and more.) For some, like maybe Nelie, this (or parts of it) would be unnecessary. But for me, just starting out, this was critical. It not only kept me on track by removing the possibility of a "Plan B," it was motivating and satisfying to see the plan, see that I was sticking to it, have them to refer back to when I was feeling like I wasn't giving it my all or trying hard enough. And you better believe that when I was presented with the enormous temptations at work and at home, I would pull that list out and love it like a lifeline. It helped me to build confidence in my ability to make the right decision, it kept me in control, and it played a critical role in the profound change in how I view food now and its role in my life.
I stopped using or needing that list long ago, but I ABSOLUTELY still prepare my lunches in advance, and make sure that I always have all my healthy, on-plan staples on hand for my breakfasts, 3 snacks, and dinner. And I know that I can always tighten the reins at any point if need be.
I'm sure that Nelie is not alone in her ability to maintain her resolve without meal-planning, but my heart breaks a little sometimes when I hear of folks who repeatedly fall off plan but don't seem to have put a plan in place. Without planning and single-minded purpose I'd have been lost. That whole, "Begin with the end in mind" thing, you know? Heaven knows what works for me might not work for someone else and vice versa -- takes all kinds, right? -- but I feel compelled to share my experience in the hopes that it might help someone who needs it.
Oh Sarah, I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't plan my meals. I am constantly planning my food and meals. I of course am a procrastinator so it happens the morning of If it is a day I have time, I plan what I am going to cook, I always make sure I have supplies for healthy food so that I'm never caught off guard and I make my meals every day. In the morning (depending what day it is), I make 3-5 mini meals that will get me through the parts of the day that I won't be home. I also though plan for occassions that I will go off of my plan. I plan for meals out with friends/coworkers and other such events and whether or not I will keep following my diet plan or not during those events.
Seriously, I don't think I could've lost the weight I have if I hadn't put a lot of effort in planning. I do believe "Failure to plan is a plan for failure" but also if you go off track on your planning once in a while, I wouldn't think it is the end of the world.
TexasMom, I have to say that although I've lost 79 lbs., I still have emotional eating problems. When I am in pain physically, which is too much of the time anymore, I reach for food to medicate myself. The good part is, I don't do it all the time, and I don't do it for other emotions like stress, anger, all the usual ones I used to eat for. And after I've eaten unwisely, I spend a few minutes beating myself up, then I start right back in again on healthy eating. The part I have to realize is that I don't do it as often as I used to, and I don't choose foods that are totally unhealthy (i.e., I don't buy a bag of cookies or chips and eat them all). I've also developed a strategy that works for me when I find myself sliding down into the abyss of daily overeating. I make a contract with myself that I will be totally on plan for X number of weeks. For me, the monthly challenge helps because I like to win, and if I can't win, I like to at least be in the top 5.
While I would like to say I don't eat emotionally at all and that things will magically get better, I can't. The only thing I know for sure is that the "quality" of my emotional eating has changed in the past two years. I have to look on that as a positive change.
I hope this isn't a downer. Frankly, I'd love to have the magic bullet that makes me not want to emotionally eat, but I don't think there is any. We just have to look deep inside ourselves, find out what's most important to us, and be willing to pick ourselves up after our mistakes and not quit. It's taken me almost two years to lose 79 lbs.--quite the snail's pace. But I'm sticking with it despite the setbacks, and I know that you can, too.
Ahhhhhh, gotcha! I'd forgotten about that "Failure to plan" quote -- I am all ABOUT that too! Alright, you make it unanimous then. There's definitely a recurring theme with the whole planning thing; at this moment, I can't think of a single person who's successfully losing a lot of weight that isn't purposeful and planful in their approach. So it's not only good in theory, it's effective in practice!
And I couldn't agree more that it's not the end of the world if you go off plan once in a while. (And I too do the planned off-plan treatskies, incorporating into the plan either a reduction in calories before or after or an increase in exercise. Nothing in this life is free anymore, sadly. )
I believe strongly in forgiving yourself for lapses, and learning to have small indulgences without diving into depression, and all the rest of it. But, like Sarah, if I had not spent the first YEAR of my currently 3-year program doing exactly what we have both described, I would not have made it at all. When you have overeating habits so deeply ingrained, and when you have certain personality traits, this planning, visualization, "failure is not an option" mindset is a crucial part of retraining. The ONLY way I could experience success at first was to work that hard and plan that hard. For a year I spent part of the evening planning, preparing, and packing my food for the next day. When the next day came I was mentally and logistically prepared for the day. When I did have an unexpected challlenge, I drew on my previous successes and accomplishments as best I could (sometimes failing miserably), then spent some time afterwards analyzing and planning for the next time. Every success AND every failure adds to your toolbelt if you approach this in a conscious, awake fashion.
I could never have gone through the motions making vague promises to yourself to "do better" and get where I am. Being strict with myself and spending all that time thinking and planning and doing mental and practical preparation PAID OFF. Now I can go out to eat and choose wisely without thinking too hard about it most of the time. Now I can quickly pull together my lunch bucket in about 90 seconds before I head out the door. Now I can quickly assess a potluck at work and make decisions about how I can accomodate a few indulgences. But you know what? THere are still times I feel vulnerable, and I will go back to my more elaborate methods. We had a dept picnic last week and I had an idea that most of the food would not only be high-cal, but not very good. Yet, I felt temptation lurking around the corner. So I spent some time in the days leading up to it talking to myself. I would have one hamburger and take a piece of fruit, and that was IT. It would not even look at the dessert table. I reminded myself that I did not even want their store-bought potato salad. Etc. There have even been times where I decided that throwing myself in the path of temptation with convenience-food offerings at the monthly potluck just wasn't worth it, and I skipped it altogether.
I go out to eat fairly often now. I don't stress about unexpected food situations most of the time. I don't always stick to the letter of my program. But, I've learned to BALANCE those SLIGHTLY indulgent meals into the rest of my week. I try to make sure that if I am going to have a treat, it's something I can do in moderation (and not be a trigger) and it's something I feel is WORTH it. Even if I do overdo it, I don't feel guilty because I spent a year or more reshaping my all-or-nothing thinking and understanding my trigger foods and situations. I know there are foods I just can't sample without overdoing it, and I've learned that I can be perfectly happy eating sparingly and still enjoy an outing. I have the confidence and success of sticking to a program and continuing to lose over the last three years. I, personally, would NEVER have gotten there if I had not spent all that time re-building my attitude and habits from the ground up.
Think of it this way: When you join the military, the whole purpose of boot camp is not only to develop physical skills but to break down your way of thinking about thing and building you back up in the military's image so that you are not just a person, you are a soldier. For many of us, we have to approach at least the beginning stages of weight loss as a boot camp. Establish your priorities and commit yourself to changing EVERYTHING about how you live and think to rebuild yourself as a person with healthy habits. For those of you who can lose weight and keep it off with the "baby step" method, hooray. But, there are those of us for whom that would never, and did never, work.
Funniegrrl, yet another excellent post from you. How much weight have you lost again? Like 140 pounds or something? People, she knows whereof she speaks!
For those who might read this and say, "Whoa, that's grim, that sounds so serious and, well, GRIM..." to you I say, yes it IS rather grim. Neither is it a picnic planning your meals every day and preparing countless meals in advance...and then actually eating them instead of all the fun, easy-to-access stuff that could potentially kill you. But what's a far sight MORE grim is diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and death. Losing weight is no joke when you're obese or morbidly obese. We applaud the efforts of those who make their way down from those high numbers, and we consider them amazing and just so motivated. Well the day-to-day for many is full of exactly what funniegrrl and I described. It's not rocket science, but the reality is that it's hard work, and it's repetitious, and in many respects it's like having another job. You have to possess an enormous amount of determination and self-love to make a change in your life this profound. The weight doesn't exactly fall off by accident, or as a result of unspecific commitments made to yourself while in a state of regret.
I try not to post super-serious stuff here because it's just not always interesting, or welcome, or appropriate. But I really believe this topic is so important to communicate, and I just really feel like I need to underscore funniegrrl's words and message. I defer to her greater experience and success.....but I stand right next to her in believing that this kind of single-minded "boot camp" determination makes or breaks success for so many of us.
Thanks for the confirmation, Sarah! As for my weight loss, I crossed the 150 mark just this week -- from 339 to my current 188ish. I am confident I can lose 10 more, and I may go for 10 more after that. As I said, it's taken me over three years so far, and it's not been a picnic (pun only slightly intended). But, I finally realized that I had to change from the inside out if I wanted to lose any weight and keep it off, and that meant doing things differently than I had before, either in my "fat" life or in previous weight-loss attempts.
I've always been overweight, but in the last 10 years I'd gotten into some REALLY bad habits. Stressful jobs with long long hours led to a life with zero movement other than car to door and back again. I also ate nearly every meal at a restaurant, drive-through, carry out, delivery, etc. I lived a life of "What do I feel like?" rather than "What do I need?" When I did cook -- which I enjoy -- it was all indulgent treats. Two platters of microwave nachos might be dinner. Or, I'd spend all weekend baking and cooking elaborate meals & desserts. But, most of the time, I used food as reward, comfort, relaxation, entertainment, everything. And, I was lazy to boot.
Doing things like packing my lunch and snacks the night before was something I realized was NECESSARY to combat these tendencies. I knew myself well enough to know that I would never get up early enough in the morning to pack the food, and then I'd head off to work with nothing and end up eating crap. I had to think long and hard about what my inclinations were and come up with ways to avoid the lazy way out. And, sometimes I just had to fight with myself and MAKE myself do things my inner child did NOT want to do. I belong to a program with weekly counseling sessions. In the past, I would have skipped meetings regularly, especially if I thought the week hadn't gone well. That would have led to more and more skipping, and finally falling off. It was SO hard to go in that first time I felt like bagging it, I desperately wanted to turn off the alarm and stay in my cozy bed. But, I screwed up everything I had and I WENT. The first time I had a long, hard day my immediate impulse when I left work was to go to a nice restaurant and have dinner. I had to fight very hard to not do that. I did not even want to try to go and have something sensible. I knew I had to BREAK that association between emotion and food, and the only way to do that was starve it off. In fact ... I started my program on Sept 9, 2001 (yup, 2 days before ...). The FIRST non-program meal I had was Thanksgiving dinner. The first restaurant meal I had was my birthday, in mid-December. I skipped a company Christmas party because I did not feel strong enough to handle the food successfully. The next non-program meal was Christmas dinner. After that, it was months before I went to a restaurant or party again. Some people may feel this is unnecessarily harsh, but I was very clear on my priorities. I was determined to do what I needed to do to be successful. I did not see it as a punishment, but as a necessary period of mental retraining and skill-building before I could face these things again.
My mantras have been these: First, "Whatever works." It didn't matter what I felt like doing. It didn't matter how silly something seemed, or how embarrassed I might be about something. Accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish was the priority, so I made up my mind to do WHATEVER that tood. Second is a quotation from Dennis Weaver, of all people: "To get what you want, STOP doing what isn't working." Whenever you find yourself saying, "But this is what I do," or "This is what I like," or whatever, ask yourself: "And how has that worked for me?" If you can go out to eat and not plan in advance and make good choices, terrific. If that doesn't work for you, though ... you can either continue to do the same thing and get the same result, or you can try something else.
If it is a day I have time, I plan what I am going to cook, I always make sure I have supplies for healthy food so that I'm never caught off guard and I make my meals every day. In the morning (depending what day it is), I make 3-5 mini meals that will get me through the parts of the day that I won't be home. I also though plan for occassions that I will go off of my plan. I plan for meals out with friends/coworkers and other such events and whether or not I will keep following my diet plan or not during those events. 
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