I have had a hard time getting exercise consistently the last couple of weeks. Whether it's snow keeping me home or making me a little slow to get out in the AM, or morning meetings I have to prepare for, or the funeral I had to drive 2 hours to get to yesterday morning (a good friend's father), I have skipped the gym more days than not. I'm going this morning and it will make only the second time this week.
And then, once the workday is over, I am off to my little writers' retreat with my friend. We have been told there is quite a bit of snow around the cabin so it could be an adventure getting there in my little front-wheel-drive Honda but we shall see. If I have to ditch the car at the bottom of the driveway and walk up - there's my exercise.
Diane: You are right about commitment. As Laurie said, and as Ubergirl has said in some of her insightful posts from the past, it's all too easy not to pay attention to the numbers on the way back up. Keeping that discipline to be honest with yourself when you start to slip - I don't yet know how to do that. The back issues add a whole additional level of trouble, though. I'm really glad the end is in sight for those, and encourage you to keep taking it easy - better to get back up to speed a little more slowly than to push, reinjure, and be set back for another couple of months!
Laurie: You are too nice. I appreciate it so much. In the same vein, it's funny to hear someone as sensible and thoughtful as you describe yourself as a drama queen! It's interesting to think about what sets you off on the path to losing sight of your plan completely. It seems to me that the key for losing/maintaining vs. gaining is whether I can control the urge to binge, or not. That's really the main thing that keeps me on or off - everything else seems to follow. I probably should look into some of the research about how the fat/salt/sugar combination is self-perpetuating, or something, because when I don't binge it doesn't seem that hard not to binge, and when I do binge, it seems almost impossible not to binge again.
On the chemistry stuff: I made the mistake of eating a few pieces of candy at work the other day and since then I think I have been much more in white-knuckle mode. I am running short on supplies for my cats, which usually means I swing by Petco after work. But next to the Petco is the 5-dollar store that is an unfortunately superb place to pick up candy for binges. Lately I have been finding it easy to stay out of the 5-dollar store, but I did not trust myself yesterday. I ended up skipping the Petco run entirely - another day.
And I am thinking hard about this weekend. My friend, who is taking the day off work and heading up to the cabin before me, said she would do grocery shopping. But I think I might do some shopping of my own on the way up, too, to make sure I have yogurt and apples and the sort of things I don't worry too much about snacking on even if it means going over my calories a bit. I'm afraid she will buy bread and salty snacks and lots of wine, and the idea of being locked up in a cabin with things of which I would really prefer to have none than to try to stop at one is a little alarming.
But the important thing about this weekend: The novel. Revise chapter 6, write chapter 7, figure out a few details that I'm struggling with, and research, research, research. I'll figure out food and exercise around that, somehow.
Diane - I think you're handling this exactly right. Taking care of business at physical therapy. Taking care of business by giving yourself time to heal. Taking care of business by making plans on getting back to the gym.
Carter - I feel like we are, again, kindred spirits, to an extent. I am prone to binges as well, and I see so much wisdom in avoiding the pet stop in order to avoid the candy-binge stop. I go through stages where the thought of eating a cookie (eek! so many calories!) is repugnant. I go through stages where I feel like I can't control myself at all. If it's there, I will eat it. If it's not, I will seek it out. I also go through stages where "One isn't going to hurt." Eating "just one" is sometimes okay. But too often, it spirals me into the out-of-control stage. I also think it might be worth it to put some real time into reading about the fat/salt/sugar chemistry issue, but I work long hours, have millions of kids, and am training for a half-marathon and trying to do enough strength training to retain muscle, and have not missed hitting my daily step goal since January 3. I feel like the whole weight control thing is taking up too much of my life already. **sigh** Excited to hear about your progress on your book. Great idea to do some grocery shopping for "safe" choices. Nothing worse than to consume calories because you're starving, but have them not be the calories you would choose.
The hubs is out of town this weekend, which means partying for me! Also known as -- catching up on work, cleaning the house, and running. My longest run was 8 miles. I am going to be shooting for a 15K tomorrow (9.32 miles). I may push it to 10 miles. I anticipate being able to run outside, though, so I'm hella excited about it.
Trying to decide what I want to do for exercise today. I normally try to run MWF, escaping from work for part of the afternoon to do it. But it will take me at least two hours to run ten miles, so it's not a realistic possibility. I actually really want to run, but I would be less likely to complete my long run if I did. I think I am going to settle for getting in my 11K steps walking, and then doing some yoga/stretching. Not a huge calorie burn, but I really want to hit my running goal for tomorrow, and rest days are an important part of the process.
I think I'm also going to do a Whole 30 challenge with a friend. I am trying to snap out of the pattern I am in right now -- indulging, white-knuckling, eating less-nutritious food because I am eating the cookie instead of a whole pile of veggies, etc. I really need more fruits and veggies in my life and less sugar. I don't believe this challenge has magical powers, as they all seem to claim to have, but I do know that I tend to respond well to "jump-starts." And I really want to be in the 150s. Though I could actually be happy living life at the weight I am now (I think), I want to try some lower weights/sizes and decide what my "maintenance range" should be. Then, I get to delve into the really hard work of figuring out how to maintain for the rest of my life.
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!
Last edited by LaurieDawn; 02-17-2017 at 12:42 PM.
Carter: VERY smart to get the yogurt and apples. It is hard to rely on someone else for food. They may be trying to supply "treats", and sometimes that backfires and causes you to feel bad about choices! At least this way, you'll have something good for you. I hope you have an amazing time at the cabin and get lots of writing done!!
Laurie: Wow! That's some impressive running goals. So great to hear about them! I know what you mean about breaking the cycle of indulgences and temptations. It is tough to get back to discipline and commitment when it comes to food.
For me... well.... working on the discipline and commitment this weekend. I was planning to go to the gym this morning and I just didn't go. Pure lazy, no other reason. So, I'm going to make sure I have good lunch fixings for next week, and get my mind wrapped around going to the gym every day. I'll still take it easy getting back into it all, but I need to get back to being disciplined. I also have to recommit to recording my food and exercise. So off track with that. And, finally, I will get on the scale on Monday and face the music. Gotta start somewhere.
So, let's start with the GOOD NEWS. I'm already down 7! That's without actively counting calories-- just quitting with the out-of-control bingeing. I think my weight is going to go down quickly because I'm above my "set point". It's easy to get rid of the first few pounds. It's later that it gets stickier.
So, the big news is that I went for the consultation with the Obesity Center. Honestly, it was just AWFUL. First off, I was told that I was going to be meeting with a number of different people and discussing options. But in reality, I had a session with the surgeon. Basically, he told me that it is virtually impossible for someone at my BMI to lose
the weight and keep it off. He explained that there is new evidence suggesting that people's bodies fight really hard to keep the weight on and that if you do manage to lose weight you won't keep it off except in very rare circumstances because your metabolism is permanently slowed and it's unsustainable to keep up a super restricted diet indefinitely...
So, it was really painful for me, because that was in fact my own experience. When I got down to 185, in 2010, no matter what I did, I couldn't push it any lower. In order to lose, I have to stay under 1300 cals, but when I weighed 185 -190, I was running 4.5 12 minute miles 6 days a week, lifting, and even if I dropped my cals to 900 I still didn't lose-- and people would say "that's not possible.... you couldn't possibly be eating only 900 cals a day" but I was. So, in some ways, what he said really resonated with me. But then, it also made me mad, because I still feel as if maybe if I hadn't gone through so much emotional turmoil I would not have gained back. Of course, what the doctor saw was me weighing in at 292 (my ticker weight is in the buff ;-) ) But I know for myself that since 2009, I've kept my weight nearer to 260 for most of that time, which, while still not great, is actually less than a BMI of 40, which is the wls cutoff.
Anyway, it was presented to me as the big panacea-- I was going to not just lose the weight but keep it off. They brought in another patient to talk to me (I cried throughout our interview) and she was super blissed out and had lost 50 pounds in 6 months--- but I was thinking "I can lose 50 lbs in 6 months!"
So, in short, ladies, I was really discouraged. My blood pressure was high. I was told in no uncertain terms that the weight needed to come off, and that I'd never be able to do it on my own.
Then the nutritionist came in, handed me a 1200 cal diet and told me to start eating breakfast and eat frequent meals and snacks.... and AGAIN I was pissed. I do much better when I drink coffee with milk for breakfast and spread my calories between lunch and dinner. I don't find that snacking works for me and I know that the best and fastest way to lose weight is to stick mostly to lean proteins and vegetables, not to worry too much about fats and to avoid simple carbs. But this "dietician" just gave me the same stupid 1200 cal diet that has been kicking around for the last 40 years! She had nothing helpful to say.
So, in the end, I was offered three choices: 1) schedule the surgery 2) wait six months with monthly check ins, 3) be referred to a doctor who would help me lose weight without surgery. I ended up choosing the "wait six months. I want to walk into that office and show that doctor that I've lost fifty pounds without his help!!!!
Thanks for listening, ladies.
Trazey 15 out of 17! Good for you. You are living proof that this can be done.
Vladadog New jeans!!! That is such a great feeling! Love me some MOM jeans.
DianeHeadache. Ugh! I get a lot of headaches, so I can sympathize.
Lori I just love that you are at goal!!!! So glad I dropped back in to see this.
Carter Didn't realize you were a writer! I'm a writer, too! I just finished the rough draft of my 8th book and am working on revisions. Envy you your writing retreat, but NOT being locked in a cabin with snacks. Happy writing.
I was off having a busy weekend of spring cleaning the kitchen cupboards and taking a bread making workshop (i bake all my own bread using sourdough starter but i just know what I know from the internet and I learned so much from a class with a real live human bean....)
Uber, your rant didn't scare me off! I know the odds are against us but go on down to the maintainers section. There are folks there who have beat the odds. Last time round when i got down to 180 and just couldn't seem to drop lower i looked good enough and felt great. Maybe i never would have gotten to the 160 I dreamed about (and still do!) but I really believe I could have stayed in the 180 range if I hadn't gone on a week's vacation, gained 5 pounds, and then totally abandoned everything I knew about healthy eating. It wasn't the vacation that did it, it wasn't the 5 pounds, it was my "aw H*ll" attitude and the junk food I have trouble saying "no" to.
I also know people who have done the surgery - some have lost weight, some haven't. Some who have lost have kept it off, some haven't. I know me, the smart me AND the idiot me. If I can't keep the weight off this way then I doubt surgery will be the magic bullet that will put the idiot me out of my misery. I've got seriously deep reserves of idiot....
I 100% know for a fact you can lose at least 30 pounds in 6 months and I'm willing to bet 50 is totally attainable. we know how to do this thing!
I want it to have some meaning when I say "never again." I want it to stand and remind me when I am on the way back up - "Remember, carter, remember how you felt leaving 200 behind? Remember how you said it was the last time? Don't make a liar out of past-carter." I want to harness this feeling and use it to keep the weight from coming back on, this time.
This very thought has been so much in my mind recently. Been here, done this. Why am I doing this again and how do I make sure I never ever Ever end up back here (not here at 3FC, but here at 220, and the 210, 200, 190....)
I wrote this 6 years ago: Accept and own, and I mean really own, that stuff like unhealthy food choices is out of your life forever. It isn’t out of your life till you get down to 160 pounds and then you can celebrate and go back to your bad old ways. Because you can’t. You’ll just pack on the pounds again and they’ll bring their friends and the next time you want to lose weight there will be more to lose and your metabolism will be even more resistant to losing it. So this change is for good and for real and forever.
And yet 6 months later I was already heading back toward 200...
I know I can do this. I know I can figure it out. I am smarter than a pint of Ben & Jerry's....
This is my last morning in the lovely cabin in which I've spent the weekend with my friend. As expected, I've eaten a little more and exercised a little less than I might have liked, but nothing too disastrous. I'll see what my scale has to say about it all, tomorrow. As for writing - well, I've done some. I'm still not at all sure I have any right to be writing any novel at all, least of all this one, but I press onward.
Uber: This particular thread tends to quiet down on the weekends - for whatever reasons we all tend to fit 3FC into our weekday routines more. You definitely didn't scare anyone! I am sorry to hear about your experience with the obesity center. It just goes to show how much bad, untailored advice there is out there about weight loss, even from people who nominally know what they are talking about (like that nutritionist). I wonder too if they are entirely without self-interest in telling you that you're a hopeless case without surgery. I think giving yourself six months to get the weight loss going on your own is a good idea. I think you know how to do it, you know what works for you, and what you need is to find the discipline somehow to apply what you already know and make it happen. I wish I knew how to do that. I wish I knew how to find the switch that turns on discipline.
As for writing: I have never written anything book length before. I've written professionally in one way or another for many years; for instance, I've been a technical writer for the last 8 years. And I've written by avocation, but only essays - film criticism, mostly. So this novel is my first foray into fiction and my first book-length work as well. And it's absolutely nuts, as an emotional experience.
Laurie: I want to wish you good luck with the food challenge and with getting yourself out of the indulge/restrict cycle. It really is brutal.
Vladadog: Somehow I think that all of us on this thread need to come up with a way to help each other stop that regain - to notice the pounds on the way up as vigilantly as we do on the way down. I'm not sure how to do that! I think for all of us posting on 3FC is one of the first things to go when we slip up, isn't it? It's pretty easy to come in here and say "I was perfectly on plan this weekend despite this and that dangerous eating opportunity!" It's a lot harder to come and say "uh, I binged twice last week, and I'm avoiding trying on my snuggest fitting pants." But in a way, that's when we need each other most.
Uber - I can picture you in that office. So many of the surgeons don't really care about your health. They care about their pocketbook. And I had a consultation with a dietician where she gave me a plate with pockets that was supposed to show me that I need "this" much for meat, this much for grain, etc. I know so much more about what works for me to lose weight than you do, and probably more about people losing weight in general. I have a friend who used to be a dietician / personal trainer before we went to law school together. She said to me, "I had to quit that job because people just can't ever commit enough to make the changes they need to make." I had the distinct impression that she thought her clients were just lazy. Now, five years after law school, she's struggling with her weight, and all that judgment has dissipated. But so many dieticians have never dealt with low metabolism and binge disorders and genetic disposition to obesity, so they just assume that fat people are just lazy and unmotivated. I feel for you. But let me emphasize that I am not anti-surgery. It is an effective tool for a lot of people. I have three sisters who had the surgery. It has been very successful for two of them and moderately successful for the other one. But Vladadog makes a very good point that we are the same people before surgery as we are after surgery. Binges can be very dangerous for some of the surgeries. I know I saw a therapist for some time, and may go back if I can't get my "really trying to relapse" behavior under control soon. Whatever you choose, though, know that we are in your corner. And Carter is also right. Most of us don't tend to check in on weekends, but we don't scare easily. This group, in particular, has been in the trenches.
Vladadog - I think I might have to add you to my list of people whose thoughts I read when I'm struggling. Because what you wrote in your post from six years ago is absolutely accurate. I am working on accepting and owning that I have to deal with my binge issues for a lifetime, and that I will feel deprived when I see some normal-weight or even super-fit person regularly eat huge portions and not have the same consequences I would have. I know I will always fight this "I'm not normal" feeling. But everyone feels "less than" normal in something. Everyone has to fight feelings of inferiority. I don't know that I will ever accept it completely, but I know that I am happier when I am trying to accept that this will always be a struggle than when I am denying it or giving in to the struggle.
Carter - Glad you had a successful weekend! And I love that you are fitting in eating healthier with your novelist goals. As Mandy would say, I hope you tell the hooker in your head who is suggesting to you that you are not "worthy" of writing that novel to shut up. I write, too, but only really technical writing, so I have tremendous respect for you for dipping your toe into the fiction realm. And, of course, I love that Uber is a published author who continues to succeed in that field. Hopefully, the scale will show another drop. Perfection is not required for progress, and hopefully, your weekend was good enough in the weight control aspect (and that your body is cooperating in just the right way) that you made some progress.
Diane - Yay for a lazy day or two! You have been working so hard to get your injury under control and get back in the gym. Hopefully, the weekend of no gym was enough to get you an enthusiasm reset. I agree with your strategy. Being in the gym, even when you can't hit it really hard, is a great place to start, and a great place to tread water when we're struggling just to stay in the fight. I can't wait until you're completely back on your fitness game.
I weighed in yesterday morning, and I was 159.6. On either Saturday or Sunday, I work out with two friends, both in their twenties, and we usually do a kickboxing video or something. Honestly, I tend to not even count these videos as a workout, as the fitness videos we do tend to be pretty tame. But yesterday, they said they were "too exhausted" for a video, and wanted to lift weights. Ummm... okay? Weight lifting is way more exhausting than those videos, in my opinion. But I have to admit that I felt like a badass. I'm about 15 years older than either of them, and I tended to use weights that were 3 to 4 times as heavy as the ones they were using. But I got in probably the best lifting session I have had in a while, and am sore today. So, of course, the scale said 160.6. And since Monday is my official weigh-in day, I am calling GOAL. I am leaving the same goal on my ticker for a week or so, while I contemplate my next step. I'm not changing anything about the way I eat or work out. I know I am not where I want to be quite yet. But I want the idea of maintenance to marinate for a bit, and I want to spend a few minutes to enjoy this accomplishment. (Can I be any more Type A? Even as I type the words "enjoy this accomplishment," my stomach roils and my brain screams -- "You're not done! You're just beginning! Even if you don't want to lose another pound, the hardest part is maintenance, and you certainly don't have that figured out!" Ummm... shut up, hooker in my head.)
I also ran on Saturday, out in the glorious sunshine, at a high school track so I didn't need to navigate hills or cars or uneven sidewalks. Ten miles, baby.
So -- in April, I was 263. Today, I am 160. Over 100 pounds in about ten months. I want to write about loose skin and disappointment that some clothing styles are still very unflattering and blah blah blah. But I am not going to do that right now. I am going to focus on the accomplishment.
Last edited by LaurieDawn; 02-20-2017 at 11:38 AM.
Uber: Definitely not scared off by your rant. I am also one that doesn't get on the computer very often on the weekend, so I'm usually quiet on Saturday and Sunday. I think you made a great decision in waiting the 6 months. I think it is important to learn new habits, and be able to change your lifestyle, whether you have the surgery or not! The surgery is a tool, but you still have to make the changes. We're here to support you!!!!!
Vladadog: I like what you wrote. I think we are all capable of making the right choices. It just takes a lot of discipline and commitment. And, of course... a lot of support! That's why I like this group so much!
Carter: Hope you had a great weekend! I'm sure that there probably is a lot of anxiety with putting yourself out there, and putting pen to paper in writing a fiction novel. Way to get out of your comfort zone!!
Laurie: Congratulations!!! You did it!!!! I'm so proud of you!!! You've done so well over the past 10 months! You are such an inspiration to us all. I do hope you enjoy the success. Take the time to feel the joy, and I think in time, you can decide if there is still more work to do. You've got your race to focus on for now! Ha!
Ok, so took the plunge and got on the scale. Definitely not happy with the number, but I'm feeling so happy to be able to get back to workouts and eating right. I didn't go to the gym this morning. I live out of town a long way and with this being a day off, I honestly don't want to drive the 30 minutes to town to work out. I am going to go on a hike, though. That's only a 5 minute drive. Tomorrow, I'll be going back to Body Pump. I have to take it easy and make sure I don't re-injure. Onward!
Thanks everybody for not being scared off! I am so ambivalent about WLS myself that I wrongly assume everyone feels the same way. Having someone flat out tell me that it was the best option really freaked me out. But of course, I get to decide. Glad to know that the thread is quiet on the weekends. Working at home, I don't notice the weekend as much.
Laurie!!!!!!!!!! :c arrot::car rot::carro t:
SO THRILLED FOR YOU!!! Please please please enjoy the moment!!!! Obviously, maintenance is the next step, but YOU DID IT!!!! Enjoy!!!
Also, thanks for your thoughtful comments.
Quote:
But Vladadog makes a very good point that we are the same people before surgery as we are after surgery. Binges can be very dangerous for some of the surgeries. I know I saw a therapist for some time, and may go back if I can't get my "really trying to relapse" behavior under control soon. Whatever you choose, though, know that we are in your corner.
I really hear you on this. I know that I have a serious, long-standing eating disorder problemso, it's never made sense to me that the way to fix a "brain" problem is by changing the stomach. Right now, I'm trying to find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. No way I'll consider any kind of surgery if I don't try to seriously work on my eating issues first. I feel like I'm the exact type of person who would might try to eat around the surgery...I tried to explain to the surgeon that being less hungry might not help because it's not usually "hunger" that drives me to eat. He looked at me like I had two heads-- but I feel like many fat people would know exactly what I meant.
Vladadog The mystery of regain is so puzzling! I can honestly say that when I was living at a near-normal BMI for 2 years, it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I even inspired a little mini-movement where a number of people I knew IRL were so motivated by me that they also lost gobs of weight. So why on earth sabotage that? I think in my case there were several factors. 1. I never officially said "ok, I'm a maintainer now" because, just like you, evidently, I was shooting for a normal BMI, 160,nso after hitting a low of 185 I managed to maintain in the 190s for a year, but the whole while, instead of thinking "I'm succeeding a maintaining" I thought "I'm failing at losing more." 2) when I had my major regain, from 190 to 260, it only took 3 months to regain. I was bingeing on large amounts of food (I remember once buying a quarter sheet cake and eating the whole thing.) How I wish I had walked straight into a therapist's office and tried to deal with it then and there, but I was embarrassed.
Carter Congratulations on writing a novel!!! There is something really wonderful about writing the very first novel. Good luck with it! Regarding discipline-- right? It feels like a switch that flips. One minute, I can't for the life of me control my eating and the next minute I'm on track and it doesn't seem so hard. If we had a cure for that, we'd be in awesome shape!
Diane Getting on the scale when you know it's moving in the wrong direction is never fun, but on the other hand, it's always great to know that the next number you look at will almost certainly be better. So glad that you will soon be back to your Body Pump. I know you really rely on your exercise routine. It must have been really tough to be out with an injury! Frustrating!
Diane - Why waste an hour in a car when you can go hike? I know that the weather has been glorious where I live, and I hope it's the same for you. A hike outside sounds so great. I hope you enjoy it. And yay for getting on the scale. Like Uber said, getting on the scale after a slip-up allows for you to celebrate numbers on the way down that you might not otherwise view as victories. I have so much respect for the fact that you don't just disappear during your tougher times. You stay and you fight, and even if the number on the scale is not what you want it to be, it is so much better than it would be if you didn't have such amazing perseverance. And thank you for joining in my celebration. You have been such an important part of my journey.
Uber - As I have said, I am not anti-surgery in any way. It is often the tool that "evens the playing field" a bit for the morbidly obese. And I think that people who have succeeded at losing weight without surgery, but have difficulty keeping it off, are particularly good candidates for it, as we are the ones who associate weight loss with long-term commitment and sacrifice and know that surgery is not a "cure." Those surgery clinics can be awful in so many ways -- and your description of your visit suggests that you were confronted by their awfulness first-hand. And not only can surgery be a bad fit for some people, but there is always a risk of side effects. But, in my opinion, it just isn't a decision that has to be made now. If you have not already done so, you can check with your insurance and see if it's covered. Check out what hoops your insurance requires. Talk to people who have had the surgery. Join support groups, either in person or online, and learn about people's stories and whether or not the surgery was a good thing for them. In short, do the Uber thing and make an informed, non-coerced decision. There are people who succeed without surgery, and people who succeed with it, and the only important thing is that you find your way to even more success. Cuz color me the eternal optimist, but for me, even when I had hit 263 by last April (my highest weight since 2012) and was only 15 pounds away from my all-time high, I still believed that had it not been for the work I had done to be fit and lose weight, my weight would have been much, much higher (I picture myself potentially bed-bound, honestly) and my health would have been much, much worse. All that work we have done in the past - almost two years for you at a good weight for you -- is still paying dividends, even if it's hard to see some times. And thank you so much for your encouragement. I, too, can literally gain 70 pounds in 3 months, so your thoughts about maintenance are also very welcome.
I switched my goal weight on my ticker to 140 (I'm relentlessly hard on myself, I think), but decided to move it back to 160 and just try to breathe in the moment. Honestly, I am pretty happy with the way I am shaped right now. I am blessed with an hourglass shape, so I feel like things are fairly proportional at the moment. My belly is not as flat as I would like and my hips and thighs and calves are thicker than I would like, but at this point, my biggest complaint is loose skin. That will only get better with time and toning, and maybe surgery. So I'm going to try really hard to chill and figure out maintenance before working on dropping more. I think I am going to go back to my therapist and try to get my binge issues under control. I think when I am in maintenance, I will need to weigh virtually every day, so I am going to start doing that. I am hoping that I will still continue to lose, but for now, I am going to take Diane's advice and focus on my half-marathon goals and maybe track weight daily to figure out how things (my period, the type of food I choose, etc.) impact my current body weight. This is uncharted territory. It terrifies me slightly, but I also really like charting uncharted territory.
Uber: I love what you write, very insightful. I think it is very smart to look at the reasons why we react as we do. You're wise to take the time to consider all options, before being pushed into something you may or may not be ready to do.
Laurie: I'm sure it is a little strange going through maintenance, but what a great uncharted territory!!! Ha! You get through it, figure it all out, so that you can help the rest of us when we get there!
For me, I had a great walk yesterday. It was less of a hike, and more of a walk, due to the easy terrain, but it was great being outside. I didn't go to Body Pump this morning. Very sad about that. My daughter decided to have drama last night, so I didn't get a lot of sleep. I'll be killing her tonight when I get home. Not really....
The scale was down quite a bit this morning. I think getting fully back on track was a nice shock to my body. It may go back up, but we'll see if I can keep the downward trend.
Good afternoon, all <-- I have switched to decaf for the remainder of the day.
I have just a few minutes to burn before an afternoon of meetings, so I'll try to get comments out to all. First things first:
Laurie: Big congratulations to you. Reaching your goal is a huge milestone and accomplishment - definitely, definitely let yourself be proud of it for a while. Changing your ticker now is what they call "moving the goalposts." Don't do that to yourself until you've given yourself a chance to celebrate how far you've come. And in just 10 months! That is amazing as well. It took me TWO YEARS to lose the first 100 pounds, back in 2009-2011. I can't even fathom the consistency and discipline it must have taken to do all that in 10 months.
Diane: I am glad you had a great walk. I love a good walk - it's a kind of meditation for me, in fact. Don't kill your daughter - I'm reasonably certain you'll regret it. Also - you hit the nail exactly, about the novel - I feel amazingly exposed and naked just to say I'm writing one. And that leaves aside the content, and the execution, and the things that other people might see or think when they read it. It's the most vulnerable experience I think I have ever had.
Uber: A therapist is a good idea, if you're feeling that your issues are between the ears more than anything else. One thing I learned from my 2009-2012 round of weight loss (something that has applications in other areas of my life, too) was to identify my strengths and weaknesses and work within them, rather than constantly berating myself for my weaknesses and running up against the brick wall of trying to change myself. I think you can do that here - when you say, "I think I'm the kind of person who would try to eat around the surgery," you are acknowledging a fact about yourself and looking for a way to work with that fact, rather than attempting to bully yourself into being something different, or forging ahead anyhow in spite of the fact, just hoping to somehow magically be different. That's a really healthy way to approach problems, I think.
As for me, I got on the scale this morning for the first time since my little weekend retreat, and was astonished to be greeted by 187. What a delightful whoosh. I'm not going to update my numbers yet - I expect a bounce tomorrow, and I'll update then.
I'm following up on myself today with a few items. First, I was correct to expect a bounce after that surprising low of 187 - I was back up to a more reasonable 189 today and that's what I'll update my stats with here. Second, Facebook's "memories" feature today served up pictures from my first trip to India, in 2012, when I was at my absolute trimmest. I could not believe what I looked like. I wonder if I will get there again, or if I should even really try - I was less than 155 then and found it extremely difficult to maintain at that weight. This is all part of why my goal weight in my stats over there <------- remains "???" even after all these years.
<--- that one because it's Friday. 
I appreciate it so much. In the same vein, it's funny to hear someone as sensible and thoughtful as you describe yourself as a drama queen! It's interesting to think about what sets you off on the path to losing sight of your plan completely. It seems to me that the key for losing/maintaining vs. gaining is whether I can control the urge to binge, or not. That's really the main thing that keeps me on or off - everything else seems to follow. I probably should look into some of the research about how the fat/salt/sugar combination is self-perpetuating, or something, because when I don't binge it doesn't seem that hard not to binge, and when I do binge, it seems almost impossible not to binge again. 
Also - you hit the nail exactly, about the novel - I feel amazingly exposed and naked just to say I'm writing one. And that leaves aside the content, and the execution, and the things that other people might see or think when they read it. It's the most vulnerable experience I think I have ever had.