Starting over. Yet again.
 

Sigh. I was doing great a few years ago. Got all the way down to 201 from a high of 360. But then I was diagnosed with several disorders and chose to relax on my weight loss efforts and focus on my mental health.

The best part was being diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, something I had not realized was a disorder! I'd always assumed that my lifelong, constant nervousness and extreme worry was simply a part of being me. Getting treatment for that really changed my life for the better in ways I could have never imagined.

For better or for worse, I was also diagnosed with OCD. Getting that treated basically cured my orthorexia, an unknown (to me) issue that had inadvertently made my latest weight loss journey so successful.

I think what eventually destroyed me was being diagnosed with binge eating disorder once my OCD was getting under control. Not that the diagnosis was inaccurate, but being given that label made me feel broken. I was in therapy with a specialist dealing with eating disorders, tried to restart my weight loss journey so many times, and felt absolutely helpless as I binged myself into gaining back 85-ish pounds over the course of the last two-and-a-half years.

So I'm not exactly back to square one, but it sure feels like it. What sparked my successful beginning last time was the pain and guilt over having a miscarriage; I vowed to lose enough weight to have a chance at a healthy pregnancy. And mission accomplished: I have a beautiful little boy that turns 3 this month. But with the current regain and the overall crappy way I've been taking care of myself, I was hit with another miscarriage last month. :(

I know what I need to do. And heck, I've done it before. I just need to quit complaining and start doing.

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story!

Its great that you have been getting help for many of your disorders, having them all under control really takes the stress away and clears the mind so that you can concentrate on health and fitness. I would start with the My Fitness Pal app if you haven't yet already. While learning about what is in the food you already eat just now and lowering your daily calories, then using your cell to track steps? aim to hit 5,000 per day and then up it when possible until you can hit 10,000 at least 3 times a week.

I created a chart for the year back in January, my aim was to lose 1lb a week so that anything more than that was a bonus, then I would be less stressed about maintaining one week. Every week I would write in my weight and chart it on the back of my bedroom door to keep myself accountable.

I hope you are able to get on track so that you can have some more children, and so that you are nice and healthy to be able to run after and do cool things with your son.

First of all, please, please don't blame yourself for the miscarriage. It is almost never due to poor eating habits or overweight. Fat women, including very fat women, carry pregnancies to full term all of the time. Miscarriage is such a painful, heartbreaking, complicated issue. It's not punishment for poor eating choices. Being fitter, healthier, and making better food choices increases odds of getting pregnant, and eating nutritious foods help ensure that the baby is healthier and stronger. But I have not seen a link between miscarriage and poor eating habits (unless those are anorectic eating habits). (Of course, I'm not a doctor, so this is not medical advice. I am just a mother who lost a baby to stillbirth and still suffer from phantom guilt over what I could have done differently, even though I know it's wrong and self-destructive to do so.)

Secondly - welcome! I, too, think I deal with orthorexia, though I've never been diagnosed. It's probably why I am often so successful at losing weight, and probably why I regain it so quickly. Glad you're here on this journey with us. I have hit a rough patch on my current (mostly successful) journey, and am terrified that this rough patch will transform into a massive regain. I am white-knuckling it until I hit my stride again. Perhaps we can white-knuckle together for a bit?

Wishing you a very successful restart. And congratulations for keeping off a significant amount of weight for such a long time, even through a pregnancy.