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Slashnl 08-27-2014 12:43 PM

Hi all!
Lots of good stuff on this thread again. So glad to be a part of it! I learn something everyday. Today was my normal running/walking on the treadmill day, but I just was not feeling it at all. Then, I forgot my IPod out in my truck, so I decided to go to spin class instead. I knew I would not be pushing myself very much at all if I were on my own. The spin class was excellent, so that was a good choice. Still feeling really stuck at this weight, but I'm trying not to dwell on it. This might be TMI, but I have also felt a little like things are not flowing through my body as quickly as they should, so maybe a little bit of constipation (such an attractive thought). Just not feeling like I should. I'm not sick or anything, but just not feeling as great as I would like.

LaurieDawn: Wow! You are doing so well!! All of your work is paying off and you are right to embrace it! Very impressive!

Uber: I'm so glad you're back. I love reading what you post! You have some great insight on how to look at this process, and I think it helps us all to work through it.

Jenni: Sorry you are hanging on to the 230's as much as I am! I guess it is our turn to have a weight loss slow down. It is not nearly as much fun as a whoosh!!! But, we'll keep with it and make it to the 220's. Sometime!

Mandy: I think you are not looking at that picture in the right way. You look great in that dress! I really love the color! You're getting right back on track, too, and doing so well. Awesome!

Toasted Smoke: Yep, weekends can be tough. I'd agree with that. But it sounds like your workouts are going well, and you're hanging in with those. It is hard to be good about the food plan!!

Lotus: Ugh. Another reason for me not to fly. I'm not a fan of flying anyway, but getting an extender is not fun. I can imagine that it was discouraging. Don't let it get to you! Just keep working hard and you'll never have to do it again.

Martini: Hope all is going well for you! You're such a great support on this thread!

Nori71 08-27-2014 12:56 PM

Hello... I have been trying to find time to log in here and check in since getting back from vacation last week... but all that goes with getting back into work schedule and getting kiddos ready for school kept getting in my way. I have been insanely busy. Diet went well while away, I maintained. Last week was more of a challenge since I worked 5 10 hour shifts and when I'm getting home a bit before 7 every night and everyone is starving, I haven't come up with healthy super quick meals yet. I refuse to buy take out every night, so we had things like cold cereal, grilled cheese, taco salad (none of which the fam is excited about!)

Mandy - Looking good! Which type of church (denomination) does your hubby pastor in?

I'm going to go back and read end of old thread to see what I missed...

Nori71 08-27-2014 01:03 PM

I was also worried about needing an extender on our flight last month, but it went fine. I don't look as heavy as I am because percentage wise the fattest parts of my body are my extremities, thighs and upper arms, vs. my trunk. (My thighs are referred to at tree trunks actually when I'm in an self-deprecating mood.)

FeraFilia 08-27-2014 01:16 PM

Nora - Hubby is a pastor in the ELCA branch of the Lutheran church (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America). He starts at his first call next week! :)

Diane - Re: Keeping things moving... The biggest question is are you getting enough fiber, water, and fat? All 3 are pretty necessary to move things through. Most people don't think of fat as important for digestion, but it really does help. I was so blocked up when I tried a low fat diet. Fats are a little higher in calories, but they go a long way to helping absorb nutrients and keep digestion moving. If you have the calorie room, and aren't getting enough fat in your day, maybe that's where you should make an adjustment. Just switching from fat free to full fat yogurt and using a little olive oil vs cooking spray at dinner time was enough to make a huge difference for me. :)

ubergirl 08-27-2014 01:34 PM

:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::c arrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

Guess who FINALLY got lower than her lowest recorded weight since THE REGAIN??

Guess who lost all the vacation weight and dropped a pound to boot?

Über that's who!!!

On January 23rd 2012 I stepped on the scale and after losing 110 lbs and saw that in 4 months I had regained 70 lbs. Since that day, I've never seen a number lower than 258.5 until today!

:carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::c arrot::carrot::carrot::carrot::carrot:

I've read through everyone's posts and I'll be back to comment in a bit, but for now, I'm just celebrating!!!!!!!!

garnetrising 08-27-2014 03:33 PM

Thought I'd share a picture of Will before I get into things. :) It's back from April, before he was moved from my father's goat pasture to the awesome farm he's at now so he was pretty under-muscle at the time. He's a bit of a beast now. <3

Laurie - I can relate to the feelings about your body. I don't think that is ever going to go away for me which is why I try and focus on the attributes that I love about myself when I look in the mirror. I've got beautiful eyes and a pretty smile most days. Usually I love my boobs and my hair, too. If I'm focused on what I love about myself, it can help curtail the nitpicking. Sometimes, anyway.

Jenni - Congrats on being 15 lbs down since you started. <3

Mandy - I think you look beautiful! Maybe your gut is bigger than you'd like but we are all beautiful in spite of any faults that we might see when we look in the mirror or at pictures. Good luck with the packing and cleaning.

Diane - Awesome decision choosing to go to spin class rather than slacking on your workouts. Which is something I seem to have been doing lately. At least I feel like I have that that irks me.

Uber - Congrats, Uber! Congrats, congrats, congrats!

Me. Hm. Well, avoiding the scale today because I polished off the last 1/2 cup of my ice cream last night. Also, I did step on it twice and it had a 4lb variance between the two numbers. I'm not in the mood to deal with that... I woke up as a bit of an emotional wreck today and the scale being obnoxious certainly didn't help. I've got several theories as to what's wrong, ranging from loneliness to feeling under-appreciated at work, the very real probability that I'm going to get moved back to weekends when we get in our two new people because I'm not as useful to the weekday crew, to the possibility that my body has decide it's going to have a normal 30 day cycle from now on, in which case I'm going to be approaching cry week here soon... I don't know. I don't necessarily care. Like I really just don't want to think too much about it right now. I just want to pour myself into focusing on other things so that it just numbs the heartache a little.

Of course, my brother - who I really haven't seen in like a week and a half because he's been running around with neighbor buddies - comes home today, of all days, and immediately wants to talk about what's bothering me. I tried to get him to drop it but he just wanted to push and I nearly broke into tears right there. "I know people don't think I listen, but what's wrong?" What's wrong is that I'm not entirely sure what's wrong. What's wrong is that while I have it under control, I still suffer from chronic depression. I'm always going to have to fight with it. What's wrong is I haven't been able to talk with my writer buddies in a few days - they always know just what to say to get me laughing - I feel like an inconvenience to a lot of different people. My stomach won't go away. I've been slacking on my workouts. One of my primary love languages is touch and it's been over eight months since I've been able to just have someone hold my hand, let alone hold me. I'm emotionally all over the place today and I'd thank you to not ask me what's wrong because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT. You wouldn't understand. ... But being the polite person that I am, I just kept saying I don't know over and over until he finally stopped asking. Because the truth is, he wouldn't understand. Not to mention that I feel like whatever I say to him would somehow end up getting relayed to the whole rest of the world.

LaurieDawn 08-27-2014 04:18 PM

Jessica - I am so sorry! I actually came here to post because I stopped by my house after court this afternoon to drop something off, and ended up going on a mini-binge. I can usually just eat a few crackers to stave off the "I'm so deprived" feelings that come occasionally, so I started with four goldfish crackers. Then, I noticed a cookie in the fridge. I ate maybe half of it, and threw the rest away. I got ready to go, but decided to look in the pantry before I left. 2/3 of a bag of Chex mix and 3/4 of a candy bar later, I'm back at work and so full I want to vomit. I definitely stuck my hand in the tiger's cage. Then, when the tiger bit my hand, I decided to try to take it for a walk. Sucks.

And then, I find out my life/weight loss twin is struggling too. I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you mean when you say that some days are just really off. It's sweet that your brother tried to take care of you, though. But I would have been equally annoyed. I also get what you mean about touch. I will sometime reach out and just rest my hand on my husband's arm. Drives him crazy, but it's really good for me to get the skin-to-skin contact. Are Luna and Will helpful in that regard? I know it's not the same as human contact, but animal companionship is irreplaceable in its own way. =/

Here's to you and I letting go of our respective binges and getting back to the straight and narrow. And hoping that you find your way out of the doldrums soon. For me, walking is sometimes invaluable. Sounds like you use it as a time to sort things out. Know that we're here for you, and that we care about you, though.

Uber - WOOT! I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR YOU! I actually was worried because I know how hard you worked to get below the dreaded 260 number, and then when you snuck back up there after vacation, I knew it would have sent my mind spinning. But you totally defeated that monster!

Mandy - I am so going to use the hooker thing! Cuz nobody in my real life will know that I have copied it from you. And you totally rocked that gorgeous dress! Even though it's easy to see our faults, I hope you can see how good you looked. Which I think was sort of your point in the first place. Thanks for posting that for me so I can see how ridiculous of me it is to look at my biggest problem area instead of also seeing the great things about me.

Nori - So good to have you back! Have you thought about the crock pot? I don't use it very effectively, but I know it seems to be a favorite of people short on time who are looking for easy ways to make healthy and delicious meals.

Diane - First, I love that you are now talking about your "regular walking/running routine." Yay for becoming runners! Secondly, I loved that you switched it up when you weren't feeling it. When this becomes more of a drudge to us than anything, it's hard to imagine doing it for the rest of our lives. I am so impressed that you didn't let it become that.

So, I came here because, as I mentioned in my uber-long post to Jessica, I totally binged. Not that the calories consumed was excessively high, but I was completely out of control. And I HATE that so much. I have been really hungry all day, and really dissatisfied with my food choices today. And I unexpectedly slipped into it. And you know what? I don't know that I can prevent that kind of stuff from happening occasionally. But I'm labeling it a "refeed," and moving on. I don't know if I actually believe in refeeds, but it helps calm my psyche to label it that. And keeping the craziness at bay is my hardest job in losing weight.

And, once again, HOORAY, UBER! You slipped out of Krptonite, faced the back-from-vacation monster, grappled with the 260 bogeyman, and won all of those battles!

calluna 08-27-2014 05:01 PM

My goodness, but this is a positive and active thread. I'm liking this, although it's taking me a while to read through the last day or so.

A few things caught my attention... Mandy, you looked lovely in your dress and don't let your "fat brain" tell you otherwise. Speak to it firmly but kindly. :)

And uber... way to go!!! Major benchmark - hurrah for that!! Keep going, keep going!

And hopefully I'll have something useful to say to others once I read through everything a bit more.

I have to say that I have a little horse envy... I used to have horses, but they're too expensive to keep where I live now and so now I just have pony-sized dogs. Maybe someday they'll come my way again.

As for me... I can't complain about my progress. Scale was at 249.8 this morning, so hurray for breaking back into the bottom half of the century. :)

Also... I've been feeling a little bummed about clothing because I'm still wearing the same clothes that I was wearing 30 pounds ago (with a few extras that fit better now). But surely I'd lose a size by now? then I measured myself and checked a few clothing sites, and the clothing sites, as much as they vary, all agree that I'm a size or more smaller. That made me feel a little better, even though I'm not going to get any different clothes until I can make it up to Value Village for a few "progress, but not there yet" items. :)

FeraFilia 08-27-2014 05:46 PM

Calluna - Thank you. :) I got a ton of compliments through out the day, but every time I looked in the mirror, and with every picture, all I can see are the lumps. I'm not even completely convinced that it's a lump I'm seeing just a combination of shadows and some of the black coloring on the dress. My husband spent hours convincing me it was okay to wear that dress, after I bought it then wasn't sure if I should. I'm kind of a nutcase like that. I can also relate to the size thing. My 24s, that I used to only break out for serious PMS had become tight, which is when I got serious about losing weight, are obviously way too big and are more like sweat pants now... but almost all of my 22s are still a little bit tight. Ugh. Sizing.

Laurie - I'm glad you got the point of my posting that picture... I wasn't just posting to show off my hubby in his preacher-man duds ;). We are much harder on ourselves than anyone else, generally speaking, and the first thing we see is not the first thing others see. I can relate to the binge thing, too. I did that the other night. I was so upset after some events during the ordination that I ate an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers, half with peanut butter, and half with salsa (not at the same time). I think how we react after such a binge speaks more to our strength than indulging in some bad food choices does. It's why my favorite motivational quote is "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." Just get up, dust off, and keep going.

Jessica - I just want to give you a hug right now. :hug: I know exactly how you feel, because I was in the same head space a couple weeks ago before a beast of a period that I had to deal with while stressing about staying with my in-laws. I cried a ton, and bit my husband's head off a couple times, then cried some more because I felt bad about snapping at him (and managed to hide it all from the family - I hope!). Awful stuff. Aren't hormones fun?!

Uber - I'm gonna add a few more carrots to your celebration, because I know 100% how you feel about dropping the vacation weight!

:carrot::carrot::carrot: :carrot::carrot::carrot: :carrot::carrot::carrot:

I stepped on the scale earlier today, and it was a full 2-pound drop from yesterday, so 291.6, and I'm 1 pound away from 40 gone, and 1.6 away from a new book. :D Maybe I'll even see 280s by Sunday?! If I get another couple days of big drops like the last time I traveled, it's a possibility!

Anyway, I got 2 more tubs of clothing (pretty much the rest of it, just some underwear left) packed, the rest of my books packed, and a case of food for the cats to take with us, so they have something to eat when we get there.

Onward to the kitchen, I suppose, because that's the next big monster we have to handle.

LotusMama 08-27-2014 06:18 PM

Martini, Laurie, and Mandy--thanks so much for the support. I was pretty stunned that it didn't fit... my last flights in May were international and I sat in economy plus, so there was more room. This time I flew domestic economy. When I discovered that I couldn't close the seatbelt, I sat there for a moment wondering what to do. I even contemplated trying to hide the fact that it didn't fit and jut hoping that nobody noticed. But then I thought of how unsafe that was. I was beyond grateful that the steward handled it the way he did. I was glad I held onto it so that I didn't need to ask again... and when my return flight was over, I kept it again....not because I need it (I hope to never have to use it again), but because I wanted it to serve as my motivation. I will probably fly again in November. My mini-goal is to not need that extender! Honestly, it was a wake up call.

Mandy--you look very nice in the picture. I agree, though, it always takes awhile for your brain to catch up. That has always been the case with me.

Thanks again for the support, everyone. I appreciate it.

jenjenangel027 08-27-2014 07:27 PM

Diane....I can so relate! I finally had a drop so I think persistence pays off...water weight sucks and it could totally be that too! I also noticed when I exercised and was at 1200 I lost nothing!!!!

Nora...welcome back!!!

Mandy...you look beautiful!!! We all have areas that bother us but you are amazing...and you are keeping at it and doing such a wonderful job...oh and you rocked that dress!!!!

Jessica....I just wanna reach through this computer and hug you...can I???? I totally get it. I struggle with depression now and then. My dad is Bi polar and if I don't watch things I tend to hermit with my depression. The worst was after my now 3 1/2 year old Bria...I had it so bad my hubby was deployed in Afghan and well I had a lot of problems with the step children one was actually committed to a teen ward....yeah anyway I just want to say that we all care for you and I hope that something can bring you a smile today because you deserve it!!!

Laurie...I only see you eating spinach and fruit when you post...do you get enough protein???? I know protein keeps you satisfied and full longer so just a thought!!!! I am sorry you had a binge day! I wanted to so bad yesterday and resorted to my protein shake...when it gets hot I tend to want to binge on ice cream...((Hugs)) hope the urges clear for you!!!

Uber...you rock way to go so proud of you!!!!

Mandy....you rock again...way to go!!!

Calluna....I feel you I told myself I would NOT buy anymore bigger clothes!!! I'm fed up with it...I think that is part of what is keeping me on plan!

Lotsusmama....I flew so many international flights I was so scared of that...we were in South Korea for 2 years. Last time I flew in January I was at the last bit and that scared me so I so understand!!!! Nice to use it as a thing to keep you going!!!

Active thread today!!!! So I got a call for an interview today......I'm so nervous!!! My husband is retiring Army so he is only home on the weekends until he retires because he is 2 plus hours away! So I basically am a single mom Monday-Friday....I really want a job and need it for when my hubby retires just so nervous of daycare....my kids have never been in daycare and getting up and getting 3 mixed girls with curly curly hair ready.....but I guess if it is meant to be it is meant to be!!!!

toastedsmoke 08-27-2014 07:50 PM

LaurieDawn: Lol. No Momzilla please!!! Lolololololol. I'll get my act together! Yay on the downward scale movement!!! :carrot: :carrot: 2-noughties here you come!!!! Also major yay on the new proper running shoes!!! They really make a difference! And I definitely feel you on being underfed for a run...it is definitely harder going! I've been meaning to get out of my cardioholic ways more into strength training the past year but it hurts so much I've never yet stuck to it even though I got NROLFW and You Are Your Own Gym on Kindle (which isn't very user friendly so if anyone is thinking of getting these books, just do the hard copy version). I'm thinking of starting Chalene Extreme in September and I love Chalene so maybe that will be something I'll stick to. Anyway you're totally my inspiration because you're still getting your work out in even though you have stuff going on that disrupts your routine!!! Sorry about the work outfit disappointment. It happens to everyone. At least your pannus comes from the miracle of bringing life to the world... Mine just comes from a lifetime of obesity! :( #lesigh In any case, it's one bad outfit in a future of looking fabulous. I hope you scored big with thrifting!

garnetrising: I'm sorry you're feeling low. I think it's hard to watch loved ones to through things we can't understand or fix (imagine if the situation was the reverse) and probably in his way, he's trying to be supportive. That said, it's well within your rights to discuss how you're feeling or not and not be pushed about it. I'm glad you have groups you can talk to that help, but maybe you need to see someone as well if you're having trouble. Chronic depression isn't necessarily something you can control any more than you could any chronic physical illness and I know obviously I'm just an internet person who doesn't know your situation but please don't go it alone. In grad school in Louisiana, I went through a period of depression (the cause if which I still do not know) where I started thinking really dark and hopeless thoughts out of the blue and stopped functioning and cried all day everyday to the point that my dad flew from home in Africa to pull me out of grad school because I kept insisting I would "pull myself together" and function. For me, it was a super dark time but it ended as suddenly and randomly as it started and really strengthened my faith (but that's another story). If you haven't already, let people close to you who matter know so they can understand when you need them to back off. My college roommate suffered from depression and I didn't understand and was super pushy until she explained it to me and basically made me read up on it and told me what she needed and eventually when I went through my own bout years later in grad school that knowledge actually helped me know what to do and how to seek help. It's not as intuitive and one would think. Anyway, if I've stepped over the boundary responding when you really just wanted to vent, I'm really sorry. I'm praying for you and sending all the best healing thoughts your way and trusting you'll find your joy! In any case, Yay on the downward trend on the scale!!! Own it!! And on finding a good bra! Nothing lifts the spirits (and the girls) like feeling confident in a good bra!

FeraFilia: Protein and produce is an excellent and super helpful tip actually. It kind of eliminates the internal debating of baked, fried and floured! It's actually excellent advice for days when I can see my eating might be out of control too or when I'm at a loss for what to eat as often happens. I know planning my meals in advance definitely helps so you're right I need to get back on that track. I'm trying to get into strength training as well from basically "couch." My brother got me a bunch of weights for my birthday because I've been talking about this since New Years and I haven't really used them yet. I've never heard of Strong 5x5 so I'll definitely look it up. thanks for sharing! AND you look good! I love the dress and I think the pattern is ingenious. The cut of the dress also means that I didn't really notice any gut in this pic until I enlarged the pic and really stared because the dress cinches at the waist and with the pattern, what you're calling gut looks like it could be the bottom half of an hourglass to the casual eye. Which is what most people have Believe me only because you mentioned it.

LotusMama: Welcome back! I'm sorry about your flight experience. Even at my lowest weight around the mid 150s, I remember being on a small plane where I could JUST fasten the seatbelts. Majority of the passengers needed extenders. Unfortunately, the seat belts and plane seats don't come standard and it has to do with the make and model of the plane and who outfitted it and stuff so don't feel bad. The flight attendants know this and they tend to be discreet and not think anything of anyone asking for one. My mom has used seatbelt extenders the past 15 years or so and it's maybe only one or two flight attendants in that time (and she's a frequent flyer) who've made it weird. You're on your way down and soon you won't need an extender, but even let's say you did, you deserve to be safe on a flight just as much as anyone else and it's the airlines duty to make sure you are.

martini: Thanks so much for the encouragement. I'm usually very down on myself and getting to goal showed me that it wasn't really necessarily weight-related and being a particular size didn't fix my negative self-image. The strange thing is that being here in this community with you guys takes me out of my own head and makes me reflect on things I'm going through more objectively in a "what would you say if let's say martini said what you were saying" sort of way and I find that really helpful and it makes me a lot more positive and the more I'm on here and in that environment of support, the more I believe these mantras and positive things I say.

jenjenangel: I can't fit into most of my clothes either! You're not alone. As for jeans... Hahahahaha! I have two pairs in my closet that fit and maybe 8 that don't. Same with work pants. I've gotten really creative at trying to make leggings seem work appropriate. I'm hopeful that by October, I'll be back into more of my clothes too. This weekend I'll pick a pair of jeans to use as a NSV in October! And y'all see when I post the pic in October! They'll fit!!! #ICanDoIt

Slashni: Well done getting a workout in even though you were not feeling it!

Nor71: Yay on maintaining and straying away from takeout even through vacation and a crazy work schedule!

Uber: Go Uber go!!!!!! :carrot: Yayyyyy!!! That's awesome! Congrats!

calluna: Yay on your progress. I'm bummed about clothing too. But if we keep plugging away, we'll get there!

So I'm doing alright more or less. My brother got me an "I'm thinking of you" (sabotage) cupcake. I know he does it out of love and not sabotage and because he knows I love cake but still that cupcake took me to 1600calories for the day. And yes I could have said no or accepted it and not eaten it or maybe eaten it a bit at a time over 3 days or eaten a bit and thrown the rest away but apparently I no longer have that willpower. If I'm going to have a cupcake ake, it seems I have to eat less of something during the day to compensate for it. As it is, I'm going to shave 100 calories off my calorie allowance each day for the rest of the week so that I'm still within my overall weekly allowance. I meant to go to bed early tonight so I could finally (for the first time in my entire life) get up early and workout before work but instead I've been lurking on 3FC and writing this epistle and now it's nearly 1am here so that dream is probably gone. I'll set my alarms though and see how it goes. I might surprise myself in a few hours. I hope you all are doing alright and having awesome days.

garnetrising 08-27-2014 08:24 PM

Oh you guys! Thank you.

Laurie, I hate to imagine you having had a walkabout with the tiger. I've had days like that and I think the worst part of it is the self-loathing of having such a hard time shoving it back into its cage. Will and Luna help a lot with the contact thing. You're right in that they don't necessarily fill the human aspect of the void, but they do go a long way toward filling the touch quota. I did take Luna for her walk and I did 30 Day Shred and it seems to have improved things mentally a bit. Getting on the road and driving to work with some sunshine and good music, hopefully, will help chase the rest of the humbug away.

Calluna, and that is why I tape. I'm not in a position where I feel comfortable actually going out and buying new jeans or shirts or anything yet, but I know that I'm a size smaller. Really, I'm more than that. The jeans I have right now are 18W but I've been Ross and know for a fact that I can fit into a regular size 16. My stomach looks a little large in them, but my butt and legs look great. Lol.

Mandy, I do that a lot, try and keep from letting my emotions and my ups and downs affect other people. Sometimes I wonder how much the depression has impacted my journey to get as big as I did. Because I definitely know that addressing it and finding ways that I can come and keep it in check has definitely helped with the downward journey.

Lotus, I'm so sorry you and to go through that. :/ I haven't been on a plane in six years so it's never been something I really thought about. Thank goodness for that, though, because now that I think about it I imagine at my highest I'd have needed one. :(

Jenni, I think about my depression a lot like alcoholics think about their alcoholism. Even when my depression is in check and even when I've been having a lot of really good days, it will always be something I have to be aware of and deal with. Good luck with your interview.

Toasted, I know that he was trying to help. It is something I'm trying to get him to work on and understand. If I say I don't want to talk about it, I'm not running from my problems, I am just doing what needs to be done to not have a breakdown. Usually, if I pour myself into something that distracts me, my mind will start to sort through the underlying cause on its own and then by the time I take Luna for her walk, I've reached a better understanding of what I am feeling. Also, I appreciate your concern and know that I am always careful and very protective of my mental health. The thing is that I've spent my entire life dealing with a family that just doesn't understand my depression and my emotionality. And as a kid, it was doubly hard because of my empathy. I would often find myself feeding on other people's emotions and not know that the things I was feeling weren't MY feelings. I'm acutely aware when my mood shifts and I've come a long way over the years learning what works for me in coping. The bottom line, often, is that I need to figure out what is bothering me on my own so that I can solve it. If he were a more intuitive person and I trusted that he'd truly appreciate where I was coming from, I might feel more like opening up to him when I'm having bad days but his mind doesn't work the way mine does. I also often find that when I'm trying to express something it inevitably always ends up where he's expressing how bad his life is. For example, if I am feeling like I'm not as useful at work, we'll somehow end up in a situation where he's moaning because he doesn't have a job yet. Which ends up irking me for a bunch of other reasons because he should have come up with a plan for his future BEFORE he got out of the military, not waited six months until his unemployment ran out to start bemoaning having not gotten a job yet...

The point of that is that I reach out and get help when I need it. Thankfully, I haven't had more than a day where I've been as upset as I was this morning since I told my husband I wanted a divorce and started living a life for me and focusing on me. And my experience with my own depression and other issues is one of the biggest reasons I'm such an advocate of people gaining a better understanding of themselves because knowing yourself, knowing what things can cause you to stumble is the best way to learn how to cope with them. <3


ubergirl 08-27-2014 08:55 PM

LotusMama I'm so sorry to hear about your seatbelt issue! It is a huge nightmare of mine, I did get to the point where I sometimes couldn't buckle, but for me that usually comes up in the 270s. Ugh. I'm really surprised you did need the extender-- we're the same height and I carry most of my weight in the low belly. In the 270s, I have to shove my butt against the seat and kind of half stand to buckle it. I just flew last week around 260 and I can buckle it all the way out. The last time I lost weight, I got on the train one day and I realized that where I had always felt sort of crammed next to my neighbor, I actually had plenty of room to spare-- and I burst into tears! I would love to get back there!!!!!

Mandy: you and hubby are adorable and I love the picture! Congratulations to both of you! You look beautiful, and size is absolutely NOT the first thing I'd think of if I saw you-- you are so pretty! I'm cheering for you that you are about to hit the FORTY POUND MARK! With all the upheaval in your life I'm amazed at how steady your losses have been.

Jessica: Will is adorable-- no wonder you love him so much! So sorry you're having a blue day! Hope the rest of the day is better!

Jenni: I am SO SORRY that I skipped over you in my last post! I am such a flake!!! You are doing great to be down 15 and our bodies are so illogical! I HATE stalling and am always a huge baby about it, so feel free to vent.

Diane: Nothing worse than forgetting the iPod. I can't run without it AT ALL (not that I've been running lately, but I've finally started walking.. baby steps. Sorry you're frustrated about feeling stuck-- from where I sit it seems like you've been zooming-- but I know how that goes!

Nora: Welcome back. Now, I've always been envious of people who carry weight in their legs. I'm the type whose legs get skinnier and skinnier but the belly simply won't budge. The whole seatbelt thing is totally weird-- sometimes I can BARELY fasten it and other times I can fasten it without too much trouble. I don't get actual slack in the belt until I get below 230.

Martini As always you have a way with words! I was going to quote what you said about getting out of the binge eating mentality, only the thread's too long so I couldn't get back to it without losing what I already wrote. I think I could have a lifetime of good days and bad days and not be morbidly obese... I don't know why I never realized that before. I always framed it as eat what you want and be fat or never eat anything you want and be thin. It never occurred to me that I could eat whatever I wanted some of the time as long as most of the time I didn't. LOL. Slow learner here.

Calluna pony-sized dogs, LOL. The only thing that is a little close to horse joy is a good-sized dog! And HUGE CONGRATS for dropping below 250! Such a great feeling!

Laurie Ok, TINY is my favorite word! I'll tell you my little story. A few years back I had to do a professional photo shoot for book publicity. Very glamorous-- the photographer shot a lot of rock stars and I had to go to her studio in Brooklyn. It was awesome. She told me to bring several changes of clothes and they did my hair and make-up. So, the thing is, I had brought three changes-- but one of the outfits I had brought was way too big. She had to clip up the shirt behind me because it just hung there-- and yet I had brought it because I thought it looked good on me. She gets out all these clothes pins and starts using them to make the shirt fit better and all the while she's saying "you're so tiny... you're so tiny..." And I'm thinking WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??? I"M A HEFFALUMP!!! Well, oddly enough I just found some photos that I took of myself that same day-- I'm kind of used to looking at the glamorous photoshopped and airbrushed pictures-- but this was one I took with my phone, and my collarbones stick out and when I look at it, I think "oh my gosh you look so tiny...!!!!" I have a big stomach and a horrible pannus and honestly, if I ever get back down to where I was I'm going to consider a tummy tuck because now I realize that I really looked amazing, but all I could see was how my stomach stuck out.. I think it's really part of our messed up perception. I'm sure if I saw you I would think you looked TINY!

ubergirl 08-27-2014 09:02 PM

Toasted Yikes. I read your whole post but forgot to mention it. I get where you are coming from about finding weekends harder-- it seems like anything with a groove is easier and weekends are always a little less structured.


So, I came here because, as I mentioned in my uber-long post to Jessica, I totally binged. Not that the calories consumed was excessively high, but I was completely out of control. And I HATE that so much. I have been really hungry all day, and really dissatisfied with my food choices today. And I unexpectedly slipped into it. And you know what? I don't know that I can prevent that kind of stuff from happening occasionally. But I'm labeling it a "refeed," and moving on. I don't know if I actually believe in refeeds, but it helps calm my psyche to label it that. And keeping the craziness at bay is my hardest job in losing weight.
I also missed this and I just wanted to say that I think the harder we can work on JUST FORGETTING ABOUT IT the better off we are. Success without Kryptonite!

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