03 regainers regaining control, and relosing

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    YAY internet and phone and TV and technological creature comforts.

    I've been reading along occasionally when I've had a data signal to my phone (yeah, I'm so far out even Verizon's 3G data drops out pretty frequently) and I have missed being on plan!

    We got here and were promptly inundated with junk food. Ice cream. Cake. Cookies. Cinnamon rolls. Pie. I have so much junk in my freezer I'll be set to feed my sweet tooth until the holidays.

    But, living in a farming community, I've also been given a TON of fresh from the garden produce (spaghetti squash, acorn squash, zucchini, cucumber, bell peppers, corn, and watermelon).

    Also, in our freezer when we got here was 5 1-lb packages of locally grown and butchered ground beef, also a couple packages locally grown and butchered pork chops (the chops came from a member of the congregation that raises pigs). In our fridge, locally grown and canned strawberry jam and apple butter. And peanut butter made from peanuts that were roasted and ground by hand. NO added anything. Just peanuts. Also, organic milk, locally made butter, and farm fresh eggs in my fridge. I also just got a bottle of red raspberry wine made by a member of the congregation.

    I'm gonna get so spoiled.

    I stepped on the scale 2 days ago (I think) and saw 292.6, so almost 3 pounds up from 289.8 that I saw before moving... and considering how much fast food/restaurant food/not-prepared-by-me food I've consumed, I'm hoping a lot of it is water weight. (

    I also took a little video tour of the house (5 minute video) and put it on Facebook. If you want to see, let me know and I'll link you to my profile via PM because spam bots, etc.

    Very much looking forward to catching up with you all.
  • Mandy - YAY! So good to have you back. And not only have you firmly landed back in civilization, you have become completely pampered! There will be no living with you now. But why would you care? You have all that garden-fresh produce and real, actual peanut butter.

    LotusMama - I love people at the gym! Generally, anyway. And you're right. He might have said cliche things, but they're cliche because they can be so helpful. I'm so glad you found the support you needed right when you needed it. And you know what? 20 minutes on the stair-stepper is hard-core badass. That stair-stepper is tough.

    Uber - I am disappointed your post deleted. I love what you write. And I really appreciate your words about your vacation weight. I need to believe that if I stay the course and actually continue weighing, I will see much better results soon. And you are far more patient than I would be. Tons of "light mayo" makes the food "lite?" Just not okay.

    Martini - I met with trainer boy again today. Even with the extreme re-gain, I was down exactly 20 pounds on his scale, from 239.5 to 219.5. And he said the appropriate things. "Wow." "A+" "I gotta hand it to you. Whatever you're doing is working." Then, I told him I had a friend who had embraced the challenge with me and was also down 20 pounds in the two months. He shook his head and said, "Wow. People losing weight by choosing not to do training." That's right, little trainer boy. Showing you up is more motivational than working with you. And so as to not let me down, I got a bunch of fat-shaming again. "You're only down 10 pounds in the last 14 months. Is this what you want to look like?" And he and I are on again, with a tentative appointment scheduled on 11/11! You are, of course, invited to join again, if you're so inclined.

    I have been counting my chickens since my last post at noon my time. I feel like I have conquered this. And that is an incredibly dangerous place for me. Right now, I need to be vigilant and plan things.

    So, this evening: I will eat egg whites and veggies for dinner. I will feed the kids something they love but I don't particularly enjoy. No pizza or anything I will want to mainline again. And there are Sunchips in my pantry that I am obsessing over. I commit to not touching those unless they completely fill my mind and I get the "binge anxiety." If that happens, I am allowed two chips before I throw the rest of the bag away. I am taking my kids bowling. I will not order food nor will I allow my kids to order food while we're there. I am taking a stepson, too, and my husband typically gives him snacks while we're there, but that doesn't mean I have to. And if they want to after bowling, I would be willing to take them for ice cream on an "honor, don't offer" basis. I am allowed to have a kiddie cone if I do.

    I will check in when we get back from bowling, probably around 9 p.m. my time. So another 4-hour block. I will not eat anything after dinner, unless it's the kiddie cone.

    New Trainer Challenge starts today! No more excuses.
  • Hey everybody. Just checking in. I think I had kind of a blah dinner-- I made garbanzo bean curry, which I love, and I had two helpings, when I know that one is enough. I really want the scale to move again, but I don't think it will move after all of those beans.
  • Uber - Maybe the beans won't move the scale today, but give them time, and they may create some movement that will cause the scale to move in a day or two. ;-) But isn't it great that eating healthy is not a huge sacrifice? You love it enough to overindulge a bit, and that part of it is awesome.

    215.2 this morning. That's down 1.4 from the day before. I have regained many times before, so I'm trying to see this as an ordinary regain so that I can celebrate the losses again instead of have an unrealistic expectation that I will lose ten pounds in five days just because I gained it that fast. So, here goes. Yay! I'm down 1.4 pounds today! ;-)

    Yesterday wasn't perfect. I ended up doing some nibbling last night that I had not planned. But it was much more like my on-plan days. I am almost never perfectly on plan, but my plan contains enough of a deficit that I can afford bites here and there. And that's what last night was. And it was okay. But it was not predictably okay, so I feel like I am still on very shaky ground. Nevertheless, I am counting it as day 1 back on plan. Just in time for my Trainer Boy Challenge #2.

    Thanks everyone for helping me claw my way back. Now that I am here, I am going to fight really hard to stay here. Yesterday was successful largely because I planned out my day to make sure I got in my exercise and had every opportunity to eat successfully. I won't write out my plan here again, but I will document it so that I give myself the opportunity I need to succeed.
  • Mornin' y'all!

    Good news, on the scale front for me. 289.6 this morning. Meaning through all of the upheaval of moving, and all of the junk that has gone through my system, I've managed to maintain and not gain in the last 10 days, ish. There might even be a small loss in there, after I drop some of the water weight.

    I'm trying to ease my way back into it, because after almost 2 weeks, I bet going right back to strict calorie counting will be as miserable and HUNGRY as starting over again, so my goal is to be back to it by Monday, and just work my way down to it over the weekend.

    Which brings me to my other good news, on the physical activity front! I'll actually be getting up super early in the morning, and heading out to do a 5k charity walk, to raise funds for heart disease and stroke research. A 5k is a little over 3 miles in one go... and I think I can do it. It would be equal to 4 laps around the campus, that I was doing in SC. I only did 4 laps a couple times. Most of my walks were 3 laps, which is a little over 2 miles. Hoping to use that to kick start a physical routine that involves something a little more strenuous than walking.

    Which brings me to my "plan for the future" or at least the immediate future, in regards to fitness. I think I've mentioned that this house has a massive finished basement that is one huge, long room. I've decided to turn this into my recreational space. My computer is in the basement (also to encourage me not to sit at it all the time, since I like being upstairs better), but I also brought a 2nd TV (an old one) with a DVD player so I can do fitness videos. Eventually I will have an elliptical down here, as well as a set of kettle bells, and maybe a rack for lifting. I'm also planning on getting running shoes and a bicycle. We already have a pass to the state park that's good until the end of the year (a gift from a member of the congregation). And I will also be tilling up some ground and having a garden out back that I will maintain. So, I have lots of resources for physical activity... Hopefully I can get into using all of them.

    In other news... after a rough start, it looks like the cats are starting to adjust to their new surroundings. They are currently exploring the basement and they keep running back to me as if to just verify that I'm still here and didn't leave them in this huge room by themselves.

    Uber - Ditto what Laurie said. Even if there's a bump from the bean indulgence, that will sort it self out as they move on through. Lots of fiber there, and it will just sit in your system until expelled.

    Laurie - Kudos for getting through your post-binge white-knuckle day. I don't advocate eating super super low all the time, but I will do it occasionally, for one day, just to remind myself that "this is what real hunger feels like" compared to "I have the boredom munchies/I'm super hormonal, time to eat." Usually around the time I feel I'm about to give in to the boredom munchies or the hormone munchies and snack away all of my progress. I'll take a day to fast completely until late in the evening and then have a small dinner, just so I can know that "this feeling is real hunger" and after eating a small, but sufficient, dinner full of veggies and lean protein, maybe 500 calories, I can get the feeling of "and this is satisfied, without being stuffed" and be able to know the differences in my brain for later. Usually happens about once a month, and typically the week right after TOM. The only time I intentionally won't take a day for that is if I'm stressing a number on the scale... because that could lead me to eating that way all the time. Probably doesn't even make any sense except in my head . It's weird, but it's helpful.
  • So, I had more annoying scale drama today. We have 2 scales in the house. Mine is in the guest bathroom, and since my son is staying there now, I can't get to it first thing, so I weighed on the other scale. Usually, the other scale is a pound heavier than mine, so I get on and it says 253 (yesterday it said 255) so I'm thinking yay! This one is two pounds heavier than mine, I'm going to go weigh in on mine and I'm going to see a loss! So I rush to the other bathroom (strip down a second time, as I only weigh in the buff) and to my enormous frustration, mine is now weighing me at 254. I first saw 253.8 last Friday, so after dropping 5 lbs in a week, the scale hasn't budged. My current mini-goal is to make it to 230 by Christmas. That's 23.5 lbs in 17 weeks. Seems doable as it's less than a pound a week, but sometimes I don't even hit the lb a week mark.

    Mandy So nice to have you back! I love all the posts about your new abode. I find it so much easier to eat healthy when I have an abundance of delicious healthy home-grown food around! As far as buckling down-- I think it's a good idea to ease back into it. And, I love your explanation of reminding your body of what real hunger feels like (as opposed to munchies, etc...) One of my favorite tales from the dieting trenches is that last time I lost all the weight, one day before dinner, I felt sick and went to bed. I was so sick I couldn't even make dinner-- I was dizzy, I had a headache, I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Finally, I thought, hmm, maybe if I actually ate something I would feel a little better. I got up, ate dinner, and voila, I felt fine. I WAS HUNGRY and I didn't even recognize the sensation! To me, hunger and craving are quite different, and craving is the one I struggle with. Hunger, I can usually ignore until I'm about to pass out, LOL.

    Laurie Glad you saw a tiny bit of scale love and good for you for getting back from the precipice. Bingeing is so awful.

    Lotus It definitely gets harder with age, from a metabolism point of view, but at least in my case, it gets a little easier from a patience point of view, so it probably evens out.

    Diane LOL. I remember for a while I used to run on a treadmill right in front of the mirror. I would just watch my face getting redder and redder. I'm one of those people-- my face turns dark scarlet whenever I exercise.

    Jenni, and Martini Hope you are all having a great day.
  • Hi all!
    Busy day today, so this might be a little short. But, you never know. If I get on another rant. (No, really, I am so swamped at work...)

    Went to MOI spin class, with the heart rate monitor. There are 3 levels that they want you to reach with your heart rate: Focus, Lockdown, and Override. I was really pleased that the instructor was saying that she has trouble getting up into the Override level. I have trouble with that too. I can usually make it to that magical number, barely. Anyway, it was nice to hear that I'm not alone!

    It's funny that a couple of you have been having a lower calorie day today. I am doing that too. I've been alone for dinner the past couple of nights and was so lazy that I didn't want to cook. Well, that's fine, but I made some poor choices. So, I'm backing off for today to regroup a little bit. Can't let it stay out of control!!

    Have a good weekend!
  • Hey, ladies. I'm gonna have to read back through all of your posts at a later time. But I wanted to check in. First, I hit 205 lbs today. Pretty excited about it. I also bought a pair of size 16 dress pants. When I was getting ready yesterday in them, my brother and his fiance were talking about how much I've lost. <3

    So, here's to catch you up. Life has been busy the last few days. Wednesday, I got a call on a job that I'd applied for over two months ago. Yesterday, I had my interview and while I was at work last night, they called to offer me the job. It's a full-time position at Verizon that makes more than I currently make at Home Depot plus it comes with commission and shifts that don't start before 830am and a store that closes around 8pm. There's something to be said for that. I'm definitely going to take the job and, while I wish I could do both, I really don't think that I can physically.
  • Quote: Hey, ladies. I'm gonna have to read back through all of your posts at a later time. But I wanted to check in. First, I hit 205 lbs today. Pretty excited about it. I also bought a pair of size 16 dress pants. When I was getting ready yesterday in them, my brother and his fiance were talking about how much I've lost. <3

    So, here's to catch you up. Life has been busy the last few days. Wednesday, I got a call on a job that I'd applied for over two months ago. Yesterday, I had my interview and while I was at work last night, they called to offer me the job. It's a full-time position at Verizon that makes more than I currently make at Home Depot plus it comes with commission and shifts that don't start before 830am and a store that closes around 8pm. There's something to be said for that. I'm definitely going to take the job and, while I wish I could do both, I really don't think that I can physically.
    JESSICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:carr ot:

    New low weight?
    Size 16 pants?
    Ful-time higher paid job?

    I hope you are celebrating right now!!!!
  • Hi, All--

    Happy Friday!

    Mandy: Glad to have you back. Sounds like you did great during the move and the fact that you didn't gain during the stress and change of routine is really commendable. Nice work! Also, good luck on your 5k walk.

    Uber: sorry for the scale madness.

    Jessica: congratulations on the new job! That is exciting! And, way to go on the weight loss front as well. You are rocking it!

    Laurie: glad you made it through yesterday. So many times when I read your posts I think to myself, "that's me"! I can really relate to your experiences.

    I made it to the gym again today. I am actually enjoying it.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend!
  • I'm catching up and some of you have written multiple posts so my replies are going to be a bit fragmented.

    Diane - As much as I love and admire your consistency, I do have to admit I've wondered how it is that you manage to stay so upbeat and focused all the time. It's good to know you're human and that you've got your ups and downs like the rest of us.

    What you mentioned about seeing your relatives and thinking "that's not what I want to become" is also a big part of my motivation. There's a physical component. Being heavy in your 60s and 70s is hard. There's also a mental/emotional component, though. I see how a lot of my family have shut themselves off from the world and find their comfort in food. That kind of painful isolation isn't something that I want for myself ten, twenty years down the line and I'm working hard to create a different life for myself.

    Laurie - I'm not going to be on board with the second trainer boy challenge. That would be giving him too much space in my head and I don't like him enough to do that. I used to have a thing for men who rejected me (mother/abandonment issues manifesting) and his fat-shaming ways get a little too close to that button being pressed for me. If someone isn't bringing joy and sunshine into my life, I've got no place for them. He's not offering that kind of energy so he can just suck it. Twice.

    I've also never understood people who can just have a little of something and then leave it. By the same token I'm sure they can't understand why it is there can't be any survivors by the end of the day when a bag of chips is opened. It's humbling, but I'm learning to slowly accept there are things I simply can't do well. Portion control is definitely one of them.

    I'm glad to hear that you have a plan for making it through this wobbly time. Checking in, planning out your food... all of these things build upon each other and create some daylight between you and that last binge/compulsive eating moment. It's hard, but you're doing it and that's great.

    Jenni - Hi jennislowloser!! I'm glad you're sticking with it even when it gets long and slow and boring!!

    Uber - I'm seriously struggling with eating out as well. Massive kudos to you for scraping off the "lite" mayo and making the best out of a challenging situation.

    I recently read that drop crotch pants have (again?) been declared fashionable. Your weight loss has made those droopy capris cutting edge.

    Now that I've conquered Laurie's awful trainer boy I'm poking around for a new challenge and the thought of doing something for Christmas is resonating for me. Would you like to set a goal together?

    Lotus - Isn't that great when we have days where we hear just what we need to hear? Those are always such lovely moments and I'm so glad you had a chance to enjoy one of them.

    Mandy - The fresh food sounds wonderful! I'm so glad you and your husband are settling in to the new community.

    Jessica - Awesome!!!!! Hurrah Verizon!!!!! Being able to work daylight hours and having the possibility of commission!!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm fine. Puttering along. I went out to eat on Thursday night and did well, but being able to have some sense of calories is still a real problem. A lot of the foods are completely unique to the region, so I'm left guessing most of the time. Vegetables and proteins are pretty easy to figure out, but there's also a lot of hidden oil and salt/msg in things that can tweak the numbers. I ended up eating in moderation, consciously over-estimating the number of calories I ate, and ending the day at something like 1,700 calories (again with the over-estimation).

    One of the things that stuck in my mind from last week's off-plan funk is that I consciously thought to myself how much I hated feeling the way I felt and how much happier I was when I was eating on plan. That has created a niggling thought in the back of my head that I've got some food issues that I also need to actively deal with. So I'm trying to do that as well. I'm starting with avoiding wheat and sugar and will see what other tweaks would be useful as time goes by.
  • Mandy....Welcome back girl!!!!! Glad to have you back and congrats on your water loss!!!!

    Laurie...I am glad the scale is moving down for you!!!!!

    Jessica...congrats on the job and the weight loss!!! That is such a wonderful thing!!!!

    Uber...I am good and I so know how you feel and I hope the scale moves SOON!!!!! Its so hard when there is unplanned meals!

    Diane....sorry you have been so busy but you are a trooper and always get back with it and stick to it...I know the scale will move soon for you!

    Martini...I am glad you are in good spirits...it took me awhile to gain the mental back and you know what??? I also feel so much better since I have been eating right....I feel like a whole other person when I eat crappy. I have RA so it really hurts my joints when I don't eat right!

    Me just chugging along. I worked a little today...it was hot hot hot today...and my ring is starting to feel loose...which is a great thing. I think I need to start doing some walking. I tried the C25k but my joints couldn't handle it....so I have told myself when I get to 199 I am doing it again!
  • I'm so happy to see everyone doing so well pulling through the hard times to keep stuck to there goals. Of all the 3FC groups I've been in over the years, I feel like this one seems to be the most focused, determined, committed, and supportive bunch of women I've ever had the pleasure of getting to know. It's helped me so much in getting me to where I am today and I just wanted to tell all of you thank you for that!

    Martini, I generally do the same. I'd rather err on the side of a bigger deficit than I think I'm getting.

    Jenni, when your body can't handle something, you have to listen to it. Know that you will be able to do it again soon. Just give your joints some time to recover.

    I have some fantastic news today. I hit a new lowest weight ever today - 204 lbs. I can't begin to express how proud of myself I am. We just started a new 5-lb challenge today and at 204, it makes this challenge the most important 5-lb challenge for me ever because that's all I have left to lose before I hit Onederland. I can't believe how close I am to Onederland. I can't believe I'm on this journey for almost 5 months and I've lost nearly 60 lbs. I am officially over half-way to my current long-term goal of 150 lbs. And with the new job, a full-time job with such a huge potential income from commission (on top of the base pay of $10/hr), there is so much in my life for me to proud of and excited about and I am so glad to have you guys to share all of this with. <3
  • Wow! So much great stuff going on here. Especially you, Jessica. Going to save the individual replies for tomorrow or the next day. I have a houseful of 10yo girls (daughter's sleepover), so I am only popping in.

    Yesterday was not on plan. Today, I am doing a very relaxed version of plan. I will figure stuff out. For sure. But I am checking in and weighing in because I cannot lose sight of my goals or my journey.
  • Jessica....thank you...one thing is I do feel strong while punching the punching bag! So happy for you with all these triumphs.

    Laurie...I bet your house is loud!!! Hope you all have fun!!!!