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ubergirl 09-08-2014 03:28 PM

Martini So glad you are still here.
Quote:

When life hits there's a part of me that wants to fold up within myself and play possum until everything is over. Posting yesterday about how lousy I felt reminded me that I can actually exert some agency in my world, even if it's only choosing what to put in my mouth or reaching out for support. That makes a difference.
Completely true! None of us would be regainers if it wasn't for this. Stick with us, and you will hit your groove eventually.

Jenni It is just SO FRUSTRATING to stay on plan and not see the scale move. Feel free to complain all you want! Sometimes, I literally start to get CRAZY and imagine that there is something special about my body-- that it actually takes a stand and REFUSES to lose weight. It's crazy-talk, but it's so hard not to get psyched out by the scale.

DianeWoo-hoo! You are in the bottom half of the 230s and more than halfway there? Cause for huge celebration!

Laurie Oh my gosh, me too! When I first joined 3FC I used to look at people like me and think "she has thousands of posts and she still weighs in the 250s???" But I know for my own self, all the trying that I've done has kept me smaller than I would have been if I had never tried. I swear I would weigh in the 300s by now if I had never started trying. All of us have had times when it really wasn't working, and all of us have had times when everything was sailing along, but the point is, we're still here!

Diane Thank you! I hadn't thought of if that way, but I think you're right. I was so sorry that I didn't just choose something less greasy-- and next time, if it comes up again, I'll remember that I didn't enjoy it very much.

As for me, almost had a fit when I finally got my scale out of the guest bathroom and weighed myself this am-- I was up 2. But, I'm sure there is no reason for me to gain, and I often find that when I lose a whole lot and hit a new low, a lot of times I bounce up again before I settle at the new low weight-- so I'm trying not to freak out. I'm pretty much in my groove and nothing is going to bother me too much.

garnetrising 09-08-2014 03:39 PM

Uber, we all have those sort of food incidents. We just have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off.

Jenni, it's never easy when you hit a stall wall or even just a slow period. But you are making progress and that's what you have to hold on to. Don't be afraid to express your emotions - it can help - just remember that you're strong enough to conquer the 230's and every other decade that comes your way.

Martini, I know what you mean about wanting to crawl into a hole when life hits. Closets are my location of choice. While I didn't go into a closet, yesterday, I did decide to spend the entire day in bed with Luna. She was very happy about that and I equally so. And then, as we fell asleep last night, the dork punched me in the face with her paw and ended up with it draped over my chest, breathing on my face and needless to say I felt loved. <3 Puppies are so good about making humans feel important. :)

Laurie, I'm sorry about the binge, but I am SO PROUD of your resolve to not let it derail you from your goals. I'm extremely jealous that you're in size 14's but it's just motivation to get myself back to doing more than just walking. Not that walking isn't fantastic, but I do need to get back to strength training. I was supposed to do that this weekend. And then tom decided to rear its head and between the cramps and the nausea, not to mention the much needed cuddle time with Luna, that totally didn't happen.

Diane, congrats on the loss. You are amazing. You are positive, insightful, and so dedicated with your workouts. :) You're an inspiration to us all.


So between a high sodium day and tom starting, the scale bumped back up to 207 this morning. It's okay. It's still 4 lbs down since last Monday and that's amazing! Spent all day in bed yesterday watching tv and loving on Luna. She was immensely pleased by this. I'm thinking I'll go back upstairs here in a bit and cuddle with her some more since I've got about 7 hrs before I have to leave for work. I should probably eat something, first, though. Lol.

In the financial aspect, thank you all so much for your sympathy. I have 90 days to file the appeal and, if I do end up need to, I'd like to have it filed before 1 Oct so I might at least be able to delay the drop. First, though, I'm going to try and get with legal aid and see what can be done and what exactly I need to do.

LaurieDawn 09-08-2014 06:21 PM

You guys are truly the best. The best. I have read everything, but not going to comment individually yet. Just need to write all of this down in a desperate attempt to regain my stride.

I have had a super hectic day. Work stuff plus kid stuff plus communicating with the ex and his wife about a kid issue is tough. I also had a Pap smear and a breast exam -- first ones in 10 years.

While at work, I was totally on plan. When I was with kids, I made poor food decisions. I believe I have detected a pattern. =)

Desperately need a good, on-plan evening. Getting pizza for kids and husband. Will be eating something different. Will be taking a child to the gym with me and will get in a good run this evening.

Just to be clear. I think off-plan days are fine. Good even sometimes. I am not having casual off-plan days. I am back into my binge patterns. I scan every place for food. I buy food in the store and count the steps to the car until I can plunge into it. I eat everything I see that looks even remotely edible. Today, I have had Russian chocolate (not great), Pringles, and Doritos. Not massive quantities. I could still pull off a reasonable calorie day. But right now, it's really about facing and conquering these patterns.

Gym now. Dinner soon. Then bowling. And I will reform this idea that I need to feed my kids junk for them to have a good experience. I know better. It's just that they haven't had this food since they went to Russia, and they have missed it. But I never kept Pringles or Oreos in my house before. It doesn't need to be there now.

martini 09-08-2014 10:49 PM

Quick post for Laurie...

Logic has never made a dent in my approach to food when I'm in that eating mode. Trying to talk myself through what's appropriate or what's a good idea doesn't matter because the part of my head that the food is reaching out to can't be accessed through reason.

What has worked for me is interrupting that mental flow - distracting myself by getting into my body (taking a walk, slapping a wall), forcing my thoughts onto something else (work), taking some sort of step in a positive direction (posting here). I wouldn't give a toddler the keys to my car so why would I let the most infantile part of my brain run the show when it comes to my health and well being?

I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, but that's how I'm still learning to navigate these moments. (I originally wrote "I learned" and had to remind myself that this is all **very** much a work in progress)

:hug:

And this morning I was down to 271.7. I very well may hit the trainer boy challenge! Fingers crossed for an awesome BM today or tomorrow!!

ubergirl 09-08-2014 11:50 PM

Laurie Obviously, I wasn't reading carefully, because I missed the part of your post that said that you were post-binge. Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from. I've been right where you are so many times, and it seems completely and totally irrational.

I have to say that I completely agree with Martini. Bingeing does not respond to any kind of rational thought. I think I mentioned to Martini that I came across a book called Brain over Binge that was recommended on another thread-- basically the approach is not to get into the emotional side of things and figure out why we binge, but to learn simple techniques to STOP the bingeing. And she recommends exactly what Martini said-- to learn how to identify the voice telling us to binge as a lower part of the brain-- she calls it her animal brain. (I've taken to saying "shut up hooker!" )

You totally can do this. Having a few awful days does not have to mean the end. Try really hard not to think about having screwed up and just treat tomorrow as an ordinary day. That really helps me a lot.

Slashnl 09-09-2014 11:32 AM

Hi all!
Oh so tired today. My body pump workout was a tough one. It rained a ton last night, so it was very humid in the gym, so just was sweating like crazy during the workout. I think that's what wore me out. My legs are just weak right now. Just feeling tired.

So, not much to say... Have a good one, everyone!

ubergirl 09-09-2014 12:16 PM

Hi All,

Hate to say it but I'm pissed at the scale. It is NOT being friendly to me-- still weighing in 1.5 lbs above my low weight. I know logically that the stupid grilled cheese and garlic fries I ate 3 days ago cannot be the cause, and yet, it's still bugging me. Staying on plan. Nice walk this morning. I realize that I have a bit of a pattern-- when I see a new low, I almost always bounce back up for a while before I actually settle at the new weight, so I was probably a bit premature to change the ticker to 253 the first time I saw it... on the other hand, I really feel insecure when I don't weigh daily, so I just have to remind myself that this is normal.

Hope you all have a good day.

FeraFilia 09-09-2014 12:30 PM

Hi guys!

I will have Internet access again on Friday, so I'll be back to posting regularly then.

I just wanted to let you all know that we made it to Indiana and we are still settling in.

The container with our stuff should be here today. I'm looking forward to getting back to my routine!

Miss you all! Be back soon!

LotusMama 09-09-2014 01:50 PM

Hi, All:

I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.

I finally got on the scale--I am up 2 pounds since starting, so I will be changing my ticker. I am not one bit surprised (and actually expected it to be more than that). I have never had so much trouble getting out of the starting block.... bleh. But, I am still here and intend to keep trying.

When I lost a significant amount of weight last time, exercise was a big part of my success. Although I have done some exercise recently, I know it is not enough. So, over the weekend, I rejoined the same gym I used to go to. I went back for the first time this morning. I had no illusions about how difficult working out would be, but it was nevertheless a humbling experience. It is going to take a long time for me to get back to where I was endurance-wise. Also, when I started going to the gym last time, I was in better physical shape than I am now (I had been exercising routinely before I joined), so I was it was easier than now. I fully expected that, though, and my goal is to go to the gym at least 4 times a week. It felt good to be back there, actually. I used to keep a written daily log of my progress in my gym bag. When I looked at it, I realized that it has been 4 years almost to the day that I last went to the gym. Wow!

Laurie and Martini--sorry to see that you are both struggling a bit. Each time I read one of your posts, I can absolutely relate. You both have inspired me to keep going.

Uber--you are doing great! Don't let the 1.5 pound fluctuation get into your head--just forge ahead. Easier said than done, I realize, but you are doing so well.

Diane and Jessica--I admire your perseverance and consistency. I am always glad to see your posts and forward progress. Thanks for the inspiration.

Toasted—after a previous post where I mentioned that I got a standing desk, you asked how I like it. I love it. It has a button that you push to take it up and down, so that you can sit some of the time. Right now, my goal is stand at least half of the day. I am thrilled to have it; I know that I will benefit from it, although I admit, sometimes I have to force myself to stand.

Mandy—I look forward to seeing your regular posts again.

Welcome to those of you who are new to this thread and sorry I haven’t formally welcomed

LaurieDawn 09-09-2014 01:54 PM

I have not disappeared. Just having a super busy couple of days with kids and work.

Martini and Uber - YES! You guys are so completely and totally right. I committed to my sweet 17yo, who is "skinny fat" and trying to get into better physical condition, that I would run with him. So, yesterday, after spending far too much time trying to get my gym membership straightened out, I finally got to the gym with him. I felt guilty because it meant my other two visiting children were going to be neglected until close to 7:00, but I had also made a commitment to the 17yo. So, we went, and I got on the treadmill. I felt like the "fatland" me, and so it didn't feel like I should be able to run. But it's ridiculous. I've been training for two months now. I have been running almost every other day. So, I just did it. And I did well. And it sort of broke the spell. I knew better than to buy pizza, so I bought some grilled chicken instead, and we had grilled chicken, fruit, and chips (which I did not have) for dinner. Not easy still. Especially because the scale registered another gain this morning. But it's less difficult to make good choices today. Not all of them have been good, but most of them have. And most is all I need.

Martini - Hope so badly you make the number. Not that it matters, ultimately, because - WOW - you've done so well, particularly with challenging circumstances. But it would be cool.

Uber - Let's be angry at the scale together! Although you have more reason, mine is still be incredibly punitive. Seven pounds for 1.5 days of junk food and a few days of pretty-on-plan. Ridiculous. But you've identified the pattern for you seeing new lows. And it's really all about the pattern.

Mandy - Glad to see you popping in. You've been missed, but not forgotten. Uber, as you may have seen, reminded me that when that voice in my head urges me to binge, the appropriate response is, "Shut up, hooker!"

Diane - It seems like some physical fatigue is often the result of consistency. Doesn't seem fair. Hope that your tired legs get back with the program (and stay with it) soon.

Jessica - Cuddle time with Luna is so important! Glad you got it. And thanks for the words of encouragement. I am fighting the urge to feel bad about declaring that I would be better, and not being perfectly on plan. But the alternative is to just give up. Not really feeling as though that's a good option.

Did eat some chocolate this morning, and ate a little more grilled chicken this morning than I would have if I was perfectly on plan. But drinking water and focusing on whole, nutrition-dense food. And gym is happening this afternoon. Wearing my loose size 16 skirt while working at my standing desk, feeling good that I was able to run with my son yesterday and will lift weights with him today to encourage him to be more physically fit. I don't have to be perfect to be doing good things for my health and my fitness. New mantra.

LaurieDawn 09-09-2014 01:58 PM

Lotus - You Ninja'd me! Glad you posted. So glad you're getting back in the gym. You're right. I used to be able to run 8 miles at a time, and I still think to myself that I should be able to do that. Or do 10 solid push-ups. But I know that I need to work myself to get back to that. And in some sense, it seems disrespectful to the work that I did before to get to the point where I could do more to expect that I shouldn't have to work as hard to get there again. Here's to rocking that gym! And yay on the standing desk. Again. =)

LotusMama 09-09-2014 02:33 PM

Thanks, Laurie! I appreciate the encouragement; it means a lot.

jenjenangel027 09-09-2014 03:15 PM

Hey everyone!

My hubby got to stay four whole days so I have been kinda MIA.....still having a VERY hard time to the point I feel like throwing my hands up. I knew this would happen. My body isn't stalling so much as moving so SLOW. I told myself at the beginning of restarting I would be happy with 4-5 lost a month because adding that up it would be 40-50 in 10 months from now. I don't know why I am having such a hard time dealing with it when I already thought I had dealt with it...does that make sense???? I just see so many lose so fast and I get discouraged. I am happy for them but mad at myself. (I know everyone has different bodies, age, metabolism...but come on...why can't my body follow my suit..LOL)

So I am sorry I guess I am STILL throwing a fit. I may for awhile. I have still not gone off plan except on my scheduled off plan mean once a week. I still feel super hungry on low carb days I just feel well umphhhh!!!!!

Lotusmama....welcome back and way to go thinking about the gym!

Uber...Im with you...can I climb in your bubble and kick and scream with you????

Diane...you still make me smile because you are always so thoughtful and you seem to stay so strong even when it is hard to stay strong!

Martini...glad to see you and glad you are getting in a grove!!!!

Jessica...I have been thinking about you this weekend and just hoping all works out well with getting your own space and all!

Laurie...I have been thinking about you too and I don't know what to say because honestly I feel like binging about now too! I think it is such a great thing to be honest with ourselves and I admire you. I am hoping you are okay and can get in a good place like I also want to! Its SO hard with kids around....having 6 I know this! So I am just thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way!!!

FeraFilia 09-09-2014 03:41 PM

Lol. I am happy to see that my habit of calling annoying things "hooker" has rubbed off on y'all. :)

Posting from my phone is a pain so I'll leave it at that.

:wave:

garnetrising 09-09-2014 04:58 PM

Well, I talked to the legal aid service and it seems like I'm pretty much screwed. To the state, it doesn't matter what I'm paying if it isn't certain things. So, like my car insurance, doesn't matter. Student loans? Yup, those don't matter either. All they care about is rent and/or basic utilities. It's logic that doesn't make sense to me when I'm trying to start over, but the bottom line is that I don't really have any other options. I've got to try and find out how to make this all work. Preferably before October.

In scale news, still at 207 lbs this morning. My official inches lost are only 1" for the week but I do have several areas where I'm seeing things on the verge of a quarter inch down. As soon as tom ends, I'm going to jump back in with heavy work outs and such. See where it goes from there.


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