As some of you know, I battled Anorexia in the past for many years. In high school I was 98 pounds thin and thought I was horribly fat. A size 3 hung on me and I put a couple bites in my mouth a day. I have always had those tendancies arise whenever I would start dieting, so that, among other things, kept me afraid to loose weight.
I have to face it and I have to admit it, I am facing it again. I did not eat for 4 days straight. It is not like I say..."i'm not going to eat because I am going to get fat" and then refuse to eat and just starve instead...NO, it's not like that at all! It is all an emotional, phycological, and physical illness. My body simply is rejecting food. I try to eat and I get sick. I can barely get it down my throat. Since Friday (last Friday) to tonight (Thursday night) I have lost a total of 9 pounds. I KNOW it is all muscle and LBM that I am loosing, but it's not like this choice I am making on purpose...but I have to face reality and the reality is that I am battleing it AGAIN!
I have turned into an exercise nut. I am pushing myself as hard as I can and am doing it without any fuel. You ask, "If I SEE it, why can't I do something to change it"...well, if you ever faced ANY kind of an eating disorder, you know why...you just can't control nor explain it...it's just there and it just takes control!
I don't know what my options are...I don't know what to do! I certainly am not going to stop dieting..NO WAY! I will not stop exercising...so what is there to do...what do I do?