No longer Oblivious
 

I wonder how it's possible to be so oblivious to my major weight problem. I of course know I have a problem, but I don't admit to myself how severe it is. Today when my clothes no longer fit, I touch the steering wheel again and my feet swelled because I didn't wear gym shoes it somehow struck me that I am not admitting the truth. I have gained my weight back and I need to get back on plan...TODAY!

So to start things back in the right direction, I thought I would come clean here. I have changed my profile pic to one from February of this year and have made my ticker accurate. I haven't been 259 in a year, that's enough lying.

I really didn't believe it could happen to me. I had this down. I had lost 110 lbs and everything was going my way. I wasn't ever getting back to my highest weight. Yep, that's what I thought. But when I changed jobs last year and hated my new one and cried all the time, I turned to food. In fact, switching jobs had messed with me so much, I think I gained 10 lbs from the time I was offered the job and when I started. Leaving my job that I loved after 13 years was just a lot for me to process.

But when I finally started liking my new job, I didn't quit, I just kept eating. When the new year came and I weighed 325, I didn't quit, I just kept eating. And now here I am. I have "started" over time and time again, but really have had no success. In fact, every time I lose 10 pounds and gain in back, it all goes right to my stomach!!!!

I still see my trainer DeWayne although he is none too pleased with me. I have the knowledge, I know how to do this, I just need to do it. So it starts today.

Thanks for letting me share....

Welcome ! back ! You can do it !

Sandi, good to see you! I wish I couldn't relate, but I'm starting over too. You are an inspiration with your honesty and your positive attitude to get back to losing! You'll do it again!

Welcome back and good luck on your journey!!

Your honesty is refreshing and comforting. No one is perfect and we all have our struggles.

Hugs

Right there with you as well. I just restarted 2 weeks ago. Being honest with yourself is the hardest part of it all... it's horrible, but we need to do it if we are every going get to our goals. ((hugs))

Thanks for your honesty Sandi. I gained back 30 of 93 lost. Similar story - life stress, strong emotions, ate to deal with it. I hope I'm back on track today but I've said that so many times in the last few months. I know we can do this. Heck, we've proven we can if we just make that commitment to ourselves. :hug:

Sandi your story has many parodies with mine. I joined here in 2003 at 226lb since joining looking for support in losing the last 20lb i accidently gained back 103. My big thing was i wasn't bothered because hey its only 20/30/40lb i lost 100lb before i'll get that 50 off in a few months.

This board is a blessing and curse, I see many many people on here still having the issues they were talking about 10 years ago.

The thing is in reality you've probably had this convo with yourself more times over the years than you care to remember. Its easy to forget the time before last etc.

One thing that the board is a blessing for is that (apart from the odd server death) our posts are stored for us to retrieve our thoughts.

I suggest you go through your posts. pick a few points over the last year and read what you were thinking and feeling. then go back a few years when it was better. try to find triggers for food. A bad day at the office is not a trigger. its a build up of things. find these and write them down.

Plan this journey on the last. you achieved some success which is your foundation, look at your last 10 years on here and thing A) worked all times so i'll keep that. B) C) D) didn't work so i'll not bother with them.

You have a rich history of experimenting with this weight loss lark, explore it and use it for your advantage.

As Einstein said.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Blessing and a curse. Embrace the blessing, avoid the curse.

Sandi, it is so hard to be honest with ourselves. I commend you for coming clean. I have lost and regained weight many times. This time I am vowing to give away my clothes as I grow out of them. I have never done that before and allow myself to grow back into the big clothes.

You can do this...

Kudos to you!

I've lost and regained the same weight MANY times (unfortunately), I so understand! Hiding the truth from ourselves does nothing to fix the problem! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Hi Sandi. Thank you for sharing with us. It is difficult to come to terms with our weight. Honesty with yourself is the key to making the change. Good for you!

Sandi,
We have all been there. I lost a little over 100 pounds and then the high stress hit. I gained about 55 pounds back. During the time I was gaining, I watched you and you were losing! You inspired me.

I restarted and restarted, and restarted again. Finally one of those times took and now I am only a few pounds away from my all time low.

You can do it!!! I am looking forward to seeing you on here.

Cheryl

You are not alone! You can count me as yet another fellow regainer. And every day I could punch myself. Why did I not get control when it was only 10 pounds? Or twenty? Or the first time I had to go back up two pants sizes?

None of that can be changed. I think as a whole we tend to get so focused on reaching our target number that we forget that it's not the end. The work never ends. And we are a bit like alcoholics or others with compulsions or addictions; we can know what needs to happen, and we can even make ourselves do it for a while. But when we get stressed out, we will tend to fall back on our old dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

I wish you happy losing, and I hope you are able to make changes in the parts of your life that are leaving you so stressed out.

Sandi, thank you so much for sharing. We can do this.

Welcome back, yep, been there too. Gained 45 pounds in a year, but now just one pound from the lowest I have been in 20 years. You can do it! Everyone here will cheer you on!

Hi Sandi! Your honesty is refreshing. I'm sure it was hard to put yourself out there, but I appreciate it. I know just how you feel. I lost 140 lbs 2007-2009, and was feeling great! Near the end of 2009 I was forced to make a job change within my company. I didn't want to go. Everyone in that department advised me to stay away! I was miserable, and I ate -- I ate 100lbs worth of anger, frustration and stress.

Somehow in January of 2012, I got control of myself and recognized what I was doing. I still don't like my job, but I have one, and for that I'm grateful. Last week, it was announced that I would take on several "other duties as assigned." I was livid! I don't think I can handle a bigger workload! I felt those old feelings, and made the decision to change jobs. I want to find another job before I leave this one, but it's not been easy to keep my calm. SO.... I know all about job stress.

Hang in there, and just do the next RIGHT thing. YOU CAN DO IT! I look forward to getting to know you.

I am right there with you. Gained back the 50 pounds I lost plus some. Am at my highest weight ever, 287 and starting over.

This really is a lifetime battle, isn't it? Congratulations for finding the courage to re-gain control and get headed back in the right direction. I've been filling overwhelmed at the thought of even trying again. I need to turn around and follow you! I'll start off my changing my ticker and being honest, too.

Sandi, your honesty in dealing with this is refreshing. And, you're obviously not alone in having to deal with this -- in fact, you have lots and lots of company. I lost about 130 pounds 30 years ago, kept it off for 5 years, and then did what you did due to a move, broken engagement, etc. I ended up gaining back the 130 and then evidently decided that another 50 would be icing on the cake of failure that I felt I was.

But, I feel as though my mind is in the game this time because over the last 30 years, I've tried losing weight so many times I've lost count. And it sounds as though you've reached that point as well. You can do this -- we all can -- together!

I recently had my own "come to Jesus meeting" with myself and had to face the hard truth that I've gained back every one of the 55 pounds I lost a couple of years ago. In my opinion, that's the hardest part: Facing the truth and being honest. So you've got that out of the way now. :)

Congratulations on your renewed commitment. As others have said, it is a lifetime struggle for many (most) of us. Thanks for all you do here for us, Sandi, and I wish you much success in this ongoing process! :)

Sandi, I'm so glad you're back. You've got this, you can do it.

Big hugs to you!

HI Sandi!! That's hard stuff to admit, but kudos for doing it! You're well on your way and we're all proud of you !

ps. The "oblivious" thing really struck a chord with me! I always felt I was sheltered in The Matrix til i took the RED pill and WOKE UP to reality (ok maybe only nerds get that anaology, google it ha ha)

pps no matter what size you're always A BABE!!! don't forget it

Sandi, I am cheering for you 100%! Facing it is half the battle. You can do this and we will be here supporting you. Hugs!!

Done it! I've gained and lost the same 30lbs at least 3 times. I know exactly what you mean when you say "This time, it's different" "I'll never gain it back because I've got this now." And then...BAM; You're back up there going how did this happen???

Sandi Sandi Sandi!

Is this a mod curse?! ;) I have slowly and steadily been gaining weight since January. I have restarted so many times. It's like... I don't have time to be fat!

So let's restart. I'm looking out for you! You keep me in line.

Sandi You've made a huge step just admitting. I'm losing what I regained and then some and it's hard but the hard is what makes it great in the end. You've got the knowledge and you've got all of us. Just keep swimming!

Oh I think most everyone on this site can relate to this. It's just something about bad food tasting so good and the loss of control. I've lost and regained so much weight in the past 10 years I should have bought stock in the dieting foods industry. The happy part to this wholeeeeee story is that no matter how many times we may have "given up" we still decided to try again. You can do it and you're so worth it!

I think it's just hard to face the music sometimes. Most of us have been there, and the regain I had years ago added an extra 100 pounds on top of my old highest weight! :o What's important is recognizing the issue so you can get started again. You can do this, and we're always here for support because we understand. :hug:

We've all been there Sandi! For me I knew what was going on but I just could not get back on a diet. Day after day I would start off with resolve and then I would have unbearable cravings by the end of the day. The temptation I would feel would completely overwhelm me and I would give in. All my old tricks to get into the diet mindset were not working. It took gaining back all my weight and an extra 15 pounds to see that the weight gain might never end.

So finally, I asked my husband to pay $350 for a diet class for me because I knew I would be more accountable if it was his money. My pride would not allow me to waste his money! And it worked, I'm back on the diet express and doing swell.

So don't beat yourself up because it took you so long to notice, that wasn't your fault. Our bodies don't want to diet again and will throw up all sorts of roadblocks ... but after the first week or so they get used to it again and you'll be back in the groove!

You can do this!!!

Hi Sandi,

While this is only my 2nd post and my 2nd day on this blog. your story is nearly identical to mine and my motivation for joining this forum. I am so appreciative of your honesty and cheer you on as we all go through this together.

i too have been on this weight loss processes for most of my life and 2 years ago i thought it would be the last time. i was down 50 lbs and somehow magically managed to regain 30 of them without thinking twice about putting all of those sugar sweets in my body.

We're here for you, and welcome back!

Sandi:

Your post is great and truly inspiring! I have been through the same thing.

Here is a big hug from me! :hug:

My best wishes go with you.

Hi Sandi,
I was just thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. How is it going getting back on track? We all know how hard it is.

Thinking of you also Sandi and hoping that all is well.

Hi Sandi. I've not been on the board in awhile but I think of you often. I have your blog address bookmarked on my kobo and I check it every now and again to see if you've posted. I'm sorry that this has happened. I've had weight loss surgery and I haven't been nearly as successful at it as I could have been. Yes I've lost weight and kept it off but barely. I lost a lot right out of the gate but it's been a struggle since. It really doesn't matter how much we exercise, tracking calories or fat grams or food journal if we don't fix the emotional crap that causes us to overeat to begin with. Coping mechanisms are everything. We turn to food in times of stress, there is always going to be stress of one sort or another in our lives. Learning to deal with that is key. I'm hoping that you will start blogging again, maybe it will be therapeutic to write instead of eat!!

Hang in there Sandi. You can get this under control.

Thanks for sharing, Sandi, and good luck this time around.

Lin