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Old 07-29-2013, 02:45 PM   #1  
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Default HOW do you start again after endless, ever increasing failures???

Half succeed, gain it all back, plus some. Over, and over, and over and OVER again. For decades.
I am desperate to start over, in so much pain, SO angry at myself...again. How is it that I can let it go for so long that I've surpassed my previous highest weight?
WHY can't I give myself a 5 pound window and stay there....WHY?

And can I be so happy in some areas of my life, and so devastatingly miserable in others?? It makes no sense. I am so lost right THIS part of my life.

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Old 07-29-2013, 02:48 PM   #2  
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It's like multiple personality disorder....but on ONE life struggle....
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Old 07-29-2013, 05:38 PM   #3  
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Old 07-29-2013, 07:15 PM   #4  
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Hang in there; beating yourself up doesn't do a thing. I speak from experience on that. It's easy to do. But pick yourself up, dust yourself off and finish day one. Then move on to day two. Day three. Keep moving on.

What are some of your biggest challenges? When do you struggle the most - home/away, morning or evening, etc.? What do YOU see as the key to your success?
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Old 07-29-2013, 08:00 PM   #5  
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How do you define "failure?" If failure is recognizing the need to change and then getting off the couch to make things happen and if/when you fall you have the strength and energy to ADMIT IT, get back up and try again....then call me the biggest failure ever!!!!

Failure is throwing in the're still in the fight....and because you're still're winning. Not perfect....but winning.

Hugs and smiles your way....
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Old 07-29-2013, 11:03 PM   #6  
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How do you start again? You just do it it. I realize that's an obnoxiously simple solution, but it's the only one I've got.

I too had a lot of anger toward myself for the regain. And I think that held me back from re-starting for a little while. Because I just couldn't stop beating myself up over it, which made me feel more miserable and want to eat.

I can't tell you I had any revolutionary moment that made me suddenly able to start. I literally just woke up one day and decided to do it. I'm 2 weeks in and feeling strong in it. I can't explain how or why, but this time just feels different than all the other times I've tried to start over the past two years (and has lasted longer too).

It feels like before, when I lost the 70 lbs. I'm hoping I can hold onto this, and lose more than 70 this time. I still have doubts. I still have anger. But I don't let myself dwell on those things for long. Right now, I'm just focused on that first 15 pounds.

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Old 07-29-2013, 11:12 PM   #7  
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IMHO: For me, it's not about reaching a goal weight anymore. I lost 65 pounds and gained it all back once already. This time I have the mindset of 'I'm always going to be on a diet--always'. For the rest of my life I have to watch what I eat and exercise. My true goal is to be around 125, it's going to take me a long time to get there--and when I do I need to keep myself there. I will never not be dieting. Ever.

I think that if you have this same mindset you can stop the cycle of losing and gaining and losing and gaining. You must always be working on losing weight, there is no end.
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Old 07-30-2013, 08:29 AM   #8  
One day at a time!
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I have been where you are so I understand. I don't think that there is an easy answer. Don't give up. Keep trying different plans or methods until you find the right way for you. We are all experiments of one.
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:23 AM   #9  
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I agree with the "you just do it" answer. I am not angry at myself for the regain. A bit disappointed in myself for sure but I also had a **** of a lot of fun in those 8 months and now am paying for it Kind of like my credit cards! You just pick yourself up and start again.
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Old 07-30-2013, 06:18 PM   #10  
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I'm recently starting over myself for what seems like the nth time and honestly the only way I can handle it is to focus on today. I want to eat within my calorie limit today and that is it.
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Old 07-30-2013, 06:43 PM   #11  
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Oh, I have so been where you are now. How do you do it again? You just do. You get to the point where you stop feeling angry, you stop feeling sad, and you just commit. For me, I committed to 1 pound. That's it. I could lose 1 pound, right? And once that pound was gone, I started over. I committed to 1 pound. I could maintain a 1 pound loss and lose another pound, right? You get the drift.

I could have written your exact post 15 months ago; you can do this
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Old 07-30-2013, 07:09 PM   #12  
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I agree with the poster that says this is a forever process. All my life, I've been either gaining weight or losing weight... never maintaining. I've lost and regained 75, 90, and 100+ lbs before. So, I know how it goes. This time, I'm extra vigilant. I do believe that I'll never be completely "free" from watching what I eat.

Right now, I've been about the same weight since the first of the year, and I guess this is maintaining, although my desire is to lose more, and I feel like I'm sacrificing (although, admittedly, not consistently). Eventually I want to get to this point at my goal weight -- even though it won't put an end to this process.

What I need to do right now is get back in the groove - seriously - and get the rest of the weight off. So, I need a kick in the butt! We can do this!

Last edited by AwShucks; 07-30-2013 at 07:22 PM.
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Old 07-30-2013, 07:22 PM   #13  
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I understand your frustration but what is the alternative??? You need to examine your plan and realize what you are doing is not working and you are getting frustrated so you need a fresh approach to this. I was in your shoes but a lot heavier, I knew If I did not do something I would be in the hospital. My dr suggested Eating Clean by Tosca Reno. This plan is not for everyone but in 8 weeks I have lost 29 pounds. I work out 4-5 days a week too but getting rid of the crap/chemicals/ processed foods has made a major way that I look at food, my diet and my life. You need to find what works for you, but a big deal is tracking or journaling everything you eat. It actually might show you triggers where food causes you to quit and fail.
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:01 PM   #14  
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You just do it, as others have said, because what's the alternative? BUT...

for me, recognizing what had been holding me back was important. There's no simple way to do this. Therapy is one way to try. Another is to read and read and read on these boards--listen to what others say about changes they've made that have helped them, then ask if you could try the same change.

For me, for example, listening to others say over and over how much exercise helped them maintain energy and positive outlook finally convinced me to get serious about exercise, and it turns out sitting on my butt too much was one of the things that was really holding me back (mostly because it was contributing to depression and poor insulin control). Who knew?

Really, really, I know what it feels like to lose and re-gain. But you know you don't want to give up--that's why you're still here talking with us. And we don't want you to give up, either, because we know that if you can make your positive changes stick, it will mean a happier, healthier life for you.

Hang in with us!

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Old 08-01-2013, 09:05 AM   #15  
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I am mad at myself all the time for regaining, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

I get mad at myself when I can't find any clothes that fit (because I refuse to go buy new ones at this weight.)

I get mad at myself when I eat something I know is terrible for me, even though I've had a rotten day and spent hours telling myself 'I deserve it' (whatever that means.)

I get mad at myself when I think of how *good* I felt at 150 pounds, and how easy it was to get back over 200.

But the good thing about doing it once is that you know what works for you, so you can do it again. At least that's what I tell myself.

I think where I really went wrong was that I got down to a 'normal' weight, and I thought that meant *I* was finally normal. I thought I could go out with my friends and eat what they ate, that it was 'just this one time' or a 'special occasion'. But man, suddenly I was having all kinds of special occasions to celebrate!

What I learned is that I will never be 'normal'. Like Kaitie, I will always be on a diet, or I will always be heavy. There's no middle ground for me. That's just the way it's going to work. It sucks and I get mad about that too, but getting mad hasn't changed it.
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