Jacob – I promise you...
 

June 13, 2003 - 3:06 pm

Jacob – I promise you...

That starting right now, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, right now I will stick to my weight loss program. I will do what I need to do to become a healthy, active, vibrant mom for you. I love you with all my heart and soul and this is going to be my gift to you. I want to be there when you go off to 1st grade, I want to be there when you graduate, I want to be there when you get married. I just want to be there for you. You deserve to have a mom who is of normal weight and is healthy. Who can run with you and play tag. Who want to go to the water park and go on roller coaster rides. You deserve to have a lap to sit on. I will do this for you. You don’t know yet that I am fat, you have never been made fun of for having a fat mom. I will start now and maybe those things (that would break my heart) will never have to happen. You will be the thought that keeps me going when this journey gets tough. You will be my rock. And by helping myself I will be helping you. I will teach you as I learn to eat healthy. My good habits will become your good habits. I refuse to pass my sickness on to you. You don’t know yet that I am sick. So starting now, I will make myself well. I don’t want you to ever sit in a hospital waiting room and say to dad, “How come mom never just lost the weight?”. I want you to say “Well, at least she is strong and healthy, that should help her heal quickly”.

I think often about what life would be like if we ever lost your dad. Well, I think, then I’d get healthy and strong because I’d be all you had. But I just realized, I have it all wrong. What if my weight has already deteriorated my health and then he is called up. Then what. It’ll be too late. And also, I love you and your dad so much. Don’t you and your dad deserve the best of me. I am not at my best at this weight. It is constantly hanging over every day, every event. Don’t we as a family deserve the best right now. I am so lucky to have the 2 of you. I want to give you the best. And starting now, I will.

So, Jacob, my dear sweet 2 year old, to you…I promise.

*sniff

Sandi,

You made me cry, but you did it so beautifully! Jacob is very lucky to have such a wonderful mom that loves him so very much.

Very powerful, Sandi--thanks for sharing that. You're a great mom!

Sandi,

You're making me cry! That was absolutely beautiful!!! I've thought the same things for my son Matthew too. They're the biggest reason to get healthy, besides doing it for ourselves too!
We will all continue to help each other as much as possible.

Hugs,
Sherry

Jacob is so lucky to have a Momma like you. :)

OH MY GOSH!!! I am sitting here crying, that is the sweetest thing ever, and he is SO lucky to have such a caring, wonderful Mommy! I know that you WILL be around to see him graduate, we will make sure of that! You have the right attitude, and he is so worth EVERY struggle that you will EVER have to go through, just keep his beautiful face in your mind whenever you struggle, and let your feelings carry you through :) Just beautifully written, thanks for that! Wow!

i KNEW i shouldn't have read this without the tissues!!!

very moving, worth saving

you should print a copy, or write it down, and save it with things for jacob to read or see when he is older. it was wonderful. :)

Awww Sandy that is so nice (I am tearing up). :) I have the exact same thoughts when I think of my daughter (our kids are almost the exact same age, my daughter will be 3 on July 28th). :)

Is there anything as strong and pure as a mothers love? You have a lucky little boy.

Sandy...
That is so special:) I also have a two year old son...and I have the same thoughts. I know you can do this.....we can do this....all of us can do this. Jacob has a special mom.

Thank you so much for sharing with us. You really are a great mom, Jacob is a lucky little boy.

*sniff* How beautiful. I agree with everyone ~ you should print this up and read it every day. Sounds like you've found what it takes for it to "click". Proud of ya!!! :D

Oh Sandi...how sweet. I am just crying my eyes out now! I grew up with an over weight mom. It was so hard once I got into school, and like you said, realized that she was "fat". It was heartbreaking because my mom was and still is my best friend. Now she battles congestive heart failure, diabietes, knee problems and a nuber of other conditions that break my heart. I am so glad you are doing something for you and Jacob now:)