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Old 06-13-2003, 08:21 PM   #16  
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I need to move someplace warmer. Last summer when it got up to 95 degrees, I was LOVING it. I was probably the only person outside soaking up the heat (we don't have AC in our homes here, just use lots of fans). I want to move to Costa Rica, and be warm all year round.

But it's Friday (the 13th), and the work week is OVER!!! I worked 8hrs today, 10hrs yesterday and 14hrs on Wednesday and I am BURNT right out. Daughter is at her dad's house, meaning I get to go out singing tonight and sleep in tomorrow.
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Old 06-13-2003, 09:06 PM   #17  
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Raelynn, come move to Adelaide, where it was 40 degrees celcius (104 Fahrenheit) quite often last summer
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Old 06-16-2003, 01:59 PM   #18  
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Hope everyone's weekend was fun. I had an excellent time. Nothing too special except, lots of food though. I don't feel TOO bad since I worked out both days.
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Old 06-16-2003, 02:42 PM   #19  
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I'm still in a fibromyalgia flare. I haven't called my doctor: he will put me on steroids. Steroids cause certain weight gain and this is not the time for that.

I need to call him anyway, I guess. It's just not going away.
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Old 06-16-2003, 03:32 PM   #20  
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I'm sorry for being absent. It's just one thing after another - and I guess sometimes I just don't want to bring y'all down.


This whole diet whatever thing is just not working for me. If I am not PERFECT - and I mean PERFECT as in eating right, exercising daily for at least 30 minutes 4-5 times per week, I do not lose an ounce. I don't know if I can do it anymore. And when I think about it, there are parts of me I'm unhappy with, but at the same time, I don't feel like I really care. I mean, I'm already married, and (sorry for the TMI) but no matter what I've done to try to change for my hubby who "wasn't attracted to me anymore", nothing has really changed with him, so I guess I've just gotten to this point of stalemate. This is hard for me to write. But at the same time I realize finally for once in my life I'm being honest.


I got my dress for my brother's wedding the other day, and aside from it being too big, it looks FABULOUS. It's rather clingy/drapy material so you can't tell its too big until you pull the sides out. I was exstatic it was too big, because according to their size charts, I ordered a 24W, but I'm in all 20s now, so that was flat out depressing... but then when I put it on it was huge. You really can't tell though unless I pull on it. So that made me happy - but I think it was also another nail in the coffin of my "Diet" because I weigh 257 lbs (although I've also had major stomach issues lately, so its more than likely that number is wrong)... but I still look great in most of my clothes and can dress to hide any of the ugly spots.


I just can't find any reason to change. I think I'm just tired of doing things for other people... and its not often I get much in return, and we have next to no money, so I comfort myself/reward myself/take care of myself/refill the "love bank" by eating things I like, but that aren't always the healthiest choices.


If I look at myself today, versus 6/12/18 months ago, I have made a lot of changes. I'm about 45-48 lbs lighter depending on the day. My cholesterol is down. My blood pressure is down. I'm more physcially fit. I'm no longer at risk for gestational diabetes. I make healthier choices. I'm sure if you checked my triglycerides, they'd be way lower, but they weren't tested back then. My body fat is down by almost 8% from where it was 16 months ago.


I think i've reached the point where the work is outweighing the benefits in my mind, so I just can't get on track and stay there. I don't want to do this as a competition. I don't want to do this to make my husband care about me more, because it shouldn't matter what I look like, what should matter is who I am.


Perhaps once we manage to move out of the hellacious living situation we are in I will once again have the mental/emotional/whatever stamina to revisit this.


I am open to any and all of your opinions, so feel free to type away.


So that's me in a nutshell.
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Old 06-16-2003, 04:27 PM   #21  
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believe it or not.........

this is the 4th day i've been doing weight watchers and i'm just now starting to get hungry when i dont think i should be. last night i caved and went on a binge. hopefully staying on track the rest of the week will make a difference. i think 1 binge in 4 days isn't so bad. so i fell, i got back up and started again today.

did a major clean on the main part of the house and did a few loads of laundry. since i dont have a treadmill or a nice safe place to walk this will just have to count as exercise for now. i'm still working on getting my bedroom cleaned up... that will take a while though.

earlier i went through all the foods i normally eat and counted the points up on each of them and made a spreadsheet so i can keep track of them instead of having to look for the points each time in my book or on the points finder. i don't have everything on there yet, i'm still working on it.

i've been doing good on getting water in me. i went and bought this HUGE monster of a cup. its one of those insulated ones and its 64 oz with the lid and straw and everything and it has a bunch of *water facts* listed on it. i vary on how much i drink though. some days its half of one of those and sometimes its 3 of one of those... just depends on my mood i guess.

RE: the heat. are you guys out of your minds?!?!?!?! LOL oh my i can not stand the heat at all! last summer or summer before that it got up around 115 here. and this isn't dry heat. and lately its been VERY humid (like around 94%) and hot. ICK!

BA99TJ---- your post is so sad. i feel really really really bad about the way your husband is. and you are right, it shouldn't matter what you look like. you are the same person he married back whenever, only you look different. (this is one reason i hate men! LOL) i'm wishing you all the luck i can gather up so that things get better between you two.

AngiKL--- i dont know much about fibro but i hope it passes quickly!

eek i know i'm missing some but i gotta get going. hope you all have a great monday.
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Old 06-16-2003, 05:10 PM   #22  
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Beth Anne, maybe the time just isn't right for you. Through a lot of years of trying to please other people, and trying to lose weight for someone or something, I discovered that the only way I can lose weight is to want to lose weight for me, because I care about me, about my health, and about what I look like. During the time that I was trying to lose weight for someone other than myself, I had the "perfect syndrome," too, but that's changed also with the knowledge that I'm not doing this for anyone else's benefit. Since I've really set no time limit (although my sig line says so, I'm flexible), and I'm only doing this for me, I don't care how long it takes or how perfect I am.

I'm sorry about your husband, and that he can't see what a wonderful woman he's married. Even if you got down to 130 pounds, I doubt it would change anything, especially not the sadness you feel that he can't care for you no matter what you weigh.

While part of me thinks that changing a living situation really won't change what's happening with you emotionally, I know that for me, changing my living situation was also when I decided to change me. Maybe that will be the motivator for you, too.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you know that you'll have support from all the great people on this bulletin board who care about you in every "weigh."
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Old 06-16-2003, 05:18 PM   #23  
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Beth Anne,

I know everyone says that you have to lose weight for you, and nobody else, but the reality of it is that it is hard. We naturally view ourselves through how we think other people view us (its sometimes called the "looking glass self"). You know your husband wasn't happy with your weight and you felt bad about yourself because of him. Its a bad cycle, but completely human.

I would tell you that if you are not absolutely positively convinced that you are doing the right thing for yourself, then you will have resentment and hostility that will sabotage any effort you make. You shouldn't feel like you are doing something to please anyone. He married you for the person you are inside, and you will always be that person, no matter what weight you are.
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Old 06-16-2003, 05:41 PM   #24  
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Beth Anne,

((((HUGS)))))). I'm really sorry about how you're feeling right now, and I completely understand what you're saying. My husband is the same way. I've lost 117 pounds and my husband doesn't say a word about it, doesn't seem to notice, and is still completely uninterested in me, so you're right, you can't do it for him. You have to do it for yourself. You have to do it for the way that it makes you feel. You have to do it for the pride that you will have in yourself and the self confidence that you will gain. Not to mention all of the health benefits.

You've already come so far and you're doing so great. You have made progress from a year ago and you're moving forward, not backward. Keep up the great work and know that you're doing it for you. We're all here for you and we all support and care about you.
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Old 06-17-2003, 09:57 AM   #25  
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I had an amazing, soul-searching, tear-jerking conversation with my dad. He is the one person I knew would understand exactly what I'm going through and could really comment - because I am him, just a smaller female version. We have the same build, the same battle against weight... Anyway - its really neat because he told me a lot of things I needed to hear.

I can't do this as a "get back at Greg". I can't stop losing weight just because I want him to love me for who I am. He told me to just try for 5 pounds. Just take it 5 pounds at a time. Find some time to squeeze in exercise. even just 5 minutes is better than nothing - even taking just ONE commercial break to do situps would be a great idea. But he reminded me that unfortunately he passed me his genes, and I'm going to have to be concerned about my weight and my health for the rest of my life... I can't take a vacation from it because it will just take a few pounds for me to be back in unhealthy land again.

I think the hardest thing for me to hear though was that I've been blaming Greg for A. gaining the 45 lbs I had to lose and B. the fact that I'm not losing more. It can't be about him. He didn't stuff food down my face, and I can't force him to be more affectionate. However, its not just about that - I'm feeling really overwhelmed. When it got down to it and I was blubbering and crying and letting it all out - its that I'm totally overwhelmed and stressed and feeling like there just isn't enough time in the day. I'm not sleeping well, I'm having to do 90% of the chores at home on top of working a full time job.. I am mostly responsible forJocelyn when she's here simply because she looks to me for everything - I'm the substitute mom when she's here. That I can have a productive conversation with Greg about. That is things that I and he have control over. We ultimately don't have control over our feelings, or what the scale says, or how much food the other person is eating.. but we DO have control over our schedule and who does which chores when.

But ultimately - I am not exactly happy with how I look. I think that its more that the idea of trying to lose all this weight is more daunting than my unhappiness with my body. But if I just break it down... take it one day at a time... and don't look at the 100 lbs but instead look at just tomorrow - well that's a lot easier to handle.

So last night I made my one goal for today to be to get up early and do a work out. So I got up at 6:45 and did 2 miles of a Leslie Sansone video.

One day... one hour... one minute at a time.
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Old 06-17-2003, 12:40 PM   #26  
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BA -

Jan and Feb of this year were great for me. I lost 21 lbs - stuck with it. March, April and May I gained it all back. I couldn't figure out where my motivation had gone. Then I realized that there had been different things, different people here and there in those months that had sparked the motivation. But once the spark faded, so did my motivation and the weight came back. I didn't care. I mean it always bugged me that I was junking out, but not enough to stop it.

So I decided that I needed to find some internal motivation. I had to motivate myself for this to work. I have done alot of things this month to find some internal motivation. I needed to map out why I wanted this and why I needed this. I created a motivation binder.
Section 1...My promise to Jacob. I promise thread
Section 2...My 5 step plan to get there. 5 step thread
Section 3...Body Parts. A complete list of what I want my body to look like. Then it is followed by collages of bodys that I'd like to look like (regardless is it ever could)
section 4...Clothes. A complete list of what I want my wardrobe to consist of. Also follwed by a collage of outfits that I wish I could wear and look good in.
There are more section to come...health and stuff. But I needed to figure out why this is so important. It really has to come from inside. You have to want it. Maybe you just need to re-visit why you want it.

It's interesting how we look to other people so much re-assurance. I consider myself a very self confident person. But if I wear a new outfit and no one notices, I think...No one noticed, mayeb it doesn't look good. No dummy!! Maybe the world doesn't revolve around you and no one actually noticed. Anyway, it's hard not to look to other people for approval, and I'm sorry that Greg isn't fulfilling your needs right now. Maybe what you need is a cheerleader. Someone to say Good job and notice when you've lost .2 lbs!!! Maybe that cheerleader could be us. we have always been here for you and always will.

GO BETHANNE!!!
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Old 06-17-2003, 12:46 PM   #27  
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BethAnne,

You've got it! One day at a time, one step at a time, and small manageable goals. We're all here for you and we all care. WTG on the workout this morning!!

Sandi, you're so motivating! You've found some great tools for motivation and sharing them with us helps us all. Thank you!! You're doing a great job and should be proud of yourself.

I felt my motivation slipping today so I sat down and plotted out weight loss goals for each week. If I can meet each weeks goals, I'll be at my goal week by the first week of December. That helped to give my motivation a boost and keep me focused.
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Old 06-17-2003, 02:48 PM   #28  
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Quote:
Originally posted by JacobsMommy

But if I wear a new outfit and no one notices, I think...No one noticed, maybe it doesn't look good. No dummy!! Maybe the world doesn't revolve around you and no one actually noticed.
Sandi, I had to laugh when I read that! It sounds EXACLTY like me! And bodies I'd like to look like...you know the girl who played Sally on 3rd Rock....Kirsten something? I want her body!

And I'm glad you were able to talk to your dad, BethAnne. He sounds like a really cool guy and a great dad.
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Old 06-17-2003, 02:54 PM   #29  
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My Dad is a really cool guy. And today is his 50th birthday!!

I think right now I'm trying to NOT plan too far ahead... because that seems to bog me down. I'm really just working on "what can I do today??"

Using this plan I have so far today:

did a 2 mile leslie sansone video
eaten only 12.5 points
drank 64 oz of water
walked a LONG lap of my work parking lot

I'm feeling quite proud.

I think another thing that is going to help me is the steps per day "race" that I know Kim's agreed to so far... (See the SportBrain thread)... And also that Greg wants me to kick his tail about going to the gym, and he's going to be checking on my fitness activities too.

Something that was really amazing last night was that Greg told me what he has noticed works for me is the exercising. He basically said "You can eat enough to sustain a flea, but you won't lose weight unless you exercise - that's what I've seen about you." So just having him notice and see things about me and what works means a lot to me.

Sandi - I do the same thing with the new outfit/whatever - and you are right - the world doesn't revolve around me. I just wish it did!!

Thanks so much to EVERYONE for all your words of encouragement - I'm so glad I came back.
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Old 06-17-2003, 06:09 PM   #30  
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Bethanne,

HUGS!!!! I don't have anything to add from what these wise women and Matt have said to you. Just to let you know I'm here if you want to "talk". This journey is so hard, and you don't have to do it alone!

Take care,
Sherry
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