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-   -   To tell....or not to tell....that is the question (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club/282690-tell-not-tell-question.html)

BASarp 05-31-2013 06:39 PM

To tell....or not to tell....that is the question
I want to lose around 130lbs. My wonderful, supportive (very fit and slim) husband knows this. He doesn't, however, know my weight right now. I'm sure you all know how it feels to be embarrassed/ashamed of telling people your weight. But I'm wondering, those of you that are married, does your spouse know how much you weigh? I know that he won't think any less of me (aren't I punny) if he knows my actual weight, but after 23 years of being the fat kid I'm still ashamed to say it.

Any thoughts?

Teresa66 05-31-2013 06:46 PM

My husband is also wonderful and very supportive and he knows exactly what I weigh. I need his support and the accountability. Even when I have a set back he encourages me to keep on keeping on. You should tell your husband and free yourself from feeling like you are keeping something from him. :)

PreciousMissy 05-31-2013 06:51 PM

My boyfriend is wonderful, he constantly cheers me on when I tell him of new accomplishments. He is clueless as to how much I weigh, but he knows how much I've lost.

Mozzy 05-31-2013 07:33 PM

My husband is one of a few people who know my exact weight. My mom, my husband and BFF, that's it!

elvislover324 05-31-2013 07:42 PM

I didn't tell my husband until I got close to 199 and was counting down the ounces (he knew how much I lost during the course of my diet so then he could have put together the math).

I was too embarrassed to tell him the number, it made me sick to even see it in writing at my doctor's office every week.

Good luck!! Losing this weight has done wonderful things to my life!

FutureFitMom 05-31-2013 08:01 PM

I haven't told my husband my exact weight. He knows what my goal weight is (what I weighed pre-babies) but I weigh more than him right now and that is not something I want him to know. If you aren't comfortable telling him the exact number, then he doesn't need to know. You can always tell him how much you have lost along your weightloss journey without sharing your current weight. Best wishes!

Remington90 05-31-2013 08:13 PM

I've told my bf what my goal weight is, and how much I've lost. I haven't come right out and told him my weight as of right now. Although my scale is near the entrance to our bedroom, so he steps on it almost every night. He doesn't need to as he's fit as can be, but I think it amuses him to see the fluctuations and proceed to tell me what he ate that day to make it higher. Anyways, about a week ago he stepped on it and said "oh that's more like it". So i asked him how much and he weighs 231. I just smiled and said well "ya, but I'm still lighter than you:)". Not letting on that I had been heavier than him or, for that matter significantly heavier than him. He couldn't see it, but I was doing a dance inside my head.

I think when I get to 200 I'm going to tell him how much I weigh. If the topic comes up. I'll be comfortable with it then. I know he'll ask how much I weighed when I first started cause he has no perception of weight. And at that point I'll be comfortable enough (I hope!) to tell him.

Bottom line, tell him what you are comfortable with. If you want to wait a bit, then wait. I'm not really embarrassed per-se, I just don't feel the need to tell him right now.

Wow I ramble like it's my job. Sorry. haha

ikesgirl80 05-31-2013 10:19 PM

My boyfriend and I watch each other weigh in. No secrets! But heck, everyone and their brother knows how much I weigh! I tell everyone, and even at my highest weight, I might not have advertised it, but if asked I would have told. Admitting and being honest is the first step to recovery!

the shiv 05-31-2013 11:57 PM

Yeah, absolutely :)

My bf probably can't comprehend the numbers, he's never been prone to weight gain. I don't think he cares about the numbers, he only cares that I'm happy. And as he's never had to lose weight, he just asked me to tell him what to do. All I said is, if I say "no thanks, I'm not hungry right now" leave it at that, and if I'm happy about something I've done, you can be happy for me too.

I don't rack on about the numbers, as he doesn't care about them or really comprehend them much, but I'm not ashamed about them either. A typical conversation would go "I used to be 212lbs, now I'm 192lbs! I've lost 20lbs and I feel great about it!" / "awesome! I'm so proud of you! *hug*"

Honestly, I don't know if our guys fixate on the numbers the way we do. I have no idea what a typical man-weight is anyway.

lunarsongbird 06-01-2013 02:27 AM

Yup. My husband has known everything. I got up to 252. My husband is also slim ... 135. I was never crazy ashamed of my weight. It was just a number. A number I wanted to change. I wanted Andrew to know so that he could celebrate each victory with me. We're going to get a couples massage when I drop below 200.

Pink Hurricane 06-01-2013 02:23 PM

My husband knows, and he is unbelievably supportive of me and encouraging! I think telling your husband would be a huge weight off of your own shoulders and you wouldn't be keeping something from him. Knowing that you are wanting to get healthier, I am sure he would be loving and supportive no matter your weight!

kaplods 06-01-2013 03:13 PM

Hubby and I are open about our weight. We see our doctor quarterly, and are weighed in front of each other. We had a doctor's appointment Thursday, and I've already forgotten hubby's weight, and I'm sure hubby has forgotten mine.

I also have my weight loss chart taped to our bedroom, so if hubby were interested, he could look.

While we're both working at health and fitness goals, we try not to make weight the central goal, just part of the whole, health package.

I'm pretty open about my weight though, because I always thought it was odd to be more concerned about a number that no one sees, to the fat everyone can see hanging on our bodies.

If by some magic, I could look like your average swimsuit model but actually weigh 300 lbs, I'd be calling all the tabloids.

I have a friend that I envy. She weighs 225 lbs, but looks MUCH lighter. She doesn't even wear plus size clothes. To be honest, I 'd be surprised if she wears anything above a size 12.

She's only a bit taller than me, but she's EXTREMELY athletic. She runs, lifts weight, hikes, kickboxes... she's entirely badass.

Unfortunately, I look every bit my size or more because I'm very sedentary, partially due to my disability (and partly because being sedentary exacerbated the disability). I'm trying to reverse the cycle, and my dream is to one day have an overweight BMI due to muscle rather than any excess fat.

Trazey34 06-01-2013 04:23 PM

I never actually said the number out loud, but he knows I've lost 165 lbs., and that I weight about 155 now...sooooo LOL

But I never looked at it as "keeping something from him" more like, keeping the mystery alive! Same reason I don't pee in front of him lol

Underwater 06-01-2013 06:16 PM

I didn't tell my husband until I lost a good 30 lbs or so. He likes celebrating the decades with me :)

Also when I was close to passing him, I asked him every day what he weighted. The day I passed him I was like "SEE YA SUCKER!!!" (He is normal weight for his height so no hard feelings!)

bethFromDayton 06-01-2013 08:09 PM

I never told DH my weight until this newest (and successfulest, I hope!) journey.

Having him know--and all of you--and my kids has been really freeing for me. They've also been better able to be supportive of such milestones as ONEderland since they knew what it was! A coworker at work (who shares food hints since she cooks more 'healthy' than I ever have) also knows--she's very positive and supportive. BFF knows, of course.

There are people I won't tell (mom, siblings), but having my inner circle know has been actually helpful. (It's also been fun since DH has lost 19 lbs while I've lost 35--I'm "chasing" him to get below him!)

It is a number--if keeping it to yourself, works for you, keep it to yourself. If sharing it will give it less power, then share it.

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