I have had a similar experience just now. Two weeks ago I was so happy as I fit into a very small cut size 12 European designer suit and thought I looked great. The last couple of days I had to work on a Birthday video. There were some old pics of me (15 yrs past) when I was at my small weight. Then I looked at the video of me today (half way back to my old weight). I got depressed instantly. I thought my face still looked fat, my boobs looked huge, though I already lost a lot in that area, and my arms clearly looked bigger than I imagined even in my worst nightmares. Nevertheless, despite my newly discovered fatness, my ex-husband now thinks I look great and he is back in hot pursuit. I guess, we are just not used to seeing pictures of ourselves and have a different perception. I take my "Oh NO" moment as a new motivation to get rid of the rest of my surplus weight.
Weight loss can be so subjective. I feel pretty small and then I'll see someone on this site who weighs 20 pounds less than me complaining about their double chin. So I guess I feel small compared to how big I'd gotten. I'm still quite a bit larger than I was at my smallest but I'm so much happier that I feel great most of the time.
I know that at my largest, I'd gotten very good at avoiding my reflection. I never looked at myself in the mirror (not a full length one anyway) and if there was a glass door or a mirror, I was an expert at averting my gaze.
That picture I uploaded on the first page was the first time I'd seen myself as other's probably see me in years. It seems crazy but I still saw myself mostly as I looked before I ever gained the weight. I think that made the shock of the picture even greater.
I look at myself a lot now. In pictures in the mirror. I have to accept all of the loose and stretched and saggy bits that will never look the way they did before. They don't even bother me much anymore. I'm mostly amazed at how well my body handled such a major loss. I look much better with my clothes on but I know every inch of my body as I see no reason for us to hide from one another anymore.
It's just a picture. They'll be more and no one will give that one a second thought. When you see it again in the future, it will stand as a testament to your great strength and I'm sure you won't mind it as much.
Location: Northeastern Ohio But my heart belongs to Canada.
Posts: 369
S/C/G: 290/See Ticker/150
Height: 5ft 4 inches
I don't think there are too many of us that don't feel the same way you do.
I have friends that work for a production company in Canada. I've helped out, visited the sets, help with publicity in the US...I've even done background work in the holiday special and visited the set when a very famous musician was there ( a band I love btw), That said, I don't have ONE picture. Not one. Even when I did the background work in the special, I was hidden so all you could see was me from the chest up.
I have 4 boys and not ONE family photo.
Then, I was at a publicity event for our local NFL team. The photographer LOVED my boys and took pictures of them with the players. There was ONE I was in. ONE. I didn't realize it. It was published on a local sports talk radio station's website that sponsored the event. I almost cried. I THOUGHT I looked pretty good when I left the house. What I saw horrified me. I was so depressed. I still haven't gone back to look at it.
My Facebook account is set up so that NO ONE can tag me in anything without my approval too.
I can't tell you how much I long for the day when I don't care a bit if my picture has been taken or not. When I actually smile and pose for a camera.
I had a meltdown about the pictures taken a few weekends ago at my SIL's stagette. I felt like a rock star and I was 100 pounds lighter than I was when she got engaged. Standing next to the perfectly proportioned bridesmaids?? Ugh. I cried.
But for all of you avoiding the camera, please remember someday down the road, someone is going to miss you, and not having photos of loved ones suck. Of course photos aren't the only way to leave a mark, but they're sure nice to have.
I'm sure you're right. I was just horrified because the outfit I was wearing did not flatter as much as I thought it would, but also, ever since I've regained the weight I look awkward and uncomfortable in the way I hold myself. The difference is noticeable. I just look so uncomfortable in my own skin.
This. I can completely identify with you. I notice when comparing pictures before I recently lost weight, and pictures from 2009 whe I was in the 100's, I look very different. The way I carry myself is very different. I look very awkward when I get heavier, and the way I carry myself is totally different. I'm generally not a highly photogenic person , anyway. But I look so uncomfortable in my skin, and look extremely awkward when I am bigger. I also wasn't aware exactly how I looked after my last weight gain, until I saw some full-body photos of me, and I looked a lot worse than I had noticed when looking in a full-length mirror. It's also amazing how some things appear to look cute when you put them on, but when photographed, it doesn't look much like you thought it did. Hang in there, though. You can do it!!
I had a meltdown about the pictures taken a few weekends ago at my SIL's stagette. I felt like a rock star and I was 100 pounds lighter than I was when she got engaged. Standing next to the perfectly proportioned bridesmaids?? Ugh. I cried.
I skipped part of my brother's wife's bachelorette party as I was petrified of pictures with the thin girls. I faked sick. Imagine that? This woman is now my "sister" and she loves my brother more than anything in the world. But I just couldn't do it. (I also declined the invite to be a bridesmaid, how rude am I?)
I give you so much credit, Jane. You are so supportive of everyone here and in your personal life. I was too selfish and made it all about me (even though I tried to not make it about me, it really was).
I skipped part of my brother's wife's bachelorette party as I was petrified of pictures with the thin girls. I faked sick. Imagine that? This woman is now my "sister" and she loves my brother more than anything in the world. But I just couldn't do it. (I also declined the invite to be a bridesmaid, how rude am I?)
I give you so much credit, Jane. You are so supportive of everyone here and in your personal life. I was too selfish and made it all about me (even though I tried to not make it about me, it really was).
So many regrets I have.
Oh, believe me, I've done that. I've stayed home from FUNERALS because I didn't want to see people or have them see me. I did an ultra long bee line around the pool yesterday when I realized one of the moms on the kiddie side was an old classmate. I haven't seen her in years, I didn't want her to see me like this, and in a bathing suit no less! As the wedding approaches I'm literally choking back dread. And had she asked me when I wasn't dieting, when I was at my heaviest? I probably couldn't have gone through with it.
I just see the other side though. My dad hid from the world to the point where he wouldn't go into stores and I have very few photos of him past when I was a few years old, and I hate that I have so few to show my nephews.
No one should "not exist" in photographic history solely because they were fat.
I had a meltdown about the pictures taken a few weekends ago at my SIL's stagette. I felt like a rock star and I was 100 pounds lighter than I was when she got engaged. Standing next to the perfectly proportioned bridesmaids?? Ugh. I cried.
But for all of you avoiding the camera, please remember someday down the road, someone is going to miss you, and not having photos of loved ones suck. Of course photos aren't the only way to leave a mark, but they're sure nice to have.
And no one will care what you weighed in them.
That's a great point and why I don't put up too much of a fuss for family pics, but they know how I am and with digital cameras I get final approval. Even on here...with fellow 'weight challenged' people...I can't bring myself to post a picture.
Oh...I feel you on the bridesmaids...my sister is the tiniest person I know and it getting married next year. I hope and pray I can get into a 16/18 by then so I won't look as huge standing next to her. I sometimes feel like my Mom got rid of all her genetically deficient crap with me and saved all the good stuff for her.
Last edited by punkrocksong; 05-22-2013 at 10:38 PM.
