tell me what you think - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

MoniqueMclean · 05-09-2013, 08:58 AM

so I have this neighbor who was somewhere in the range of 250 plus pounds probably a lot more anyways last year around this time I was trying to lose weight and found out through another neighbor when asking her are you losing weight she said yah .. so I never talk to this neighbor who was loosing weight but in my mind was a competition with her.. why I don't know I just didn't want to be the fat girl left behind while she got skinny.. now in the meantime yup I fell of the bandwagon and I barely saw her.. but when I did she was smaller and smaller... now well lets just say is skinny like a stick.. and it bothers me not because she is thin now but because looking at her reminds me how I failed, how I cannot ever seem to lose weight, I always get into well she has support I don't, she only has 1 kid I have three I work she don't bla bla bla ....get into my pity party.. would I say im jealous .. I am I really freaking am ..in the sense she did it and I never could.. I am always for support and love and kindness but with this I think it boils more deep than jealousy.. going back to my self worth again I just wanna accomplish something for once I spend so much time wondering and wishing and wasting it just doing that .. ughh anyways I saw her this morning and yup here I am ugh!

Trazey34 · 05-09-2013, 09:21 AM

I'm not sure how old you are, but a lifetime of thinking a certain way is really hard to overcome on your own - would you ever consider seeing a therapist of some kind, just to retrain your brain to think a different way?

I'm a big believing that dieting for people is 99% mental (except for people who've just gained a freshman 15 or something) and even if we trick our brains into losing weight-- unless we get a real grasp on how to manage our thoughts and feelings, they'll always win in the end

Just food for thought (that's right, I said that ha ha

)

MoniqueMclean · 05-09-2013, 09:33 AM

trazy I sound nuts don't I... trazy I have been to 3 therapists and nothing helped.. I've come to realize over the past few years I have co-dependency issues.. and its from when I was younger growing up in a alcoholic home and abusive home.. I did go see a therapist for this but she was mean to me I didn't like her assertiveness as so she called it .. talking down to me telling me how to live my life vs how I could start to live my life.. its a new year I am entitled to a new set of councelling through my insurance.. mabey ill give it a go .. now I re read what I wrote and I sound like a phsyco!

stella1609 · 05-09-2013, 09:58 AM

I don't think you sound crazy! I think MOST people struggle with jealousy at some point; I know it's something I have to work through. Try and concentrate on the little positives that will help you succeed--for example, I know I actually have an easier time sticking to my calorie counts on days I work because I'm not sitting at home all day thinking about food!

PreciousMissy · 05-09-2013, 10:30 AM

I don't think you sound crazy. A lot of people have gone through a little jealousy when they see others succeed where they haven't. I know I have.

There are a lot of people on here who have tried various diets and they didn't work for them for whatever reason.

I agree that sticking to a plan is a lot of mental work. Maybe you could look at past plans and try to figure out why you couldn't stick to them.

ubergirl · 05-09-2013, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stella1609

I don't think you sound crazy! I think MOST people struggle with jealousy at some point; I know it's something I have to work through. Try and concentrate on the little positives that will help you succeed--for example, I know I actually have an easier time sticking to my calorie counts on days I work because I'm not sitting at home all day thinking about food!

I don't think you sound crazy at all. There is nothing harder to see someone close to you succeeding at the exact thing you are failing at because it can strip away some of the excuses that we have (it can't be done, it's impossible, I can't do it because nobody could...)

On the other hand, I do agree with Trazey that this obesity is a complicated issue and the more help we can get the more it can help us.

joefla70 · 05-09-2013, 10:46 AM

From what you wrote, I don't think "jealousy" is what is going on here. You kinda answered your own question when you said:

"and it bothers me not because she is thin now but because looking at her reminds me how I failed, how I cannot ever seem to lose weight"

I suppose its just a question of semantics. The point is, this other women is the constant reminder of your inability to do something that you very much want to do. And it make you feel bad that you have been unable to do it. Obviously, the "pity party" excuses are your way of explaining your inability to it. You need to get past that. Believe me, I was where you are at now for many years. I don't know what happened finally, but fortunately a fire got lit under my butt and I started REALLY trying to lose weight. I didn't just wish for it to happen. I MADE it happen. You can do it too. You just have to want it badly enough that you will do whatever it takes to do it.

MoniqueMclean · 05-09-2013, 10:56 AM

yah you guys are right...on a good note I worked out today 1 half hour on elliptical yeaa me ... well my fire has been lit I just need to gain the ability to keep it lit.. I guess that's where this forum comes in and you guys and most of ME .. ughh I know I can get a lil crazy sometimes but I am a woman haha ... thank you all for commenting I needed a cool down ..and a slap in the face .. hey I give you permission I tend to get a lil outta order from time to time.. trust me though I am a pretty down to earth girl I tell it how it is even if I sound like a nut job hehe!! have a good day girls :P wish me luck on the battle oh and MAY the force be with me haha I love that one lolz

KigerCat · 05-09-2013, 11:28 AM

Something I would add...is dont set yourself up for failure.... make little goals to start with that are attainable...then build on those successes. Each time you succeed in a little goal gives you some confidence that you CAN keep going and reach the ultimate goal.
And little goals can be something as easy and today I will eat a healthy salad for lunch, or I will not drink andy soda...and build off that.
I found that pushing myself to hard to fast I would burn out and just all ambition fizzled...working out became Sooooo Hard or more of a I dont want to thing.
For me I started just cutting out all fast food, soda and my daily Tully mocha...that alone I lost 13 lbs in about 4 - 5 months. Then the end of Jan I got a Fitbit and started counting calories and getting more active just walking. When planning my daily meals, I come pretty close to eating what the program says I can based on daily activity, but I try to make sure I stayed between 1200 and 1500 calories (sometimes the 1500 is over my goal sometimes under...it all balances out during the week). I allow "cheating" but have to allocate the cal's into the overall plan (say I go over by 300 I need to make up for them in the next couple days so shoot for a 1200 cal day). I do try to make my overs something healthy...like I love avacodos but the cal count is so high...but they are so good for you...so that is a "good" cheat overage LOL
You can do it...don't beat yourself

Mozzy · 05-09-2013, 11:36 AM

Weight loss isn't a competition. Everyone has to walk their own path so to speak.

Good luck on your journey

Trazey34 · 05-09-2013, 04:01 PM

you are definitely NOT CRAZY for not liking your therapist! happens all the time! sometimes people don't gel with a hair dresser, or personal trainer, anything really -- but when you DO meet someone like-minded who's interested in making your life better - awesome ! if it's covered under insurance I say give it a go woohoo

(hee hee I'm a psychologist, and lots of times I've been 'fired' for not being the right fit -- I don't take it personally!)

100Mother · 05-09-2013, 04:44 PM

So, it sounds like you understand that you feel weird around her because it makes you feel guilty about you. I have been in that position before and totally understand. I definitely have some codependence issues (Ever Tried CODA - Codependents Anonymous? Really helped me.)

Anyway, something that might help you disassociate that person from being a trigger for jealous/guilt for you is to talk to her and say, "Wow, I have noticed that you have lost a lot of weight." You could even ask her for tips. I have forced myself to do something similar and it really helped me. 1st off it is something I would want someone to say to me if they had noticed. Also, it made me kind of disarm that feeling of jealousy/resentment/guilt. I felt a lot better, and I would definitely recommend it.

Great job on the workout today! You can make this journey for YOURSELF, because believe it or not, you deserve it without anyone else's consent or comparison to another. You deserve to be happy!

AwShucks · 05-10-2013, 11:20 PM

I know how you feel. I have a friend that's younger than me and lives in a gorgeous home. I hate to go visit her because it reminds me that she is so successful financially and has what I don't. It REALLY bothers me. And I can't help it. I like her, I just don't like how I feel when I'm around her - particularly when I can see all her "stuff!" ha!

The good thing is that I'm now aware of my feelings, and I'm working through the whys. I think it goes back to my "wants" not being recognized when I was a child.... I was told it was bad to want, that I should just be happy with what I have.

I kind of feel like I'm not allowed to dream...know what I mean? And, when I'm with that friend, I want what she has, and it makes me feel bad -- as if I'm bad for wanting it. Complicated! But, it has been interesting working it out. My counselor has helped.

I, too, recommend that you give therapy another try. You may like your next therapist.

MoniqueMclean · 05-11-2013, 08:47 AM

awshucks I understand all those emotions your going through a lot I get like that all the time with a few persons in my life.. its nice to know I aint alone in my thoughts !! thank u for sharing with me it doesn't make me feel better but it makes me know I aint alone...I am giving a therapist another try...

TRazey...ur a therapist can we become best friends lol haha but seriously that's awesome good to know .. I know who ill be asking questions too hehe!

thanks mozzy kigercat and everyone else who responded earlier

lunarsongbird · 05-11-2013, 10:13 AM

I think you might really like the Self-Compassion Diet book I'm reading....
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassio.../dp/1604070757

I'm really enjoying it.