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Old 04-19-2013, 04:55 PM   #1  
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Unhappy "You're better off walking."


As I attempt to kick back into maintenance mode for my pregnancy, I've been thinking about the various stages I went through in this past year as I tweaked and adjusted my plan. I'm proud of myself. Damn proud. So many baby steps added up, so many good decisions turned me to greater ones. And throughout all the times of self-doubt, I pushed through and trusted the process. And I'm so thankful to find myself in a much healthier state for the upcoming baby! That's been my main motivation all along after last year's miscarriage: I want a strong, healthy body to carry a baby full-term, and continue to be active and healthy as a new mommy.

I wasn't really ready for exercise immediately after the miscarriage, not physically and definitely not mentally. These things take time; I was in emotional and physical pain, and needed to do some mourning. But eventually I got off my duff and started walking. I pushed my walking further and further until one day I actually felt like picking up the pace. Not because I felt I had to, but because I wanted to. I couldn't last very long with a jog, but I could go back and forth between walking and jogging, doing a little more each day until I realized I'd worked my way up to a non-stop quarter of a mile.

I started the C25K program early this year and was really enjoying the fact that I was able to push myself. I ended up tweaking the program a bit and shortening the running time for various reasons. And when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to take a break from the jogging. I won't be able to see my OB-GYN to get advice for another month, but I personally feel that even though I've already been doing this for a few months, it's best for me to concentrate on lower impact for now. So instead I'll be continuing to walk; I've also been doing water jogging with aqua dumbbells.

Note: the following happens within the setting of a weight loss meeting, in which I am one of the leaders.

Anyway, I'm still very proud of my overall progress, but especially with my ability to get more active. So at this week's meeting, it was my turn to host a program and I was excitedly talking about how far I went with the jogging before deciding to take this break, and right away another member snaps, "You're better off walking." And I basically got the whole spiel that jogging is a waste of time, that I'm only gonna hurt myself, and that it doesn't burn any more calories than walking anyway. Uh, come again? Others said flat out that I'm too heavy to be jogging at all (I was in the 220's when I first tried the jogging and am currently at 212). Now granted, this was coming from members that have been less successful than me, and I'm hoping I don't come off as having a big ego by wondering if their "advice" has more to do with me being some kind of threat. While I'm not claiming that jogging is the ultimate cure-all exercise for elitists everywhere, I was thoroughly enjoying my time with it and felt as if I was being shamed and even attacked for daring to even mention that I was doing it. And I try really hard to not be sensitive about these things anymore, but maybe these pregnancy hormones are already messing with me? When I mentioned I was already taking a break from the jogging anyway because guess what, I'm finally pregnant, I suddenly got told that now I need to keep going with the jogging and shouldn't stop, the same jogging that was supposedly so pointless and even unhealthy for me before.

I'm sorry, but I think I just needed to vent. I'm not listening to their advice, especially when I wasn't asking for it in the first place. All I was trying to do was share my success. Way back when I was at my highest weight several years back, I could barely walk from one end of the room to the other. I see members like that now and I want them to know there's a way out. And if they're not ready, they're not ready; I've definitely been there and can totally understand that. The meetings are a positive experience overall; I just wish certain people wouldn't try to counter and nitpick every little thing I say these days.


Last edited by Elladorine; 04-19-2013 at 06:55 PM.
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:15 PM   #2  
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Negative Know-It-All Nellies bring everyone down. They're not just in weight loss meetings, either. Take one of these to your next meeting and cut loose when they start in.
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:33 PM   #3  
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Originally Posted by Garnet2727 View Post
Negative Know-It-All Nellies bring everyone down. They're not just in weight loss meetings, either. Take one of these to your next meeting and cut loose when they start in.
True that. It's funny when people talk like they know it all, when they really haven't done any research at all. So strange. I'm actually reading books about running for beginners. Yes...there are actual books on the topic. (I'm learning quite a bit). It's doubtful that Nelly has been reading the running books.

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Old 04-19-2013, 05:37 PM   #4  
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Ah, damnit. The second time in a week on here I find myself having to say: those who can't do, teach. (Not about teachers lol, just a saying I've heard all my life about people in no position to be giving advice!)

This is quite bizzare. I just ran a very short distance. Like, within the past 20 minutes. Not as exercise, just to see if I could. My chest was BURNING. I can run faster than I used to, from being smaller, but not as far as I'd like to be able to. I'm prone to sore knees. It doesn't generally appeal to me like skating and swimming and lifting do. But you know what? I want to START learning to run more, in case my safety depends on it. The city can be full of nutcases at night. Someone could be hurt, and I could be trying to get to them. Whatever it is.

Anyway, back from the tangent - it's not like you told them to go train for a marathon or something. Being able to run for the downright good of your health and/or safety is just plain a good idea.

I remember the days before I was mentally able to do the weight loss thing. If I saw anyone doing better than me, which I did frequently, I felt a bit spiteful. Much as I don't want to admit it, but I was in a bad place, and never said a thing... But yes, I was jealous. Filled with thoughts of "what if I tried that? I'd fail. That person is LUCKY." I know that in no way reflects reality, and I don't have those thoughts now, but... I agree that this person felt threatened, had a chip on their shoulder, and decided you were the person who was getting it today. Wrong place, wrong time. That was about them, not about you.

So yeah... They were probably envious of your hard-earned success. Not that that's an excuse to be an a** ( )
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:40 PM   #5  
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:09 PM   #6  
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I just had to chime in about the "you're too heavy to run" comment they made.

I've been running/jogging my entire weightloss journey. I've been running at least 5 days a week for a year. Look at my weightloss ticker. I ran at 296lbs and I'm running at 203. Yeah, I was slow and I mixed it with walking but I freaking ran. I love it and it's wonderful that you enjoy it too!!

Back on topic, these women aren't doctors, they don't know your body or what you can handle. By completely bypassing your amazing achievements and going right to the negative, I think you're right in your assessement of what happened. Do your best to ignore it, aquacise it out of your system and go to the next meeting with a forgiving heart. These women seem to me like they are envious of your success, not much you can do to change it. Move on from it and show them it doesn't bother you.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:20 PM   #7  
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I think these women would have a sh**t fit if they saw me doing yoga at 375 pounds.

I think you're very accurate in sensing that maybe there's a little jealousy coming from your success. Only you and your doctor know what you can and should be doing. Please don't let these women take away the joy of such an obvious personal success.

I finally figured out that THIS was the motivation behind some very bitter negativity that I was faced with. It was baffling to me, because I'm still so very heavy, but I guess I've lost enough to make someone feel bad about what they haven't lost. The fact that you understand their motivations gives you the power to move beyond the hurt, and that's all you need.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:22 PM   #8  
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Rant any time you want, that's what we are here for!!!

I don't have any advice for you and I'm not sure you were asking us either.

Just wanted to give you hugs and tell you again how excited I am with your happy news!!!

I'm sorry you had to deal with those know-it-alls.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:52 PM   #9  
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Thanks everyone! And I love the idea of this:

I've definitely been on that negative side too, being envious and spiteful of those more successful than me. I know it comes from being in a bad place because I've most certainly been in that bad place, which is why I try not to get frustrated and down too hard on these people. It can be extremely difficult to watch others doing the things you wish to do, and all too easy to assume they're just lucky or that things magically come easier to them (especially when you're not a witness to all the hard work they put in). I've recently been told by some of these same people that it's time for me to stop losing weight; when I point out I'm still obese, I get told that charts and doctors mean nothing.

And that's right, not once did I ever tell anyone to go run a marathon. Nor did I even suggest to anyone that they should run, period! It was more that if you set your sights on something that appeals to you, you can take steps to make it happen. I certainly wasn't able to run a quarter mile on a whim one day. Heck, I couldn't even run a full five seconds on one of my early attempts. They never saw me at my highest, but I've often brought up how I honestly believe I was on my way to being wheelchair-bound. I was in so much pain and so out of breath that I just wanted to hide out from the world (and just keep on eating).

It took a lot of self-exploration to realize that wishing myself thin was getting me nowhere, and that I wasn't just some poor unfortunate soul destined to be miserable in my skin. I had to set up a plan for myself, with reachable goals for not just diet and exercise, but for my mental state and overall attitude. And I've had to work hard at all of it for years. Heck, it's still a major process for me at times. I'm kind of in an extra mindf*ck right now because I wasn't planning on going into maintenance just yet . . . and don't even get me started on all of the conflicting pregnancy advice they've already given me in just the one meeting!

But thanks again everyone! I'm still really proud of myself and look forward to the upcoming events of this year. I'll be ok, I think I just needed to vent a little.
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Old 04-19-2013, 09:33 PM   #10  
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Sorry they weren't more supportive of your past and current success. Here's a little known pregnancy fact. You can keep right on doing what you were doing. I've got 3 kids, 2 with midwives 1 with an OB, all three agreed, if you did it before chances are you can keep doing it. Minus some heavy duty lifting and floor work that requires you be flat on your back. You'll get the stress relief and keep your body loose and limber and help protect your joints from all the excess fluids you'll accumulate during pregnancy. I ended each 6 week postpartum period at least 15 lbs lighter than I started by continuing to do the walking & yoga I was already doing. Sure, I splurged and used my preggo card for cravings 20% of the time, but just like losing and maintenance I was on track 80% of the time.

I know you didn't ask for advice, I just wanted to encourage you and let you know pregnancy maintenance isn't like regular maintenance, you get this huge whoosh in 7-8 months! Talk about scale happiness!!
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:06 AM   #11  
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Thanks Angi! I do appreciate the advice, and you're much more sound than the lady that told me it's "normal" to gain 60-90 pounds during the pregnancy (it must be normal since she did it with each of hers).

According to most of what I've been reading, since I'm already obese I should try to gain about 15 pounds (and of course, it's still something I want to discuss with my doctor anyway). Due to my age and my previous miscarriage, I'm guessing this pregnancy might be considered high risk. I do plan on remaining active, I just feel uncomfortable to continue pushing myself with the jogging. I'm loving the water jogging and still enjoy taking walks; I try to get in at least a mile every day. I'm definitely sticking very close to my original diet but am throwing in one extra snack for now (and making it a healthy one, at that). I'm wondering if it's ok to continue eating at a deficit like I have been for the past year? I want to make sure I'm getting enough nutrition and calories.

I can't wait for the baby! And the added woosh will be bonus.
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:17 AM   #12  
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Elladorine --- you're pregnant! That is wonderful!


(And since you have already lost --- 148 pounds? really??? --- you (and your doc) obviously know what you should and shouldn't do and you just keep right on doing it. Just blast your naysayers with your Baby-on-board bliss and smile your dazzling madonna smile; they won't stand a chance.)
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Old 04-20-2013, 02:05 AM   #13  
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Some people always wanna bring others down. I agree you shouldn't PUSH yourself with the jogging, but if you want to continue at the same level you were pre-pregnancy that should be absolutely fine. Exercise is SO important during pregnancy, but all in moderation. As you get bigger maybe ramp up on the aqua and swimming (just because it feels better).

I would ask your doc about the calories in deficit thing. My GUT instinct is that you should be eating at maintenance.

But the truth is that when you're pregnant everyone thinks they're entitled to tell you what to do with your own body. Eat this, don't eat that....blah, blah, blah. Don't eat peanut butter. Do eat peanut butter, yatta, yatta, yatta.
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Old 04-20-2013, 02:36 AM   #14  
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Just a few observations, I'm old, so bear with me.

Meetings are great! I love my WW meetings, but I quit promoting exercise, other than a casual stroll, because none of the women think that lifting heavy or running or anything that might make you sweat is feminine.

I do lift heavy! Love it. I power walk on my off days, and am starting c25k! Granted I'm not pregnant, but these ladies at my meetings act like lifting anything heavier than a diet Pepsi would be a sin! Whatever!

Anywho! Who is to say? Myself, one aunt and one sister, continued to ride horses while we were pregnant! OMG!

The only advice our doctors gave us was as the pregnancy advanced, slow it down. No cow chasing, or fence jumping or barrel racing, etc. We were advised, in month 8, riding was ok, at a walk only. Month 9, put the horse up until later!

I have a niece in law, that has jogged through 3 pregnancies! She's about your height and weight. Healthy as all get out! So are her babies!

Here's the thing, it's best if you can, eat well, stay as active as your pregnancy will allow, take care of yourself.

The healthier and stronger you are, as your body will allow, the easier delivery will be!

So, just do what is best for you, and the others, don't worry about it!
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Old 04-20-2013, 08:50 AM   #15  
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First off I wanna say CONGRATS ON BEING PREGGO!!!!!

I'm very happy for you, you have always been an inspiration to me and it makes me very happy to hear that you and your husband are starting your family!!

But on to the tangent, some people are just very negative when they have failed at something, and someone else has succeeded at it. No matter the situation, both in meetings and out of them, people will be negative. I was told the same thing at 275lbs at the park the first time I went for a jog, by a super skinny woman in a skimpy running outfit, who proudly and loudly said "A girl of your size should not be attempting to run since your organs and knees will be unable to withstand the shock to your body. You are better off waiting until you get to a normal weight before putting yourself through that torture."

I was so shocked, I didn't realize my mouth was hanging open. I encountered that woman so much later on as I went for my jogs, and when I reached 185lbs she never said anything to me, but would stare at me as I passed her numerous times.

Now that I have gained a lot of that weight back and am trying to lose again, jogging is a big player for me. It's harder when your heavier, but completely doable. Basically in summary, don't let the petty thoughts and negative mindsets of others destroy your happiness, no matter the circumstance!
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