The Comparison Monster

  • It's easy to say "Don't compare yourself to others" but it's sometimes hard to do.

    I find myself watching those who are losing weight faster than me and sometimes think "I'm not as successful as they are. What's wrong with me?"

    Much more rarely I find myself feeling superior to someone who is losing slower than me. I wish I didn't feel that way at all and I grab these thoughts and throttle them when they happen, but I'd be lying if I said they never happen.

    The truth is, though, that we all have different bodies. We all have different lifestyles, stresses, support and troubles.

    So here's to trying to NOT compare myself to others but to genuinely celebrate each and every pound lost by myself and all of you fine folks!
  • I am soooo guilty of this!!!! Not only weight loss but in other aspects of life too. I really wish I could banish all these thoughts but I do not wish ill on others tho, I am truly happy for the others (whoever I compare myself to at the time.) Easier said than done, for sure.

    Quote: So here's to trying to NOT compare myself to others but to genuinely celebrate each and every pound lost by myself and all of you fine folks!
    Hear, hear!!!!
  • Oh too! It's hard to see people surpass you in weight loss, but I also try to be happy for them. I know we're doing different plans and what works for them may not work for me.
  • I just wrote up a whole reply and 3FC kicked me out! BOO!!

    I learned this time around with my diet that we really don't know the details of someone's weightloss and what the comparisons are, it's usually not oranges to oranges (how's that for diet food references!).

    In my case, after getting my cancer diagnosis and getting on a mission to hurry up and try to get pregnant, I had to get on a serious medically supervised diet plan (read: low calorie, lots of exercise) and get this weight off as soon as possible (if not sooner). Losing 120lbs in less than 8 months is practically unheard of and for good reason, it's a hard diet both mentally and physically.

    People think I have had weightloss surgery (I haven't), people think I starve myself (I don't). I'm just on a mission to do everything right that I can to do what I need to do. I wish I had this drive before all of this happened!!

    But in my case, no one could ever compare themselves to me (I mean that in a nice way). My diet is so strict, it's not a real way to live forever and I don't plan on that. I know I will eat healthier for the rest of my life and try to keep up with my exercise routine but in reality, my diet isn't for the everyday person.

    You ladies are all doing awesome!!! 3FC is a huge motivator for me too, you all inspire me every single day. And I'd be lost without all of the support and stories that we share here. If I had to diet alone without all of you, I'm sure I might have given up already. I like to think I wouldn't have but I'll never know.
  • Yes. I have this problem too sometimes. I had to learn to stay out of the "getting out of the XXX lbs..." threads. I didn't like the competitive aspect. Also, I was a very fast loser who turned into a very slow loser when I got within 20 lbs of goal. I saw other people not stalling and it made me feel terrible even though I knew I was working my plan.
  • It depends if we are talking about real life or here life.

    Here life is great because there are people like me.

    Real life is a bit weird. Following my weight loss, some of my featherweight buddies are "trying to lose 10lbs". It's not really in the same ballpark, but I suppose it's all good fun!
  • This! This is something I really need to work on. I've seen so many people surpass me, and I get all flimsy about following what works for me. I'm in a hurry to get down to a weight where my doc will prescribe birth control, but I seem to get more performance anxiety about it as time goes on, I start eating when I'm not hungry, I panic, I stall... Today I finally got my head back round what I'm trying to do, remembering what works, and remembering why I want it! Much as I've taken up residence in the 190s thread with a bunch of people who are really awesome, I couldn't take the comparisons I was making for a few weeks as I was going so slow... Had to take that break to cool off and realign myself. And, as Elvis says, you don't know what's going on with someone else's weight loss, and this is something I could do with remembering!

    Just had to show my absolute, wholehearted agreement!
  • It is hard not to compare yourself to someone else regarding rate of weight loss.

    But everyone has different issues that they may be dealing with the can affect the rate that they lose or even the movitation to lose weight and stay on top of it.

    If you have time constraints to deal with ...I think you will keep a tighter monitor on what you are doing..I am not saying there is lack of motivation ...just the urgent factor is not there.

    I feel like I have no choice to adhere to the diet .... It is a matter of being able to function and not being in constant pain..... It sucks when what you love is making you violently ill. But still there is a draw to the food! I truly love the taste of food but this diet help rest my gut that is good !
    I think all of us have our own issues that we deal with ....and some of us ....even though we are dropping pounds/ounces it is more than just that number going down or staying the same....
    Sometimes I wish to be normal ...but I am not I go on!
    I feel bad for DH when he eats something and he feels guilty....cuz he knows I can't.....yep I see people lose weight and they lose weight and get to go back to normal..... I would trade 10 lbs just to be able to eat food and not have to worry about being sick from eating!
    So jealous of weight loss never! Envious of being able to eat without fear at times yes Roo2
  • Oh, the comparison monster is eeeeeeviiiiiil. Seriously. I've had to make myself stop comparing myself to the women in my life who are also losing weight & becoming healthier. I had let myself get so bummed out about it that I almost went to a "Why bother? I'll just pig out. Who cares? I'll never look like ____ anyway" mental/emotional place but, luckily, I slapped out of it (Cougar Town anyone?).

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with comparing!
  • The Comparison Monster, that's a great term!!! Unfortunately, ALL people suffer from it, not just us weight-losers! Lots of times gorgeous thin women will see someone who's a bit MORE gorgeous, or younger, or a better car ha ha it's everywhere!!

    I can remember at my heaviest, being GREEEEEN over a co-worker who lost 30 lbs., and being so disgruntled and "why is SHE losing and not ME?" after she was so condescending to me. I also admit a certain UGLY smugness that I'm still way way down and she's bigger now that I ever was. LOL people are horrible!!! hahah
  • I've been on both sides of the weight loss coin. Initially, the weight came off rather quickly. I was super strict with myself with food and exercise. I lose 80 pounds in a year.

    Then the next year, I lost 10, gained, 20, lost 15, gained 20. Now third year. yes... GOing on THIRD YEAR after getting within pounds of goal the first year. I am down 10. That makes me still up 20 from where I got to.

    So... I was the one for a bit that people admitted to feeling a bit envious with. Then I because the one that was envious of others getting to their goal or losing more. or never getting derailed.

    But as the OP said. We are alllllll so different. I look at what some of the maintainers can eat to maintain and it becomes clear to me that we are truly all different.

    Some maintainers, of similar activity level to me can eat 2300 calories a day. Some can only eat 1600 calories a day.

    Well, when I see that it becomes clear that then for weight loss, someone who can maintain at 2300 calories a day and works out 5 days a week for an hour would and should lose weight faster than someone who at maintenance eats 1600 calories a day with working out 5 days a week.

    If they both go on a diet and eat 1300 calories a day (and exercise 5 days a week as before) one is creating a 1000 calorie deficit PER DAY while the other is creating a 300 calorie deficit per day. HUGE difference in how fast the weight will come off too then.

    Once I saw this I realized that of course, weight loss is harder for some than others.

    Then, of course, add it what some people consider exercise. When I exercise I go FULL OUT. I see other people exercise... they barely move. our ideas of exercise are different, so, of course, we burn different calories when we exercise too.
  • I repeat this to myself 1,028,743 times a day (approximately):

    "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    It helps some.
  • totally understand
    I have the slowest metabolism.. this time I'm trying a diet that I watch work for my mom. The 17 day diet. She has dieted all her life just like me and she has kept off the weight for about a year now. I use an app called just lose it on my phone and log all my food. I'm only on day 5 of the diet but logging lets me know if I'm having to many or too little calories.. both can stop your weight loss.

    Good luck and keep on trying.
  • Quote: I repeat this to myself 1,028,743 times a day (approximately):

    "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    It helps some.
    Love that, thanks for sharing.