This is one of my ranty whiny posts that have been happening a lot lately so please close if you don't like or want drama talk.

I recently stopped taking cancer medication so it's caused an influx of estrogen which is at least part of my problem. <---not an excuse, just a possible reason.

Had a bad day so far, isn't going anything like I wanted or planned.

#1: did not make onederland as I anxiously hoped for. Needed to lose 2.6lbs to get to 199.8 (my doctor's office is done in .2 increments). Only lost 2.2lbs so won't get it til at least next week.

#2: woke up with my monthly cycle. Haven't had one since last June due to my diagnosis and meds. Today was the day it picked to show up? Couldn't be tomorrow?

#3: saw my husband's cousin outside my doctor's office. First she didn't recognize me but went in and said "I think I just saw my cousin's wife outside. Was that Elvislover?" And the woman at the desk said "Oh Elvislover is our poster child for weightloss here!" So she comes outside and said "OMG you look wonderful, I can't wait to tell your mother-in-law I saw you!!" and at that point I burst into tears and begged her not to tell anyone she saw me or that I lost weight. (I have been laying low from my family, esp. my in-laws since getting some harsh comments about not being able to have their grandchildren due to my cancer. And that's not drama or an exaggeration.) I'm losing weight for me, my husband, and to support the help that my oncologist and fertility doctor are giving me to hopefully surprise everyone with a baby. I don't want my family (mine or his) to be a part of this, it's stressful enough without them involved. Mind you, this is the drunk, big mouth cousin that I would want to be the last person to run into. And when I called my husband crying to say I saw her and everything here, he totally agreed with me and my paranoia. I just know she's going to tell his family and it's my news, not hers.

I hate today. I'm so sad. I'm so overwhelmed. I just want to go back to bed and start today again.

Thank you for reading if you got this far. I just had to tell people who understand.

p.s. She goes to this nutritionist because she can't get those pesky 10lbs off. All of this, for someone who wants to lose 10lbs and is already thin. How about, put down the wine and vodka for a day? Sorry, this is so petty of me.

Petty is okay occasionally. It happens. And it's good that you recognize it as that.

I understand from some of your other posts that you have a less than stellar relationship with your inlaws, and I can understand why you want to keep what you're doing to yourself. But maybe take away this little "bright side"; better that she's going with positive news than having seen you at your worst?? I know that probably doesn't help.

I've had the weepies for two days now since my scale fiasco, so you can pull up a seat next to me and we'll feel bad together.

Hooray! Your body is cycling! What good news for baby making!

I can totally understand why you feel lousy. Your body and hormones are going through BIG changes! Also, I'd be peeved about the lady at the front desk, "Hi...Heard of HIPPA? Geeze." How did lame cousin react to your response? At least she doesn't know you are working with a fertility doctor.

I know Jane, it is positive news but I just wasn't ready to deal with this. And my inlaws will surely have something to say about my diet and how big I got and how it effected my future, etc. NOT doing it. I'm stubborn to a fault, even when I shouldn't be. And my MIL always wondered how her handsome son could be with a big woman like me. I'm over it, I won't deal with her drama.

And thank you, there is NO ONE here I'd rather sit next to.

Sorry you had a bad day Elvislover.

But "only lost 2.2lbs" reads to me like "0.4lbs away from ONE-derland". So that, my dear, is something to celebrate! In fact, I'd say you're in ONE-derland already. I'd lose 0.4 with a pee, perhaps even a haircut! It's a rounding error in the world of weight loss.

Regarding the cousin, you have my sympathies there. I, too, wanted to hide it from prying family eyes, but other peoples' Facebook pages soon caught up with me. Just stay strong and focused that this is for you.

It will all be good.

At least your TOM is an indication that your body is healing and becoming healthier. Small consolation (if at all), I know. It's ok to be whiny now and then. I hope your day gets better!

Yes, lunar, it is!! I just have no idea what the cycle is yet. I think I might have to go on BCP to regulate as I'm out of control.

The lady at the desk is so nice and they all know my plight at my doctor's office and I share a lot with them. I guess I'm not mad as she (the receptionist) wouldn't ever tell anyone anything private. I have a feeling she didn't know it was a secret (how would she?). Lame cousin promised me she wouldn't say anything and I think my tears helped solidify how important this is for me. I just want to cry more.

I totally would have asked to have gotten naked on the scale. LOL.

Also- 8 ounces of water weighs a half pound. EIGHT measly ounces.

Go ahead and cry. It releases stress hormones and what not. You can also up your water and do a little exercising to increase elimination.

Hey. That sounds really tough. I don't think you're being petty. It sounds like you were trying to do this for yourself and those attempts may be thwarted. I think you're entitled to your feelings.

Thank you, Ian. I'm just a ball of hormones at the moment and should hide my laptop. Thank you for saying we should celebrate but not yet. The scale at my doc's office sux too, it's like being on The Biggest Loser and it goes up, down, up, and I'm screaming at it to lock in!

I don't do Facebook just for that reason. I'm trying to stay strong. This forum has no idea what you all mean to me. Thank you for your message, you made me smile.

Thank you Missy Krissy. It has to get better, I hope! And you are right, I'm happy to get back to "normal", whatever that is!

Thank you lunar. I have my C25K week 4 day 1 to do this afternoon. I just found my motivation to get it done!

Thank you ladykahlo. I kept this all private for so long, it was bound to come out. I just wish I trusted this woman and I don't. And it's not like I'm doing anything wrong or bad, it's just "mine". I hope that makes sense.

I seem to recall that the last time you had a rant, it was quickly followed up by something nice that made your day. So, maybe today or tomorrow you will have something like that happen.

#1. Its amazing what power we give to the scale! But not just the scale, but nice, round numbers! Why do we get so much more satisfaction from being 199.9 than 200.0? Its crazy! But I guess we like to make ourselves crazy!

#2. I'm skippin' #2 because ... well, moving on...

#3. My sympathies with the family thing. What you said about the in-laws and grandchildren blew me away. I hope your cousin's wife can keep her mouth shut.

Its good that you are using this at motivation to do better rather than slide back into bad habits. You're very strong. Battling the cancer, weight and kicking butt all-around. You're an inspiration to us all. Like the woman at your doctor's office said, you're a shining star!

I hope the rest of the day is much better!

Thank you, Joe. Your post made me cry again!! I don't know why that stupid scale owns me but it does. Even the nurse joked that I should go pee and get back on but I didn't want to waste her time, she had already recorded it and was making her notes. And I know a few ounces doesn't mean anything but it's just a mental thing. I hope my week gets better too. God is good. I just kicked butt on my C25K for today so no one is taking away my rockstar (self described!) status. I'm doing amazing things for myself and no one can take that away.

My inlaws are an interesting bunch. The lack of sensitivity is like nothing I ever saw before. I have been with my husband for 18 years so it's not a total surprise to me but it still hurts. To keep a long story short, the day I told my inlaws about my cancer, my MIL called my sister-in-law and said "I guess giving me a grandchild is all on you now." And my SIL isn't the brightest bulb either and called me to vent about her mom and what she said. Um, maybe you shouldn't have told me that? It turned into a big family fiasco! And that's only 1 of the million stories. I'm not a perfect daughter-in-law but I can assure you I'd never be that mean to someone, esp. after a devastating diagnosis. I have enough guilt about my lack of children, I didn't need more. I am praying she keeps her mouth shut too. I think she was sober so she comprehended it.

Thank you, beloevedspirit. I hope so too!