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Having ridden through the debt fueled nightmare that was my early 20's I completely understand. 20 years later I have a fantastic credit rating and only carry cars and mortgage debt. It IS possible, don't lose hope.

I can only echo what people have said here. Honesty. Get it ALL out on the table with him. It may be tense, and there may be tears, but it really is important to be honest about finances.

Once that is over, and maybe a day or so later after emotions have receded, start talking about possible plans. If you feel you need advice, I also recommend Dave Ramsey's site for do it yourself plans. If you feel you need more than that see a reputable financial planner.

We all make mistakes. In my late teens I got sucked into the "student" credit card thing and had racked up several thousand in credit card bills, even though I had no job.

My grandmother ended up bailing me out and paying off my cards. So of course, they all increased my credit limit for being such a great customer! I resisted the lure for awhile, but it wasn't long before I'd run them all back up again.

I went through a lot of self loathing over my debt, the lowest point probably being when I got turned down for a job after they did a credit check on me, but eventually just decided, ok, so i'm not good with money, lets try to get better and start by canceling all my credit cards and not getting any new ones, because I've proven to myself that I can't use them responsibly.

I do think in my case there are factors that have played a part in my weight issues. Namely, my desire for instant gratification.

We all have flaws. Focus on improving what you can and minimizing or avoiding what you can't.

That was me. Every single word LOL. I don't charge on CC's anymore. If I don't have cash, it doesn't get bought!

I think it is important to step outside the problem. Imagine the problem, whether it is debt, weight, relationship stuff, whatever it is that is chaos and causing self hate, as a whirlwind of dust and trash whipping around you in a frenzy. You are in the center, overwhelmed. Imagine yourself just stepping outside of it, into the clear. There is the mess over there still whirling around. You can see it, and you have to clean it up, but you're not caught up inside of it anymore. If you can do that emotionally... create some distance and perspective... then you can deal with it effectively without being *part* of the dirty, messy, whirlwind.

Find your peace, clean up the mess, move forward. I have found, for *me*, those are keys to getting out of the chaos and being able to love myself.

I really loved everyone's advice. And being able to post about it- really does help me step out of the chaos like Lyn suggested. But now I need to actually do the dirty work. I need to get online today and print statements for DH. Prod me to do it. LOL.

Wow! That letter is like a scene from a movie. In our wildest dreams, a man would react like that. I hope you're not disappointed when your "real husband" - albeit a great guy - reacts in a "real" way. I wouldn't show him that letter -- it's a lot of pressure for him to give you the response you want, and not the reaction he feels.

Maybe it would be good for you to write out what you want to say to him. Anticipate what he will say, and write down how you will respond. I've done that kind of thing before, and it helps me to have my thoughts worked out beforehand -- especially in emotional situations. Hope it all goes well.