This is always fascinating to me.

I weighed about 190 when my husband and I got married (19.5 years ago). He said then that he would find me as sexy if I weighed 20 pounds less or 20 pounds more (as I was worried about my weight). I would get compliments, etc.

But... that stopped when I gained weight. Don't get me wrong. He ALWAYS loved me, but the weight bothered him. He worried about my health. He didn't like that I didn't have the energy to do things (I realize NOW that I wasn't as energetic). And, he wasn't as physically attracted to me. He never, ever said negative things to me - ever, but he also wouldn't say I was beautiful or sexy either because he would be lying and he cannot lie.

He has only been overweight (for him) by about 25 pounds. I didn't find him any less attractive, but an extra 25-30 pounds on a 6'1" frame isn't that big. But I asked myself when I would see overweight men if I could be sexually attracted to my husband if he looked like that and I realized I probably wouldn't be. Not that I would love him any less, but I would find him less attractive. So, I understood how he felt that way.

Now that I'm fitter and thinner I get a lot of comments and definitely more attention in the bedroom. But it's not just how I physically look - it's the whole package that goes with it - more confidence, more playful, more energetic, etc.

So... its just fascinating to me that there are people who truly can feel that size is not important... Well, I guess my husband could say and it would be true, "I love you no matter what size", but to say, "I am as attracted to you at whatever size" would be a lie.

BTW... he's totally supportive of me and he's the one who is the sane voice on my weight loss goals. He just wants a healthy wife. He finds me beautiful as I am (he tells me now!). So, while it was sad to not hear I was pretty for years and years, it means even more NOW to hear it!

i know EXACTLY what you mean. my boyfreind has been so great with me and this whole weightloss journey.. im so happy to have him in my life and he tells me all the time that he loves me just as i am. and i start thinking the same way you did. (pizza>salad) and then i think about it and im like NO. this isnt just to make him happy. this is for me... i want to be happy with my body and myself and then i can make him even more happier than he says i make him now!.

all he tells me that he loves me the way that i am and that he wants to see me happy and if losing weight will make me happy then he will support me in every way he can! and he has.. i feel so blessed! :) :hug:

My DH has been incredibly supportive, no matter what my weight. He has never seen me at a lower weight than I am at right now, but he has seen me smaller (every time I lose and gain it back, it spreads). He has always told me the same thing - I love you and I'm attracted to you, and he meant it.

The problem for me is that I don't love me like this, and I don't feel attractive, or happy with myself at all. Part of that (a big part) is the fact that I have internalized the feelings and reactions of most of the people around me. My husband is one of the few people in my life who doesn't feel, and tell me, that I am defective. My family has always been appalled by me(even the ones who are also fat).

I am working on the idea that fat does not mean defective, or inferior, or bad. For me, at least, it does mean unhealthy, unenergetic, and unhappy. I want to change those things for me, not for anyone else. I am finally learning to accept, and enjoy, being loved for who I am, not what I look like, even while I am working to change my outer covering.