Recovery has sucked (just posted a blog about it if you want to read it. It's short).
I did get on the scale this morning. 8 days, 16lbs down from the day after surgery (having been pumped full of fluids and such).
I will lose fast. I know that. I've always been able to lose weight fast. Four years ago I won a local Biggest Loser contest against 28 other contestants. I lost 46lbs in 9 weeks. BUT, I've never been able to maintain it. That is why I think the surgery will help me. I eat CRAZY healthy. My issue is and always has been, quantity.
Just checking in. Feeling emotionally drained. 2 days away from TOM. Slept terribly- I'm sure that will reflect on the scale. My outing out was pretty lame last night, which will be good for the scale. I barely ate anything. But then came home and cried lots when DH forced me to talk instead of just crawling into bed.
I felt like I was doing so good emotionally last week and now I'm feel like I'm on the edge of slipping into a deep depression I have never experienced before. I should look into psychologists on my healthcare plan.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this day emotionally. I don't know how I ended up so emotionally broken. (I didn't ask for help financially because I truly honestly believe(d) that I didn't deserve help. I still feel that way. Which is why it's hard for me to even pick up the phone and schedule an appointment for myself. I'm not sure DH understands or even believes how true these feelings feel to me.) I've never had good luck with psychologists.
How am I going to get through this conversation? How am I going to face his parents again? I feel so much shame.
I take solace in the fact that I can crawl back here when I'm done. Thanks for being here.
Just checking in. Feeling emotionally drained. 2 days away from TOM. Slept terribly- I'm sure that will reflect on the scale. My outing out was pretty lame last night, which will be good for the scale. I barely ate anything. But then came home and cried lots when DH forced me to talk instead of just crawling into bed.
I felt like I was doing so good emotionally last week and now I'm feel like I'm on the edge of slipping into a deep depression I have never experienced before. I should look into psychologists on my healthcare plan.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this day emotionally. I don't know how I ended up so emotionally broken. (I didn't ask for help financially because I truly honestly believe(d) that I didn't deserve help. I still feel that way. Which is why it's hard for me to even pick up the phone and schedule an appointment for myself. I'm not sure DH understands or even believes how true these feelings feel to me.) I've never had good luck with psychologists.
How am I going to get through this conversation? How am I going to face his parents again? I feel so much shame.
I take solace in the fact that I can crawl back here when I'm done. Thanks for being here.
- big hugs for you, sweetie! Asking in-laws for favors is never any fun (I totally know first hand, trust me) but it always helped me to remember that I'm an adult and no matter what they think of me, the favor that I'm asking for, or anything else, I'm still a grown woman who deserves and expects their respect. I hope your meeting with them isn't as bad as you're fearing it will be, but if it is, try and remember that they're NOT a mirror reflecting your true self back at you - they have a distorted view of you and the situation that incorporates their own personality, experiences, and biases. Take any of the criticism that can help you learn and grow and leave the rest on the table.
Also, for what it's worth, I don't think financial woes are a mark of shame. SO many of us have been in the same situation. There's a LOT of pressure in our society to spend more than we earn, to compete with the neighbors, to have the latest and greatest of everything. We have a society that basically judges human worth in material possessions and how wealthy we are or can appear. It's pretty damn hard to compete with a lifetime of conditioning, especially when you're already struggling with depression/low feelings of self-worth. Not to mention that so few of us are ever taught to be financially savvy - I don't know about the rest of you, but we had ZERO education on managing personal finances in my school district!
I also know some folks have no choice but to accept massive debt (my husband and I have made 11k a year before, so I totally understand being financially strapped and taking on debt to tread water) and I certainly don't think that doing what you felt you HAD to do to survive is a shameful thing.
Bad credit is SO stressful, but you're facing it and ready to fix it, and it does get better. Two years ago our credit was so bad that not only could we not get a loan for ANYTHING, we couldn't get a checking account. Bottom of the barrel, horrible credit. My credit still isn't super awesome, but it's steadily been improving ever since I committed to paying my debts on time. My husband's credit is good enough now to get a decent sized (for us) loan.
Financial woes (like weight woes!) aren't a mark of low moral integrity - you're not less of a person than someone who has never had a low credit score. You 100% deserve the respect of everyone who is supposed to be helping you out.
MadCow hope you are feeling better nowwas rough ride for awhilegive yourself some TLC
Lunar hope things get better for you, but I would not feel any shame seeking professional guidance, it takes courage to admit you need help..and maturity to follow thru with steps necessary to heal and regain your footing.
When we step in Dog poop wipe your shoe off .,,don't bend down to take a whiff
Keep moving forward , no one passes thru the world unscathed!
We all make mistakes but let's not be like pigs and wallow in them!
Learn to forgive yourself, if you ever expect others to do the same.
Once you ask forgiveness and say your sorry...don't keep saying it .it loses it's meaning ...just go on with your life and do better in the future
I have made plenty of mistakes in my life ...if I tried to drag the sack of them around with me !! I would need a Crane!
We learn in life by the mistakes we make ....if we pay attention and acknowledge and plan on not repeating it.
Have a great days Ladies , as we all strive for our goal.
Ophelia (I hope this doesn't offend) but has anyone told you that you look like the girl in the Wendy's commercials. Maybe it's just me, but every time I see your picture I think about how familiar you look to me and then one day I looked up and saw the commercial and was like "Whoa, Wendy looks like Ophelia" LOL.
charliee: Haha, yes! Ever since those new commercials came out, I've actually been getting it a lot. Especially since we make similar facial expressions when we talk, as well. But, no offense taken! I take it as a compliment, because I think she's really cute. Now, I just need to work on not being the fat version of her, and I'll be good...lol.
LOL, Ophelia she is supercute, and so are you. I just know some people don't like to be compared to others.
I'm thinking you should contact her and team up for a twins movie, maybe a Sweet Valley High with red heads, or remake of the Parent Trap. This could be a whole new career for you. LOL!
Lunar!! I saw you posted in another thread and I wanted to shout out to you, but didn't want to derail the poster's topic.
Where have you been? I've been missing your pics. I remember reading you were pretty busy as of late, but I hope things are well.
Hello loves!!
Tonight I'm going to a pinctionary and accessories party!! You wear as many ridiculous accessories as possible. Fun, right?
I haven't eaten much which is fine, because I plan on doing a little indulging this eve.
:: snuggles ::
I'm so angry Elvis left... Now don't you leave me. :: side eye ::
And if you decide to go...connect with me somewhere. Even if it's from a super secret fake facebook account.
- big hugs for you, sweetie! Asking in-laws for favors is never any fun (I totally know first hand, trust me) but it always helped me to remember that I'm an adult and no matter what they think of me, the favor that I'm asking for, or anything else, I'm still a grown woman who deserves and expects their respect. I hope your meeting with them isn't as bad as you're fearing it will be, but if it is, try and remember that they're NOT a mirror reflecting your true self back at you - they have a distorted view of you and the situation that incorporates their own personality, experiences, and biases. Take any of the criticism that can help you learn and grow and leave the rest on the table.
