There are all sorts of movement festivals all across the US/world. I went to one in Florida, one of my friends won a free ticket to one in TX (for bigger gals!), and there are 2-3 in Kentucky. I call them movement festivals but others would call the flow festivals. Then there are mostly hoop related festivals. Different ones have different grooves. My absolute favorite is the one my friend made. There were people of all shapes and sizes there. It was awesome and felt like family.

I never knew that about skin. O.O I thought I was doomed!

I am dreading when people start to notice at work that I am losing weight. I am the biggest person by far on our staff of 30. I work in a very large government office by my section is about 30 people.

I have stopped taking coffee breaks with the group, because I am not drinking coffee or tea during the day right now and normally I have always bought one of the delicious cookies they make in the cafeteria at every break. So I am removing myself from the tempting environment. People have noticed that I am not joining them ( I have only worked here about 4 months).

At my last office, also large government office, I participated in the biggest loser. The winner got almost $1,000! It was awful being under the scrutiny of all those who were not participating. People would sabotage like steal lunches so you would have to go out to eat, leave chocolate on your desk, remove all the milk and only leave cream at coffee. I lost about 14 lbs, but nowhere near the winning amount and honestly it make me feel worse. I felt like a failure since being so heavy I should have nailed it.

I heat my food up in the cafeteria, and then I eat at my desk with my back to the door. I have always hated eating in front of others at work. I can just see them watching what the morbidly obese woman is eating and judging.

There is this one super annoying older guy who makes little comments about how is wife is very petite and she likes to shop at such and such store but they never have her size because she is too small. I have to work out of town with him often and I am always really aware of him watching what I am ordering from the menu. AND! he sometimes will bring me a chocolate or something and say "you worked really hard today- here's a treat." what a pompous ***! I don't even know if he means work or eating well, but I friggin' hate when he does that.

For some reason, my personality disinvites rude weight comments. I was a little surprised at how people who know I how much I have lost and that I watch it (my family) still tried to get me to join in on their holiday eating and were a little taken aback when I stood firm. But because I was pleasant and firm that I eat *this way* and nobody else need comment or accommodate, they did eventually leave me alone about it.

Similarly, among my friends and such no one makes an issue of it, because a) I've been successful long term and b) even if they think I'm nuts they're not changing my mind. That has limited a lot of what might otherwise be social pressure.

I just continue being polite and firm, and things end quickly and without drama. Once people realize you won't cave (in my case, that they won't get sugar or starch down my gullet unless they tie me down and shove it in) they give up pretty quickly :)

I often think people make those rude comments because your healthy behavior makes them feel guilty. They would like to be making the choices you are, but they're not. This is the same reason that many addicts need to find an entirely new set of friends once they break their addiction. Otherwise, their old friends will guilt them back into the life they want to leave behind.

So when people harp on me to "join the crowd." I just feel very sad for them now- mostly for what they are doing to their bodies. I try to refrain from being judgmental though.

I am becoming so researched in my decisions and "totally weird" in my choices, that people don't question them anymore. I bring homemade yogurt and kombucha to work. I sprout my grains and use milk keifer. So when I bring in some veggie chips, people don't bat an eye.

I do hate being under a looking glass, though. I hate when people say, "Should you be eating that? Is that on your diet?" ::sigh:: I'm not sure if these people are trying to be helpful, or again...it makes them feel good that you aren't perfect all the time, because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I think there is a lot of psychology involved in this topic.

I would say there's mounds and mounds of it!

I have a friend who can only tell a select few friends about her dieting because she gets treated horribly by everyone else (close family members included, and her mom is the worst!).

I think it's ridiculous that many of us have to worry about being treated poorly when it's "out" that we are choosing a healthy lifestyle for once.

I think that the longer you have your own "food style" the more people come to realize that's just how you eat. I remember being surprised at a very thoughtful wedding gift from a co-worker of a steamer/rice cooker. He said, "Well, I see what you eat at lunch, and thought it would come in handy." (That was during a time I was eating Pritikin, so lots of whole grains and very low fat.)

It the new, the changed, the obvious that draws their attention. So as we lose weight, that piques their curiosity. And then they pay attention to what we're eating. But as we keep eating the same things over and over, our consistency becomes boring and old and monotonous. It's just "how we eat". Then they stop bothering us.

I think the issue is that there are SO many different eating plans out there, and most of them work, more or less. I have friends who have completely changed their mood, health, and energy by dropping gluten... or by eating whole foods... or by cutting back drastically on starches and sugars. They're all gung-ho about their plans, because they're invested emotionally in their plans. So YOUR plan has to have flaws! Or they want to talk about various plans, and all their excitement is for their own versions.


I think it bothers them because they want it to be them. I'm not there yet, but I have to admit I've been on their side of it before. I'm fascinated by people who have lost more than 80 pounds -- I want to know all the details of how they did it and what obstacles they had to overcome, from food to exercise to mental and health issues. It's mean of me, but I know that I secretly compare my size to other women and relax just a fraction if I'm NOT the heaviest person in the group. If that woman began losing, I like to think I would be supportive, but I admit that some part of me is frustrated with myself for not being that losing person.

You make a wonderful point. A smile and a polite, "No, thank you" is often enough to turn aside food offerings. If they insist, I've found ways of either saying no more firmly, or taking the offering and enjoying "two bites of bliss" (or just moving to another room and setting down the plate uneaten, if it's a party situation). It depends on the situation and the people. Some fights I'm not willing to fight. And others I am. I find that if I don't make a big fuss over what I "can" and "can't" eat, others don't notice that much.

I agree. I know how guilty I feel when someone else is actively losing and I'm not. I want to be them, and then feel bad that I'm not as supportive as I feel I should be. But I don't make rude comments.

I'm also a big believer in smiling and saying thank you, even if the comment is snarky. Or if it's really obnoxious, raising my eyebrows wide in surprise and saying, "Oh, my, did you know you said that out loud? How embarrassing for you!"

All in all, I think that the more I learn about diets, and the more I try different things and talk to others who have done the same, the less I care how other people react to my choices.

Synger, This is hilarious! "How embarrassing for you!" It made me smile!!

I definitely understand where you are coming from.
I am a private person I do not pry in others people's life or make unsolicited comments.
I work with a large group of people.
I am amazed my how people can think they can ask personal questions about your weight loss and think you will satisfy their idle curiosity.
I had someone come into the breakroom to see what I was eating and someone else commented to another person.
I have been asked straight out how much weight have you lost by a lot of people.
MY close friends don't give me the grilling I recieve at work I have had people from other depts come and check me out and ask me questions mere acquaintances noless!
I long for the days when people had good manners and did not ask noisy personal questions.
People never came up to before and said why overweight but they do have an opinion about what I weigh or will weigh in the future!
I guess it one area that is considered ok to butt into someone else's life without an invitation.
And if you tell them what your doing they will proceed to tell you how you are wrong.
Dieting should be added to the list of subjects you don't talk about! It never ends well!

That is awesome, I'm SOOOOO using that!

Gosh, yes I've been on the other side of it too!!! I definitely 100% don't ever mind talkin' shop! If people want to know what I eat, when I eat, workouts, obsessions, shows, etc, I'm MORE than eager -- it's my favorite subject (aside from my kids probably), though I'm careful never to be the one to bring it up. I never want people to think I'm a weight loss pusher! It's really only when people start TELLING me what to do, eat, how to workout, to stop losing or that I should eat MORE or whatever the case may be, that is when I start to get frustrated. I think too, checking to see if you're the biggest person in the room is normal. I still do it out of habit. I've been doing it since early grade school. I hope someday to be able to stop comparing myself with others, especially physically to other women, but I won't deny I do it, not proud of it but I do it.

I agree with this 100%, discussion of healthy living & related topics is always enjoyable to me, which is why I joined this forum. Unfortunately most people I come across fall into the latter category of negativity and pushiness.

On the topic of the biggest person in the room, I had a very embarrassing moment awhile back. We went to an acquaintance's house for a visit and the wife was also overweight and I couldn't really tell which of us was bigger. So on the way home I actually asked my husband who he thought was bigger. It was definitely not my finest moment. I was mostly just curious, but what an awkward question. I felt stupid as soon as the words were out of my mouth. :dunno:

OK, I'm a horrible person - how did he answer? :o

I love this thread because we all have something about it that hits home for us. I think some things are universal, though. At least at the beginning of a "diet." We are self conscious and afraid of failing (to ourselves) and afraid of looking like a failure (to others.) As time goes on and we see some measure of success, we start to loose the self consciousness. So my advice is to just jump to that stage immediately. I'm appalled that people would actually take someone's lunch from an office refrigerator. I get that some folks want to see others fail. I get that some folks are jealous of others' success. I get subtle sabotage (cookies and candy left on a desk.) But not out and out theft!

I am a very vocal person. I also work in a very small office where everyone gets along. I let everyone know I was "going on a diet" until I lost at least 90 pounds. I didn't tell my out of town family simply because I wanted to see how long it would take them to notice. (At least 35 pounds.)

Here are some answers I found to be helpful. Use them if you think they'll help you. Sometimes the trick is to just make a statement and stop - no further explanation. I think we set ourselves up when we try to explain and justify our actions. A point blank, matter of fact answer can effectively cut a discussion short.

Q: Are you ever going to eat normal food again?
A: How is [insert healthy choice of the moment] not normal?

Q: I thought you were trying to lose weight. Is [insert one-time unhealthy choice of the moment] on your diet?
A: It is today. (then laugh)

Q: Any totally inappropriate question or comment.
A: Did you seriously just say / ask that? I must have misunderstood what you said.

Q: What are you doing to lose / for exercise? You should be doing blah blah blah.
A: This is working for me. You can do blah blah blah when you decide to get in better shape. Let me know how it works for you and we'll compare notes. (Question asked by 2 very heavy sisters of one of my friends as they ate an entire bag of chips and a container of dip while we talked.)

Q: Did you know [insert health tip of the day.]
A: Yes - I read that somewhere.

Q: Are you still trying to lose? You're starting to look like you've been sick.
A: If you're concerned about my health, thanks, but I assure you it's fine. Even the doctor said so. If you're concerned about my looks, do I get a turn at this, too? (This is my favorite. Three very overweight friends ganged up on me and said this to me "out of genuine concern." It took me off guard and I said nothing at the moment. It was only a few minutes later that I came up with the answer here. It shut them up so fast it wasn't funny.)

You have to do what makes you feel comfortable, but realize that no matter who we are, some people will offer support, some will put up road blocks to success, and some really couldn't even give a hoot. I hope your supporters greatly outnumbers the others. Good luck.

Lin

Daimere, I totally understand, infact I kind of feel like my exercise, healthy eating and weight loss is really a dirty little secret sometimes. Until anything is noticeable I won't be telling anyone what I am doing which sucks because we all should be openly celebrating each pound we lose.

I think eating healthy, balanced, portion controlled meals/snacks in our society is unusual. There's plenty of overweight/obese vegans, vegeterians, or health nuts. It's not just those who make 'bad food' choices. Look at the sizes we're offered in restraunts, even fast food places. At McDonalds, all sizes are large. It used to be a normal sized burger, small fry and small drink, that was the meal size. That's a perfectly portion controlled meal, not the best food, but way better than a #1, supersized, with unlimited soda. The rare occasions we do eat there, I order the All American meal, normally reserved for senior citizens, and its the first meal I mentioned. Even our school cafeterias are serving breaded chicken/fish pieces, coating things in sauce or glop so kids will eat it. My 2nd grader is stuck eating what the school serves or what we make. My 3rd grader has a choice between entrees and sides, and since she's allergic to pork and gluten intolerant the food offered to her as a 'balanced, nutritional' meal consists of a condiment cup stuffed with iceberg lettuce, one full of canned tomatoes, and a turkey dog. That's considered 'ok' by the USDA. When we pack her lunch, its a cheese stick, a piece of fruit, some sort of raw veggie or two, a bottle of water, and usually tuna and GF english muffins/pita, she makes herself a sandwich and loves it. Our kids are offered horrible food, then to many times we as parents, offer them horrible dinners (I've been guilty), and some sort of sugary dessert and cereal for breakfast.

I remember as a kid, my dad would come home for lunch, my stepmom would make 2 boxes of hamburger helper, served over home made mashed potatoes made with mayo AND butter AND whole milk, if we had a veggie, it was carrots or peas, with butter and brown sugar on them, white bread and sweet tea. For dinner, fried chicken, more mashed potatoes, more candied veggies, white bread and sweet tea. Breakfast was often biscuits, gravy, fried eggs, hasbrowns and my family are huge believers in the clean plate club and would bribe us with homemade fudge/cakes/cookies to get us to stuff ourselves so we could leave the table.

We don't do the clean plate club, its caused some issues between hubs and I. I believe if the kids know their a dessert or something they want some of, and they choose to not finish their dinner so they can have dessert, how is that different than me budgeting in my calories for something I would consider off plan? To me, thats them making smart food choices. As long as they finish the bulk of their dinner, most of their veggies, I'm ok with that. (Not saying they can push their plates away for dessert, but that they have chosen to not lick their plate clean to save room for dessert). He believes if they have room for dessert, they should finish their dinner then have dessert. I think thats how a lot of us got fat to begin with, especially if we've struggled since childhood with weight and food issues.

I think the healthy v non-healthy eating thinking starts so early it would be hard to pinpoint for most of us when we realized we were eating beyond capacity but KEPT DOING IT. There's a lot of unacknowledged guilt and as well, alot of people truly accept us, fat or not, and feel like if they encourage us, then they're telling us we were flawed, if they discourage us, they aren't supportive. Its a tricky line to walk. My hubs, is 5'9, roughly 160, he was 215 when we met, ALL muscle, then gained a bunch of weight while I was pregnant and on bed rest, was all kinds of fluffy. I never said a word, how could I. Was he less sexy? Visually, yeah, but not emotionally, not mentally, he was still that great guy, just not that same set of muscles and shoulders and all that stuff that lured me in (we met at a music fest, so there wasnt much chatting initially). He lost it all, and is still sexy. We were discussing weight, and he gets mad if I say I'm fat or whatever, he truly DOES see me as without the 50 lbs I've gained since we met. (we met when I was roughly 190), but he's also made comments in the past like, "Sure, I'm used to dating women I can tuck in my back pocket, but you're sexy in a different way". He feels like if he encourages me, then he's telling me he agrees with me, but if he brings home a Dr. Pepper for me, then he's being insensitive to my choice to be healthy. He has stayed absolutely silent about the change in food choices, the lack of meat at a lot of meals until today, "I'm trying to be supportive, but I REALLY need meat".

That went way around the block. Sorry

He said she was bigger... but that was another reason the question was stupid, what else was he going to say? ;)