Disturbed by normal weight people on the site who are determined to lose weight
Ok, to start this off ... I hit a mini goal and can now comfortably wear a pair of pants that used to be too tight (woot-woot) So I go to the mini goal section to share... but then I read the other posts.... several are normal weight women with the goal of getting to the absolute lowest they can be without being considered "underweight"
I don't know... I just find that disturbing. Back when I was young and thin the so-called experts and their tables said I was slightly overweight... so I DID lose more weight.. When I did fall into the normal weight category I ended up looking sickly and suffered chronic fatigue as a result. Who knows... maybe it even contributed to my ultimate weight gains later on.
Anyway... I know that I am seriously overweight right now ... but I also worry that I could end up going back to when I was too thin (in my opinion anyway)
Maybe it's because I come from a slim family where some of the females are battling vanity pounds, but I have accepted their struggles and hope they accept mine. Each to their own. I'm going to stay focused on my own journey and not let others influence me away from my goals. Good luck!
I understand how you feel- I left 3fc for years because of it. You eventually learn to stay away from certain sections of the board, and you won't run into it as often. However, posts like this are usually deleted off this site- mainly because they often offend others and make the atmosphere negative.
When it comes down to it, this is a site for everyone, and everyone should be supported here. Even a lot of technically "overweight" people run into those who don't want them to lose weight (haha, usually their mothers), and it's not fair to anyone to create an environment where we judge other's choices, regardless of how those choices make us feel.
Online and off, you're going to run into many skinny people that try to lose weight. It's just the way our society works right now. If you think about it, we are all pressured by the same mechanisms; we're all victims of the same system that wants us to be as skinny as possible. If you think about it this way, it's easier to have compassion for those who look great but still feel pressured to lose weight, and to respect that they're just trying to be happy.
I don't criticize those people, I just don't relate to them. I doubt if they can relate to me either and I fear that they inwardly make fun of me and how large I let myself get. For that reason, I primarily hang out here in the 100 lb. club where I find others who face similar problems to mine. I am grateful that 3 fat chicks have forums for many groups of people.
I often think that if I had just addressed this problem when I was 10 or 20 pounds overweight that.......... fill in the blanks. But I don't have a time machine so I have to deal with the here and now.
I recommend posting those mini goals here. We understand and love to celebrate those victories. For getting into those pants. I love shopping in my closet and get a great sense of satisfaction when I fit into a previously too tight piece of clothing.
I hope this thread is not deleted. It was posted in the 100 lb. club, not the featherweight forum. I know that the OP is not the first person in this club to think that way.
It's rough seeing it. I'm struggling every day to make it to the very highest weight on a "healthy" scale. But it's their lives and their journey and really shouldn't bother me as much as it does sometimes.
I don't mind so much, because I only stay on this forum. What I'm not a huge fan of is when you see the occasional post on the 100 lb club from someone who never had more than 20 lbs to lose. It feels kind of alienating to me. Do they think the 20 lbs they want to lose is the same as 100 lbs or more? It reminds me of a friend who was a size 4 with a big meal in her stomach and would insist that she was "fat for [her]". You want to lose a few vanity pounds? That's great. Good for you. But that doesn't mean you have the same struggles as someone who is working to lose 5x as much.
If you're losing that last 20 lbs or you're relosing a small amount of weight, then I understand why you'd hang around this board. You know what it's like. If you never left the "normal" weight category or barely left it, then I don't know what you're doing here.
Anyway, I guess I should live and let live. Other people aren't responsible for my insecurities. I am.
Oh I don't want to say anything bad to them... I know that my being bothered by it is all me. That's the reason I posted it here with others who actually do need to lose weight... not just for vanity but for our health.
Basically its like seeing them talk about losing weight brings back all the pressure I felt when I was young and COMPLETELY healthy but was being told I was fat when I wasn't.
But now I also wonder about how the site deals with anorexia.... not that I have seen anyone post anything like that.
I have this sub-forum bookmarked, and it's pretty much the only one I visit on 3FC. Occasionally I pop into PCOS or Diabetes, but they're not as active as here.
I get enough of those fighting "vanity pounds" when I go to diet-specific boards.
As to those who occasionally post in here who are nowhere near 100+, please keep in mind that the first few words of the title of the last thread updated shows in the main forum "hallway". It doesn't say which sub-forum the thread is in. So when we have a thread with an interesting first few words in its title, we sometimes get non-100+ visitors. They usually have NO clue where they've landed. Sometimes they realize it after a couple of posts, and are very apologetic. Most times they just merrily post away until the thread fades in its normal time.
I have been surrounded by women who are like minded in that way. I have just learned that everyone has what they consider their own goals. I used to feel the pressure, particularly in high school and early on in my college career. Eventually I just learned to ignore it and find others who are like minded in my own goals.
When I fell into the pressure of needed to be 'thin' I was on a very dangerous path and spiraled deep into an ED, it was not healthy at all for me and while I was finally 'thin' I was beyond sick, both in health and in looks. It took a lot for me to recover but I did, and then I ended up having a medical condition that caused me to gain over 100 lbs. I learned that I never need to be 'thin' but I just want to be healthy and fit. For me, healthy and fit is around 185 lbs, usually no less than 160-150. It's also not about being a single digit size, it's usually a size 10-12, even 14.
All I'm saying is, live and let live. What works for some doesn't work for others. I still struggle with negative thoughts pertaining from my days struggling with ED, but I realize my life is worth more than following in the footsteps of what society deems as thin and beautiful. It is very disturbing to see a lot of people who fall into that state of mind and go dangerously overboard but it's no longer my burden to carry. I decide that fit, healthy, and curvy is beautiful to ME.
I think it's bothersome because they don't have a weight problem. They are dealing with a completely different set of issues. They are valid. They have a reason to want to be at a better weight or size for themselves, but as someone who has been or is currently, moridly obese, we simply cannot relate and they cannot related to us. They 'think' they can perhaps, but of course, they can't just like it's hard for me to wrap my head around vanity pounds and even more, never going out of the vanity pound range for my weight issues.
As to those who occasionally post in here who are nowhere near 100+, please keep in mind that the first few words of the title of the last thread updated shows in the main forum "hallway". It doesn't say which sub-forum the thread is in. So when we have a thread with an interesting first few words in its title, we sometimes get non-100+ visitors. They usually have NO clue where they've landed. Sometimes they realize it after a couple of posts, and are very apologetic. Most times they just merrily post away until the thread fades in its normal time.
Thanks for letting me know, Synger. I didn't realize there was a forum hallway. I feel much less insecure now.
I don't really mind. If you're not happy with your weight, you have the right to get down to a weight you are happy with. I used to get angry when I was 248 and I'd hear a skinny (in my opinion) girl call herself fat, or say that she needs to lose weight, but as I've gotten older I've realized that my struggle is not her struggle and if her biggest is 120 and she's used to 105, then for her, that is big. Who am I to judge?
Also do keep in mind some of the posters around here don't have their complete stats updated - they may have ten pounds to lose, and we don't see that over the last five or ten years they lost the first 120
Other than that, I have to repeat the previous comment on these boards not being private. Some people just surf the new posts, which indiscriminately lists new posts in EVERY forum and subforum. Someone offering commentary on a forum that doesn't fit their own stats isn't a problem and doesn't mean they don't have something useful to say - sometimes it is quite the opposite. If it really bothers you just skip over their post or write it off in your mind, but honestly I wouldn't be so quick to mark something as annoying/inappropriate/unsympathetic/bad advice just because of the person saying it. They may very well have an excellent point, and if they don't, THEN it's time to just glean what is useful and ignore the rest
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 09-18-2012 at 03:56 PM.
But now I also wonder about how the site deals with anorexia.... not that I have seen anyone post anything like that.
When we suspect someone has an eating disorder, we contact them via PM. We are not equipped to handle that level of support, but we have a list of wonderful resources that we refer them to. We don't ever accuse someone of having an eating disorder, since that's not the right thing to do, but we do let them know that we are concerned and hope they will check out the other sites or speak to their physician.
I'm going to go ahead and wrap this thread up. We want everyone to understand that we support healthy weight loss whether someone has 5 pounds to lose or 500. Every pound is important, and we don't want anyone to feel they don't belong just because they have less to lose. I'm sure most of us wish we had taken action when we only had 5 pounds to lose. I know I do
Disturbed by normal weight people on the site who are determined to lose weight
But I don't have a time machine so I have to deal with the here and now. 
