On Saturday, I had my fourth riding lesson. I had a tough time going around the back wall of the area where the mirror was (its used to ensure you are properly positioned on the horse, etc). Straight on, I felt I looked like me, but on the side I could see my thighs, hips, butt, back - totally out of proportion and nearly unrecognizable as myself. Ive been so used to wearing clothes "just so" and knowing how to sit/stand so that I don't look as big as I am - there is NO HIDING anything on the horse. I'm usually such a confident person, but experience of seeing my body in this way has colored my interactions with others since...
Even riding my horse back from the area to the barn, in my mind, I kept thinking that everyone around was wondering who the fat girl was on the horse - "what the **** is SHE doing here."
Later in the day, I took my son grocery shopping. He had a snack with him - he offered it to an older guy (80s-90s) who said, "ohh, no thanks. I dont want to get fat like ... well I dont want to say anything about mommy." And walked away.
I feel so uncomfortable feeling like suddenly I'm living in a glass house. Did anyone else feel like this in the beginning? Any suggestions on better things to say in my head to keep up a more positive outlook?