to the people who have lost a lot of weight?
 

DISCLAIMER :::: i am not talking about EVREYONE and i dont mean to offend please dont kill me



im just wondering, do you look down on other people who are very overweight??
do you get "preachy" on them??


i have before myself lost alot of weight

( QUICK HISTORY ON ME formerly very thin all through childhood into adulthood being overweight went hand in hand with me when i got married the stress and lack of money where big contributors to my poor food choices i gained ALOT of weight lost it , gained it back .... dont ask even more stress i have issues with emotianal eating im working on )

but i know when i did loose alot of weight i became concious of what evrey one else was eatting too ... this time around i dont do that , its not my concern or business what other people are eating this is about me

i was just wondering about you other ladies

No.

I mean, I am conscience of the people around me. I'm not completely oblivious of others. Occasionally I will see someone and wish that I could help. Specifically overweight kids. I've been overweight since I was a child. it took me a LONG time to figure out how this works. I've done it all, when it comes to weight loss. I had no understanding of nutrition until I joined this forum 7 years ago. Sometimes I wish I could give that gift to other people, but I certainly don't want to offend.

So, I don't look down on others, but I do wish I could help them.

Not at all, and no, to your first two questions respectively. With the exception of one person (my husband), I don't discuss other people's weight, eating habits, nutrition, etc. with them unless they bring up the topic of their weight/nutrition/habits/etc. with me (or unless I'm asking THEM about something specific that they know a lot about; e.g. how my marathon-running co-worker eats when she's training for a race). I'm more than happy to talk or give advice or suggestions to someone if I'm asked, but their weight/health/habits are not my business unless they choose to talk about it with me.

As I said, my husband is the exception, for what are probably obvious reasons. I try to educate him a little bit without pushing him too hard (and pushing him away), but I definitely tell him to stop eating stuff sometimes because he has Type II diabetes. As in, "honey, no more cookies!"

Oh, one other random exception: my boss eats yogurt nearly every day at work, and I had noticed that it's usually Yoplait or something like that. She's a thin, rather health-conscious person, and so one day I sent her a link about the benefits of greek yogurt. Now she eats that every day instead. :)

val , thats so kind of you to want to share your knowledge with other people ...


and your right, i feel sorry for especially the kids too ....

my parents where great at keeping all of us ( 3 sisters ) fit and lean when we were kids ... i did this to myself i know that

i feel so bad when i see parents not helping their children with fitness, its so sad to see an already overweight kid whose parents think its ok to feed them diets of processed , junky , fried, sugary foods ..... when i was a kid fruit and vegtable made up at least 60 percent of our diets ( my mother is a health nut i think shes a tad extreme though ) i know kids ( and grown folks ) who dont eat a fruit or a vegtable at all .... how do people live that way idk

my partners idea of vegetables is those mixed vegtables in the can you know the crappy bits of corn carrots and sweet peas ! he thinks that this is an acceptable form of vegtable intake its basically his only form of vegtable intake ! i guess thats how they grew up at his house?

I lost a lot of weight when I was a teenager, going from 225 lbs to 155 lbs with the help of prescription amphetemine-like diet pills and (because I was young and stupid) I did think "if I can do it, anyone can," and I did look down on some of the people who couldn't.

I also looked down on people who made what I thought were other horrendous mistakes in their lives, like teen pregnancies, failing in school and jobs, using drugs and/or commiting crimes.

I went into the field of psychology basically because I found the classes interesting, but in college and graduate school (and much more in the "real world") working with all the people I thought of as "screw ups," I learned that there isn't a human on the planet who lives a perfect life. We all screw up, and some of us in more public and spectacular ways, and some people are better at hiding their screw ups than others (sometimes the worst screw ups are the best hidden) and some of the most "together" looking people can sometimes be making the biggest and worst mistakes.

I'm not saying that I never judge people, but I've learned that most judgements are inaccurate (and I hate being wrong) so I've learned to be as understanding, forgiving, compassionate as I can be.

Judging is easy, compassion isn't, but compassion is better because judgement is never helpful. People don't respond positively to being ostracised, criticized, or pitied. They respond to people treating them with respect as equals. You can be part of the solution or you can be part of the problem and being judgemental and preachy is not being part of the solution.

Likewise though you can't FORCE help upon people, you can only be open to opportunities to be helpful, but to use those opportunities you really have to care and understand people, and that's the hardest part. It takes years and years to truly understand people that you might otherwise judge (heck it's taken me decades to truly understand myself and my own weaknesses).

Harsh judgement is natural, but it's rarely productive. People respond much better to compassion and hope. Sharing hope though isn't an easy task.

Absolutely not, to both counts! I have no pity, contempt, or anger toward those who have excess weight, in small degrees or large. But I do have a ton of empathy.

Online, on a forum like this, is an exception when it comes to being preachy. While I am never responding to others with a sanctimonious or finger wagging attitude (and if it ever comes across that way, it is a failing in the tone being read into it because the intent is NOT there) I am generally trying to answer a question with the most knowledge and helpful content possible, based on my research and personal experience. Here on 3FC, my goal is to educate and assist as a means of participating in this community, and since the discussion is on health and diet that does mean stating a position on the subjects from time to time.

But in real life I don't bring it up to anyone, fat or otherwise, unless they ask or it happens naturally in the conversation. I might talk about a great recipe I tried or thank them for compliments on my appearance and give a little information if they ask how I did it, but I remain mum on the subject to friends unless they inquire and would never dispense information to a complete stranger. It's tacky and insensitive, I consider such things a massive social faux pas, actually. But online interaction on a weight-related forum is a different ballgame than the real world, and I adjust accordingly :)

And I have to give support to poor mixed frozen veggies - we get those all the time here and they are a big hit as well as a money saver. They aren't the only vegetables my kids or husband eat, by a long shot, but they are a favorite! Starchy as all get out, but inexpensive and nutritious compared to much of the other prepackaged food available.

Frozen veggies are actually one of the few foods I don't make from scratch, because they hold up so much better to transport than fresh up here. Excellent stuff :)

Those Who Judge
Don't Matter
& Those Who Matter
Don't Judge

Larry

I smiled a lot when I read this because I remember my visit to Alaska and the thought came to mind that you don't need a freezer for the veggies. I should mention that my one and only visit was to Fairbanks in the month of February.

Larry

Nope. I've been there. I know how it feels.

I like giving support instead. If people are genuinely interested in how I lost the weight, I will tell them. If they want to know my workout routines, I will tell them.

The only time I truly judge is when people scoff at me and say it's "too hard" or they don't believe me.

I don't bring up my weight or weight loss much in real life unless someone else does. At this point it's impossible to deny I've lost weight and I've recently been seeing people that haven't seen me since before I lost the majority of my weight. Many of them have been genuinely interested in how I did it. Strangely enough though, most of those asking are of normal weight...

i eat alot of frozen mixed vegtables ( i make asian stir fry with the cauliflower broccoli and water cress ones and taco/faijitas? out of the pepper and onion kind ) i was implying canned corn and canned peas being thrown together in a butter sauce and called "health food"

i think frozen veggies are great , they save alot of time and money and supposedly are picked at the peak of freshness and flash frozen to preserve nutrient

I feel very sorry for obese friends, especially the ones who are very dear to me. I feel like telling them, what to eat and what not to eat. But, I curb my instinct. But, whenever we go out, I tell them I will accompany them only if it is a healthy meal. So, I am not invited for many parties. They discuss every thing in front of me and tell m, it is difficult to make healthy food for me. I do not mind at all.
One of my dear friend is obese and is pregnant, I told her to see dietitian.
She is now following diet, I hope and prey it is true.

congrats to her !!! i hope all goes well for her

i've been big (very big) and i've been small (very small).

i prefer being big. it makes my life easier.

and no, i don't look down on other ppl - i don't look down on other ppl for their size or the colour of their skin or who they choose to marry.

i have my own back yard to clean up before i go telling others how to decorate theirs.

I don't look down on others who are struggling with their weight at all. I feel empathy and compassion.

I don't get preachy but I understand where that idea comes from. Sometimes people who have lost their weight are very enthusiastic about their method and sort of push it as the best way.

I absolutely do NOT look down on overweight people, or anyone for that matter. I know first hand how it feels to have people look down on me or shun me solely because of my weight. I know what it's like to not even be given a chance to show my intellect or skills because I'm heavy. It's horrible.

I never preach to anyone or offer any advice whatsoever unless asked. Even then, I help specifically with what the person asked and don't go on a tangent about weight loss or diet or exercise or anything health-related aside from the question they asked. I know people don't like feeling preached to or having info shoved down their throats.

I am always here to help if asked though! :)

hnmmmmmm, i'm interested....how is being big making life easier -- i know how it seems to make my life easier....but was wondering about you....since you said that : )

A great big NO here! Firstly, I don't look down on anyone, fat or thin! Sometimes I'll see someone struggling physically to get from A to B and wish I could help, but that's as far as it goes.

I certainly never feel sorry for anyone overweight, as when I was huge, I didn't need anyone's pity that's for sure LOL I was NOT miserable; I did NOT have an unhappy life, i was just fat!

If people ask me specifically what I did, I'm happy to share it. Most seem really put off when I say it was 99% mental, 1% physical. That i'd done weight loss the same way over and over and it always came back UNTIL i dealt with the WHY part of being so fat. But if they don't want to explore their own reasons I certainly don't force it, I just wish them well !

I remember when I first started 3FC and there was a member (who is no longer here) who PREACHED at me in particular and I loathed it - I always remembered that and promised myself I'd never be like that

Yep.... I was overweight - morbidly obese for most of my adulthood. I'm not a lightweight now by any means, but I know how it feels to feel totally out of control. I know how it feels to not care and even if I did care to feel so helpless.

I would be there for support - no way thinking, "Big fat slob, just DO IT." It's not that simple. No one would CHOOSE to be fat. There is so much more to it and most of it is mental.

I am still not thin, but I have lost a lot of weight and I do not judge those who are bigger than me. I know what it's like and I know just how hard it is to even get started on a weight loss journey.

I do feel some sympathy however and, I don't really know how to explain it... If I see someone who looks like they weigh close to my starting weight, it reminds me how grateful I am that I have changed and continue to change, because clearly not everyone does. I should be proud. I just hope others realize they can do it too!

Definitely NOT! Most of my relatives are obese (probably well into morbidly obese for some) and I haven't been at a healthy BMI for over 8 years!

I get very, very frustrated with governmental policies that are in place that perpetuate obesity. I get frustrated with companies that are allowed to take advantage of individuals who have not been given the proper information on how to deal with obesity and want to lose weight. I get frustrated with weight loss myths like weight lifting with bulk you up or you have to eat low fat to lose weight. THAT makes me upset. But to individuals? No.

I figure we're all doing the best we can with the game of life. I've been given the ability to research and that's helped significantly in my weight loss journey to help find what works for me. I know not everyone has the time and/or energy to do that. It certainly doesn't make me better than them.

I am curious as well about how being big makes your life easier?

I have been big and small throughout the years and always felt that life was much more difficult as a bigger person. Shopping for clothes is a nightmare, especially when you are short and round. I felt like people were constantly judging me on my appearance in a negative way. My knees hurt from the added weight and I didn't participate in many activities because I was embarrassed about my weight. I realize we all have different levels of what we find comfortable but I am really curious as to what the advantages of being heavier are.

I have seen discrimination first hand with being big when applying for a job. I applied for a job at a local university a few years back. I was near my highest weight. I sailed through the first phone interview and then I went to the in person interview. I literally saw the person's face deflate when I introduced myself. The rest of the interview went so well with the 3 hours of group and individual interviews, but I didn't get the job.

Sure, another person more qualified than me could have gotten it, but I saw how her face fell when she realized her interviewee was so overweight. I would be working with incoming freshman on their adventure/orientation week. She probably thought I was too fat to do it and yes, she was lean and fit.

So, easier to be fat? NO WAY. Now I have more confidence and I see people responding to me in a more friendly manner - less judgemental manner.

I'll be curious how the new wave of interviews go as I had back into the workforce after being a stay at home mom.

Man did this bring back a memory. I was heavily recruited for a job (wasn't looking for a new one) during a time that I was traveling for a living so interviews had to be by telephone and they had to hold the job open until I could get to their town for an interview so I know I was THE candidate. Walked into the interview not even thinking of my size because the people in this hospital's organization knew me and had been the ones that started the ball rolling to have the interviewer go after me in the first place. Apparently none of them had thought to mention my size but I knew I was out of the running as soon as I saw her face. Up to that point I had never noticed any negative reaction to my size so we both got quite a shock.

re:
 

This is one of the fundamental reasons I decided to lose weight. I have a great job and great resume now, but I always like to think about the what ifs. I'm terrified that if I get laid off I'll never be able to find something at my size.

As for the question, I hate to admit this, but I find myself thinking horrible things about obese people, despite everything I know and have been through. I don't ever SAY anything though. I don't want to think those things but I do, even about myself. I think 42 years of society's anti-obesity conditioning are just going to take me some time to get over.

I've seen this too. Last year when I finished grad school and started going on interviews, I always had interviews that seemed as if they were done before they started. The interviewers had probably already decided "no" and were just going through with it as a formality.

Lack of experience might have been it, but then why interview me in the first place?

I've only been on two interviews again thus far, but I had a very different vibe AT THE START of these two interviews. I could tell that the interviewers were interested right from the getgo (and some interesting things have come from my second interview, crossing my fingers here) and the same thing happened when I went to a job fair--people were interested.

It could have something to do with my increased confidence, but I was pretty darn confident in myself last year too. I do admit that this year I am much more confident in my abilities especially since I have a year of experience under my belt now, but not enough to justify such a drastic difference.