Quote:
Originally Posted by Resipoo
I also really appreciate being reminded about the small goals. Yes, I can lose 5 pounds. I've done that (and I didn't even celebrate that, I was too sad about only being down 1.5 pounds). I know I can lose 10 pounds. 100...is overwhelming.
So, my goal is to lose 10 this month. Thanks so much for responding. I really need all of the help I can get right now.
A few years ago I was complaining to my doctor that I was losing less than a pound a month and I felt like I should be able to lose at least 2 lbs per week "like a normal person."
My doctor essentially answered with something like "where did you hear that garbage," and proceeded to tell me that it is not "normal" even for someone of my size to lose more than a pound a month. Normal is losing nothing, or losing and then rapidly gaining, or even just gaining. Just by "sticking with" my one pound or less per month, I was in the lead, not in last place.
We're taught to see weight loss like marathon runners who are convinced they're in last place because of the thousand people ahead of them, while being unaware of the 20,000 people behind.
So we're taught to feel bad about what we've learned to define as failure despite it actually being awesome success.
I quit diets in the past because I felt like I was failing when weight loss would slow to less than a pound a week. I've lost 105 lbs with a weekly weight loss average of less than a pound per month (it's only recently sped up to a couple pounds per month).
I've often said (because of how I was taught to define weight loss success) that, "I've failed off 105 lbs."
The only failure is giving up (even though we're taught to give up). The "norm" is deciding when weight loss slows that "At this rate I'll never be thin, and if I'm never going to be thin I might as well get to eat whatever I want," and then we binge until we feel guilty about that and start the rollercoaster ride all over again.
I'd warn you to be cautious about setting date-related goals. How will you feel if you "only" lose 5 to 7 lbs? Are you going to feel like a failure, and obsess over every choice that might have allowed you to meet your goal?
Some people do fine with time goals, but for me they always backfire and cause me to focus on the failure rather than the success.
I also find it very helpful to concentrate most of my energy on "not gaining" and losing is only my secondary goal. I decided that since losing takes nearly the same amount of effort as maintenance that while I was working at "not gaining" I'd try to lose "just one more pound."
When a person has a lot to lose, it can make all losses seem small, and small losses feel inconsequential, so gaining several pounds seems to be no worse than not gaining. So when we feel that we can't lose, it's easy to jump to the (untrue) conclusion that if we can't lose, we might as well gain.
Learning to make every pound, every ounce, even every bite "count" for something is really very hard.
For me, removing guilt and shame from the equation was also very important. I want to be thinner, but I refuse to let my weight define my self-worth or my value in the world.
This is difficult, because we're not taught to feel this way. We're taught to hate and punish ourselves because of our weight issues. And maybe that would be ok, if the strategy worked, but it doesn't.
If you hate someone (even yourself) you're not going to want to go out of your way to help that person. When you love and respect someone (even yourself) then you do what you can to make their journey easier and more pleasant.
I've found that "pampering myself thinner" works a whole lot better than trying to punish myself thin. So I "splurge" on small luxuries like trying new fruits (even when money is tight I can usually spend a little extra on a variety of apple I haven't tried yet...)
I also have a pandora-style (but far cheaper) bracelet. Every time I lose 5 lbs I add a bead to that bracelet (and I always wear it out to dinner or when going to my weight loss meeting). I buy most of the beads at Michael's or JoAnn's where they sell for less than $1 per bead.
I set other mini-rewards too, but always try to focus on the positive, rather than punishments, because reward is more effective than punishment in changeing behavior permanently (I have a bachelor's and master's degree in psychology, and it's one of the first things we learned).
Hang in there and refuse to see success as failure. Even if you "only" lose one pound per month, you can still make your goal weight. The only thing that stops you from reaching goal weight is giving up and regaining.
Even if my weight loss doesn't speed up and I continue to only lose 1 lb per month, I will still reach my goal in about ten years (as long as I don't follow weight loss tradition and decide that I might as well give up). Even ten years isn't forever, and where will I be in ten years if I stop trying? Probably over 400 lbs or dead.
I think the reason weight loss statistics are so dismal is because we do refuse to see one pound per month as the unusual success it actually is. Instead, we're taught to see it as failure - and worse, as a failure that is no worse than gaining. So if we're not losing, we might as well be gaining.
Not quitting is by far the biggest and most important battle. I'm losing slower than I ever have in my life. The calorie level it takes to just not gain is a calorie level that in my younger years would have netted me losses of 5 to 8 lbs per week (every week, not just the first week).
If only I had learned to "not quit" when I could lose rapidly, but I didn't - so I'm stuck with slow weight loss - but slow loss IS better than no loss.
That's the only "key" to success - not quitting even when the weight loss is small, even when the weight doesn't come off some weeks, maybe for a few weeks in a row. Just "not giving up" will eventually get you where you want to go (or at least keep you from getting further and further away).